2013 年 8 月 22 日 星期四 【晴】

so tired... but i met with the girls tonight. it was alright, had hot pot but i m having stomach sickness
now... every BLR flight would make me stomachache, just depends on how serious it is..
this time still okay, but yea... now still feeling pain.

Miki is leaving so soon, have been preparing things for her...

how is honey now? there were times we could talk more often, sometimes cant.
and yea, finally we could meet again. i miss him so much. would we have the same problem
this time? i try not to think about it, instead i should try to feel it yea? i mean... be patient,
and to observe and feel. i love him for sure, i want him for sure.. i know it so well.
so, Mei Kwan plz be patient.










>>August 23, 2013 at 4:43:39 PM GMT+8

2013 年 8 月 19 日 星期一 【晴】

see you in BLR India...
wanna write more, but too tired... hummm will try to come back soon.

just check the roster, Sep is out already. miss him, wanna see him soon.








>>August 20, 2013 at 10:15:07 AM GMT+8

2013 年 8 月 17 日 星期六 【晴】

my back pain makes me so tired.. and i m taking those chinese medicine so i cant have coffee.
i m so tired. i reported sick the day before, i was supposed to be standby that day.
but i already saw the acknowledgement waiting for me, i really couldnt take it, i didnt click it.
it's even before my standby duty start. so, i didnt click it, and i called sick. it's fucking bullshit.
after delays and diversion and another delay, arriving late. still assign duty? maybe the
company is really running out of man power, which i dont think so, they should do better
management. everyone have been complaining about the management already. many ppl resigned.
i dont know whats going on, i just need to rest. it was supposed to be my 5th day duty, it was
my max. anyway... yesterday was my day off, so i had 2 days off in total. i went out with my
family yesterday.. visiting Miki at her restaurant.

im flying beijing soon..... got hard time by 3 bitches the last flights, yea, the diversion one.
i liked Taipei.. and i dont mind to work extra hard for the diversion. ppl must be angry and stressed.
i understand. but at least as a crew, plz be kind to each others. plz be professional. even if you
like it or not, we are on the same plane, working towards the same goal. fucking bitches dont like
it then they should quit instead of venting on the teammates. seniors dont have privileges for
bullying others. senior means u r more experienced and should bare higher responsibility.
if u dont want to, fine. get lost and be kind.

i was so upset, i emailed honey right afterward... coz i was really upset. i know CP and FP sort
of knowing what happened. coz during debriefing, they have said something. but anyway...
i m just doing my job, doing my ever best to maintain my professionalism. that's it.
i hope not to see those bitches again. but if i do, i just need to be tougher than they think.
and hope they wont pick on me again.

i miss him.... just got his email just now..








>>August 18, 2013 at 6:29:05 AM GMT+8

2013 年 8 月 15 日 星期四 【晴】

:'(






>>August 16, 2013 at 4:26:00 AM GMT+8

2013 年 8 月 12 日 星期一 【晴】

i m so freaking tired.

my flight today and yesterday were still okay except meeting some bad crew and bad pax.
some girl reported me to the SP, but i didnt even really work with her at all.
and the scariest part is that she was so fake, pretending nice but actually she bitched about
this person and that person behind her and her and her. they were talking about her, coz
they found her very weird and rude. but i was the only one didnt actually have anything to
deal with her. and she make up stories to report me. what the fuck? SP asked Purser what
happened. and Purser said i was fine, smiled a lot and pretty friendly to pax and the other
crew, instead she wasnt doing her job nicely. Purser was shocked, coz Purser knew that
girl and i didnt work together really. SP was one of my instructors during induction training.
i was kindda upset coz i thought i was alright during training, and i dont want SP to change
her mind about me or got disappointed at me coz of some stupid lies that girl made...

i emailed honey last night when i got home. he analysed for me. thanks..

today... i met two rude pax.. both of them were male, and white. its not normal to have rude
white pax, and if they were, usually guys. very rude. very rude.

tmr, i will fly to Beijing... turnaround.. but then the weather is pretty bad... typhoon signal no.3 now.
might get worse tonight or tmr morning. i m expecting long delay or cancel flight or diversion.
anyway....... today was very bumpy already.

honey.... he asked about the game. i m interested but at the same time i didnt dare to say yes.
i wasnt good at that time.. i felt fun, but i wasnt satisfied. i wanna do it again but i m not
sure how it's gonna be. u know sometimes u could play the role of a doll or even a toy,
but u dont want to be a real doll or toy. i m not saying i m just a toy, but during the game,
i felt neglect. yea, that's the word to describe it.. neglect. i finally can find a word to describe it.
and if it's so boring with me, the problem is on me or not? its still going back to the original
problem... i want it but i cant get it with him. coz.... he doesnt want to. i m unwanted that way,
and that's really devastating honestly. seriously. and he probably doesnt even understand.

maybe i m the pain in the ass. but i m not lying or covering my feelings. i love him, but i still dont
know how to deal with it. is it my leaning experience now? learning not to have it in our
relationship ever after?




>>August 13, 2013 at 12:24:39 PM GMT+8

2013 年 8 月 10 日 星期六 【晴】

i passed the AEP. i didnt give up reading the notes. i finished before i went to bed, very unwillingly.
well, no choice. if i wanna keep my professions, then i couldnt compromise. there's no grey area
when it comes to safety issue i think. it's either yes do it or no you dont do it. coz, at the end,
if u dont follow or u mess up, there would be consequences... could be huge or small, but anyway
u just dont wanna challenge it, coz u dont want to take any risk.

we went through more drills beside the doors opening. we did CPR and updates on the first day.
then we went for the doors opening, and slide raft training again. for the doors, we opened
every single types of door of our fleets. and of course not just open it, but with different types of
situations, like... they would yell at you about crash landing or ditching, or if they door power
assist failed, then what steps you'd take. if the slide didnt deploy then what's next? if it failed again
then? what about ditching? and how to reset the horn of the evacuation. who should be the door
assist, and what to do... blah blah.. the overwing exist was super heavy. for that one, ditching and
crash-landing are different with different procedure, and also for checking the route is different.
for the type C door is also different. it's just so messed up. and even if it's the exact same designed
door, they would be operated differently on small aircraft. but they are the same door. yea..
and u'know what position u are in 3 secs before they yelled ''evacuate evacuate''. exciting yea?
u basically had no time to think, u needed to multitask. decided what command to yell, at the same
time checking outside condition, keep yelling one sentence by sentence, then keep going,
make sure the door is in armed mode, one hand holding to the evacuate handle, eyes checking
if the door handle white light flashing, and NO cabin pressure red light flashing. then lifting up the
door handle by one hand. and it should pop out immediately quickly, so let go of the door of u'd get
dragged out of the plane. and if the door assist power out, u need to push all the way till it's latched.
then open arms to grasp both sides of the evacuation handle. wait for the slide to fully deployed,
or pull the red mennual inflation handle. then still have to keep yelling the sentence by sentence.
then evacuate the pax, check area of responsibility with the right equipments. then evacuate
myself.. if necessary i might release the slide or even cast off before the evacuation.
it's a very fast motion thing. i m supposed to finish opening the door and start evacuating pax
within ard 10-13 secs since the aircraft has came to the complete stop after impact and got the
evacuation signal from the cockpit.

so, we got that done and went through more updates, then the next day we did fire drill, smoke
drill, we also did the slide raft training on the first day, setting up canopy and shit. we did the
mock up as well... like computerised situations, steps to do during evacuation. then we had the
exam....... so fucking nervous. and i passed. thanks God. and we had the briefing from the
cabin safety department, and also security department... talking about hi-jack, and handcraft,
and policies, and cases.... lots of stuffs. cool stuffs.

i was exhausted.... my body pained alot too... then i went Festival Walk to have dinner with
Doris. just chit-chatting. and we had Yomama frozen yogurt~~~~~ couldnt taste the milk,
i took the hazelnut flavour, soooooooooo good. i added oreo n mochi topping. it taste like
Ferro Rouches paste. so good. but then of course i got stomach sick. not so bad, just felt weird.

yesterday, i fixed my nails and took rest... today resting as well. my back pain so much..
i had lunch with my grandparents just now, mom said grandma heard honey and i broke up...
and they thought that's why i came back from canada n not going back there for awhile......
that's crazy. i kept things low profile coz i dont like them talking about me. i kept going to japan
they knew it. they didnt ask but already assumed we broke up for long. shut up.

honey said it's not a surprise that i passed :) heehee. but yea, i know there always some ppl
failed... and i dont wanna be them. i wanna pass and i actually aim to get 100%. coz i dont
accept myself having any doubts regarding safety. i got 90%, 4 wrong answers.
3 were silly, 1 was actually something i have never heard of. so.... yea...

everyone have been talking about marriage and different things... i m not sure if m ever gonna
be able to be a wife or a mom. when i was so much younger i always wanted to be a wife
and a mom... not necessary as a stay home mom.. but i really wanted to be a mom.
now, i still want.. but the role of being a wife for me is different now. i mean... what i think of being
a wife is different. these days i no longer expect my marriage would be so boring, or so
traditional. it wouldnt be if honey and i are getting married. our story has never been easy
or traditional in many ways. our personalty didnt let that happen. i really appreciate our
relationship and our love. i really appreciate his honesty and him, i mean i love him totally
as who he is. he's the pain in the ass but i do love him and accept that. so... for whatever
choices we have been making or he has been making for himself, i supported that.
and for whatever we have done so far, i dont see we d be just like any regular couples.
i dont expect to get anything or any changes, i dont know if it's a good or bad thing, but i think
it's like.... we would never be like any regular couples any soon anyway. we might we might
not, but as long as we are together, then everything is gonna be fine. unless he doesnt want to.
i do love him and i do love us. i wanna get married, i wanna be a wife. but if everything goes
the same as the other married couples, then we might not be able to adapt to that style.
unless he really wants to, otherwise i dont think it's gonna work for us. we dont have to copy
the others right? but he didnt say he want to marry me neither. so....... i dont know..

>>August 11, 2013 at 12:38:02 PM GMT+8

2013 年 8 月 7 日 星期三 【晴】

:'(

AEP is not a fucking joke. it's so damn tiring. i m so tired now... like mentally not just physically.
my head is about to explode. and i still have tons to go through. i fucking hate it. i study all the time
everytime before briefing. like which aircraft i was going to operate, what features, what equipments,
its pre-flight check, operation, pre-caution, location, quantity. emergency system, door operation
in different situations.. etc. illness, first aid, etc. dangerous goods, service wise procedure, etc.
checking destination info, flight info, meal info, etc. so many things.. but today, i'm suffering from
the comparison of everything coming all together, big aircraft, small aircraft, blah blah blah...
i dont wanna study, but i dont wanna be lazy. i saw my classmates are still working hard, and
i m quite ambitious this way that i dont wanna lose this way. if anyone can do it, i can do it too.
coz we all are supposed to be the same, as professional, the knowledge that they know, i should
know. the things that they can handle, i can handle. i can count on them and they can count on
me. coz we are all professional, we are from the same team. it's not just coz i wanna win, there's
no winner, but i want to be as competent as they are. and i should be able to overcome these
stress both physically and mentally. i really wanna give up and go to bed, and i might be able to
do alright in my exam and drills tmr. but i m a professional cabin crew, i shouldnt slack off.

there are certain things i cant compromise, it's safety. i cannot compromise.
it's part of my profession. AEP, i m gonna kill you and get going. coz i m a professional cabin crew.

i miss him... he knows i do. and i know there're things happening there too. i wish to help.



>>August 8, 2013 at 2:39:58 PM GMT+8

2013 年 8 月 6 日 星期二 【晴】

AEP tomorrow. Annual Emergency Procedure... this is the renewal of my certificate of competence.
which means if im certified for flying or not.. so if i fail then i'd be gone. its scary... and it would take
2 days to finish it....... sigh!!!! and need to be there very early :(

i have been studying, not just notes or tips, i really studied my manual. i hate it but its really that
serious that makes us professional. i cant get rid of it... only once a year, Mei Kwan u can do it.
just do ur really really really best. dont panic.

the last flight, i came home pretty late like 04:40? the flight was okay... got compliment from the
purser. pax were weird n rude. but yea, it's my job right? i sent a very long email to honey too.

i hope i'll pass the AEP, if possible i hope to get 100% correct on my exam. only if possible..
its not easy to pass, but... yea.... hope for the best.

went to the chinese doctor today as well.... hummmm......... stinky medicine.

>>August 7, 2013 at 3:09:51 PM GMT+8

2013 年 8 月 4 日 星期日 【晴】

yesterday.... the flight was ..... tiring and stressful.... but i survived. some crazy pax were
giving me attitude and shit, i just smiled and ignored them. fucking crazy. unbelievable.

on the way to the office, i emailed honey... and i got his reply. he said Dave would be visiting.
i was happy that he visited, but honey also said it'd be too crowded there.
i felt bad not coz i was jealous or anything, i wasnt jealous. i felt sad coz i really miss him
so much and have been telling myself i will have anuual leaves again soon this month,
i have been giving myself hope that i'd see him in a month from last visit. i believed i'd be
seeing him soon and i need his emails, coz i really need those to make my day to get myself going.
but then.. yea... at first i said i understand. coz i really do. but i did feel sadder afterward..
when i got to the airport, i sit down at McDonalds, i was looking for some comfort food with
coffee. i was upset. then i emailed him, i said im gonna miss him so much. then he said i could
visit... then ... yea... we are still talking about that now... dont know what'd be like. it'd be
pretty crowded there for sure... might be a little crazy too. i dont want to create troubles
but i'd really want to see him.

i m flying DAC turnaround later, should be back ard 3 sth am tonight...
fighting fighting Mei Kwan! after this, you'll have tmr and the day after to prepare for your AEP.
no failing, otherwise you'd be out and lose your job.

fighting fighting. stay focus and stay professional.










>>August 5, 2013 at 5:25:48 AM GMT+8

2013 年 8 月 3 日 星期六 【晴】

acknowledgement... Wenzhou flight... double catering... FUCK.
i actually saw the acknowledgement at 12:00pm, standby started from 11:00am.
i didnt click it till just now 12:35pm. i fucking hate Wenzhou, coz it's flying time is like ard 2 hrs,
which eventually would become around 1 hr something, much shorter than it should be.
but it's still meal service, then 2nd coffee tea, and collection. it'd be a fucking war going on.
coz it's double catering, which means u wont be able to find any space to store stuffs,
i mean entrees, buns, and amenities for both sectors. and usually the buns and some of the
serving equipments would need to be put at the overhead lockers. and those chinese mainlanders
love to hold on to their over weight baggages instead of check-in. so they basically wont have
enough space for their baggages at the overhead lockers. and the hong kong-ers would
complain why they wont get enough space on a fucking small A320 aircraft. why? i wanna know
why too. i wanna know why this kind of long-term-full-load flight wont be operated with the
A330 instead of A320 especially when it has to be double catering. i wonder why the crew-to-load
system sucks ass that only have 5 crews on board, 3 crews at the EY Class. fuck that shit.
u wonder why everyone reports sick for this flight, u go wonder what's been happening.
i wonder why the company promotes 5 different of teas for short hual flights like most of our
routes set to be. walking along the aisle is fine, to and from the galley, and making individual cups
of tea, and call bells, and someone stopping u and being rude to you while walking along.
u r smiling n being friendly but they're not. u come tell me why.

duty supposes to finish ard 22:25. but i started standby since 11:00. it's like almost 12 hrs.
would tere be delay? i dont know. i fucking hate china. 98% of the flights would be delay
every single days.

am i really fit for flying? starting from a bad mood is not gonna help.
Mei Kwan, be professional. u are a professional cabin crew. u can do it.
i know u miss him much, but once u' put on the uniform, u know what to do. n u can do it.

he's in ur heart, he's not going anywhere. stay focus, do ur best, finish ur duty, come back.
see u tonight. dont cry.

>>August 4, 2013 at 4:53:01 AM GMT+8