2011 年 11 月 24 日 星期四 【晴】

:'(

i met with *F, *C, and Lily tonight.
it was okay, just chilling out. nice to see them tonight.

i m not happy.

>>November 25, 2011 at 7:00:53 PM GMT+8

2011 年 11 月 23 日 星期三 【晴】

i miss him..

i got up early today to go taking passport pics for my interview. then i did some print out
for my resume as well. i m trying to find some information about cathay, so i could do some
preparation before the interview.

anyway, i got my appraisal at work today. it was ok, better than i thought.
i m not very happy at work actually. *My is really crazy. sooner or later i'd tell her to leave
me alone. i cant stand their bitchy war anyway. *Kn told ppl that i was his gf. i was really angry
at him. i know he's a kid, but he couldnt do that. i dont tolerate lies, especially lies about me from
''my good friend''. i hate ppl being so disrespectful. he has no right to represent me on my status.
he knows i love my boyfriend and he knows i dont see him in that way. how could he tell the
others that we were together??? he's totally crazy, and i found out only coz my friends
asked me about that. i was like what the fuck? i dont care if he likes me that much whatever,
i m not his girlfriend, and i will not be with him. i see him as a friend, i have told him more than
3 times, and i think it was pretty clear already. i dont know what i should do, but i told *C that
no, i wasnt with him. *C said she didnt believe too thats why she asked me. i said i only have
one boyfriend, and that's Stephen. *Kn was trying very hard to be with me but i have rejected
him seriously rejected him already. i love my boyfriend and i dont need a younger kid to give
me more troubles, i have way too much already. i cant handle more unnecessary troubles.

i dont know... tmr i might meet up with *F and her friend Lilly afet wor.. *C might join later.
i met Lilly before, and tmr would be her birthday celebration. i guess i'd need to chill out
anyway, good timing.


i m very tired... i really am.

christmas is coming soon next month. i miss him even more.

>>November 24, 2011 at 7:01:33 PM GMT+8

2011 年 11 月 21 日 星期一 【晴】

i cried today... i tried not to think.. i kept telling myself everything is gonna be ok.
but i m so scared. i'm very scared.

maybe.. i do worry about.. maybe he does look down on me, he might think i m so stupid.
he might think this girl is rally dumb that how she could be so naive.

i cried when i was going to work and after work.i tried to pretend im fine at work so i could
lie to everyone that i m ok. so that i could pretend i m fine. so that i could for one moment
to hide about my true feelings. but i m actually crying inside. i m seem happy but i m not.
just that i choose not to show my emotion to them. i do care some of them, coz some are
my friends.. but i prefer not letting anyone worry or judge me. yes, i m really fragile actually.
i m really fragile. i really am.




>>November 22, 2011 at 7:43:20 PM GMT+8

2011 年 11 月 20 日 星期日 【晴】

i woke up very late today..
had lunch with mom, hang around then went to tutoring.
i canceled the dinner with Hong. he kept changing his mind, so i canceled it.

tmr would return to work again...... i dont want it.
anyway, i dont know.. i miss him so much. i hope he's doing alright. i dreamt of him last night..
and when i got up tis afternoon, i came check my email, hopping he'd email me but he didnt.
i miss him, but i also wonder if he's giving up on me already.


1.很清楚的知道她不合適自己，可是更確定的是他不會主動說分手。
他只是耗著等著，直到有一天女生自己受不了忽冷忽熱、若即若離的態度，
或是等到年華老去不得不下決定時，自己選擇離開。
he's just waiting, one day she'd be sick of his attitude, sick of his pride, or wait till she cant
wait anymore once her pretty face faded, then she'd leave. he knows it very well that she's
not his first choice, but he's even more sure that he's not gonna break up with her

2.半年後發現，他居然可以跟一個只認識三個月的女生步入禮堂，令她晴天霹靂，
才明白 ,他不是不想結婚，不是真的不婚主義者，說穿了只是他不想跟妳結婚。
after 6 months, he married a girl he only met for 3 months. it was shocking her, then she
realized not that he didnt wanna get married, just that he didnt want to marry her.

八年的愛情長跑比不上三個月的感情。
8 years relationship cant beat the 3 months lust.

3.這位故事中的男生是我的朋友，現在也已經結婚半年。
in this story, that guy is my friend, and he's been married for 6 mths aldy.

當他聽到.......... 劉若英的「後來」，居然會無法克制的流眼淚，想起的是他交往八年的前任
女友。為什麼會難過，因為妻子身上有著前任女友的影子，
when he heard that song 「後來」''after that'', he cried. he thought of his ex-gf who was
with him for 8 years. why was he so upset, coz his wife is just like his ex in his eyes.


4.可是人往往很矛盾，喜歡她的倔強與有性格，卻受不了她的嬌縱。
but ppl are very strange. he loves his strong character, but cant stand her princess theory
喜歡她的落落大方，卻受不了她的朋友一堆；
he likes her generous, but doesnt like her bunch of friends
你愛她的小家碧玉，就不要怪她不夠大方；
he likes she's like a little bird, then he shouldnt hate if she cant act like a lady.
你愛她的活潑大方，就不要批評她像花蝴蝶一樣。
he likes her being young and colorful, then he shouldnt say she's like a butterfly

戀愛談的愈長，結婚的可能性就愈低，
所以有時候戀愛的長度與結婚的可能性成反比。
the longer you are in a relationship, the lower chance you wanna get married with
her somehow, it's really true.

喜新厭舊是人性，日子久了，會結婚不是為了愛情，而是責任感的驅使。
ppl like new shoes. after years, they dont get marry for love but responsibilities.

婚後的他才慢慢的發現，
after married, he found that

當時的那一段感情其實不是不愛，是時間太久了太長了，把愛情給磨掉了，
再遇到另一個女孩點燃了愛情的火苗，星星之火足以遼源，
把枯竭已久的愛情給予生命，所以倉促的決定結婚。
it wasnt like he didnt love her, but the time after time, feeling faded.
when he met another girl, lust and love were back.
lust gives life in his marriage.

等到真的結婚後，愛情降了溫，才慢慢的發現其實妻子的身上有著許多前任女友的影子，
after married, feelings cool down.. then he found actually his wife's shadow,
he found his ex in his wife.
他比較愛的人其實還是前任女友，可是他娶的卻不是她。
he loves his ex more than his wife actually, but he didnt marry his ex.
這樣的情節不知道是不是也在別處同樣上演著？
isnt it true to many couples?

6.學生時代的愛情很單純，出社會以後總想等工作穩定以後再結婚，
student life is very simple and pure. but ppl always want to wait till having a stable job
before marriage.
工作穩定以後又想等有一點積蓄買車子、買房子以後再結婚，
after the life getting stable, then wants to have saving for cars and house.
等著等著，等到愛情被時光給消磨，
waiting and waiting, wait till love be eaten, wait till everything burnt and faded.

等到第三者介入點燃了對方心中激情的火苗，乾柴烈火不可收拾以後，
wait till the 3rd party light up the new life, wait till the fire cant be caught.
曾經在年少一起織夢的理想全都抵擋不了新鮮感的激情，所以琵琶別抱，
the dreams and faith used to be no longer be able to beat the fresh feelings.
到最後步入禮堂的都不是在一起同甘共苦、共同經歷過寒、暑假，等當兵的人。
and so wait till the last moment while stepping in the church, he found that, the bride is
no longer the same person he'd met when he was poor, when he was in the dark.

7.所以奉勸各位女孩子，如果對方真的是你想結婚的對象，
if she or he is your right person, dont wait till it's too late.
不要想著有房子有車子有金子，有了一切再結婚。
dont wait for the new car or house before you'd say i do.
現實是，等他有了一切，他的身價暴漲是有價值的單身貴族
the truth is, wait till he has everything, he'd be the mr.single with high title.
他必需要面臨的是更多的誘惑，妳長久以來的等待與年輕時許下的山盟海誓都難以抵擋
誘惑排山倒海的來
he must face more choices. and your old promise is not gonna be able to compete with
those young girls.

就像我現在若不嫁他，非得等到他有車子有房子還有存款時再結婚，
if you dont marry him now, if you wanna wait till he has the car and the house,
那時新娘有極高的可能不是我。then the bride who'd stand next to him probably wont be you anymore.

因為要等到什麼都有還要幾年？
why do you need to wait for so many years after to find out this story ending?
有能力的男人就像酒愈久愈香醇，女人則像麵包一樣有賞味期限，青春是女人的天敵。
the older the wiser the men are, the more choices they get. but women are at the opposite
position. youth is women' enemy.
如果我是他，等到我三十五歲，什麼都有是個有上千萬身價的黃金單身漢，
我並不需要一個很有能力而年過三十的女人來幫襯我，
我寧可選個如花似玉，年輕貌美的女生，
也許沒有什麼工作能力，至少發揮了賞心悅目的功能，
if i were him, i could wait till 35, i would still be that mr.single. i wouldnt need a 35 year olds
women to be my bride. i could choose a young lady standing next to me. i rather choose
some young and pretty one. she doesnt need to be smart or bright, but at least she'd look good.

一個真正有能力的男人，不會在乎一個女人是否能在他的財富上加乘。
a true man doesnt need his girl to make him rich.

遇上對的人，莫等待莫蹉跎，也許沒有房子沒有車子，
只要他認真上進，他就是張有潛力的積優股，早點進場獲利更高。
if you meet the right one, dont wait till he gets the car or house. if he's smart or intelligent,
he'd get promoted in his career, he'd have a bright future anyway.

8.也提醒各位男士，如果對方真的是你想好好疼愛的女人，別讓她等太久，
有她一起陪你奮鬥應該是很美好的一件事除非你心中有其他的想法，
否則別讓愛情等太久，把真愛都磨掉了！
if she's your bride to be, dont let her wait too long, dont lose her. unless you have some
other plans, otherwise it should be great enough to have her on your side. dont hold on
for too long till everything is done and gone.

雖然聽起來很殘忍,但身邊的家人朋友都有類似的例子。
真愛，就不要等，除非是不想結婚......
it seems so cruel, but it could happen to everyone.
if it's true love, dont wait unless you dont want to marry her at all.




>>November 21, 2011 at 6:12:17 PM GMT+8

2011 年 11 月 19 日 星期六 【晴】

those crazy bitches are about to start the war again.
gees... but this time i dont know if i'd be in or out, since they already knew i knew what
happened. and of course those gossips hurt that *My and all the other girls in the team.
so, yea, bitches are about to start a bunch of gossip in front of and behind *My.
*My is gonna fight back by making up stories to the manager. and i'd be a piece of meat
to *My since she doesnt have any real fans and she said she's real to me. for me, when
i heard that i found it like the threat and warn. coz she had set me up for more than once,
and all of the sudden being ''nice and real'' to me doesnt make any difference or make
any sense now. fucking leave me a lone would be my wish to all those bitches.
i made myself very clear to those bitches today. i told *Rn, and i 'm 100% sure she'd
spread it out for me that, i have no interests in standing for *My since i hate ppl doing
shit like that, i come here to work and get my salary, that's it. i have no intentions to play or
join the war between them. *Rn knew it. obviously, i told three girls in the team that i m
going on interview at Cathay. *S, *C, *J. *J and *C didnt tell anyone, but *S told *Rn.
*Rn asked me about my interview today, she said *S told her. i told *S not to tell anyone
since i m not a high profile person especially when things come to my feelings and
personal stuffs. i dont wanna tell everyone about myself. but obviously, *S is mad at
me and *Kn, coz *Kn told *S that he had told me about *S's secret. *S was mad at
*Kn and me, and i apologized to her already that i didnt mean to know about her stuffs
since she didnt mean to let me know. *Kn and i are friends, he told me coz he didnt
know how to handle that important secret from *S. anyway, all that doesnt matter now.
*S is someone i'd never trusted. i d never trusted her coz i know she's the baby girl
of those bitches. so i'd never really trusted her. i see her as a little girl coz she's so young,
i dont intend to harm her or make her as an enemy but i just didnt know that her mouth
could be that big. *J told me if i have told *S, *S would tell the world. i didnt believe that,
but now, it proves that i should trust my friend *J.

anyway, work was pretty busy today but still okay... the new comers could be quite bitchy
somehow.. well, i saw that today... i just didnt say anything.

i miss him, i hope he's doing ok.. i really really miss him..
tmr... i'd be off, but i need to do the tutoring, and also meeting Hong for dinner.
havent met him for 2 years? i just need some advice and tips from him for the interview.
i wanted to do lunch but my schedule sucks. my only day off, i just wanna stay home
and hang out with my family. but .. yea.. i miss him.

>>November 20, 2011 at 6:51:36 PM GMT+8

2011 年 11 月 18 日 星期五 【晴】

it was pretty crazy at work today... :'( i dont like it...
i wasnt too busy today, but the news at work upset everyone really.
it was just crazy. i just dont wanna get involved, can she just leave me alone?
she's fucking ard with every girls in the team, and personally i dont care if they kill each
others, i just dont want to be involved. i m not her threat, why do i need to be included?
i dont need her as my friend, and i'd never really seen them as my friends as well.
fucking leave me alone! i m sick of their stupid bitchy games!
i come to work for a job and money. i do my job, get the money then i'm done.






>>November 19, 2011 at 5:44:41 PM GMT+8

2011 年 11 月 17 日 星期四 【晴】

work was very busy today.... i was running to here and there.
i was sort of pissed but whatever.

i dont like working with them, not coz i personally hate them, just that i cant communicate
with them or agree with the way they do things. well, maybe we're just different ppl, it doesnt
really matter now... maybe i'm keeping myself into my own world, but i cant help it.
i wake up, wash up, dress up, make up, take the train, changing lines, get the to office,
put on the uniform, clock in, take the stuffs from control room, take my roster, go to the
position. being another role, doing things that i dont like i cant agree with. finish tasks then leave.
everyday is just the same. seeing different ppl' faces. knowing what they want before they
spoke. reading them from their faces n gestures knowing what they want. greedy, ugly,
pride, why do i need to deal with these? girls next to me are supposed to be my teammates,
but they all want different things. they are friends but keep hurting each others behind.
i m out of their business, and so they dont like me neither. why? i dont need you to like me,
and so i dont need to do anything to please you. i come alone, leave alone, stay alone.
you want games, i watch you play. i do my own things, you want entertainment, i do simple chat.
i eat alone with other ppl at pentry instead of staying at he fancy office listening the bitchy stuffs,
i didnt do anything wrong. i try the best not to upset anyone, i just want to fucking live my life.
i dont care if you agree with me, you have no right to judge on me or anything ever happened
to me. none of your fucking business.

i emailed him..

i dont talk much about myself or share anything deep with ppl these days.
today, i told *C that one of my friends posted that she'd getting married. we were high school
friends, and i was surprised all of the sudden she's getting married, and some friends were
having some engagement party lately as well. marriage used to be so far so far from us,
all of the sudden, lots of ppl are talking about getting marry. then *C said so i should work
hard as well. i said no, i m not gonna find someone just to get marry. she said why not.
i said coz i dont want to, i dont need to. then she and *Mn asked so if i was gonna live in
the fantasy farily tale. i said no, why. i told them i m not searching for a prince charming
to marry me and give me tonz of money to make me rich. i m not looking for any fancy
wedding or a rich life, i m not looking for the fairly tale guy who could be controlled by me.
nothing fancy ever happened into my life before, and so i m not seeking that type of guy or
marriage. i m very down to earth, nothing even close to that type of things girls are
chasing after these days. *C said then i should look for someone. i said i m loyal to my
relationship, i'm loyal to what i think is right. not only coz of a specific guy but a relationship.
they stopped talking after that. *Mn is getting marry next year. she always said girls
should get marry, and if girls are passing over 28, then should seriously consider just lower
the standard. or it would just comes naturally wouldnt care just take whoever guys.
for me, that's so pathetic. if i cant have a marriage, i could have a partner or i dont know
just stay single. i dont want to marry someone just for a marriage and live in a fake
marriage. why getting something unreal while you already know what you are up to.
i might be happy with a person, but that doesnt mean i love that person. even if i love that
person, he might not love me enough to marry me and have a family with me.
i'm from a nice enough family, i dont want to have a marriage that would ruin my concept
of a family. i dont care if the guy is rich or poor, i dont care if he has lots of flaws. if he's right,
then he's right. if he isnt then he isnt. i dont have the right to choose or make a perfect match
for myself. if it comes, it comes. if it doesnt, then it doesnt. i cant force it, i cant go against
my heart or do things that against myself. even with the right person, at the right time,
things might not happen. that's why i respect a marriage, and i cherish and appreciate love.
it's even harder than to have high achievements at work or anything like that.

i dont want to ask for a marriage, coz i think... if the guy wants to marry me, he'd ask me.
i shouldnt need to do anything except looking into his eyes and see if he's the right person.
i should ask myself if this person would be the one i'd like to spend my life with, if i'd accept
him as who he is, and i'd love to be with him no matter if life is going well or bad. if i'd be
loyal to him and trust him no matter what i see and hear. if i'd respect him and look up to him.
if i'd love him for all, if i'd scarify for him. and when i'm thinking of these ques, there's only
one person on my mind, and for every ques i ask myself, i only comes up with him.

the more i see these days, the more difficult for me to get close with ppl.
i m very careful, like really careful when it comes to thinking about if a person is a friend
or enemy. if i should trust or not. if things happen for any reasons or could there be harms.
i cherish friendship, and if i do see someone as a friend, i m loyal to them and i'd look
after them. if i know they are fake, i wouldnt harm them but i'd never trusted anything
any single thing they say or do. even if i know they are not lying, i'd not trust them.
i just dont want to be hurt.


















>>November 18, 2011 at 5:09:20 PM GMT+8

2011 年 11 月 16 日 星期三 【晴】

i miss him. i dont know.

promotion starts today. humm a little busy but still okay.
i dont know.. everyday when i m at work, i m counting how many hrs left till i could leave.

i've started browsing around for christmas. it's my fav season again...
i'm not happy coz he's not ard. well, at least i have my family and some close friends.
i really miss him lots.



>>November 17, 2011 at 5:18:33 PM GMT+8

2011 年 11 月 12 日 星期六 【晴】

please tell me what to do.

anyway, i had a long week, finally comes to my day off tmr.

i cried when i was on the way home.
i tried to live happily, but i found that it's not like i dont like what i have, but it's missing
something, missing him. even if i could have everything in my life, i couldnt be happy,
coz he's not ard. but if i could be with him, even though i cant have the best jobs ever
or being rich or whatever, that'd be my dream comes true. then please tell me what am i
supposed to do? if you're telling me that i'd never be with him, or he doesnt love me,
then i know where to go. of course it wont be the answer i'd like to hear. i want the truth although
it might hurt. i just need to know if he wants to be with me or not. coz i dont like waiting
but i'd wait coz i trust him and i do love him.

i really love that Chinese song lately, and that Taiwanese movie ''The apple of my eye''
''i'd really wanna tell him, tell him i'd never forgot, forgot what i've promised him.
i used to want to conquer the world, but at the end i found he's the everything in my world.''

work wasnt happy as usual, i try to do whatever to strive.. taking pics, talking with ppl,
anything as long as doesnt hurt anyone else.

>>November 13, 2011 at 7:42:40 PM GMT+8

2011 年 11 月 11 日 星期五 【晴】

i miss him.

>>November 12, 2011 at 7:04:15 PM GMT+8