2013 年 6 月 22 日 星期六 【晴】

i really miss him so much..... what should i do?




>>June 23, 2013 at 5:49:01 PM GMT+8

2013 年 6 月 19 日 星期三 【晴】

he watched it :)
its weird, i think so too... it's a bit weird... but it probably the first and the last time i'd do it.

July's roster is out.. but i ll have 11 days off. crazy......... i need the flying hrs, otherwise
my salary would drop. and it's like few months in a row..

>>June 20, 2013 at 7:41:24 AM GMT+8

2013 年 6 月 17 日 星期一 【晴】

hummm well... dont know what to say.

because you wouldnt accept, so you would never know.
sometimes i'd wonder why i spent the time to make this video.









>>June 18, 2013 at 3:31:50 PM GMT+8

2013 年 6 月 13 日 星期四 【晴】

i dont wanna leave... coz of him.. coz i know i'm gonna miss him so bad.
happy Birthday, mei kwan.. at least spending time with him is your biggest gift this year,
and you know you love him so much...

>>June 13, 2013 at 4:41:29 PM GMT+8

2013 年 6 月 10 日 星期一 【晴】

hummm i m getting ready to see him. i feel excited, although i m very tired..
i feel great though i have cried. its just the complicated feelings that guys might not be able
to understand. things dont happen more complicated to girls, just that we are more sensitive,
in a way that sometimes i wish i am not. sometimes i wish i wouldnt know as much, but it cant
be possible. coz i d know, coz i would sense it, i would see it, i would just know it when i look
at the people' eyes.

my flights were okay.... sometimes i'd say to myself, is it better to stay at KA or keep trying CX?
is CX really as good as i think? what about the reason why they didnt want me? does it coz
i m not suitable to be there? i dont know. i just think i could do better...
i went back to KA house this morning and afternoon.. had the OHS, then service language
training, then did the mandarin PA test... hummmmm there are lots of crews that might be
smarter than me or could finish tasks faster than me, but their hearts arent there for the
pax or the crews. some of them shouldnt even be qualified as a cabin crew. u could just tell...

anyway, wish me good luck with the full load flights.
pre-happy birthday to myself.

i miss him lots... what would i do when i see him tmr?





>>June 11, 2013 at 12:40:04 PM GMT+8

2013 年 6 月 8 日 星期六 【晴】

called out Ningbo over night...

>>June 9, 2013 at 5:57:36 AM GMT+8

2013 年 6 月 6 日 星期四 【晴】

it's already 03:36am.. good morning Cas...

back from that crazy Beijing turnaround flight... long delay, crazy and rude pax...
a bunch of silly things, lucky to fly with Bonnie and the nice crews. it was crazy.
and, we almost would need to stay in Beijing tonight. and.... its like.... they really should
let us stay there tonight. my working hrs were crazy. i started SB duty at 0600.
they called me at 11:15? then my duty finished at 01:22 just now? how many hours?
how many freaking hours? i don't even wanna do the calculation now. it's like.....
its a nightmare. its not about if i can handle a long flight or long hrs of work.
it's about how do you expect me to perform my job duty if you're giving me the minimum
rest, and telling me this is a ''short haul- turnaround'' airline, which dont have much
overnight pattern, or overnight flights, blah blah blah... and you're giving me this freaking
long hrs duty...... thank you. it just doesnt make sense. there are ppl who SB from 0900,
or 1000, or 1100, why calling ppl from SB 0600?

anyway... yea, some pax are just pure ass. they should get their ass checked often too,
just to make sure their ass are still fine after they got fucked and kicked so many times.
i dont know what they are thinking, i dont wanna know. all those attitude are just telling
me how pathetic they are. thank you for flying the economy class with us, so that you know
you are not supposed to be the king or queen here. go get a mirror, go fuck yourself.
and for those bitches, if you're that bitchy,...... i d only say good luck. coz obviously no one
would like you or all the happy faces towards you are just fake.

sometimes it's like..... it makes you wanna cry... coz.... u r being nice for being nice.
there's no specific reasons. its part of the job nature that makes you need to do that,
but that's not the main reason, the truth is you just wanna be nice. you just wanna be nice
to ppl, and you are doing them fav. you care about them. what the hell? they are giving u
shit all the time. it s not good. and chinese ppl are really rude and terrible. its just crazy.

i got honey's email just now... well...... i dont know what to answer at that time..
my brain was not functioning well. i m interested, but.. there's concern for myself..

it's like..... a regular person... means..... a nice person or the regular habit, like a stable
schedule thing? if it's a casual one, no problems at all.. if it's a regular schedule one,
like a stable one........... hummmm i m not sure what he's thinking about how i feel.
i kind of thinking if he's arranging it for me or just for his convenience.. but i dont really wanna
think so much coz i m really tired. i dont want any drama or complication i'd say...
i just hope things could be easier. i dont want all of the sudden there's another one telling
or acting the same as before. it's like.... i m not, definitely not a good competitor in relationship.
i'd run away. take your second option then i'd be gone. if you want something else, fine. i'd go.
im not gonna fight for someone who doesnt choose me. if someone who's not sure if he
wants me or someone else, then he's not worth for my attention. go figure it out, but i'd be gone.
dont give me the wrong signal. i cant deal with that. i'd need to protect myself while no one
would protect me, right? while the person you love is not protecting you but hurting you with
another person, what would you do? you get up and walk away. if you're talking about trust,
i'd say it's not about trust. coz if someone cant be sure about me while making choices,
there's no point to talk about trust. especially when you already have my trust, you'd just make
me wanna stay away.

maybe i'm thinking too much, i dont know... i wanna go to bed now.
i think i m thinking too much...... just go to sleep first, Cas. plz reply tmr.

>>June 7, 2013 at 8:06:19 PM GMT+8

2013 年 6 月 6 日 星期四 【晴】

Good morning...

everything went back to normal, i mean no more interviews, no more hassles till after 6 months.
i feel sad and disappointed at myself. its my 3rd application and i still couldnt pass the final-in.
its like....... it's almost there, but just that a little or maybe a lot, i just couldnt get there.
am i really not qualified? i m not sure. am i really not the type of girl they want? i m not sure anymore.

i m on standby again. i dont like it.... its either telling me what time to go to work, or let me stay
home. standby is terrible. and shouldnt count as rest hours. what if u assign me duty ard
12:00 noon? and i d be up from 06:00 already. duty reporting at 12:00, if it's a short sector
turnaround, duty would take ard 6- 8 hrs? by that time it'd be over 12 hrs since 06:00.
that is not good at all.

i m planning on my trip again. i just reserved ticket yesterday. hopefully the loading would be
alright... it's not even July yet.. and the loading is a bit full already.. i wanna see him..
i miss him so much.. and it's my birthday. i m supposed to spend with my family and friends.
but i'd like to see him more somehow... i dont know........ it might be different if he's here, we
could all do different things at different time.. but yea, i could arrange something else with my
family and friends later or earlier.

the thing is i met with Karen another day. long time no see!!!
i miss the days at school. i didnt have much friends there. i was too busy. but she's my best
friend best buddy. we always hang out at school or after school sometimes. she knows lots
about me, when we were still teens. but we grow up so fast. we still keep in touch. there were
times she was in the US then i was in Van. but yea, we were still in touch from time to time.
i wanna buy her dinner or lunch another time soon since she treated me nice lunch that day.

dad's home too. he seems to have a good time on his trip. i m happy for him.

about my interview.... i still feel sad actually... so i have been trying to do whatever to make
myself happier. i m alright... i am. i just wanna know if i could still have the chance there..
like trying after 6 months is fine, but would i ever get in? i m not sure. if they could already see
what's with me, what i have what i dont have, they could clearly see wether i m suitable for
their company or not, right? so no matter how many times i try, it probably could be the same
since i m originally not the type of person they want? i dont know, i m a little confused.
but i'd still wanna work there instead.








>>June 6, 2013 at 10:25:24 PM GMT+8

2013 年 6 月 1 日 星期六 【晴】

:'(
so exhausted............. the flights were crazy today!!










>>June 2, 2013 at 5:53:51 PM GMT+8

2013 年 6 月 1 日 星期六 【晴】

hummmmmm...............
have been preparing for tomorrow, the final interview..
it's.... stressful but i gotta deal with it...
i will write more tonight. late night i mean. i dont wanna go to work today... but i should..

by the way, honey has a cow now, his name is Russell. it's cute, but i bet he'd be quite
busy now...... i miss him, and hopefully i could see him during 12-14th. i hope the loading
wont be too full. i wanna bring him good news.. i wanna share everything with him.

hopefully i'd pass this time, hopefully i could get in this time to become a flight attendant
at CX. it's been my dream since i was 17. and then yea... i have many dreams for different
stage of my life.. but... i think.... life should be like that. we would realise what we want
at different stages, and we go for it one after one.

anyway.................. there re lots of things in my prayer..
and..... i found how small i am. i cant accomplish everything or on my own. it's no way.

brb.. need to get going to work now.





>>June 2, 2013 at 4:43:30 AM GMT+8