2012 年 5 月 25 日 星期五 【晴】

i m off today.. finally.

i m not feeling well.

trying to sleep more and relax. had lunch with my family outside, then did some
grocery shopping. came home watching Harry Potter, and now watch The Roommate.

humm i miss him.. i emailed him the pics from Japan and the pics with *DK another day.

tomorrow i'll have tutoring before work...
the day after i'll have driving lesson before work..
but i m wondering to call sick. i need extra time for my own peace. and i miss him.
i ve been away from him for awhile already. i miss him so much.

>>May 26, 2012 at 3:30:51 PM GMT+8

2012 年 5 月 24 日 星期四 【晴】

exhausted...

crazy day at work, drained me.... then driving lesson after work..
did some shopping, kindda seeking stuffs for honey after driving lesson.
his bday is in june, same as me. and this June is important to him.. so yea..
can't write more now..

by the way, thank for his advice, it does mean a lot to me. i need him.







>>May 25, 2012 at 5:34:59 PM GMT+8

2012 年 5 月 23 日 星期三 【晴】

today was terrible.

couldn't believe i would have this kind of schedule...
8 hrs, all packed with the ppl i don't feel comfortable with, basically i can work with them
but its like super fake. and shit happened again. sigh.. i m worried this time, i think i'd need
to report to my supervisor tomorrow. i don't want to wait till its too late.
i don't want *Mn to blame everything on me especially it wasn't my fault at all.

good to see Chrishelle today. she came back, and we had lunch together. we bought
McDonalds and ate at the roof top garden. good to see her again.
then yea after work, i was feeling very bad coz of that incident, then i took bus with *W.
we both live in Tai Po. then i walked to see Shan. Ella they are moving to a new office
soon. i used to work there for a few years, so i wanna go there to say bye before they
move. Ella's mom is very sick, i kindda feel bad for her. anyway, we are trying to arrange
dinner together.

i miss him... i want to stay in his arms, i wish we could hold each others. i miss his humour,
his hugs, his kisses and his smile, his everything. i miss his gentle touch, i miss his everything.








>>May 24, 2012 at 2:26:09 PM GMT+8

2012 年 5 月 22 日 星期二 【晴】

hi...

the past two days were pretty bad, especially yesterday i was so mad.
i kindda wonder what kind of ppl i m working with or working for.
i had a ask yesterday, filing forms and record. but then got the emergency call from my
supervisor. so, they arranged me back to the office upstairs. i went there and *Y and *R
were making phone calls to the tenants to do some quick update about the total staff no.
i was like okay, so i started listening to their ''instruction'' and had to hand in the number
in 30 mins. it was pretty messy, and *R had a very terrible attitude issue. my supervisor
didn't care, coz she's just that dumb, and whatever.. since we don't have enough phones
in the room, so *R suggested they go to some conference room to borrow the phones.
i said okay, so i remained in our room calling. and there were problems coz the companies
couldn't tell, and i was surprised some of the contacts list were expired like 2 years ago and
till yesterday no one had ever updated them. i was a bit shocked, but whatever.
then till i had done my part, i went to the conference ''rooms'' to find them to get more
company records to call, coz they kept some. then i found out, they shared one phone in
the same room, not two rooms with two phones, but one phone is one room.
and i asked them if there are more that i could call. *R gave me a stock of them.
never mind, i went back and kept calling. then they came in, and i asked about what we
could do, wanted to discussed with them. i actually thought it was stupid to call all the
companies and they don't know how many staffs they had. FINE. i thought we could check
out computer system, which helps all the registrations and termination on the access
right for all in-and-out tenants. that record is like minute-to-minute updated.
i also thought maybe, just maybe, this idea was banned coz they might need OFFICIAL
proof. but turned out after all the stupid calls, with tons of false information that should NOT
be recognised, then my supervisor said never mind, just give the fake number. if they couldn't
provide the number, count as zero, if the record was not updated, just follow the old data.
then i think WHY THE HECK YOU NEED 3 PPL IN ONE HOUR = 3 HRS MAN FORCE
TO DO THIS SIMPLE STUPID THING? WHICH BASICALLY IF YOU EVER CLICK ON
THE COMPUTER SYSTEM THEN YOU WILL GET THE MOST-ACCURATE INFO
YOU NEED FOR THE GOVERNMENT. are you fucking kidding me???? my supervisor?
i was mad but i couldn't say ANYTHING at all. and she just said ''oh yea, should we
actually look through the computer sys? but i didn't thought of that.'' i was mad. i really was.
and then she asked me to put those record back. i was filing them, then she said it has
to be according to the room number. FINE, that stupid *R didn't tell me. FINE.
then i was busy rushing to finish it coz it was close for me to take over other position
otherwise the girls can't leave for their break. and *Y and *R and my supervisor were
sitting, standing, laughing on some stupid gossip about *R , how she could and couldn't get
the deal from the traveling agency for her bf. i was like so busy doing things on my own,
and thanks for *R. she threw all the paper on the desk and asked me to take care of
them with the terrible attitude on her face, and i was busy as hell. i told her she messed
up the record, then she said she didn't know. ''well then help me?'' i think. i didn't say it.
i couldn't stand them. i wanted to ask them if they were not helping, at least shut up
and let me do the work quietly. they were not, they were just a inch of bitches bitching
to each others about how cheap deal they could get. what mean words they used on
the forcing the staff. i was so sick of them. and i was so busy, i called in front of them
to tell the girls downstairs that i would come over soon. THAT WAS A SIGNAL. but
no one cared. i couldn't do it, i told my supervisor that i needed to go, if she minds to
finish the last few pages. she took them and gave it back to me in 10 secs and then
asked me to put them into the file. i was like.. okay. for me, i thought like.... don't you
understand? i needed to go, thats why i needed someone's help. but she put that back
to me so i couldn't leave. so what's the point while *R and *Y could just standing and
chit-chatting while others were waiting for me to take over, but no one helps me to
get through the last few pages? is it called teamwork? WHO PPL I AM WORKING WITH?

i was mad.

after work, i met with *DK and told her what happened... and i heard something bad
happened to other girls as well. well, we just wanna chill out, we went for ice-cream.
it was good. we took a few pics, i wanted to share with honey later.

anyway, i went home... then after dinner the internet were down. sigh.

today, this morning, my supervisor was off, my manager called sick, then another girl
called sick, and i was the most senior one in the morning shift. i helped rearranging the
schedule a bit and called my manager and the shift-I/C. then my supervisor came
back, she needed to cancel her day off. poor her.

i don't know.... i felt bad.

i couldn't sleep and i don't sleep well..

i got an email from honey this afternoon. hummmmmm... i replied late coz i was at
work.. but then... yea now i m waiting for his reply. i miss him.
this morning, when i was walking to the station, i asked myself if i had 3 wishes, what
would that be? i thought of my family, i wish them good health and good life, i love them.
second, i wish the same, like... good health and happiness for honey, and the third one
is we could live together be together live together happily, coz i love him... then i asked
myself what about my dream, maybe psychology or be a flight attendant? well, they
are important to me but not the most. i mean... i want them, but they don't need me.
there are so many intelligent ppl could do so much better than me in psychology.
there are many many countless girls who are capable to be a flight attendant. and
i m no body comparing with them. they don't need me in fact..

i miss him. i want him, and i love him.







>>May 23, 2012 at 2:45:00 PM GMT+8

2012 年 5 月 20 日 星期日 【晴】

i had the driving lesson after work today...
super tired...

then... in the last 15 mins, the car died... so.... i needed to take the bus back to the station.
i was very sorry coz i don't know if i did something wrong, but the tutor said no it wasn't
my problem. i don't know... i feel bad though, coz i haven't been doing good :(

anyway, work wasn't okay, *R reported sick, so *T is with me again today.
i kindda worry now...

anyway, today should be honey's first day teaching at the university.
i think of him a lot, i wonder how he's doing.. i remember he asked me not to worry.
i don't want to worry, coz i m not supposed to. but missing him is true. how can i deny
what i feel? and it's not just only feelings of feelings, it's everything happening.

i m waiting for the calls from KA and HKA now... humm i sent cv to both.
i m not sure if they'd hire me, just need to try my best and wish for the best now.
i mean, hummmm i wanna work for Cathay... but they stopped hiring, then i still wanna
be a flight attendant. i wanna see the world, and most importantly i can fly to japan
much more often, then get more holiday and cheap flights to japan.. thats the main thing
beside it has been my dream.

i couldn't sleep again, i slept for 3 hrs last night maybe?
terrible sleep too.. i started taking that pill again.

tmr, after work *DK, *Cn, *W, *S and me are supposed to go trying that tea house
recommended by *My, but then *DK just told me it'd be closed on Tue. too bad..
i m not sure if we would cancel it or change place. there are quite some nice cafe
ard the work place. so... i m not sure. just wanna chill out. i m... not... good..
but i'm trying to act fine.

some guy at work keeps leaving mesgs on my fb, but.... hasn't he heard of me having
someone else already? like, at work we don't even talk much. i might say hi but i say
hi to everyone. i might talk to him once in awhile only for the work stuffs. i don't know
why he keeps leaving mesgs on my fb, it feels kind of weird, and obviously i m not into him.
i don't want any more gossip behind my back. i hate my reputation being affected by
such stupid fake rumours. it never does me any good. some bitches hate me enough
for those already, i don't need more. i want my honey, that's it.








>>May 21, 2012 at 4:04:47 PM GMT+8

2012 年 5 月 19 日 星期六 【晴】

i am off today...

i had nightmare again... bad sleep..
somehow i wonder if it's coz i ve been miss him too much, or i've been quite stressed in general.

i slept in, then headed out for lunch with Doris and mom..
then walked around and went home.
did some shopping today, got the huge discount at The Body Shop,
so i bought the stuffs i need, then also with the student discount from Doris,
i got at least 40% off for my flip flops at ROXY. super good deal, so i guess i will be fine
this summer. i got dresses and skirt and t-shirts from Japan, and now i have flip flops,
i should be okay..

came home, watched the Conan cartoon movie, then worked on the resume and sent
to two airlines, then had dinner... dad's dinner and cake time tonight.
dad's bday is on 22nd, but it also would be grandpa's date last year. so yea, grandpa
left us last year. its been a year now. i still think of him sometimes, he's a kind person.

anyway, tmr after work i'd have driving lesson, then the day after i'll have tea with my
friends at work after work. hope things would be fine. th new girl *T would not follow me
anymore, she should be back to *R. maybe it'd be a good thing. so *R won't have
weird feeling with me and will stop attacking me.

i got the e-mail from honey and Joyce...

tmr, honey would start his lesson at the university, i m happy for him actually.
who says i don't miss him, who says i don't love him?
i try to get myself as busy as possible, that still couldn't cover that sadness of
being apart from him...

wish him all the best. then Joyce said she'd send me some reference card for my
interview in KA, but the thing is i don't even know if KA would give me an interview, right?
then yea... she said she wants to move out with Kelvin, it'd be great if they would :)
i hope they would be happy and will get married one day :) it'd be one of the best things
i've seen. they have been through lots of things, and i wish them all the best.


i still have lots of things waiting for me to do....
i need more time. i m stressed and exhausted... but i guess if i have more time,
i might just find another part time job.







>>May 20, 2012 at 4:40:52 PM GMT+8

2012 年 5 月 18 日 星期五 【晴】

i got up at 7 10 this morning, while i should leave home by 7 15 this morning.
i thought about to call sick, coz i work at 9, i just needed a call by 8.
but then.... i knew i shouldn't since i have taken my vacation as i wished..
and i didn't request other day-offs, so it's my fault and i m responsible for it..
i just couldn't believe that i actually was tired out that i totally couldn't get up to work..
you know why i got up at the end? coz i just woke up from the nightmare. i really did.
and i was so confused when i woke up. i didn't know what's going on.
then i looked at the alarm i was like.. fuck.. was it happening again??
luckily i made it on time, just on time.. i usually give myself an hour in the morning.
and today i got 20 mins and luckily i got a cap to get to the train station instead of running.
then i was all stressed out and running from the station to the office. i made it, but
when i saw my ''teammates'' i wasn't really in mood. i got the messy mind.

i always feel like.... i don't have a life.
i'm just that bad, yea? maybe.

anyway, work sucks..
tired, time passed so fast coz it was too busy, and i was training the new girl *T.
and i got a several strange ppl harassing me at different times.. felt like crap.

after work, i took the tutoring, it was alright. she's alright.
i need to prepare some other exercise for her... then gonna see her next week.

humm...

i miss him.. i got his reply today.. i wanna ask him about his measurement..
i mean i've seen a shirt he might like, i wanted to get him before but i wasn't sure about
size, so i didn't get it and i bought him a casual t-shirt instead. then i wanted to see if
there would be pants that he likes. i haven't got time to do any shopping, i don't actually
have personal time except for tutoring and my driving lesson that i must go.
i don't have any time for myself, i don't even have enough rest time. and i miss him as
much even if i m busy or free.

i don't know what to do...

i m watching the movie... ''no strings attached''.

>>May 19, 2012 at 6:06:32 PM GMT+8

2012 年 5 月 17 日 星期四 【晴】

*R isn't at work today, so i took over the training section with the new girl *T
she's quite alright actually. hope she'd be fine.

i m totally tired out. so exhausted. its crazy on the train, ppl are just.... i don't know,
i can't stand them. like... yesterday that two guys were taking 3 seats while it was crowded
and ppl standing looking at them. i walked to them and said to them if they could sit aside.
they weren't very happy but they had to give up one seat. i took it, then they still took space
out of my seat. i looked at them two times, coz the other guy on my right side was taking
space of my seat as well, that made me very uncomfortable since their legs are touching
mine both sides and that doesn't really make sense to me since the seats aren't that small
at all. so i looked at that two guys on my left, and i said to him if they could give me some
space. they did but not very happily. but i had no tolerance for such inconsiderate behaviour
on the public train while i m all tired and stressed that needed to stand for 1 hr something
to get to my work place. then tonight, that guy was standing at the door but wouldn't go in.
i just said to him firmly like, excuses me, i need to get on the train. i don't understand why
ppl are soooooooo inconsiderate. and it always happen to the mainland chinese and the
chinese middle age ladies. i don't really like it.

i also took driving lesson after work... too tired that i don't even wanna have my late dinner
or talk. i m all tired and laying on the bed watching tv now. i'm kind of depressed, but...
that's what i chose, i mean i chose to make myself this busy so i shouldn't complain.
not like i m not hungry, but i guess id need more sleep and i m not sure if i wanna eat.
strange.

after tar then i can have a day off, i thought i could spend time with my family,
but then... my dad said we need to have lunch with grandma and aunts.
i don't really like them.. and after 9 days work and i m still sad i don't really want to make
myself even more stressed by meeting them.

i'd have tutoring tar after work, and i had prepared some exercise for her..
her exam is coming soon, gotta test her to see her level now. i don't think she's doing
great. she's always lazy.

then i want to send my cv to the hong kong airline and dragon air tmr night.
i must do it.

i m hungry but i don't wanna eat and i m so tired now.

>>May 18, 2012 at 3:16:46 PM GMT+8

2012 年 5 月 16 日 星期三 【晴】



every time i watch this video i just laughed.
thanks honey... guess nothing much can make me smile these days.. i mean real smile.

well, at work i need to smile for sure... just trying to smile more.. its my job to smile even if
i m meeting the bitchiest woman. but luckily i haven't bumped into too many assholes.
well, the girls were giving me a hard time today, and i just ignored them.
i heard some stories, i think its just stupid. when are they gonna stop being in the high school
game? personally i don't find much common about some of them and myself, coz i can't really
relate myself to their thinking. some of them are fine, so we can communicate and talk normal.
i wonder if it's my problem. you know sometimes i don't mean to set up anyone or
not willing to help them, but somehow its just frustrating me when i see how corrupted
they are with each others and i suffer coz of their laziness and their stupid attitude,
i just don't wanna care as in just doing what i need to do and get the fuck out of there.
if it doesn't affect me, i m not gonna say much to ''help'' them, coz eventually they would only
blame me. i have heard that from someone else already, and i think if they have known
me enough then they'd have no rights to say about me like that. its just jealousy why the new
girls like me but not them, coz they have been being really unreasonable and too arrogant
to them. i think its not my fault for listening to those who got bullied since i have eyes to see.
i can't pretend not knowing anything coz i can see how they treat them. i m not saying anything,
but when they run to me telling me and asking me how to fix things up, i m responsible to
help otherwise it becomes my problem too. can they just fucking stop being so naive and
do things they should do instead of just being jealous of each others then fuck up everyone
else? i m sick and tired of all the accusation behind my back. and i will ask them to stop that
if it ever happens again. if you wanna talk, talk to me, and i will take you down, coz you are
just that weak and pathetic. if you don't want then stop fucking with me. coz i m not the
weakest one, i just prefer not to join your stupid game, that doesn't make me weak or
dumb. i m just not stupid enough to play in your playground by your stupid rules.

it was very tiring at work today... and seven days are done, two more days till my day off.
but i seriously have enough.

tmr after work, i m gonna take the driving lesson again.
then the day after, i will have tutoring after work.
yea, still trying to make myself as busy as possible, fully occupied.
drunken myself into endless stuffs. not good for me, i know.
i m sorry.. i just... don't know what else i can do now. i guess i need to accept i really miss
him so much and wanna be there with him see him everyday... its just ...
i need to be close to him. not like 24 hrs, but i need that closeness with him. he's part of
myself, he;s like.... another half of myself. i don't need to be next to him 24 hrs per day,
but i miss him and i want to live with him. i need my own time and space but still, my life
is not the same without him, i prefer having him coz that's the time i can be so relax
and i don't need to pretend to be anyone, i just naturally feel safe and content. not coz of
him, but he plays the very very unique and essential part in me and my daily life.
i love him. i know its not fake, i m certain about my love to him.

i don't wanna write more now, i need some rest...

i wanna continue the japanese program, but i m so tired everyday, and i still have lots of
things to do. i need to organise my stuffs and start applying for new jobs this week.
i hope to see him soon again.



>>May 17, 2012 at 4:18:53 PM GMT+8

2012 年 5 月 15 日 星期二 【晴】

tough day.
drama and bs are still on show at work.

i couldn't sleep well actually. i don't know...
i miss him so.

i went to a snack shop at the station today, and i saw the cheese rice cracker he likes.
i bought it. and i passed by a store before, i wanted to check the pants for him.
even though i m back here, i just simply think of him so much.
my friends did ask me how's my trip, how's him... well, i miss him.

i still have 3 more days till my day off. its getting a little crazy at work now.
hummm... i had late dinner with *My and *Ch tonight after work. we were off at 8,
then took the ferry to TST Sogo, met with *Ch and had dinner at the food court.
is great to see *Ch again. she left during my vacation, so didn't have the chance to say
bye to her on her last day. well, we're friends. we could always meet up.
i like hanging out with them too. they are funny and straight forward. we just laugh about
the shit happening at work, and the bs with the girls. so now, *B broke up with her bf.
and the war at work never stopped between them. its like.... its just fucked up...

anyway, i miss him... i wanna be with him.

''somehow feels like looking through the mirror, know thats the person you really are,
and there's no hiding, no lies, so naked with flaws yet beautiful and pure. and you're
willing to come out from the laziness and have courage to deal with the fears we used
to have in life. willing to step forward for growth with acceptance and joy even in the
tough days. thats love, for self and relationship.''

so, i've been back for 6 days now? i miss him.

>>May 16, 2012 at 6:27:26 PM GMT+8