2012 年 9 月 22 日 星期六 【晴】

i really havent been back for awhile already...
i have a lot that i wanted to say but everyday is just packed and i cant let me emotion out.
i m nervous, im upset, i cried sometimes... i m happy sometimes but most of the time i was
very stressed. i dont know if i enjoyed or not. everyday we got new challenges, but i dont
feel so excited as the others. i dont know why.

they all cried on the last day. 3 out of 4 guys didnt cry. the other twos girls and i didnt cry.
so, 19 ppl cried, but not the 6 of us.... i didnt feel as sad... not compared with the days i was
really sad or upset in the past. maybe what i have been through was tougher than this.
i miss the girls already, i miss my classmates, but then it was a happy leaving instead of
anything worse i think. so, there really is not necessary to cry non stop. we all did quite well
during class, no one failed. then, they all live very near to each others, so........ i dont know
why they cry so much. i know its quite touching coz i was touched too, i know i will miss them
too, but i dont feel the urge to cry. in fact, i feel the pressure coz i really have to be flying now.
i need to gather all the things i have learnt and use them now. wether good or bad, i will need
to apply them now in real :) kindda excited, kindda nervous.

i miss him so much... i had some difficulties with the money for Oct... i worry a lot but then,
when i was asking about the salary problems, baby Joyce offered help without me asking.
i didnt want to borrow money from her but then i was convinced. i hope things would go fine,
and i definitely insist to pay interest. coz i dont wanna owe anyone anything.

i hope everything would be fine....
first flight, Cas... please work hard.

i miss him lots... what should i do?




>>September 23, 2012 at 12:07:55 PM GMT+8

2012 年 9 月 14 日 星期五 【晴】

i think i havent been writing my dairy for awhile already.
not that i dont have any updates.. but most likely, i have wrote the update to him then
i never came back to re-type everything here.

i stayed over at my classmates' hotel last night. nothing much. all 18 of them living in the
same hotel, which is quite funny actually. we stayed after training for some more practice.
it's been quite crazy actually some of us actually stayed after training everyday.
i m the one of us. and i dont know.... coz i left ard 2 pm this afternoon. i stayed from 9am to 2pm.
i think that's it... i can do more but i dont want to. i m not perfect for sure, but i need some
rest as well. i dont feel cheerful even though i look like i am very cheerful. i have a lot of things
on my mind which i dont share with ppl easily these days. i dont cry in front of ppl anymore.

i m so tired...

last night, we had dinner together, then we went back to hotel. i took a long shower, then we
went to Andy's room. Andy's playing guitar. so funny. then we played Tarrot cards.
hummmmmm i did.... but it's not good.. well, actually my relationship and career are both terrible.
it's quite scary.... humm..... i dont know.. i feel worse afterward.

today, i got up at 6 am... Bonnie and Cherry are still sleeping.. i sneaked out. and caught
the shuttle back to the mock up with *L, *H, *Y, *A, *Ae, *U... then after awhile more and more
classmates came back... then Bonnie came back and asked me why i didnt tell her while
i left. i worried i woke her i said. haha.... anyway, they needed to meet with their new landlord
so i left with *U instead. we took the shuttle to the airport, then we had lunch there...
walked around, chit chatting... i think i'm gonna miss them.

came home........ i dont know what i should do... i have endless things to study, but then i wanna
take a rest as well... i dont know... i seriously dont know..

i miss him a lot, but i m so stressed. i m sure he's facing lots of problems too..
i dont know. i really dont know.

i will start flying soon.. monday we have practical exam and also written exam..
then on Tue or Wed we'll have the final exam that concludes everything..
then also performance review and the real briefing by the FA1.... FA1 would ask us questions,
and we have to be able to answer all, basically it's another final exam. we need to go through
all the latest notices or news and also the webmail... then also....... the 50 pages of latest update
of the emergency handling procedure from the safety training school....
even though my classmates thinks i'm pretty smart and outstanding in class, i dont see myself
as such. i just think it's my responsibilities to make sure my flights would be safe and smooth,
or at least im not the one who would drag everyone down from the sky. it's hard to make sure
everything 100% perfect, but still it's my duty and responsibility especially i m paid to have
this training, and the company rely on us to deliver the service and provide the safe and
comfortable flight for the passengers or even meeting their unforgettable expectations. so...
i dont think it's just an easy job or any girls can handle that. not that i can see all of us are
ready to fly yet, not even myself. so......... i am... i am more conservative on my performance
i'd say.. and also i do tend to make everything perfect before i'd be satisfied.

i miss him lots.. but i dont know what i should do.

>>September 15, 2012 at 11:58:36 AM GMT+8

2012 年 9 月 10 日 星期一 【晴】

:'( :'( :'(
i'm so tired.

i started getting tired of doing my hair in the early morning... everyday 45 mins spent on that..
and still couldnt make it perfect for the grooming check. and also with the make up...
i m tired of all the steps but no choices... being pretty is a must. but i m not pretty.

i get up at 5 am everyday, then rushing to leave home at 6:40.. ran to the bus stop,
bus departs at 6:50 then i get to the airport at 8:10. ran to the crew shuttle bus stop,
get to the K A House around 8:20.. finished training around 5:30pm... then got home
around 7:20 pm... then i'd need to shower, dinner, after that would be 9pm already..
i need to do revision, assignment, then check webmail, crew notice, check information
for other things.... i need to rest and sleep.

so much to remember and practice everyday... and still it wont be enough for us to deal with
the on line reality. i m not scared, i just dont know what else i could do.
and i still cant see all the benefits i have been long for. i wanna go somewhere else, to see the
world, but i cant. its all turn around flights. will i be able to go traveling with the benefits?
i dont know. and i cant have any holidays till April. its too long, too long.

i dont regret for that, i dont. coz it's my dream.... maybe i just need a hug, or some space and
time to be alone, or i just need to breath.







>>September 11, 2012 at 3:11:11 PM GMT+8

2012 年 9 月 9 日 星期日 【晴】







i m so tired.... weekend is over... i was hanging out with my classmates..
but then yea.... i did some revision as well... then did the election...

today, we had the exam. i got 100%. i think many ppl did as well.
then, we had lots of briefing today.... especially for the annual leaves and things..
hummmm... i cant get my annual leaves till April basically. i wanna see him.
i dont want to wait till April...

i'd seriously consider moving out. coz i live too far from the airport.. then also i need more
space. i love my family, i like being ard them but i need more space and i hate the transit.
sigh... but..... i cant afford it as well. so.... i dont know.

i aways share things with him but he doesnt always reply.. well, better than before though.

Cyn is getting married!!!!! omg :) i was sooooooo happy for her. all of the sudden she's
getting married. i dont know what to say actually hahaha. coz... last year, she was still
complaining about hard to find a boyfriend. when we were in van.... we shared laughers
and tears all the time, all the time, all the time. and... i remembered once she cried soooooo
terribly, she couldnt get over things, just couldnt get out from her ex. and i was there
listening to her, she was screaming crying at the same time. and there were times she
met incredibly good guys, but she dumped them. then last year she said she's getting
old and she s still looking for one and couldnt settle down.. this year she's telling me she
s getting married by the end of this year. i m so thrilled to hear that seriously. getting married.
our age. well, she's older than me, but still.... there were times i worried for her, but now
she's getting marries. and Vic also. she's getting married too. they are the strong women,
and i consider myself weaker than them. and they're getting married. both were my
close friends, Cyn was my best friend.. they were so damn important to me coz they played
the incredible important role when i was younger. we grew up together in another city
apart form our own hometowns. omg... the next probably would be Capella. Ade wont get
married i think coz its not legal for her to marry a girl in SG. but TT loves Cap so much,
i m sure TT would marry her. so then TT should marry her. so i'm the leftover.

tomorrow we'd start something new... endless practicals and assessments again.

sigh...................... i dont now what to say. better shut up and carry on.

:'( :'( :'(

>>September 10, 2012 at 3:02:41 PM GMT+8

2012 年 9 月 6 日 星期四 【晴】

i'm sooooo tired......
:( duties and responsibilities... being a cabin crew is really not easy at all..

anyway.... weekend again, nice... but then exam on monday...
and our training is actually the honey moon for us, coz once we start flying, everything
would be different.. and the thing is it would be much more stressful and tiring especially
at the beginning. so.... yea...

but tmr, i'm going to hang out with my classmates.. i promised them last week but i didn't
show up in the end... so i promised i'd go this week. hope it'd be okay :)

i miss him.. i sent him pics almost everyday. i wish i could see him but i cant and i dont
know when. i miss him so much everyday.. i dont know what i can do, probably can't
do anything and it's pissing me off sometimes especially when i m so tired or stressed
during the day. all i want is to spend time with him but we can't. then i dont know what
i can do. anyway, i need to sleep. i have thought about moving out so as to get more
resting time and more personal space.

the transit consumes me so much time traveling to work.. and the prep before going out is
really time consuming too. i need at least 1 hr 15 mins to get ready. to make sure my grooming
would pass is a must and quite hard to maintain. the steps before putting make up on
just so as to protect my skin and make my make up last for the whole day on my face.
the make up has to be obvious enough, as in.... really put on make up. then doing the hair...
it takes at least 15 to 20 mins... my hair is long and wavy, its just hard. then also no eating
or drinking while uniform is on. so no on-the-way coffee. no sleeping or personal time on bus.
better not fall asleep or listen to music which i cant. so yea..... i m not a star or anyone,
but once uniform is on, then i must look like and act like i'm on duty already. that kind of
image is called professional. but being professional is not just about the look. but my job
duties and how much i could follow would be challenging as well.














>>September 7, 2012 at 3:07:30 PM GMT+8

2012 年 9 月 4 日 星期二 【晴】





i dont know what to say.. but i'm really tired. i mean the challenges during training...
then i live very far from the airport, and the bus sucks. then.... is like.... for me it's actually
quite hard to survive in a big crowd. coz.... that means id need to stretch myself to be
super sociable which i m not. i like making friends with people, but each time i can only
do a small group of people... everyone having lunch together, big crowd needs to be
divided into groups.... i dont feel very comfortable actually, but i have to...

anyway.... tomorrow would have more mock up.

i m so tired... never thought it'd be that difficult to be a flight attendant.
well, at least my dream isnt some easy task, and now i'm practicing it. i wanna be a professional
one. so.... its not easy and i should have expected that already yea?

you know....... i miss him so much, and i wish him here. not someone else but him.
i want to sleep next to him. i want to see him everyday. ok, i cant now. i'd start crying soon.
i should go back to my revision.

you know.... i really wish him well there, and i do wanna see him soon. i m looking forward to
seeing him.. coz i miss him so much so much so much. sometimes i'd think what if i was
popular in canada, what could have happened to us? yea i hated what i did, but what if it'd
help? but i cant change what had happened or what had not happened. i do wish i could
go back in time, maybe i could change something? maybe things would be different now,
so he wouldnt need to suffer so much?

Cas, please... go back to study please. you need to do what you have to do. at least for now,
tonight, go back to your study..

>>September 5, 2012 at 2:47:07 PM GMT+8

2012 年 9 月 1 日 星期六 【晴】

i have finally passed the safety training at cathay city. i got 95% for my final exam...
hummmm i made 2 stupid mistakes. i could have got 100%. but its okay.
i think i really like cathay more than K A. but its okay. K A isnt that bad.

3 more weeks... 3 more weeks then i'd start flying. the first thing i wanna do is to see him.
but i cant yet. i cant. i dont mind if i cant have the cheap ticket yet, i just wanna see him but
i cant. coz the first month would be very difficult, i'd need to stay focus to adjust myself to it,
then after the first month flying, i'd need to go back to the safety training school for the
conversion training, learning two more types of aircrafts and also the communication courses.
i wanna see him soon i really really do...

you know, it's Sep. we've met for 6 years from now. it's our anniversary.
lately, i have always got the flash back of the days in Vancouver... it's been 2 years already
since i left there. i miss the days we could be together everyday. i miss everything there,
and i miss his everything.

i've got some scam mail yesterday. all of the sudden it reminded me i have left my bank card
in Van. then i asked honey if he still has that bank card. he said he didnt even remember about it.
i didnt call the bank, coz it's the pain in the ass. but somehow that's part of the memory of my
days there. i dont know..... then i was so scared when i got that scam from another bank, coz i
dont even know how come i had a bank account from that bank and someone even tried to break
in for 5 times. thats impossible.

anyway..... training starts again tomorrow, back to the K A house.

i rally miss him a lot... :'(







>>September 2, 2012 at 3:28:26 PM GMT+8

2012 年 8 月 28 日 星期二 【晴】

i'm so tired, really exhausted.

we did mock up today... i didnt do very well. i should do better next time. i can and i will.
tomorrow will have ditching again, but this time would happen in the pool, i'd need to swim.
i worry, this is the most dangerous requirement for me since i cant swim. i can overcome
the slide, but swimming needs skill. if i cant then i'd fail. i'll have life jacket on, but id need to
move along the water, and drag pax and pull them to the raft. if i cant even move along
then i cant pull the others.

then, still lots of theories and procedures to memorise by hard... final exam on Sat.
i do feel pressure, and i m not feeling very well. so...... yea.... but i cant afford to panic now.

i havent been cooking for a very long time already... i love cooking, i enjoy doing cookery
thing. i hope in the future, i could take some cooking course on my day off. and of course,
i'd return to church. i should go back to church.

i miss him so much... some classmates asked me if i have a bf. i told them yes.
i dont want to hide about it even though i dont have much to tell. they asked about how's
my bf. i told them he's in Japan from Canada. they are surprised we had almost 6 years
long distance relationship. i said yea... they asked if we always be apart or how often we
meet. i said we meet up at least once a year, and there were time i was living with him
in Canada. they were surprised. it's been almost 6 years, it d be 6 years tis Sep.
i dont know if he'd remember, coz i dont think he cares that much or i dont know if he does.
he always say he doesnt care, so i should expect he wont remember, so at least i wouldnt
get disappointed by making false assumption.

anyway.... i should return to my crazy study mode, keep going and going till my training
would be done, then i would be proud of the efforts i have been giving in, yea?
i have been quite low profile about under training to be the FA, coz i always worry i won't
pass.... sigh~~~~~~~~ Cas, you need to work harder :(















>>August 29, 2012 at 11:40:40 AM GMT+8

2012 年 8 月 27 日 星期一 【晴】

jump and slide, two at a time. i passed.

i feel very sick today, i took some medicine, but i only felt worse..
so i went to the doctor after training.. very tired and sick..
i also went back to K A house to pick up my coat and apron, and picked up the laundry there.
now, i have everything, including shoes and the accessories from K A.
today, we went to the airport in the early morning to do the Hands-on... it was super stuffy
there, i couldnt breath. it was hard but better than the last time... but it's like from 5 45am till 4pm
today. they let us dismissed earlier instead of 5 30pm. but then the thing is still, it's 10 hrs today.
i was sooooo exhausted and feeling sick...

i miss him lots, dont know how he's doing today.

sigh.. i need to do lots of study but i couldnt focus coz i m too tired and i dont feel alright.
anyway, more mock up and evaluations these days till Sat we'd have the final exam.
i m so stressed, i would try my really best to sustain my performance here..
and also, i think i'd start missing my classmates later. we've been always together for every
challenges these few weeks. we always support each others and help each others.
i know not everyone would get along with everyone well. most of the ppl are very helpful and kind.

i really miss him a lot..... i always think of him, and i even dreamed of him...
i hope to see him soon, i really miss him so much..



>>August 28, 2012 at 3:55:26 PM GMT+8

2012 年 8 月 25 日 星期六 【晴】

it's been quite crazy in the past weeks... honestly, i have start to lose count of the days..
i cant remember date or... like..... i feel like the training has been for long already..
it's only 3 weeks, and the 4th week is starting tomorrow..
i like the time in CX, i mean i like CX City. have been learning so much so much there
everyday.. pushing myself to absorb and remember everything as much as possible,
as fast as i could. i m so exhausted everyday but i find these days very important and
very productive... stuffs that i meet here are all brand new and challenging for me.

this coming week would be quite important and even more challenging i think...
i dont know if i'd be able to swim.

i like my classmates. some of them are pretty sweet and could be good friends for sure.
i'd try my best to pick up as much as possible and still enjoy the process.

i hope he's doing fine there.. i keep having nightmare.
i do think of the days in Van before... good and bad.... i miss him... i miss there..





>>August 26, 2012 at 2:54:15 PM GMT+8