2014 年 11 月 11 日 星期二 【晴】

at the end, i told him i was sick for awhile.

I'm feeling very weak.. my body is very weak. i guess i have too much medicine in the past week.
i m still coughing very badly, but at least i can speak now.. and my body is just completely exhausted.
i didnt want to get up, i wanted staying in bed.

since i have resigned, reporting sick is getting difficult. for the taxi claim as well.

honey and i are not meeting this month as well... so.. Dec also cant..
i don't know when we would be meeting again. i will have training, then probation would last till
June i guess.. so... yea... and he's been so busy, i don't know when we could meet again.
but i do hope he's well, i do wish him all the best. and i hope he's fine.. i miss Aragorn and Gandalf.
i think he misses them even more.

>>November 12, 2014 at 2:45:16 PM GMT+8

2014 年 11 月 9 日 星期日 【晴】

May 28, Aragorn left. Nov 9, Gandalf left.
i cant imagine how difficult it is for him. i just know it's one of the most difficult things in his life
right now. i know animals would not live as long as human life. and i know his dogs have been
so important to him as in... he probably see them more important than himself. so i cannot
imagine how painful he is now. he told me he's in too much pain. he probably couldn't answer
for awhile. i think he's really in pain.. and i feel so sorry for that. i wish i could be there, but i cant.
I'm very sick for 5 days already.. i lost my voice, and my ear pain.. keep coughing and coughing..
i worry about taking sick leaves might affect my contract with CX. i already resigned, i feel very
insecure. but then i still keep thinking about honey, looking at my phone, i m worried about him.
i wanted to tell him i m pretty sick but i don't want to give him anymore negative news.. maybe
he cant handle more. i just think he lost both of them within 6 months thats pretty harsh on him..
and they have been his life. so.. yea... i don't know what to say.. and i m pretty sick myself.

i still wanna go to work tomorrow but i wonder how i'm gonna be able to work.. i worry about
my ears, i worry about how i can talk to people.. my voice is back but really really weak and soft,
tone changing, its not even my real voice. i keep coughing. my mouth keeps being dry, and i need
so much water.. should i wear a mask or? i don't know.

i just hope really hope that honey would be fine.. i know this time is not easy at all..
it really hits him so bad. God, please save him. please help him to go through these.
please give him strength to carry on, give him courage to face these, give him peace, be there with him.

>>November 10, 2014 at 4:49:14 PM GMT+8

2014 年 11 月 4 日 星期二 【晴】

:'(

>>November 4, 2014 at 5:10:11 PM GMT+8

2014 年 10 月 18 日 星期六 【晴】

:'(

>>October 19, 2014 at 7:05:34 AM GMT+8

2014 年 10 月 14 日 星期二 【晴】

sad..

nightmare and everything... i want to say i m so tired.
i don't know why i have nightmares these days... i dreamt about him being with someone else
and ignored me.. i dreamt of him having a family and a son, and that woman was so subtle.
and they ignored me. i just felt so sad. you know...

i had to reschedule the body check..
and then today the flight was quite dangerous.. after touched down it stopped.
i saw FA1 went into cockpit which is prohibited under normal circumstances.. so i realised
something was wrong.. in fact, the PA before landing was very unclear and messy..
i think something was really wrong during that sterile cockpit period..
then the inter phone rang... and asked us to do silence review, might need to evacuate.
i was like.. omg. all of the sudden, i got so awake. i really prepared for evacuation.
and they told us we got fire trucks and ambulances escorting us.. i saw them outside.
lucky it was okay.

i mesg him afterward, but he didnt reply me.. was he okay? or he's just ignoring me?
are we still having chances to be together? i think we do, because chances don't deepen on
our situation, but depends on what we want to do right? if he doesn't want me, of course
there're no chances. if he really wants me there, why cant we have chances?
does he miss me too? its so difficult. I'm so stupid to be in love, am i? he asked me to find
someone has easier life.. its not easy at all, you know? u cant just un-love someone and
move on. love isn't like this... maybe i could do that, but i don't want this decision.

>>October 15, 2014 at 4:09:59 PM GMT+8

2014 年 10 月 11 日 星期六 【晴】

so exhausted...
am i doing the right thing?

anyway, finally got the body check call from cx.. i have been sooooooo worried..
and now i m still worried, because the body check is really harsh, and also the reference check as well...
then now, have been working on the translation thing for honey.. i could only do it on my day off
though.. coz after work or before work, i basically have no energy at all... like today... i was working
all the day. such a long day... i didnt really have a meal till just now i got home ard 12:30 am..
i finally had instant noodles for my first meal.. i didnt really ate inflight.. i got a little big of time
during transit.. i went out with the other crews at the airport instead.. and to be honest, there
was no meal for me.. for the crew meal it was those weird sandwiches today... then for the
pax meal, the dim sum were all gone.. then only had the pesto pasta... i rather not having any..
i had a banana and some chocolate cake.

I'm too exhausted i should take some sleep..

i miss him and i m so lonely.. but i don't think we could meet this month.. does he know how i feel?
or he just ignores my feelings or even his? but i still gotta be thankful that he does protect me
somehow.. i miss him so much... :'(

>>October 13, 2014 at 7:01:46 AM GMT+8

2014 年 9 月 25 日 星期四 【晴】

i don't know why... all of the sudden i thought of this song when i got home today..
but this is the japanese version, which is the original version.








i miss honey. i miss his everything. i couldn't sleep well since i heard about Gandalf.
the thing is, I'm happy that he shares with me, because i would definitely not want him to bare
everything on himself. and i have been trying to figure something out that could help.
not quite successful. somehow it reminds me the days in Vancouver that year.
i cried.. i couldn't sleep. that night at beijing, i just kept crying. because i worry about them,
and i don't know what else i could do. i don't want him to know i m worried, because at the time
i don't really wanna add on stress or he might not share his thoughts with me anymore that
could make things even worse. so.. yea...

have been really exhausted at work, the last 2 nights lay over were very crazily fun.
just had lots of fun, chilling, and they kept on drinking and playing. too much jokes inflight and
also after duty. lots of laughters, lots of jokes, we had too much crazy stuffs inside the galley
and at the hotel bar. we, i mean lots of us... including the chinese first officer, pursers, and the
guy and us the girls. but then yea, i went back to room for my massage, then they went up
to a girl's home and kept on drinking and playing games. so freaking crazy.
then so luckily, i experienced my first time KA X CX. we were positioning on CX flight with our
uniform on, of course wearing a jacket to cover, but still...... it was awesome!
then we continued the fun time in taiwan, but 1 guy and another girl got cut out, so missed
two, missed the main source of fun. anyway, it was cool and crazy. another girl and i took many
silly pics. we bought the same outfit. very very very cheap... and then she used to live in toronto.
her family is still there. she is quite junior, but she's cool. good to have cool new friends.

anyway, i wish everything would be fine soon... i m very worried, and worried about how come
CX never called me again. and i heard too much rumours about CX not hiring KA crews anymore.
its just BS. i m more qualified than the fresh grad candidates, more experienced and have
higher potential than the other airline crews candidates. and the CX crews like the new joiners
from KA because we are all well trained, we are faster than them, we are more patient than them,
we speak and understand mandarin better, and handle stress better, our attitude is soooo damn
better than them. so, why? i just don't understand, and my record is fine. i m so upset actually..
i want CX and never wanted KA, but i m in KA now, and CX wouldn't take KA crews anymore?
its just........ what am i supposed to do? quit my job? its impossible.

anyway, i hope Gandalf would get well soon, and please honey must stay strong and healthy..
i'd do my best to help him. he's still the man of my world, beside my dad, he's the most
important man in my world my life, my everything.



>>September 26, 2014 at 4:09:43 PM GMT+8

2014 年 9 月 19 日 星期五 【晴】

whats going on now?
i m very worried about him and Gandalf.

>>September 20, 2014 at 8:07:09 AM GMT+8

2014 年 9 月 10 日 星期三 【晴】

i hope honey is okay, my dad is okay, and Gandalf is okay.
i hope cx would give me body check soon. i hope they would hire me soon.
i m so scared.

>>September 11, 2014 at 11:25:07 AM GMT+8

2014 年 9 月 4 日 星期四 【晴】

i love my family. except honey, my dad is the man i love the most in this world.
and my dad is the man who loves me the most in this world, except honey.
my mom and my sisters are the women i love the most in this world.

anyway, i m worried about honey. i seriously do. but what should i do?

i watched a movie yesterday with Winsome and Raymond. i love the movie. it was great.
Begin Again. i like it, and i love the song Lost Stars sang by Adam Levine.
it makes me cry. sounds very emotional but yea i did have lots of feelings about this song.
maybe especially when i m lonely, it just makes me cry.


i did some test just now..

INTP
(Introvert, iNtuitive, Thinker, Perceiver)
INTPs represent between 3 and 5% of the U.S. population

Intensely, Intellectual and Logical

INTPs are conceptual problem solvers and often show flashes of creative brilliance.
Outwardly quiet, reserved, and detached, INTPs are inwardly absorbed in analyzing
problems. They are critical, precise, and skeptical and are driven to find and use logical
principles to understand their many ideas. They like conversation to be high level and
purposeful and may argue to the point of hairsplitting just for fun. INTPs are convinced
almost exclusively by logical reasoning.

They set high standards – for themselves and for others

INTP’s think in extremely complex ways and are generally better at organizing new
concepts and ideas than at organizing other people. Highly independent, INTP’s tend
to be more interested in finding creative solutions to problems than implementing them
on the ground level.

>>September 5, 2014 at 4:05:21 PM GMT+8