typhoon..... keeps me up..
too windy and stormy outside..
T10 now.... the last time was like 10 years ago.
i worry about dad... he saw the doctor today.. i don't wanna write now..
i should get some rest since i m not sure if i'd need to work tmr.
i hope i don't need to work, but don't know when the typhoon would go.
i emailed honey just now... told him what happened today... i miss him.
>>July 23, 2012 at 6:56:00 PM GMT+8
2012 年 7 月 21 日 星期六 【晴】
honey suggested me applying to JAL too.
i'm glad to hear his news today, not confirmed yet but happy to hear that already.
i m so exhausted today.... left work late again.. hate this promotion.
i'm leaving soon anyway.
thinking about around two years ago, while i was still in Van, thinking about coming back
to HK. i was all scared and didn't know what's gonna happen. leaving him was very hard,
i didn't wanna be apart from him. but my job there didn't make us happy or satisfied.
i couldn't make a living there, and.... i couldn't help him... i was slowing down his plan.
i wasn't happy with what i did, i felt shamed and ugly as in... kept trying to offer but no one
actually appreciated. i felt really bad at times. but i couldn't explain that kind of feelings
with the closest friends or family or even honey. i was.... not alone but feeling weird.
anyway, i wasn't confident at all. and when i came back to HK i just needed a job.
i was pretty upset everyday but very quickly i was accepted by this current job.
i didn't know if it was good or bad. i wasn't quite ready to work. i felt like i was so much
behind. i almost failed the training or my probation. i have learned a lot in the past two
years. i really did. i had the very hard time at work, and also with my personal life.
i was desperate at times, very desperate, crying everyday. crying myself to sleep,
didn't want to get up to work. kept running away from those bitches and gossips.
kept myself silent at work, kept crying underneath. miss him everyday and didn't
understand why i was so bad at work. couldn't figure out why they hated me or disliked
me. couldn't do anything for him, and worried about him everyday. it was difficult.
lots of things that i couldn't explain to anyone. i was guilty. there were so much i wanted
to do but i wasn't able to, always. but, time flies. i passed through months and months,
and i have finally came to leaving now. i have seen the bad side of the ppl always.
i have seen lies and ugly faces. i have seen kindness and care from real ppl. i have learned
to let go and forgive ppl who cannot even be important to me. i have made friends,
and forgive the unnecessary pain. i have learned to be assertive and be confident again.
i have learned to be strict and follow my own judgment. i have learned to embrace myself,
not to become part of the devil bitchiness, just be who i am, be kind, be gentle, but be
smart against to things that i shouldn't do.
i was just like the little girl two years ago or three years ago when i went to Van.
three years later now, i'm a well grown lady. i m still silly and dumb sometimes...
i have grown up a lot, and i still would need to thank my manager to take me to this company
while i needed a job so much. and i d need to thank those bitches to teach me to be strong.
thanks those assholes and bitches whoever have bullied me or harassed me to make
me stronger than before, and knowing and recognizing how ugly human could be.
and coz of all of these, i know myself more, and recognised how much i love him and
want to be with him. it has never never never changed.
i'm gonna promote myself to another stage soon, very soon. chasing my dream, and
stepping forward to a new page of life. i wish my friends all the best, i seriously do.
i wish the bitches all the best, coz i don't want them to bully my friends and i do think that
they do have a kind side but just got hidden somewhere. i don't mean to make enemy with
anyone seriously. even with *B now, we talk, and she shares her secret with me.
i hope to leave, and i'm leaving soon. i wish myself all the best in the coming future, also
with honey as well.
i have always realised i love him so much and i really want to be with him, even in future.
i know i m the type of girls who would want to settle down and have a family before 30.
i m not sure if i could, it doesn't depend on my own. but i'm willing to wait and i'm waiting.
i don't want to give him any more extra burden or pressure. he has enough to worry about.
>>July 22, 2012 at 5:35:49 PM GMT+8
2012 年 7 月 20 日 星期五 【晴】
hi...
my eye got infected again.......... i went to the doctor to buy medicine before going to work.
i stayed till almost 11 pm at work tonight. just a bunch of bullshit.....
the girls told me i only have about 10 days left till my leaving...
oh yea, i didn't know time passes so fast. they asked if i would feel sad.
hummm a little bit. i would miss my friends, but not the company or everyone.
i asked some girl from another team at work about that guy...
she told me he had done some similar thing to other girls at their team.
i found it so gross.. i'll tell the personnel.
Leo is back by the way. he called me from the airport. i don't know why he's back though.
he said he would start some business, i thought he started in shanghai.
i miss him. when will i be able to see him again?
>>July 21, 2012 at 5:19:15 PM GMT+8
2012 年 7 月 19 日 星期四 【晴】
i wish everything would be fine.
i wanna see him soon.
>>July 20, 2012 at 4:12:35 PM GMT+8
2012 年 7 月 17 日 星期二 【晴】
:'(
could you actually understand how it feels?
when i saw it happened, i was angry and wanted to do something, but i couldn't do it.
is there because of too many excuses? i'm not sure, maybe. but did i wanna do something
for her? yes i did. that's why i was the only one who wrote a note and passed it to the
manager to ask him to call the police.
did i agree with that guy at work? no. do i feel happy that he touched me? no. no fucking way.
should i report it? yes, and no. coz no one is gonna be on my side since i'm leaving.
am i crating trouble for ppl? yes. and he might get fired. do i think that was serious enough
to get him fired? i m not sure. do i want him to be fired? i'm not sure. was he right? NO.
so what am i supposed to do? do they know what he did? yes. do they think i should report
him? no. do i feel comfortable to keep it silent? no. would he do it again? i think so. would
he do it to me again? i think so. do i want some protection? hell yea. am i afraid? very.
do you know how it feels? if you see how many questions, that's exactly how i feel...
i'm so scared to face him and everyone at work after it's reported.
and the girls at work... the bad ones... they three were all promoted today..
and all the other girls were shock and frightened, all were disappointed.
if i didn't resign, i might be the one promoted. but.... i think it'd be much better for me to leave
than to be promoted in this company.
honey.... he ... i think he's disappointed at me coz i didn't report both things immediately,
that he might think i'm doing favour for the devil. i feel sad, and i feel worse by letting him down.
it's like... i feel bad enough for what happened, and... feel worse now... but i don't wanna keep it
from him... and i guess i should have let him known earlier, but i seriously ignored it since
i was too occupied, or i just simply suppressed it. i don't know.. i am always dumb anyway.
i did wonder what would happen if he's here... would that be different? what would he do?
he must think i'm very useless.
>>July 18, 2012 at 5:18:52 PM GMT+8
2012 年 7 月 15 日 星期日 【晴】
dad's home. thanks God.
Doris is coming home tomorrow. she didn't have time to meet with honey.
i miss him so much actually, but he's not replying.
i was off today... picked up dad then came home..
super exhausted... then... i was supposed to meet with Ivy, she would teach me swimming.
but then i got huge headache, i couldn't go anywhere.
few days ago, got some weird guy at work, well a co-worker. i didn't report it, coz i knew it
would not be good if i did. but i got witness and cam at the counter. but they wouldn't check
unless i report it. but it could be huge and he'd got fired. i have told the other girls about it.
i hope it wouldn't happen again, and i find it very uncomfortable actually, kind of gross.
and after that, i don't really wanna talk to him again, especially when i thought of that.
i didn't tell mom or my family. but i guess i should tell Miki and Doris and let them know it's
not acceptable if someone did it to them.
>>July 16, 2012 at 4:16:14 PM GMT+8
2012 年 7 月 13 日 星期五 【晴】
i got up at 6:30 this morning, then... went to the hospital again with mom and Miki..
then saw dad. he seems okay, doctor didn't arrive yet. then i left to work. exhausting..
then got mom's call when i got back to the office. mom said the doctor said dad needed
the MRI for his chest like testing the heart as well. and the result is okay. but then he
can't un-do the block in the brain, so.. there could be and would be the third time stroke.
all we could do is to prevent it happen. and if it ever happens again, then it would be
pretty bad. i m worried.. but then... nothing much i can do for now.. dad would stay there
tonight, and tomorrow night. then on Mon, i'll be off and we would pick up dad.
i miss him a lot. i don't know where he is or what he's doing.
i was chatting with Doris today.. she's having fun in Japan. she bought the maple tea and
apple tea for me. thanks. i wish her would enjoy his trip there. we all miss her.
work was exhausting, but *B starts being nice and friendly now. i do treat her equal too.
i don't mind to make friend with her or anyone as long as they aren't bitchy at me or
bully my friends. if they bully me, that's one thing, i might put up with that. but bullying my
friends especially my family would never be accepted.
somehow i've started to wonder where all my time goes in the day...
i'd never have enough rest or enough time to finish what i wanna do... time just slips through
my hand, sometime i can't even think of what i've done. not like i've done nothing, but time
runs very fast. i can't catch up with everything still, i can't remember what i've done or
what i haven't done. and when i have one moment to stop and think about things, i feel so
exhausted already that i don't even wanna think, coz i'll be lost. if i sit on the bus, i fall asleep
immediately within a few mins while sitting and trying to think.
>>July 14, 2012 at 4:35:44 PM GMT+8
2012 年 7 月 12 日 星期四 【晴】
exhausted...
hummm... i think i'll call sick, coz i wanna go to the hospital with my dad..
mom would go, but she doesn't want to go alone. i might just cancel the dinner with *C tonight
as well. my body hurts a lot, i want some more rest and see the doctor also..
sounds so bad of me to take day off. kindda feel bad...
be right back.
back...
went to the hospital with dad and mom and also miki this early morning..
then... i went bad kto taipo to see the doctor. i was okay..
then hang ard and came home resting. i fell asleep while watching tv..
then i studied the notes a bit for my training.. then made pasta with mom.
then, got the call from dad just now... quite worry about him now. dad went down to the
store to get some snack, then the doctor couldn't find him. the doctor told him like it was
serious enough that he shouldn't run around. something is wrong with his brain, he should
stay in the room and rest. he would send the specialist to talk to dad personally tonight or
tomorrow morning. i wanna take the day off tomorrow. i don't wanna go to work. i m worried.
humm went to the tea house with *DK yesterday after work though..
just chatting and trying the green tea there. we shared cake as well.
good to hang out with her.
i got one hr working with *B today.. i dodn't really care what happened already.
as long as she'd stop being bitchy or weird to me, then it won't bother me.
after all, i'm just seeking peace and trying to stay out of the troubles and their stupid game.
and i also heard that *B did some more ridiculous things behind the girls back, so they
were pissed off at her and warned her in person. its crazy.
i don't know... i miss him...
i'm so tired everyday... body hurts, and craving for sleep... and i really miss him..
>>July 11, 2012 at 3:21:48 PM GMT+8
2012 年 7 月 7 日 星期六 【晴】
it was a very terrible day today..
the first time i got scolded with swear words at work.
he asked me to eat my fucking shit. it's from a man's mouth, just simply coz he couldn't
get his way to get that HKD50 voucher. yea, it was my fault i didn't tell him he could get
only 1 voucher, but that doesn't mean he could keep yelling at me and asked me to run
around and asked me to eat my fucking shit. i did apologise to him sincerely, but he
kept swearing at me and told me saying sorry doesn't mean anything. in fact he said
sorry after every swear words he used. so he's contradicting himself. fucking asshole.
in the end, i explained again i couldn't do the redemption for him and what else if he wanted
me to do. he asked me to run to that shop and came back to fix the bill for him. that was
not possible. he said i must. i called the shop and told them the situation, but couldn't do
anything. he then said he wanted all our names. i wrote him mine, then i didn't give him
the others. fuck him. if he really complains, i will go to the police station. it would become
personal since i m really scared now that he would bring shit waiting for me after work
and ask me to eat it. if he's that crazy enough to complain, i will let the police speak to him.
he's the customer, of course i couldn't swear back. yea, it was my fault, but my salary doesn't
cover up being treated with verbal violence. he could complain me, but couldn't swear at me.
he did, more than 3 times and i got witness. if he still wants a complain, fine. i will go to the
police and said this person was verbally violent to me. he's a tourist, and we had his passport
number. he's a tourist and a customer but that doesn't make him privilege to be violent
to the local people. i'm here to work, but that doesn't mean i have to take risk of violence.
i don't know if it's his culture from singapore, if it is, i'm gonna help them to spread this news
to everyone through different medias just to make sure our local people would pay special
attention to every singaporean tourists.
my friends asked me if i was still angry at *B. i said.... honestly i feel bad but not angry.
i don't hate her, i mean it, i don't hate her. but the fact is she keeps creating difficult
situation for me and i don't know how i should deal with her. she's sick today, i had talked
with her to see if she's okay. she made a few mistakes, i did cover up for her. so, i m
not personally hate her, i just don't know how to get along with her and that's okay.
if she's not attacking me, i wouldn't even care whatever she does. but it's been always
like that, the first time, second time, this is at least the third or forth time already. i can't
stand ''what she did.'' i said to them like.... if she had ever used her brain before she
did something, then it would prevent lots of troubles that she's created for the others.
i said, she didn't allow me to join the dinner, that's fine. coz if i wasn't ditched by *C and
*F that night, i wouldn't even have cared to ask if i could join them instead.
she didn't want me to join, that's okay but she didn't need to organise me a party that i
''would be allowed'' to join. my friends said, if i really feel bad then i don't need to go that
night. i asked them, so if i don't go, ppl would say i'm being jealous and not generous.
if i go, then i feel weird that i need an approval from her to attend some party i didn't plan
to go. and she could choose many other different days, but my last day to hold another
party for ''her girls'' which i wasn't supposed to go at the first place. don't give me those
fucking bullshit, i don't need that and i don't want to entertain her with her crazy plan.
she's not my queen. since she chose my last day to have that party, them am i not
supposed to meet my friends to have dinner now? so, if i do then ppl would think i m
doing that on purpose? does she know what kind of situation she's putting me at?
i don't care if she does that on purpose or whatever it is. i just don't like that kind of
awkward situation i shouldn't need to have.
i m not a strong person, i am not. and i m trying so hard to be considerate for everyone.
coz i don't want ppl feel bad, i'd feel worse. so when ppl are being ridiculous to me,
it just hurts me. and you know.... i m not dumb, if she wants to play, play smart.
don't ever let me notice anything. i m not a bad person, and i don't want to be all bitchy
like the others. but when ppl keep being unreasonable to me, i could be pretty direct.
i m very very very logical when it comes to situation like that. i have always been careful
working with those bitches and i don't mean to create any problems. i was usually bullied
but i wouldn't complain. but now, it's like.... it's getting a little personal coz it's something
for after work and about my leaving. its just..... too much. i don't want to put up with
those bullshit anymore.
Here used to be called Shmoo Sassy Rowdyruff's page. It was a random name i got from The Powerpuff Girls' site. however, i am not that little girl anymore. i'm learning how to live a life now. haha! and this is the pic of my 22nd year in my life, taken in the summer of 2008.
here is like my reference, my history, my story, and the little pieces of memorries in my life. someday when i get old, maybe i would just review my life again. or i can share with my close ones... would they miss me someday? i dont know. i just wanna live my life fully and happily =) with the ppl i love on this planet.
typhoon..... keeps me up..
Someone who know