2012 年 8 月 6 日 星期一 【晴】

On the way home, exhausted. 1 chapter for revision, 3 chapters plus1 booklet of conduct to preview.
Am I gonna be able to handle them tonight? I was off class at 5:30, waiting for the shuttle n everything
n finally leaving airport at 6 25pm. Probably got home at 8 again n I should sleep at 10 the latest.
So, should I still eat beside a shower n aprox 2.5 hrs of study time? Getting up at 5:40 this morning
so I get enough time for buffer. Tmr, I d need to get up by 5 30 coz I need to get there another
30 mins earlier. Time is really limited, but I can't study on bus or in public coz the training materials r confidential..

Emailed honey yesterday. I miss him :(

>>August 7, 2012 at 10:50:04 AM GMT+8

2012 年 8 月 5 日 星期日 【晴】

super busy, my first day was upper busy.
loads of stuffs to know and study.
not enough sleep... not enough time..
but good to now my classmates they are very nice and friendly.

>>August 6, 2012 at 10:05:26 PM GMT+8

2012 年 8 月 4 日 星期六 【晴】

i got up ard 7 this morning... then went to the airport post office. got there ard 9 am..
i sent the package. hope it'll get there soon. i m worried about him.
he hasnt replied me yet, so dont know his situation now.

i came home.. it was ard 11am... yea i stayed at the airport for almost an hour.
then, had my breakfast and coffee.. then studied the note.. then went out with my family.
had lunch, then hanged around the mall. dad starts getting annoyed with his diet plan.
he's very inpatient at times. then... i came home... continue with the notes and watching tv.
then, after dinner, chatting with one of my best friends we met in Vancouver, Alessja.
i miss her a lot. havent seen her since 2005 actually. we do keep in touch. we send gifts
over christmas and birthdays. we used to do webcam once awhile.. i know her family too.
she moved to England few years ago... she's having a hard time there now. wish her good
luck and especially for her heath. she always invites me to visit her. i do wanna visit her.

so yea, now i'm getting ready for tomorrow... 1st day of training. a bit nervous.
and i worry about honey.. so... yea...

my holiday finished now, and i have to keep going for the coming 7 weeks.
you can do it, Cas. you have to.

i hope honey would get well soon. i m really worried about him. i miss him so much.






>>August 5, 2012 at 4:34:47 PM GMT+8

2012 年 8 月 3 日 星期五 【晴】

today, when i got up, i checked my facebook.. Joyce left me a mesg telling me Tina passes away.
i was shocked. i didnt read the news. then she forwarded the news to me... it was sad.
she was a very nice and sweet person. she left ifc much earlier on.. i didnt know she's sick.
i know she wasnt happy but i didnt know she's sck... i feel bad that i deleted her on my fb.
i wish her RIP.


here came my 4th day off before training..
i got up before noon this morning, better than yesterday.
then i studied the notes, having coffee, watching tv at the same time..
then i went out to have lunch with mom and my sisters. then i did some shopping for honey.
got him different types of medicine. he's sick. i m worried. then i cam home, saw his email..
then i decided to go out again to get him vitamin and some other stuffs.. i m so tired.
tomorrow i will go to the airport, i need to get to the airport in the morning to send the
package. there's the only post office would open on Sun. i need to do this. i m worried.

yesterday was the 3rd day off.. i got up pretty late in the afternoon, then i got ready and
had lunch with Miki. then i met with Ivy. we went swimming again. i did ok, couldnt swim
still. my body is a bit stiff. i was so exhausted.. then i came home resting.. not very
productive. but i exercised and rested... so... yea...

tomorrow, i will go to the post office, then come home i'd need to study hard.

honey is sick, i m so worried actually. i dont want any bad things happened to him.
i miss him enough, i love him so much. i dont want anything bad happened to him...
i miss him :(

>>August 4, 2012 at 4:48:02 PM GMT+8

2012 年 8 月 1 日 星期三 【晴】

hi... my second day off today since i left ifc..

yesterday, i took a private checkup, those girl's check up. i went there with mom..
then we had lunch together, and i had an appointment with my aunt for insurance.
i plan to join some insurance plan, just wanna start saving up for future and also just
in case i have any serious sickness or i die, then the medical cost would be covered.
well, can't be 100% but just at least there would be something.
then had dinner and hang ard with mom and my sisters.. dad was busy at work..
so, my first day's done.

today, i got up late, but then yea.... rushed to the interview. i met with Cynthia and
had lunch together, then we went there together... it wasn't too bad i'd say..
but i didn't prepare much. coz there only would be 30 sec self-introduction..
anyway, i didn't get in. she went through the sec-in. i was very happy for her.
then i came home, fixing my phone. my dad has a new phone, so his iPhone now is
with me. i m waiting for the iPhone 5, but at the mean while, i'd also need an iPhone
for my training and later on. so.... lucky that i could use dad's first. i m not so familiar
with iPhone, it's gonna take me some time for that. then, i met with Ivy :) we met for
some juice then we went swimming. i did much better than last time. hopefully i could
success next time. and we probably would meet tomorrow afternoon.
so, my second day is done.

time flies.

i traced the package, it wasn't there yet this afternoon. but the package was supposed
to get there by Aug 1. so.... i wonder what happened.. and i guess maybe coz i put the
shower gel in it... and the bottle shape looks like some champagne. haha..

i emailed him but he didn't reply me..
do i miss him? yes.. i do think of him.... but then, like he said we are in an open relationship.
so, he doesn't expect much barrier or responsibility with me. this, i can understand.
maybe thats why he chickened out about having me on Facebook.
i start feeling tired, as in.... i care about him a lot, and i do love him. i totally understand
why he has to be distant with me, coz we do have physical distance that affects our relationship.
i can understand he might find me unreal. i do know these. but i m tired coz... i start to
wonder if he'd ever overcome his fears to be with me, like living with me, share things
with me. if he's not gonna try for us anymore, if there's still ''us''. i m not desperate,
even though i seem like one. i m not desperate even though i love him so much.
every time i'd do so much so much for him, only coz i do treat him as part of my family or
even part of myself. but if that's not appreciated i dont see why i should keep going.
i dont want to lose him, but if it's just on my side, this relationship would fail.

why doe he always expect me leaving him one day? why does he have to do that to himself?
i do think he has the choice but he'd never dared to make this step. i know there are
reasons, some big problems. but please, is it because he knows i can wait?
is it because he knows i m always on his side?

he asked me to relax. maybe i should. i'd do whatever as long as it's good for him, base on
the respect, trust, and... love.. because i love him.
















>>August 2, 2012 at 5:27:06 PM GMT+8

2012 年 7 月 30 日 星期一 【晴】

i finally left ifc. finished my last day of duty.

i think i'd miss my friends there.. humm i'd miss those good co-workers.
i feel like i dont have enough time to say bye to them, i seriously think so.

we had k-buffet after work. i also got some chocolate for my manager and supervisor,
then some cookies for the co-workers. i'd miss them, and i know they didn't want me to go.
humm i really didn't have enough time to say bye. my manager told me if someday i got
tired of the outside and if i wanted to go back to ifc then i could contact her. i thanked her.
well, i have spent almost 2 years there, not that long but not short... of course i witnessed
my own changes, i did grow up a lot.. so this part, i'd need to give credit to ifc and the bitches.
but then yea.... other than that, i wanna move on that's also true. and it's my dream, i can't
let go of it for sure. and i need this job so much too. i need the salary and i need the benefit.
i just miss my friends there.. they have been super nice to me. they have been very sweet
to me. they were the only thing that keep me awake at work. its like... i was the mud in those
bitches' eyes.. and my friends and i support each others, and i grow up with them and their
help. so.... we share work and chat, had fun and share hard times together... i feel a little sad
to leave them... its like i know i no longer have the same team now when i m going to a new
company. i dont have the same friends with me that i could count on. i'd miss them...

i was pretty upset about the Facebook... but then i have talked with honey already..
i dont wanna keep being upset... i sent him a package yesterday too... i miss him..
after my explanation, he said to me again not to worry.




>>July 31, 2012 at 6:15:33 PM GMT+8

2012 年 7 月 28 日 星期六 【晴】



not feeling good today. i cried last night, didn't sleep well. and my body hurts so bad...
i got up and saw his mesg, i didn't know what to say. i simply just didn't know.
i went to work. work was so so.. same bs, same fake faces, but lucky that i have friends.
my last night shift though, so i took in charge of closing the counter tonight.
back home resting now. still dont feel good. i m trying not to think about it.

tmr would be my day off.... hummm... planning to get pancake but i m not sure if i can get
up early enough... then i wanna go to the post office first, not the general post office next
to ifc, just the one in tai po. i dont wanna travel all the way to central. i thought about going
the day after during lunch instead. but then that day i'd need to get some cookies for the
management office coz it'd be my last day.

i m not gonna get some expensive stuffs for those bitches. i just wanna treat my friends
actually. and my friends suggest me not to get anything actually. but seriously my friends are
much more than those bitches.. so... i decided to get some cookies, nothing fancy though.
i'll pay by credit card. this is my first time i've ever needed to use my credit card for living.
its just weird. i'd definitely pay back all at once while i'll get my last cheque.

i'll send him the package tomorrow. i dont have much to say though.

maybe coz i'm a girl, so i care. and maybe i shouldnt care, but that wouldn't be possible.
coz i can't ignore my feelings. i do feel something for him and he's hurting me without
thinking. how is it supposed to be acceptable? how am i supposed to convince myself
that's no big deal? should i just lie to myself and go flirting with endless guys meaninglessly
just to make sure i am not desperate in his eyes? i d never thought about doing those coz
it simply just not me. and i have no ideas like no ideas how this guy sees me or sees us now.

for me, its like.... he's shameful to have me as a friend there, so even after i was there,
i would have to be deleted without any pre-notice. he just did it and left a mesg on my wall.
thanks... and it just shows that's what he thinks the best way dealing with me.

>>July 29, 2012 at 6:28:33 PM GMT+8

2012 年 7 月 27 日 星期五 【晴】

i m totally exhausted. i feel like i'm dying. my back hurts so much so much.

anyway, i m in a bad mood today. work was full of bs as usual, but i'm leaving next Tue..
so... whatever.

thanks Ivy for teaching me swimming, i need to do better next time. it's great to see her
again too anyway.

i m.... a little disappointed. i mean.. well, maybe i shouldnt have expected that we could be
friends on Facebook, and now it's telling me that ... let me put it this way....
you gave me a nice gift that i've been long for, and i didn't expect if i could have it or not,
and.... i was so happy.. then all of the sudden you took it back coz i dont deserve it.
in a way i could understand, and i should have made some changes but i never did.
but at the same time, it's just like... who do you think you are? just coz you're important
to me, that doesn't mean you can take me anytime you want and delete me whenever
you feel like to coz u find out i m not qualified. u could have whatever reasons to label me
as some disqualified friend, but before you did that, have you ever thought about how hurtful
it is? is it really necessary to do this? can't there be any other way? in what way you have
seen that i wasn't treating my friends nicely? in what way you've seen that i m putting
my friends down?

information i put up there mostly are just pics i forwarded from the others, just some
entertainment that i dont mind to share. some of them reflects my thinking but only coz
i found them meaningful to share. who would read through my every-posts? not that
many, and who are they? co-workers or my real friends. for the serious topic, i set limit,
i send private messages. did i do anything crazy in public? i dont think so.

it's just such an insult. it really hurts. it really hurts.

>>July 28, 2012 at 7:38:26 PM GMT+8

2012 年 7 月 26 日 星期四 【晴】



humm... some ad news from the personnel today. sigh. problems.
he said he didn't want me to go crazy for that. but, i don't want him to be affected.
i'd feel bad.

tmr... i'll learn swimming with Ivy before work. then work from 1:30 till 10:30 pm.
hum... some ppl know i'm leaving, everyone started asking me and asking to go dinner
with me. hummmmmm thanks... but i don't have that much time or money.
on the 31st, we'd go sing-k all together. i'm gonna use my credit card to get the bill and
get cash from them. i'd need cash.

please tell me what to do.

>>July 27, 2012 at 3:28:03 PM GMT+8

2012 年 7 月 24 日 星期二 【晴】

so... honey added me on Facebook? am i dreaming?

last night i was upset coz.... i wasn't sure what's going on. but then he told me that they
aren't even talking now. okay... and we mentioned about Facebook.. and i seriously didn't
know he had mesg me. i didn't notice there was another folder... so i felt sorry for not replying.
coz that's no way, not possible that i wouldn't reply him. so yea.....
then i replied him there.. and when i got home just now, i saw his invitation. well, finally, we
are on Facebook again. haha.. :) i always wondered how come he deleted me.. long time
ago he said coz he didn't use Facebook anymore, then he only kept a few friends..
it's been years already, so... i didn't wanna ask him or didn't want to invite him again.
coz its like..... i was deleted, if he wanted to keep me then he wouldn't delete me... but last
night he told me just coz he deleted Facebook. well anyway, i'm glad to be there again.
but i hope i won't feel weird if i see something weird. we have to respect each others right?
he's on my Facebook now, which means he has full access to my social network in HK.
he'd see all the posts of my thought, pics, other posts from others, even knew the comments
from the ppl around me at work or from my close friends. i don't mind him knowing these.
coz it's part of my life, and i don't want to keep secrets about myself to him.

i'm so tired today... but then... yea... promotion starts again, two promotions come across..
kindda crazy but still manageable. Mr.Richard came talking to me at the promotion counter.
i recognised him but he didn't know. he came testing me to see how much i know about
his exhibition and the promotion. he pretended as a customer asking me a bunch of stuffs.
then at the end asking me if i knew who he is. i said yes, Mr.Richard nice to meet you.
then we shakes hands. he wanted me to keep playing with his sample and promote it to
the customers. i told him indeed, i'd pass the message to my other colleagues too.
then at that hour, i was like more like his PR staff.

anyway..... tomorrow.... *DK, *M, *Cyn, *Ce and i are gonna have dinner together..
DK and i are leaving, Ce left already.. M and Cyn want to leave too.. we're friends.
M and Cyn are kindda sad that we are leaving.

i miss him.. i hope the training won't be too harsh. i wanna pass my training then start flying.
be a real flight attendant. i know i can do it. it's my dream, i'll strive for it. i want to see him soon.

''You can't connect the dots looking forward you can only connect them looking backwards.
So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.
You have to trust in something: your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.
Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence
to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path.'' Steve Jobs

just like how much i appreciate the things happened in my life and ppl i have met.
and especially thank to my family, honey and my friends.

hummm... the typhoon is finally gone.. it was quite crazy. i couldn't sleep..
then yesterday typhoon was still here, and i didn't need to work. got the call by 10 am.
then yea, i took a haircut, permed my hair. after 1 year, i finally go to the salon again..
i need to trim my hair and i permed it again. it'd be easier for me to do my hair later.

I'm a bit excited about my training is coming so soon. i m a little worried actually..
but yea... nervous. hope it'd be fine.

i miss sitting next to him touching him. i miss his touch too.


this is a very sweet song... 95% of a girl's heart. not completely but close..



我閉上眼睛　貼著你心跳呼吸 而此刻地球　只剩我們而已
when i close my eyes, i could feel your heart beat, its like there're only the two of us in this world.
你微笑的唇型　總勾著我的心 每一秒初吻　我每一秒都想要吻你
your lips are connecting to my heart. i wanna kiss you every seconds.
就這樣　愛你愛你愛你　隨時都要一起 我喜歡　愛你外套味道　還有你的懷裡
把我們　衣服鈕扣互扣　那就不用分離 美好愛情　我就愛這樣貼近　因為你
just like this, i love you love you love you. i like your smell, your jacket and being in your arms.
this way, we could be connected like the clothing with the button. we don't have to be
apart. this wonderful feeling is from being close to you, coz of you.

有時沒生氣　故意鬧脾氣 你的緊張在意　讓我覺得安心
i m not angry when i'm being angry at you. i like to see you care.
從你某個角度　我總看見自己 到底你懂我　或其實我本來就像你
i could always find myself through you. i can see myself from you.
does that because you know me so well or i'm actually like you?

美好愛情　我就愛這樣貼近　因為你 想變成你的氧氣　溜進你身體裡
i love this wondering love, so close to you. i want to become the oxygen flying through you.
好好看看在你心裡你有多麼寶貝　我愛你
so i could see your heart, how darling you are. i love you.

就這樣　愛你愛你愛你　隨時都要一起 我喜歡　愛你外套味道　還有你的懷裡
把我們　衣服鈕扣互扣　那就不用分離 美好愛情　我就愛這樣貼近　因為你
我們愛情　會一直沒有距離　最美麗
just like this. i love you, love you, love you. i want to be with you anytime.
i like your jacket and your smell. i like being in your arms. let us be connected.
if we are clothing and buttons then we don't need to separate.
we don't have real distance. it's love. we are like the most beautiful love.

>>July 25, 2012 at 3:31:47 PM GMT+8