2014 年 5 月 27 日 星期二 【晴】

why is there an acknowledgement? i don't wanna click it...
there have been quite some changes at work... KA is really pissing me off now..
i hope i really hope i could change to another airlines now.

i don't wanna leave home today.

>>May 28, 2014 at 12:36:28 AM GMT+8

2014 年 5 月 25 日 星期日 【晴】

my parents are back... Miki went Taiwan again, but Doris stays in singapore.
i used to like this city, but not anymore. there aren't much for me anymore...
i might go again to visit Cyn, and i wish i could see Ade again. expect these two girls, nothing
much for me. i remember i used to have quite some friends there, yea... but as i grow up,
i have experienced other places and i have met honey, then my mind has changed.

i miss my family at night when i was home alone. i like the freedom but i miss them as well.
i miss honey... there have been more friends and people asking me about when i d get married.
well, it doesn't depend on me. i m afraid to think about it because i don't want to be disappointed.
of course i want to be married, its a huge thing in life. its so huge. and i m afraid to imagine
if he would marry me, because i don't see it happening any soon. and i know i m worried.

i admit that I'm quite lonely when i'm at outport alone. i miss him even more when i m alone
at the hotel.

>>May 26, 2014 at 4:46:52 PM GMT+8

2014 年 5 月 15 日 星期四 【晴】

At shanghai now.. It's very boring here in a way that I didn't want to interact with the others actually..
Didn't feel like to go out. I know Leo is here but I don't feel like to meet up. He used to be my buddy
At IFC. But then yea... I'm so exhausted. I just feel like to relax and eat in my room then go to bed.
I wanna go out for a drink or just chill out with him but I have duty the next day..
So, I guess I better take some good rest. It's minimum rest, I hate it.
I feel a little bad I couldn't have dinner with Leo, he used to be my big brother at IFC.

Another day, Hong mesg me all of the sudden inviting me for dinner.
I felt weird the way he asked. And I told honey. I just don't think I d sleep with Hong anyway.

I like the lights in shanghai here at night, but I'd better reserve my energy for my work tmr instead yea?

I'm lonely. I know. But this excuse isn't big enough. I know I need him, and it feels like he doesn't understand.
If pulling back helps, I should do it first before him. He's exhausted, me too. I'm not him. I should
Focus on myself when he does the same. Be fair and live my days. Right?

>>May 16, 2014 at 12:17:28 PM GMT+8

2014 年 5 月 15 日 星期四 【晴】

:( i m not happy... hummm i m leaving home for 3 days, 3 days duty... gotta go now.

>>May 15, 2014 at 9:11:53 PM GMT+8

2014 年 5 月 11 日 星期日 【晴】

:( it was scary last night...

>>May 12, 2014 at 8:15:43 AM GMT+8

2014 年 5 月 9 日 星期五 【晴】

i have been reminding myself all the time, trying to improve myself at work all the time,
keep reminding myself on the details, the attitude towards pax and the other crews,
every single things that i can do.. and so after work i'm so freaking exhausted.
and sometimes when i see unreasonable ppl or got hard time, i just feel sad.

i seriously think all those bitches or witches should go home and stay home instead.
i truly understand that everyone has his or her stories to make them who they are today,
i have no rights to judge them. fine. its really fine. but please, respect each others because
i don't fucking owe anyone anything at this company or in this earth.

people wonder if flight attendants are all elegant and pretty and super friendly...
no, hell no. some truly are real nice people, but some are just ugly as hell inside covered
with fake faces, with definitely no manner, or so difficult to get along with, and they would
work their way to make you suffer. i hate girls sometimes because i don't want to deal
with girls i don't know how to deal with girls like that. its just a pure disaster.

save me please...

and i feel bad i couldn't give my mom a nice happy mothers' day.... :(

and i miss him... like... i thought of him a lot today,,,, especially during some serious turbulence
today.. i just thought of him. well, i survived, i could survive, i just miss him. and i probably
shouldn't have said it too many times. and i told him i missed him today. i m back in hk now..
miracle is not happening to me. but i should stay strong as i have promised myself, and he
asked me to be tough as well...

>>May 10, 2014 at 7:48:58 PM GMT+8

2014 年 5 月 8 日 星期四 【晴】

i miss him :(
its just weird that i have weird dreams lately.
and its like.... not being able to see him is like... feeling a little depressed. sigh.
his career and business must be his first priority, this is right for him, and i agree with that.
would he have a thought of me for a second during the day? because i do.. everyday.
maybe a few times or many times per day.

>>May 9, 2014 at 4:03:34 PM GMT+8

2014 年 5 月 2 日 星期五 【晴】

omg... i miss him.. Mei Kwan you gotta stop somehow or you are gonna be losing your mind.
your focus should be changed once you get back to work, but right now its a little tough.
i understand........ and you get tensed and nervous before you get back to work, i know.
you are lonely, i know.... but please. please. please. thats it. please focus on your own.
if he wants to talk to you, he can talk to you too.

>>May 3, 2014 at 3:23:36 PM GMT+8

2014 年 4 月 30 日 星期三 【晴】

i m back in HK... the past few days, i was alone traveling the city of Tokyo..
hummmmm.... i just wish he could be there with me. i do miss him and tried not to tell him.
i don't want to mention too many times, because its not cool and not making things better.
i just.... feel lost when i was lost in Shinjuku. i was like Gosh i just wanna find the way back to
the station, i wanted to go back to Koshigaya Lake Twon, Higishi Kawaguchi, Minamiurawa,
wherever close is fine. i was so exhausted runing around the city. and i asked people for help,
and i had a map in my hand but i still couldn't think through. because i was tired, i was hungry,
i was thirsty, and i went to the stores, didn't feel like to eat or drink. i wanted to sit down at
any restaurant.. i saw the ticket machine outside of the restaurant. i wanted to make order,
but no pics, and it's all in japanese. i couldn't get the ticket. i went in wanted to speak to the
staffs, they treated me invisible. i left and saw another one, i did the same thing, being treated
the same. i gave up.. but i didn't want to go into any buildings. it's very crowded and busy..
i just tried my very best to get back to the station and went back to the hotel.. i was exhausted.

i went Laketown three days... i liked it there.. but its weird there without him. even though i went
there alone before, it was just sad and i would still went home to get to see him. i went there
to cool down myself, to kill time, whatever. but the past few days, i could spend long time there,
but it just felt so weird and bad coz he's not there with me and i couldn't see him when i got
back to the hotel. yea... and i didn't get to say goodbye.. we could only do it over the phone.

this morning... i woke up at 7am... i guess its coz the past few days i got up at 7 am to get
breakfast at the hotel.. and i got sleepy around 10 or 11pm hk time.. coz i slept around the
same time there too.. i like Tokyo, but i won't miss it so bad, but i'd miss the time and places
so badly wherever and whenever i was with him. because i miss him, and anywhere there
has him is wonderful in my eyes.

he told me to be tough.. i m trying. that day when i was leaving his house, i hugged him..
he put his weight on me.. i can feel it... like the stress on his shoulders, how difficult it is for him..
i'm with him. i love massaging him actually. because he could relax before sleep. i love seeing
him falling asleep. because for me it's a wonderful thing that i could be next to him when
he sleeps at the end of the day.

maybe the next time we could meet would be in Aug.. who knows? maybe he can't?
i don't know.. i miss him so much already.. and i try not to think about him.. its just hard.
I'm trying to meet ppl now.. just wanna stay positive. Mei kwan you can't fall. because,
he's in pain and i wanna be there for him. just like what he does for me...

>>May 1, 2014 at 4:28:18 PM GMT+8

2014 年 4 月 26 日 星期六 【晴】

i m here at this house.. i arrived yesterday. he wasn't in good mood. i can understand.
i was worried about him, it just hurts me when i saw him being in pain. and it's like i was
making him even worse. i cried. but then after hours, he cooled down. i calmed down too.

i saw him trying, i really did. i know he's trying to let me stay.

we took a walk just now.. and I'm leaving his house in about an hour.
i guess is just hard to explain my feeling now. how badly i have been long for this 11 days off.
not only because i m exhausted about my job, but its about the time that i could be here with him.
i have been looking forward to it.. but then no choice.. his job is draining him. i don't blame him.
its still worth it. it worths. because no matter how difficult it is, how inconvenient it is, i'm still
wanting it. its not my style, except when i'm with him. i just worried i brought him too much
troubles about me staying for only 1 night.

last night he mentioned he wanted me to take care of a house, housework and things.
i don't know if he means it, coz i don't see it coming any soon even though i do hope its coming
soon very soon one day. my clock has been clicking secretly. i can hear it myself. but i do love him
and want a family with him.

i love him. i don't want to give up, and i don't want him to give up on us or himself.

i'm moving to a hotel tonight, i didn't tell my family.
then tmr, and the day after, i would have a little adventure tip on my own to Tokyo.
i hope i won't get lost. and i don't know where i'm going actually. i wanna see tokyo tower.
mabe sky tree, maybe a little bit shopping.

i m gonna miss him. i wanna gt him cheese cake or dinner or something the last day before i leave.
i don't think it could happen though...

>>April 27, 2014 at 9:02:30 AM GMT+8