2013 年 7 月 15 日 星期一 【晴】

i'm sorry... for my weird emotions lately.



>>July 16, 2013 at 4:38:29 AM GMT+8

2013 年 7 月 13 日 星期六 【晴】

nice flight... i didnt do much shopping except some rice balls that i ate inflight and brought
some home to share with my family... then i also got some little snacks to share with
friends n him..

came home, i didnt sleep really. i took a rest, shower, then napped for an hr, then i went out
to hang out with Mandy, at TST. we had cake n coffee... then chi chatting... then after that,
i went to she tin to meet with shan. we had dinner together... we had triple o.
i haven't had that for years since i left canada. havent met shan for a long time actually..
aways want to meet but never match with her schedule. we chatted a lot.. we really are
best friends. no matter what, we dont judge on each others. we just mind to share and
care for each others.

i left him a mesg last night before work... then he mailed back. hummm at that moment,
i couldnt think of much, i just replied. i meant that. but then what else was i supposed to say?
i didn't know. well, maybe if i dont care i'd feel easier. sometimes they more that you care,
the more u'd be confused? i just wanna be myself, and i seriously have enough to worry about.
i dont want extra stress. somehow i wish i'd release some through different ways.
but still, i know what i'm doing. i m not taking weird steps yet. there could be different ways
for seeking relief. i just dont wanna make myself regret. coz i have enough to worry n
suffer already.

but if you're asking me what could help... i'd say i'd like to rebel without consequences.
but like i said before.... sometimes.... fiction has to make sense, but the reality doesn't which
always has the most shitty things along..

by the way, are we gonna have sex? i mean... maybe for the only two of us?
maybe i'm a little drunk now... and restless... and headache.. and..... i havent got any good
sleep for long yea? cant even remember now.. night.








>>July 16, 2013 at 4:41:02 AM GMT+8

2013 年 7 月 11 日 星期四 【晴】

i m really sad. but somehow i cant tell anyone except him.
but i cant tell him everything at the moment. it'd take more time.
shall we turn back of time and change everything?








>>July 12, 2013 at 5:00:50 PM GMT+8

2013 年 7 月 8 日 星期一 【晴】

yesterday was very difficult to work..
i still got stomach sick, pain, then felt dizzy sometimes.. but then there was a guy who i flew
with before, he got more serious, he puked. he reported sick inflight.. so the service became
even rushed. lucky that the pax were not being the major ass or bitches.. and the other
crews were alright. so, everything even out.

sometimes id feel lonely or need someone.. maybe a kiss, a hug, or sex.
sex is like..... when was the last time we've done that? thats not good..

mei kwna, you'd need to go to work soon... plz get prepared n stay focus, coz you're
a professional cabin crew.

>>July 8, 2013 at 9:59:31 PM GMT+8

2013 年 7 月 5 日 星期五 【晴】

many things have been happening...
somehow i have lost count on date.. like.... i cant even remember what had happened
last week.. as long as the day had passed, i hardly remember things happened that day.

yesterday... i was back from the cruise trip with my family... but that trip was a surprise
trip. we were not supposed to be there. anyway, i had my bangalore buddy flight with
joyce right before the trip.... and it was alright. i like flying with her...
the cruise trip was so-so... i got sick... very sick. my face turned little grey and lips went pale.
then i couldnt walk properly. couldnt stand straight. i tried to make it home first, then..
when i was about to go to the clinic, i went very bad... so i decided to go to the hospital
instead. when i got there, my limbs started cricking... my stomach was cramping..
i got headache at the same time, cold and hot... it was crazy... i wondered what happened
or how worse i'd get... i got hyperventilation. first time experienced that. so.... they saw
i went bad and took me to do some tests.. urine test, blood test, electrocardiogram..
then gave me some medicine... the whole process i was half asleep... maybe i was too
tired, i dont know... after hours of test and waiting, they let me go home. they couldnt
find anything wrong with me. so, they gave me some medicine and let me go.

i got tow days sick leave..... i wonder if i should cancel tmr and get back to work...
i feel much better today, but i m on medicine. dont know if it's gonna be alright tmr.
i better not to take the medicine during work. but if not, then i m sure i'd feel sick.

when i was in the hospital, i kept thinking of him. i wanted to let him know i was there.
but i was too weak, even saying something to my mom would take me lots of energy.
after hours there, i started feeling better... and i emailed him... he didnt mail back
till this morning.

he said it'd be easier if i visited few days later during my annual leave. coz there
wouldnt be enough space for me to stay...

loving him is red. burning red..












>>July 6, 2013 at 12:44:02 PM GMT+8

2013 年 6 月 29 日 星期六 【晴】

:'(

sometimes when im off, i'd like to cry.. some girls would become bitchy when they're tired
of work. but for me, after a long day, i'd want to cry....

i wasnt feeling well today. i didnt wanna go to work but i think i shouldnt report sick.
i went to work.... exhausting body, exhausting mind. not a good combination.
during the past few days of duty, i usually met crazy ppl, pax who had lots of requests,
or bad crews, or complete full house, or weird pax who hit my breast with his head, or
family that letting their children messing around on the plane... not long ago,
a woman with her child ran down to the rear of the aircraft right before take off.
we already pushed back and done all the taxiing. we the crews were all strapped in.
it was freaking serious. they walked pass me. i was shock. i shouted at them, please
take any seat and fasten seat belt. she was still wondering and trying to explain.
i stopped her, told her, NO. PLEASE TAKE ANY NEAREST SEATS WITH UR CHILD,
AND FASTEN SEAT BELT IMMEDIATELY, WE ARE GOING TO TAKE OFF - NOW.
she then put her child on the seat. i told her please fasten seat belt, please be quick.
as she just fastened the seat belt for her daughter, the plane really took off. what the fuck??
i felt bad to talk loud to her, and i bet i looked fucking serious at that time.
they were lucky to get the seats, it wasnt completely full that flight. if they werent seated,
they would definitely fall on the floor. and that's not good...
then yesterday... during descending, before the command for us the crews to sit down..
the 6 years old girl ran down the aisle, i ran up to stop her. she was looking for her dad.
i asked her where her dad was? as i remember, there were no kids sitting near my area.
she and her mom were at the bulkhead row. her dad was at the last row. and her mom
let her child running on the plane alone???? after we have asked all the pax to return to
their seat, seat belt fastened, and after the public announcement and the cabin check????!!!
and we had more than one time of turbulence during the flight. how could they not to
realise the danger? i literally ran up to stop the child, and i lift her up, held her and walked very
quick to get her back to her mom. i was really serious. i mean, it's safety issue that i cant
ignore. i told her mom that, please make sure your kid would be in her seat and the seat
belt must be fastened, since we are descending. and look outside, we are really that close
to landing. u can already see the land very clearly. my senior purser saw me.
somehow the job is very tiring... coz... u really never know what would happen inflight.

services are complicated for such short flight, and the pax are freaking crazy, sometimes
freaking rude. crews are mad at the company, and have long face or bad attitude sometimes.
i did the pre-flight check very seriously, so i usually am not the fastest one to finish.
i did my services accordingly, so i m usually not the fastest one as well. it's not like i dont
want to be quick, it's just the fact that i'm following company's standard all the time.
i m not skipping things, and i m not as fast as the seniors. and somehow i'd feel bad coz
its like the others might need to do more coz i m slower. but it's not supposed to be like that.
we shouldnt be like that. but KA's flights are all short haul basically. but we have full services.
what the fuck is wrong??

today, after the announcement of ''30 mins before landing'' and ''cabin crews, please prepare
the cabin for landing" we were still doing our collection. complete full house, 270 meal trays?
some pax are still trying to have their ice-cream or trying to line up for the lavatory.
it's fucking crazy. it really is. and i felt so stupid today, i really did. i kept hoping today would
be finished soon.

my body is exhausting, my mind is exhausting.
tomorrow i'll have the bangalore flight with Joyce. she swapped in this flight to fly with me.
thanks her a lot for that. i was surprised. but the chief purser is also very famous...
just like today... my chief purser today was very famous as well.. crazy..... really crazy..

i wanna cry.. and i miss him a lot... i m looking forward to my annual leave..
not only coz i want my holiday or vacation. i want to see him. i really do want to see him.




>>June 30, 2013 at 6:57:30 PM GMT+8

2013 年 6 月 28 日 星期五 【晴】

i m so tired....
hope the flight would be okay..




>>June 28, 2013 at 11:39:33 PM GMT+8

2013 年 6 月 26 日 星期三 【晴】

my flight today really made me .... unhappy.
difficult crew, and unruly pax...

that crew was not being rude or giving me attitude, but she was super bossy... same rank,
but supper bossy, it's like she was the purser... just felt like we were not a team but i was
under her. it's terrible. and she didnt seem to understand the problem she's having with me
and the others as well. she kept saying she was unlucky pax were weird to her..
i think i know why.

the other pax were like a bunch of animals on board... i got hit a few times during boarding
when they didnt even know... and some guy's head hit my breast strongly...... i was quite
pissed off actually. then i looked at him, he apologised with big smile. i dont fucking wanna see
him smiling??!! its like what the hell??? he fucking knew i was there fixing the overhead locker.
why did he needed to move around so much that eventually fucking hit my breast???!!
i didnt even wanna tell anyone about it. its so fucking dumb!! i told that crew coz i wanted her
to be aware of that guy. i was very calm. then she smiled widely and said dont be angry.
i wasnt angry when i told her. i just needed to remind her to be careful. then i said to her i didnt
feel so angry actually, yet weird enough to have this happened and just wanted to share
it as the information.

couldnt she just fucking listen before making any order or command?
i dont like working with ppl like that. its like, when she was being super bossy, i lost my
interest to communicate with her. i said yes or alright politely as my reply, that's from me being
polite and patient. then when she fucking asked again if i had done this or that, in front of everyone,
i just told her, yes, i did this, and i did that, including blah blah blah blah blah... and smile. just
enough to get her mouth shut.

then when we finished duty... she knew my duty changed. i wasnt really that unhappy.
then she said to everyone loudly that not to be upset about the duty. i said i was fine.
and she asked for the guy crew's Facebook and said to him let's be friends.
i just walked away to leave them alone. the guy walked closer and talked to me.
i didnt ask for his facebook or contact. its like....... yea, it's our sec flight, and i wouldnt mind
to exchange facebook or whatsapp, but not after that girl asking first. i dont need to mail
back any pics inflight or anything. i dont need to have any contact just ''to be friends''.
i like working with him, coz things make sense. but with that girl, it's the total different thing.
she said her personalty is like very boyish. i wanted to tell her no. it wasnt. it's her being
bitchy instead. she wasnt polite, she was rude and bossy. guys DONT act like that.
guys wont be as fuzzy as her unnecessarily. guys dont talk as much as her, she WASNT
like a guy, she was a bitch.

i like flying with lots of crews, they were super nice... i couldnt say she was bad or mean,
but she definitely was very bossy and made me suffocating. and she asked me if i was
happy flying with nice crews like her... i laughed then paused for awhile before saying yes.
i guess she knew my answer was just based on being polite, which made me FAKE.
i hate to do that, but my face woudnt lie, so at the end she would still get the message.




>>June 27, 2013 at 7:37:16 PM GMT+8

2013 年 6 月 26 日 星期三 【晴】

i saw honey on skype today :)
but he said he didnt see anything... :(




>>June 26, 2013 at 4:20:27 PM GMT+8

2013 年 6 月 25 日 星期二 【晴】

i didnt do much in the past few days... i had 1 short break plus 2 days off... which made it like
3 days off, if not calculating i was back to HK at 3 sth am.. it's okay... i wish i could make another
3 days trip to tokyo to see him.. but 3 days is really a bit too rushed.

i went home, showered, and went to bed ard 5 sth am, it was a pretty fun flight.. we had time
to do silly things at the galley. we came up with the new crew meal on our own..
it's one of the most interesting flight, but its actually not that exciting. it's just us trying to find
things to do, and coz they were all super nice, so we could do that...
i got up late, had late lunch with my family. havent had lunch with dad for long..
then, yea... we walked ard, then i met with Ivy, one of my best friends got some story to tell me.
then, back home..

the next day, Doris and mom and i went ifc to visit Miki, she's working part time at a restaurant
there, then we went to the dim sum place at the hk station. we hung out a whole day.
i was very tired... but it's alright. i love my family.

yesterday... after the late lunch, i finally cut my hair!!!!! :) i kindda like it, but i found it too short......

today, very soon, i'm flying Okinawa turnaround flight... hummmmmmmm.....
i m not sure if we would get the chance to leave the aircraft.

anyway... i miss him so much... i was back on 14th, today is 26th.. it feels like it's been forever
already. i dont know if i m kindda messed up with the dates or why... i just feels like i havent
seen him for so long. i do miss him much.







>>June 25, 2013 at 11:17:28 PM GMT+8