2014 年 1 月 6 日 星期一 【晴】

The buddy flight wasn't as nice as i though it would be.
but i think our friendship would keep growing as long as our intention were good.

i miss him but i have been thinking how come he doesn't talk to me as often as he would
when i was in japan. does he not miss me? does he have nothing to talk with me at all?
like nothing he'd like to talk about or let me know? but why do i keep talking to him even
though he doesn't reply?




>>January 7, 2014 at 4:21:14 PM GMT+8

2014 年 1 月 2 日 星期四 【晴】

:( i have been having nightmares lately, didn't sleep well..
but one night i had some sweet dream. i dreamt of him... for the nice one and the bad one.
i don't know why.

Miki is back.

>>January 3, 2014 at 7:06:21 PM GMT+8

2013 年 12 月 28 日 星期六 【晴】



>>December 29, 2013 at 5:36:23 PM GMT+8

2013 年 12 月 27 日 星期五 【晴】

i have finally met all my friends and spent time with my family.

i got some news from honey. i hope it'd be okay. its hard to explain to him that i'm with him.
i mean it's concerning me but i want him to be happy, i mean regarding his job, so... yea.
whatever decision he makes, i'll support him. its just difficult, i would be there for him.

i don't want to go back to work tomorrow. but i guess i might even need to look for a part time
job. there are quite a few reasons for that, but mainly i'd need to save money.

brb... i m too tired now..

>>December 28, 2013 at 3:47:43 PM GMT+8

2013 年 12 月 23 日 星期一 【晴】

Pre-happ-birthday to Jesus.

i had the very busy days off yesterday and the day before. busy speeding time with family and
my dearest friends. i met with Doris, Winsome, Shan, but couldn't see Jackie or Ivy..
anyway, great to see them.

what does ''settle down'' mean? we sort of talking about that last night..

i'd need to go now.... i wish my family and friends merry christmas.
happy birthday to jesus.. and i wish honey a nice and warm christmas there, even though i think
he likes white christmas, i still hope he'd have warm and nice dinner indoor and have a nice
and warm burring fire place, with many gifts and blessings, and happiness, and hopes.
i miss him a lot.

i hope mom is fine, i hope my parents and my sisters healthy and happy.. i love my family.
i wish them happy years ahead, successful at school or work.. i wish the same for my dearest
friends, my best girls.

i love them all.
and last but not least, i wish ppl out there could have warm and full meals and a place to live.
finally, the last thing is... i hope Aragon is alright, i wish him happy and less pain.
i wish Gandalf would be healthy and happy too and won't feel too lonely in case Aragon would
have to go...

>>December 24, 2013 at 12:56:36 AM GMT+8

2013 年 12 月 21 日 星期六 【晴】

i need a break.. as in... everything.

i m too tired, i love my job but the intensive roster exhausted me. my body couldn't take it.
my mind was going tensed. continuously smiling, controlling my negative feeling from being
offended by the rude passengers and weird co-workers, kept being challenged by people,
always stayed alert for every single things even the tiny ones.

last night i went to bed late.. and i slept for 14 hrs. i got up ard 14:30 today. it was crazy.
if my sister didn't wake me up, i would have kept sleeping. and when she woke me, i didn't
want to get up. my back and my should pain so much, and i had headache.. i didn't know
why and what i was doing. i felt dizzy. i must be too exhausted.

honey is in Vancouver now.. would he feel happier staying in Vancouver? i don't care
the main purpose for him to go back there again, either it's for clearing the storage he's been
renting or visiting family and friends, he should go back after a few years being in Japan.
he might have brought someone with him which i couldn't be sure. i can't be sure because...
if he does, then i would be pretty pretty pretty upset. if he doesnt tell me but then he did bring
someone, then it would be even worse. i have thought about that, and i don't think it's about
trust... it's about i know he doesn't settle down for me. and i ask myself if that would be forever.
i'm not a teenager, and i couldn't go back and meet him when i was 17. i met him when i was 20.
and i m no long 20 anymore, i m 27 and going to be 28 next year. everyone asks me if i have
a boyfriend, and where he is. what he does and how we last 7 years... everyone feels interested
how i trusted him not meeting someone else or how i don't date other guys. i just don't.
i just don't because i don't want to make things complicated, coz i couldn't handle more.
that doesn't mean i don't feel lonely, that doesn't mean i don't want to hold hands or get some hugs
or get someone waiting for me off work stuffs like that. i just don't get the chance for doing these.
but when you love someone, really love not just like, then you do everything for him or the relationship
without asking anything in return. you just be patient and stay patient, unconditionally.
i do feel getting old, i do feel that i need someone to rely on, i need someone that i could share
everything. i do need him, i should say. i don't need just someone, i need him. but he has his
ways for himself, so i d never really interrupted and i don't have the power to do so as well.
and that's why i said... i ... i m not sure. because there'd never been a clear status of us.
i'd never really found myself so important. i might be but it doesnt really show. and its not about
trusting someone, it's about what you know and you don't know. trust is another thing.
i trust he won't harm me, i trust he likes me and loves me. i know these are true too. but i know
he doesn't settle down for me at this moment, and i don't see wether he would or would not.
maybe he doesn't feel safe to settle down, especially with me.

being insecure isn't my fault or his fault. it's just a fact not a fault.
maybe he's trying hard and i don't blame him. i just can't doubt on my own feelings.
maybe he'd think i should be happy for what i have or could do. right, and?
maybe he's trying so hard already, maybe he's scared or couldn't think too much, and?
maybe these are all my guessing, because u seldom barely never heard him telling you
these, Mei Kwan. you don't know his plan. he said eventually he would visit hong kong. when?
when eventually would be? is it too bad for me to feel sad? i need him, that's it. i m not needy
but i need him.
















>>December 22, 2013 at 7:16:12 PM GMT+8

2013 年 12 月 17 日 星期二 【晴】

why?

some stupid pax were being weird to me today.. some were weird asking for me number..
i wasn't interested. some was being rude to me, and i couldn't hold it coz it was regarding
safety. some pax were nice.. u always have to meet different ppl. but i was lucky working
with classmate Alice even though i was called out..

i understand sometimes thing won't happen the way we wanted, but then.....
what are you supposed to do?

i don't want to think too much, but what can i do? i can't choose to feel this or not to feel that.
please stop chasing.. don't chase. when its not up to you then don't force it.
if he wants to get back to you then he would. if not then he will not.

go to sleep please..



>>December 18, 2013 at 7:03:04 PM GMT+8

2013 年 12 月 14 日 星期六 【晴】

Mei Kwan, stay strong. you can be better than this.

>>December 15, 2013 at 5:54:24 AM GMT+8

2013 年 12 月 12 日 星期四 【晴】

Mei Kwan,

do you still want to be a flight attendant? do you want to move on to another airline?
do you want to go back to school for your psychology master degree? and work for
psychology instead? you can't get married and be a mom at this moment anyway, what else
would you like to do in your life?

i emailed Dr.Wu this morning.. she called back in the afternoon.. she told me there's
possibility that i got sick from india. india has higher chances for me to get that bacteria than
in hk. that's all she can say for me.

i am trying to talk to the FAA now. i m not sure what i can do yet.
and i feel extremely bad and i feel so much pressure. it's like you know what's wrong but
you can fix it. if you fight back, you will lose almost everything. and if you don't, you disappoint
yourself and feel shame.

and i miss him so much.. i want to thank him for the support and everything.
beside all these, i need him too. can i see him soon again? i really miss him much.

>>December 13, 2013 at 11:55:04 AM GMT+8

2013 年 12 月 11 日 星期三 【晴】

:'(

thanks honey for being on my side.. and my family and friends as well..
:'( its so difficult.

















>>December 12, 2013 at 3:58:10 PM GMT+8