2012 年 6 月 23 日 星期六 【晴】

.....

>>June 24, 2012 at 3:39:51 PM GMT+8

2012 年 6 月 22 日 星期五 【晴】

i'm exhausted... really.
i miss him.











>>June 23, 2012 at 5:14:14 PM GMT+8

2012 年 6 月 21 日 星期四 【晴】

went to the briefing day today... did a bunch of stuffs... super tired..
lots of document procedures, lots of information, permit application, staff card with pics,
uniform fitting and measurement... and that computer base test is gonna kill so much
of my energy...

super busy, exhausted...
wish i could have more holiday now.. i kindda wanna quit earlier, but you know...
it's not quite possible, coz i'd need more money actually.

Cas, if they can do it, you can do it too! if you believe you can do it, then you can do it.
trust yourself. that's the theme sentence from the instructor today.
i miss honey... but the instructor also said, the training would be very demanding, and
we have to be prepared, physically, mentally, psychologically. she suggested us to take
supplement and MUST NOT be on diet. she said, no love during training, for 7 weeks only.
no diet during training, 7 weeks only. no boyfriend during training, 7 weeks only.
no playing around, just focus, pay attention, do revision, absorb as much as we can,
for 7 weeks only. MUST BE trained as a professional and get ourselves ready during these
7 weeks. she said we could do it. if everyone else could, so do us.

feels like, she's coaching us already.

>>June 22, 2012 at 3:46:09 PM GMT+8

2012 年 6 月 20 日 星期三 【晴】

hello...

i failed my driving test this afternoon,
and then i went back to the office to hand in my resign letter.
effective date would be the end of the July. so, 1 more month before i go.

i got the offer call from dragon air already :) yay.
i got the call ard 5 sth yesterday at dad's office.

i had driving lesson in the morning, then had lunch with my family in TST.
dad's out. but we are all very alert now.. gotta take good care of him.
he seems okay, but then his eating habit is totally changed now. then he's tired very easily.
anyway... yea, i got the call when we were at his office.

i told honey, and it was very sweet to hear what he said :)
it's really nice to hear him saying that.
so now, hopefully i will pass the medical check and then the training.
i really wanna be a flight attendant. then, i m also planning to go back to church since
i'd have more holidays each week.

then this morning, i took my driving lesson, then the driving test...
it was pretty poor as i expected. i failed. i shouldn't have failed coz i wasn't that bad
actually but i did fail. so... now.. i m thinking when would be good to re-test..........
i really shouldn't be that bad. sigh. i need more practice for the next time..

so yea, i resigned already... tomorrow i would go to Dragon air to have the briefing day.
then.... the day afar would return to work.

i also needed to get a new formal suit, with jacket... so i bought one just now...
looked for the one on sale. then i bought two CD albums as a gift for myself..
since i failed the driving test but got the offer call. i wanted to get these two albums
for long. then yea, from now on, i'd need to stop spending money. coz i need money
to pay my student loans, and tax, and also other expenses, but then on training, my
salary won't be as even as what i have now. so that could be challenging for me.
but i'd need to get all my bills in order now...

i miss honey, i'd like to add his name to my flying benefit list. but that'd be after 6 months
while passing the probation. Cas, gogogo!

>>June 21, 2012 at 11:37:26 AM GMT+8

2012 年 6 月 16 日 星期六 【晴】

dad isn't very well is he? i m worried about him.
today is the father's day.. then i'vent seen him for 2 days already..
then mom said it's okay, coz he might be coming home soon.
then Doris said he wasn't feeling well still. so... i don't know..
maybe dad and mom don't want us to worry.

work was super busy as usual.
i had driving lesson before work.

i miss him..
i emailed him that i can't email him tonight at 12. i really wanted to email at his 12am..
but i was still on train. i finished work at 10pm. i emailed him this afternoon but i didn't
see his reply till i got home, and it was too late. i already sms him on the way before
i got home.... too late already, hope i didn't wake him just now.......
he replied at 9:59pm, i turned off the computer at 9:45pm and left the counter at 9:53pm.
sorry..








>>June 17, 2012 at 6:03:46 PM GMT+8

2012 年 6 月 15 日 星期五 【晴】

today was a tough day..

i went to tutoring in the morning before work.
then.... pretending alright when i went to work.
the first few hrs were busy but okay. once the uniform's on then i have a role to be.
it's my job, so... whatever.

then in the evening... the trouble came. there was an asshole who came barking at me.
like, i was trying so hard to help him, but he was being a total ass, like so mean and
so unreasonable. he refused to give me any information, and kept shutting at me and
''told me what to do'' which i couldn't do. coz i was according the procedure so as to
help him to solve his fucking stupid problem causing himself. and he gave me no
access to help him, but he kept hurrying me and using mean words. i was on phone
helping him to contact the carpark and the other concierge by another company.
and he said it's my problem since he's the customer only. RIGHT. but i need information,
coz i need to let that company to find his car and his entry time. there's no fucking
things i could do for him actually beside helping him to make phone calls. he went to
the wrong place then kept scolding me shouting i wasn't helpful didn't help him but
making him feel bad and asking him questions he wouldn't tell me. WHAT THE FUCK?!!
then he said he would call the police if his car couldn't get out and that would be my
responsibility since i couldn't help him?! is he fucked in the head? yelling at me while
i was trying so hard to help him? does he really think that he could do anything with me
just since i work there?! that company's staff wanted to explain to him directly and
asked me to let him speak to her on phone. fine. then he scolded that girl and that
girl scolded me? and i confronted her if i wasn't clear enough about that guy's situation?
then that girl was so pissed off saying she didn't misunderstood what that guy wanted
but he yelled at her saying didn't wanna explain again and again??? he then asked me
since i couldn't fix his problem, if i wanted him to complain about me. what the fuck is
wrong with that guy? then before he left, he shouted at me again and said it's my problem,
no one could help him he would complain me.

i just needed to know where the fuck he parked his car. like there were 3 carparks
downstairs, and we are not responsible for all of them. one was with the airport express,
that we have zero control, zero contact with. the other two were with the tower two
management company which we have only a little relation with coz we do free parking
deal with them. we don't even have any power over there. everything regarding the carpark,
we can do nothing except calling them to take care of the mess. and why should i be
responsible for things that i can't do with? and i nicely explain to him about what i can do
and can't do, then he said i'm being not flexible and i was just bullshiting him. wasn't he
bullshiting me now with his fucking attitude? he was extremely rude and extremely unreasonable.

after he left, i felt extremely bad. and that counter was so fucking busy. and he did that
coz he knew we were busy.

i cried. i tried so hard to control myself, but then my tears kept coming out. i tried hiding
under the counter and wiped my tears. but once i hided, i just lost it.
i can't believe that i cried. i was burned out. ppl kept coming, gotta handle a few ppl all
at the same time. even if i have four hands, two mouths, i couldn't handle them all at once.
ppl kept shouting at me and want to be served first. never line up and all think that
they were there first. then what about me? where should i stand? there was MY COUNTER.
not theirs. ppl can't get what they want then think it's my problem coz i couldnt ''serve''
them as they expected. and why don't they think about they are actually ripping me off
all the time? we are offering free service. if you don't like it, fucking leave and don't come
back again. i m not obligated for such rudeness and unreasonable behaviour with that
wrong attitude from their fucking head.

the ic came over, coz i called to the management office. i worry he would come back
to cause problems, since he was threatening me. *M passed by the counter and saw me
crying, then she asked me to take some rest first. i walked to the washroom then i started
choking, i bursted out crying.

i worry about dad, i worry about my interview, i worry if i would get complained.
i worry about the complain yesterday followed by me, and my manager wasn't happy
about that. i worry about my driving test. i worry the most about my dad. i miss honey.
then Doris is going to Japan for 2 weeks. i m scared.




>>June 16, 2012 at 5:57:32 PM GMT+8

2012 年 6 月 14 日 星期四 【晴】

i have done a huge mistake today.
there were many things on hand at that moment. i couldn't think.
i feel so bad, so bad. i have thought about just take the taxi there.
and what if something worse happened? i don't know. i seriously don't know.
and now, i m worried when my phone rings. i don't know who's calling.
i worried about my dad so much, so much.

i start to think about when i was a kid, i think about when i was a teenager..
everything that has my dad with me. then i started crying.

i emailed honey right after mom's call. she didn't say much then she needed to call
Doris.so while waiting i was so confused, i needed to know if i should leave or stay at work.
i emailed honey and kept waiting for his reply till 2 pm... then i went back to my duty,
i wasn't any near to the computer and super busy till 5.. i was supposed to leave on time,
but then.... my manager stopped me for some stupid reasons. i stayed 30 mins extra..
i should have said to her no, i needed to go. but i was guilty coz i have taken 4.5 days
of sick leave in 2 weeks. they weren't very nice to me today already, my supervisor
totally ignored me when she saw me. she didn't even speak a word to me. my manager
were bitchy at me as well. for me, its like.... okay whatever, i was absent, so you could
blame me. and... i know they don't like me coz i take sick leaves too easily. i don't want
others to take over my duty, i m responsible for my duty, yes i know. but i didn't call sick
coz i was lazy, coz i had important thing to do that i can't report to my office. i don't blame
them if they hate me, but i did need to go. but my guilt to the company becomes the stupid
reason why i didn't run to the hospital this afternoon after the call.

honey was right, i should have gone there immediately.

i couldn't check his reply till 5 20pm when i reached the office and on phone replying that
stupid customer for her fucking stupid complain after i have already clocked out.
i regretted so much. i should have told my manager that no, i finished already.
my dad shouldn't be compared with that fucking job at all. my dad is one of the two men
most important to me in the entire world. my dad and honey are the most important men
in the world. i can't lose either one of them.

i canceled the driving lesson tonight, my driving test is coming so soon, but i really don't
have mood for that now.

>>June 15, 2012 at 2:29:08 PM GMT+8

2012 年 6 月 13 日 星期三 【晴】

i'm really really really tired.
i got the final-in done... i... overcame it... eventually.
hummmm.. i worry i wasn't good enough though, coz it's a huge competition today.
the interview went okay... i wouldn't ay it's perfect coz it wasn't perfect.
asked a lot of ques, not everything i have prepared, but most likely i knew what they
wanted me to say, so i kindda answered in my own way but after that they were satisfied.
coz they didn't look puzzle or asked me to provide more details to support.
it took around 15 to 20 mins only.. so i m not sure if it was good enough actually.

dad is home. so, for me it was the great news.

thanks God. if i ever got into KA, i'd go back to church.
God does listens my prayer.. i mean... i was scared as hell. and i prayed coz i was
weak, and i found peace and i could function well. its hard to explain, but i experienced
that. and dad's home now. thanks God.

i'm waiting now, hopefully would get the offer call. i do hope so. i seriously do.

i miss honey, i want him and want to be with him. i wanna see him.




>>June 14, 2012 at 2:12:29 PM GMT+8

2012 年 6 月 12 日 星期二 【晴】

hello......

this birthday is not a happy one.

dad is in the hospital, but very luckily he's fine.
but that doesn't mean i don't worry.
we had lunch together, and on the way to China. just wanted a getaway day trip.
then when we got there, he started feeling worse. he wasn't very patient during lunch.
he thought he might get a cold. then he felt worse and thought it's more than a cold.
he started feeling strange as in his balance and speaking ability. we worried, so we
came back to HK immediately and we went to the ER with him. then... he got first
priority test, and the doctor admitted him, needed to monitor him. mom and i stayed till
ard 9 pm something, then had late dinner with miki and doris.

i got home and e-mailed honey immediately... and i thought he might forget my bday.
then he emailed back no but he was misunderstood by his calendar... he must be too
busy lately. anyway.... i miss him. and i worry about my interview tomorrow.

i feel very stressed about the final interview. it's much worse than the exam for me.
i m trying my really best to calm down. its just........... hard for me.
honey said he's sure i'd be fine. how come he could be so sure. and my friends who
know me and know i m having interview tmr said they believed i could do it.
they said to me like they thought i would be fine. but i wasn't fine at the last 2 times.
that's why i panic now. i wasn't fine. and i keep telling myself i can't lose this chance
this time.

i met with Ivy this afternoon for lunch. and we chatted and practiced a bit.
she's very sweet. she bought me a gift, and would go to the interview with me tmr.
thanks God, i have so many good friends who do care for me during my hard time.
and of course, it'd be better if honey could be with me here. i don't know why i just panic
every time when it comes to the final interview for the airlines.

Cas, you can do it, just do it with the best you could and forget about the fears.
there's nothing to fear about if you don't even get the chance. so when you do now,
you better do with your full power to beat the others and get that placement.
give a good show, get it done and enjoy the rest of the day.
it's what you wanna do, right?

actually, i need to thanks God and my parents to give birth to me 26 years ago..
so i could experience this world and experience love from my parents, my sisters,
and my honey and friends. nothing is better than that.

>>June 13, 2012 at 12:30:07 PM GMT+8

2012 年 6 月 9 日 星期六 【晴】

hello...

i went to the interview this afternoon. i was very nervous, but i got texting with my girls,
and so i relaxed and laughed.. especially thanks to Ivy, Cynthia, and Five..
Cynthia called to tell me tips from her friend. Ivy kept texting with me joking with me.
and Five gave me a strong encouraging mesg which i didn't expect he'd remember
its my interview day today. and i have read a few posts from other friends on FB,
there were all very encouraging for me. i was scared.

anyway.... there were many ppl today, and luckily i got into the written test,
so if i pass then i'll get the final-interview. this time, i m gonna prepare myself well
enough and i need to promise myself i'd be calm and confident when i walk in.
i shall overcome these, since i've been through so much and so much to finally get
the chance to be in the final-interview again, the third time from three different airlines.
i'm well trained at work, and at some point i'd need to believe in myself that i can do it.
i can't be afraid anymore. i don't want to escape from my responsibility that i should
follow my dream and fight for it while the chance has finally came, and more than one time.
i can't let it slide away again. it'd my job to get prepared and deliver a good time
to let the interviewers know me better that i m a valuable staff to be with high potential.
if it's my job, i'll do it well, play the role well.

i miss him, but i haven't heard from him yet. i wanna tell him i m on the way to the final-in,
i wanna tell him how much i miss him, but i feel like he didn't let me.
i feel like he's hiding from me.

i keep asking myself if i wanna be a FA for him or for myself. its for myself.
i have always wanna be a FA since i was 17. i just didn't get the chance to, and now my
clock is ticking, and why i chose to work for customer service again was coz i wanted
to get into the airline one day. and for some reasons, beside education or psychology,
customer service was the thing that i was good at. so i chose ifc to start with. and i didn't
expect myself would get in so easily and though i always complain, i didn't expect myself
would stick ard and be that patient to put up with the bs and those bitches for that long.
but for myself, i need to do it. i need to re-apply again and again till i could get in.
i m so scared but i can't run away from it. i have to deal with it otherwise i'd regret.
i know its tough job, i know its super hard to pass the training. but i will do my really best
to become one, and a great one. i think i will do this job for a really long time.
or at least till i'd get marry or would be able to work for education or psychology, like
getting to another stage of life, airline is still my dream, might not be super long term
but i wouldn't mind to fly for years. and this job is gonna benefit my relationship, and him.
so... i really want this job and i really need this job too.

sigh. when is he gonna talk to me again? or he has forgotten me already?
please don't let me go... please don't..

>>June 10, 2012 at 4:30:55 PM GMT+8