2011 年 11 月 7 日 星期一 【晴】

i cried in bed last night... i felt pain.
i couldnt sleep, then i got tired and fell asleep.

i started to feel lost.

anyway, work was ok... got promotion coming soon, so... had shop briefing again.
then, *J told me what happened lately, i felt really bad like how come those bitches are
just that bitchy? i have nothing to say. seriously, i feel bad that i have a bunch of lying
bitches working with me. they are pretending nice but actually doing so many bad things.
it's just i dont know i dont care anymore. its not my business, and i dont wanna care.
it's just not right.

then got complains to file again. Gees.. those realtors are crazy.

i got his' reply just now. glad that he likes the package.
i miss him.

i dont know if i m a weak person or a strong person.
i dont cry in front of ppl. i cry alone. i dont pretend to be strong in front of ppl,
some ppl see me as weak as a little girl. ppl doing stupid things i ignore them,
then take adv on me. but i think i'm strong inside.. i m just not doing bad stuffs only.
but somehow i do find myself very weak when i allow myself to rest.
i'm not happy, i'm not. but i m happy to have my family and a home.
i probably end up being alone in my life, probably not gonna be success.. i dont know.

>>November 8, 2011 at 4:19:26 PM GMT+8

2011 年 11 月 6 日 星期日 【晴】




又回到最初的起點
back to the starting point again
記憶中妳青澀的臉
your face in the memory
我們終於來到了這一天
we have finally came to this day
桌墊下的老照片
the old photos from the past in school
無數回憶連結
countless links of the memory
今天男孩要赴女孩最後的約
this boy has to attend the last date with this girl today

又回到最初的起點
go back to the beginning
呆呆地站在鏡子前
quietly standing in front of the mirror
笨拙繫上紅色領帶的結
slowly put on the red bow
將頭髮梳成大人模樣
doing the hair like a grown up
穿上一身帥氣西裝
wearing a nice suit
等會兒見妳一定比想像美
you must look so beautiful later when i see you
好想再回到那些年的時光
really want to go back to the lovely time
回到教室座位前後　故意討妳溫柔的罵
back to the classroom, you were siting in front of me. seeking your attention
wanna see you angry, wanna listen your words.
黑板上排列組合　妳捨得解開嗎
the formula on the blackboard, do you have the solution now?
誰與誰坐他又愛著她
i sit with you, you sit with him, who is in love with you now?
那些年錯過的大雨
i've missed the chance while raining that year
那些年錯過的愛情
i've missed the love that year
好想擁抱妳　擁抱錯過的勇氣
i want to hold you now, wanted to make up for what i've missed.
曾經想征服全世界
i used to want to conquer the world
到最後回首才發現
but at the end i found
這世界滴滴點點全部都是妳
you're the everything in my world, every single pieces.
那些年錯過的大雨
the rain that i've missed
那些年錯過的愛情
the love that i've missed
好想告訴妳　告訴妳我沒有忘記
i really want to tell you i have never forgot those
那天晚上滿天星星
the starry night
平行時空下的約定
our promise under the parallel space
再一次相遇我會緊緊抱著妳 緊緊抱著妳
if i ever see you again, i would hold you tight.

>>November 7, 2011 at 5:35:32 AM GMT+8

2011 年 11 月 5 日 星期六 【晴】

it's been a very long week...
i'm so tired.

the ppl in the mall are crazy, and somehow i dont even know if i actually wanna go to work.
well i think i dont but i just have to.

i have received lots of complain these days about the realtors harassing the customers in
the mall. yea, we have the show flat at the tower, so have been very busy in the mall actually.
it's just crazy really. those realtors are crazy catching ppl casing troubles. then came to the
counter borrowing this and that, totally increase our workload. and i m pissed at them
and i dont give them any faces. when i saw them harassing ppl i scolded them. so ppl knew
we were trying to do something. when the customer complain, i talked with them, i told them
personally i really wished i could do more but i didnt have the power to stop them, and i have
been trying to do whatever i could. the management knew it but they werent doing much
and that's the problem.

anyway, i m not happy.

got some weird stalker stalking me and *Ca, then.... taking pics of me.
it was kindda scary. i stared at him and moves away, he noticed that. we kept talking about
him and stared at him, then he got off the train. this guy was serious, i saw him kept
pressing his camera, probably trying to delete pics. i told *Ca, if he ever taken more,
i'd show him finger. i dont tolerate ppl doing stupid things like that. i felt extremely uncomfortable
and threatened. i bet he heard our conversation. i've noticed him he was stalking us since
we were at central station, and we switched line twice already, he was still there and
taking pics. i m sure he heard us, he was embarrassed then left. fucking sick man.

>>November 6, 2011 at 6:05:49 PM GMT+8

2011 年 11 月 2 日 星期三 【晴】

i'm pretty tired..

the day before, i got the notice from *Me, then i was going to have media tour with her
today. i was surprised, coz i was never her fav. but anyway, so i did it. and it was ok.

i got his reply on skype. i miss him so much..
i got him a package actually, but i couldnt go to the post office today coz of the media tour.
then i went to the back yesterday.. so hopefully i could go to the post office tmr.
i hope he'd like the package. i enjoy doing shopping for him everytime i dont know why..
it's just like.... there's something to do for him, some time off from my work and i could
relax and think of him without worries of other things. coz usually whenever i think of him,
i should be either at work or rushing to work or rushing to go home, or with my family or
friends well pretty much anytime.. but when i m doing shopping for him, i just enjoy it,
like i dont have to think of anything other than him.

anyway yea.. i emailed him tonight.
i hope he's ok.

>>November 2, 2011 at 4:22:58 PM GMT+8

2011 年 10 月 30 日 星期日 【晴】

it's my day off today..

mom woke me, then i went to the clinic with her. she had a body check in Jordon today.
after that, we took a walk, walked to Tsim Sha Tsui to meet with dad for the late lunch.
we had dim sum today. i like hanging out with my family on my day off. really feels like
a day off from work and other stuffs. then, mom and i came back to Tai Po.

we went to the market getting food for dinner.
came home i watched the movie, ''friends with benefits'', haha.. had Justin Timberlake
and Mila Kunis. i like them both that's why i wanted to watch this movie.
it was ok, just a girl's movie... but nice that i could laugh a bit and relax on my day off.
after the movie, then i finished the report for my mall visit last time. i havent really hurried
myself to have submitted it, coz they didnt give me any report hrs, so i couldnt do anything
basically, but fucking those bitches had report hrs everyday. screw it.
anyway, after that, i worked on my resume, then... had dinner... i need to work on my
cover letter then i could send to Cathay. i really wanna give it a try. well, it's my dream
to be a flight attendant anyway. so really want to try. i dont know if i would become one,
or where i'm going actually.. but at least i try, then i know i'd be happy that i'd try.

i havent seen honey or talked with him for awhile already. i miss him.
i emailed him but he didnt reply... then..... i saw his status on skype was totally disappeared.
i was a little upset coz i dont know if he deleted me or he deleted skype. its like...
beside email, skype is the only instant messenger we are using right now. if he deleted it,
then there'd be far less chances for us to talk. he has facebook but he didnt add me.
he has face time or i-chat but he didnt add me. i dont know if i should add him.
but the thing is... if he wants to talk with me he'd find a way to. why do i have to be always
chasing after him like he owes me something. no he doesn and so do i. i dont like keep
messaging ppl like begging for attention. i dont mean to do that at all. even when i said i missed
him he couldnt reply me, what else should i tell myself? if he's really that busy with his life,
should i just take a look at myself, remind myself that i shouldnt leave myself behind then?
i dont understand why, i really dont. but should i just spare myself a little dignity at least?

a terrible week has began again.... i guess i should just try my best to get through it.
other than that, just go hang out with a bunch of ppl which i dont want to. well at least to
escape from the awful fact that i have to be strong. actually just another way to pretend
i am strong, yea?

>>October 31, 2011 at 4:17:23 PM GMT+8

2011 年 10 月 27 日 星期四 【晴】

fuck you, bitches.

i m not very happy today actually.
and........ yea.

last night the tutoring was canceled, and i met with Shan and Queenie for dinner.
long time no see... it was good to see them both. but i was falling asleep.

>>October 28, 2011 at 5:04:15 PM GMT+8

2011 年 10 月 26 日 星期三 【晴】

yesterday was ok..
returned to work but noting much. some changes at the system stuffs..
then checked the emails, i missed out some parts.
i worked till afternoon, then i was off. got 4 hrs earlier off from my last over time working record.

i met with mom and dad, had lunch at Tsim Sha Tsui. then met with aunt Ivy,
then they did some shopping for my cousin's wedding. i m not going since i'd need to work
that night, and dont know why i dont really care haha. maybe coz i m not so close with her.
but congrats to her anyway.

came home late. i love my family. i wasnt in mood at all, but at least i'd feel comfortable
with my family.

i got honey's reply finally. then i emailed back for some advice.

today im gonna have a long day... work and tutoring..

>>October 26, 2011 at 10:16:19 PM GMT+8

2011 年 10 月 24 日 星期一 【晴】

i m still sick.
i slept at 2 sth last night, got up ard 2 pm this afternoon..
my eyes are still red.. i m feeling dizzy and headache all the time.
then, had lunch with parents, went back to the clinic to take a doctor note.
then walked home.. rested for awhile then went to bed.. got up again for dinner..
gotta sleep, need to work early in the morning.

i m worried. i m upset. i emailed him but he hasnt replied.
he must hate me now.

>>October 25, 2011 at 5:34:28 PM GMT+8

2011 年 10 月 23 日 星期日 【晴】



i went to the clinic this morning.. mom woke me.. she made the appointment for me.
then i went there, doctor said my eyes got infection. i m still coughing as well.
stopped medicine for a few days, then started coughing again last night.

after that, i was waiting for mom and dad.. i walked around, then seat at Pacific Coffee.
bought the black sugar ginger soya latte, really lovely. sweet and spicy.
then i went to Ma On Shan, still waiting for mom and dad and aunt Kitty.
we had lunch together. had dim sum... then i came home. i wasnt feeling well.
always felt like to throw up.. after home, i just seat at the sofa.. watching movie,
but still felt sick. kindda feel like... the medicine made me sicker. anyway yea...

i didnt go meet with Jackie as well. i cant do make up now as well.
kindda worry about it affects work actually.

my heart still pain at the same time. dont feel good about what happened.
dont know what i can do actually.
honey didnt reply me. i see him on skype but he doesnt reply me as well.

i m trying to update my report.. sigh....... but yea i should spend some time on my resume
i need to discuss with dad soon about going to canada or not.
i'd like to talk with honey first actually. but he's not talking to me now, and i know he didnt
want me to, so....

>>October 24, 2011 at 5:14:44 PM GMT+8

2011 年 10 月 23 日 星期日 【晴】

i realized my eyes were not normal today when i woke up.
i cried last night before slept.

i couldnt focus today. and it was very busy as well..
lucky that nothing huge happened beside really busy.
once i was pretty angry when i was answering the phone call. some old lady was very
rude on the phone. i was almost screaming after hung up. its like, who the fuck did she
think she's? but while i was on phone, the counter was super busy already. it's like
the two of us are handeling 5 or 6 customers at the same time. and ppl are dumb
asking stupid ques that drove us crazy. it felt like in those electronic game fighting against
those giant freaks. landing strollers and phone battery charging was complicated.
ppl asking for direction but kept messed up with left and right, and kept showing attitude,
asking stored that we dont have but kept saying they knew the fact. tourist are more
okay they just want some direction or suggestions for places to go and eat and play.
but those local are just insane. shop tenants asking for large amount of photo copies
by our printer. its just crazy. parents pushed their kids to speak to us to ask for ballnoons
while there are ppl staring and hurrying us to help them. i asked which colour of ballnoon
they'd like, then the parents were like taking it as a language training session asking slowly
and waiting for the kids to speak. i was wondering oh come on, you know you are wasting
my time and here 's not your pre-school. i have a lot of ppl waiting.

after work i was like so exhausted already..
i had 1 hr to do report but its just BS. we were running out of formm copy. so i did tonz of
photo copies while typing report at the same time. so i couldnt finish the report.

and today, *Kn was here. i told him that.... like very clearly that i love my boyfriend and
i m not able to think for another person, and i m also older than him, so dont waste time on me
anymore.. he seems okay.. after what happened in the past few days, i really seriously
think that i m really ... i really love honey so much that i cant be unloyal to him.

when i came home, my left eye was so red and swollen... i think i need to see the doctor
again... i kindda ask myself what's wrong with me lately... 4 times in and out of the clinic
in a month, that's a bit too much. am i gonna be blind or dying soon? i guess coz i was
very sick before, and i cried every night, and lack of sleep. maybe my eyes got infection.

i need to go to bed first. he hasnt replied my email. i dont know what to do.
mabe he needs some time.

>>October 23, 2011 at 6:45:12 PM GMT+8