2013 年 4 月 9 日 星期二 【晴】

hi....

it's my second day off since that crazy CCU flight. in fact, it wasnt as worse as i thought..
i survived, didnt fell asleep inflight during rest time. i basically couldnt relax while uniform on..
i mean i did have 30 - 40 mins rest time that i could sit at the pax seat n take a nap but i didn't.
i couldnt sleep. then... after that, my brain could still function, and a crew invited me for
breakfast. she was going to meet my classmates for that. so we stayed till afternoon after flight.

the flight was okay.... as i expected, the pax kept asking for drinks, but then i also wasn't
giving everything they want. i just wanna make sure no one would eventually get drunk and then
put ourselves in trouble. i wasnt rude but i was quite assertive at what i was saying. its like
i wasnt scared of them... in fact i was a little scared inside even though my face wouldnt show.
cant let them know i m scared, otherwise they wont listen. i have to be in control.
especially dealing with ppl who basically have no respect for women or flight attendants, i have
to be strong enough to prevent stupid things happened. i emailed honey after i was safe back
to HK. i told him few parts of the story.

i miss him lots. i checked with the admin team yesterday, my account wasnt set properly yet..
she asked me to check again today.. so i checked this morning. it's working now :) yay.
i could make booking now :):):) just gonna wait till 20th for the May schedule, then i'd know if
i could visit honey the end of this month.

and then hmmmmmmm i kindda worry about him and everything there..... i dont know what i
could do... i m thinking there must be something wrong that's why it's not been going well.
is it about the course design? or the image is not impressing enough? or the whole thing is not
matching what the parents expect? i m not japanese and i dont live there, i dont know what
they want or what could attract them. or when they see the adv, what they think? if they like
their kids to go painting class, or art class... let's do arts and crafts in english? if they like
math class, kumon maths... let's do similar stuffs plus english class like a package?
or tutoring plus english classes. or playgroup class outdoor? or adventure trip. i dont know,
i used to do that kind of planning.. i know hk kids like funny things.. like new things...
and parents love to be conservative when it comes to money and children' learning..
so, cant go too extreme, but has to be creative enough to attract the kids and parents.
coz these days...... if the kid say no, parents might wanna say yes but still at the end no.......
we use lots of colours, shapes, children art work to decorate.. and when i was designing the
posters, i was actually painting them myself and sent it to the printing store. i asked them to
copy my everything, the colour and lines and prints have to be at least 90% accurate.
we even did interview classes... not too popular but still had a few students tried.
very low cost for having those classes. we made teaching materials on our own.
not everything were from the book. when i was making the materials for Ella, i tried not to copy
from the others coz i worried about the copy right, but Ella liked direct copy. for me, personally
i like create my own instead. but it's always hard. either way, still, pretty low cost.
sometimes we d even play the songs at the office so that the parents n children d hear us,
and kids n ppl were attracted by the colour of the office.. and one stupid thing which also was
a dangerous thing was that we didnt have a proper door. very open and friendly to the public.
and i think it's like growing a network.. i mean.... one parent would refer another one...
it usually works.. and it's about reputation. so.. i m not sure about in japan... coz i dont know there.

i went jogging this morning... then met with aunt Kitty with mom... went to her apartment,
then we hanged around the mall in Sha Tin.. had late lunch.... did some grocery shopping..
came home now... want to update my resume and apply to CX. i gotta do it...
do it for myself and for him... CX would be a better place.










>>April 10, 2013 at 11:48:14 AM GMT+8

2013 年 4 月 4 日 星期四 【晴】

you know......... i just took 2 days rest. humm met Dr. Li yesterday, needed to sign some
paper. then met Christine for a coffee.. long time no see.. i slept like crazy... 13 hrs?

today, i got up early, wanted to go jogging but its been raining since the night before.
then had breakfast and watched tv... Wall Street Money Never Stops.
then had late lunch with my family... then went to the chinese doctor. walked around then
came home resting... nothing special.

came home tried to study more Japanese. its not easy. i like the idea that i could have
classes anytime i want, i can control time. but the bad thing is i dont have a teacher.

tmr, i'd need to work again.. the crazy bird flu and pig flu from china are gonna make
everyone panic again. and of course, my family worry since i fly shanghai a lot and also
other ports. and those pax could be quite disgusting sometimes. and they never admit
their problems and wouldnt change. they sneeze, cough, talk with their spit. and yea they spit.
very disgusting. good luck, Cas...

anyway, how's he? i havent heard from him for long already. i dont know why i feel this way.
does he miss me? i do miss him much... when will we see each others again?







>>April 5, 2013 at 4:18:36 PM GMT+8

2013 年 4 月 2 日 星期二 【晴】







>>April 3, 2013 at 11:14:33 AM GMT+8

2013 年 4 月 1 日 星期一 【晴】

I'm in Bangalore now...
Very tired but then yea.. Better than always turnaround.

Sometimes I'd wonder I'm willing to settle down, I'm ready to do that..
But then the reality is another thing. Even if I m willing to wait, things
Might not happen in the way we wish. I d never thought that I'm wasting
My time, coz I do love him so much and I already have accepted him
As my last and only one. However, sometimes I do feel very lonely and
Wonder how come I can't be like the other girls that could stay ard their
Bfs and be proud of holding hands or whatever. Do I really need these?
I don't think so... But as a girl, if I can't have the right or chance to do that
Then it d always be a pity. U have to pay for what u want....
I chose it with my will, I m not gonna complain. But somehow sometimes
I do wish I could have the chance to be a girl, doing what girls could do.

Do I want someone else? I don't think so. But are there temptation? Honestly yes.
I appreciate I'm highly self aware of what's going on ard myself
And I'm aware of my own feelings and what I want. Is he the same?
Is he still in love with me, sometimes I can't be sure of. He can always have
Someone else, but for me it's another story.

This morning n afternoon I was still having breakfast n lunch with the other crews,
Who d know I'm crying on my room alone.
I like spending time alone so I could slow down n listen to myself.
And moment like this always creates tears.
Ppl ask me why I look so young not like my real age. How am I supposed to
Answer? Especially... Am I supposed to tell them they don't know who I m
And what I've been through? I feel very old already n they d only think coz I'm way
Too young like the teens trying to act like adult. I'm far way off that stage already.
I feel old coz I feel tired of life.

Night Cas... When tears dry off, they disappear, then no one d need to know
What happened. Life goes on yea?

I do miss him much.. But no use yea? He's busy with his stuffs there, very important
To him. The thing is i chose him n i dont regret. Night Cas.. Plz sleep..

16:22 L Bangalore time.

>>April 2, 2013 at 10:53:01 AM GMT+8

2013 年 3 月 31 日 星期日 【晴】

humm... getting ready to go Bangalore india again.
see you in awhile.. i'd like to write more.

miss him.

>>April 1, 2013 at 10:23:22 AM GMT+8

2013 年 3 月 28 日 星期四 【晴】

:(

hummm....

i like the overnight at Chengdu another night, honey and i was chatting.
humm but it was a short stay, still better than always turn around.

i m so tired... super early duty today, then duty changed as well.......
we started wearing the new uniform now. i kindda like it, coz i dont like the old one is too old
fashioned and many other companies have been copying the design. it made us very cheap.
but seems like ppl dont like it. anyway.... it doesnt matter..

i m not very happy at home these days... especially after what happened at dad's family..
i m quite mad. i dont like my grandparents already and my uncle that asshole..
things are getting very ugly, i m very pissed off, so does dad.... i m so frustrated to listen
what that asshole did or what my grandparents did... i m so fucking sick of them.

i miss him so much, he's sick... i hope he'd get well soon..

u know..... i dont know what i can do actually. can i just rest in his arm? would he understand?





>>March 29, 2013 at 10:19:35 AM GMT+8

2013 年 3 月 24 日 星期日 【晴】

hummm.. another exhausting week is done.
this month... i m exceeding my flying hrs.

i'd like to see him soon.










>>March 25, 2013 at 3:09:13 PM GMT+8

2013 年 3 月 17 日 星期日 【晴】

i did lots of things today....
mission completed i think.

i got up early just so as to go back to the office... i need to pick up my laundry before they
throw them away... then i need to go to CX City... coz our staff travel office relocate at
CX City. it was the pain in the ass... i took the company shuttle to CX. then, i asked the
reception there where to go exactly. they told me to read the directory by myself. fine.
i went upstairs and found the office i needed. so i got there and took a ticket and waited for
1 hr 45 mins......... then finally my turn.. and she told me i didnt need to wait since i'm from
KA. i was like WHAT?! then she let me go through her desk and get behind the door to the
real office.... O-Kay............... then the staff there took my application forms and doc..
then updating things for me... then asked me when my probation due to... coz she couldnt
update mine. she said someone mistyped my probation date... she asked me to call the
Personnel. i asked her if she has the number for me. she searched for awhile, then i got
the number. she told me if they updated it then mine should work...... i asked if they didn't
work then should i contact her again. she said no, coz she couldnt do anything.
i was like..... O-Kay........ then i left and i called immediately. and it was a wrong number.
and another she gave me another number to call... i called, and spoke with the personnel.
they didnt apologise or explain anything. she just asked me for my info again and said
like they'd change for me. i asked how long does it take to let it run and get updated so
that the other system would work for my profile? then she said she cant be sure. i asked
so, if things dont work, then what i should do. then she asked me to contact CX.
i was like..... O-Kay. for me it's like a bunch of bs. if we are not working at the same company,
i guess i d be pretty pissed off.

so after 1 hr 45 mins, and another 20 mins sitting there trying to fix the problem myself,
it still ends up cant make my profile work! just now i clicked into my profile....
information is shown, but then they said i couldnt start using my account since my debit
card info is incorrect. WTF? they even messed up with my bank account???
so i d need to email them again and explain. and if its like the last time they didnt really
answer me anything, then i'd need to run to CX City again????????? u gotta be kidding me.

came back to Tai Po, had lunch with my family... lucky i had some bubble tea at the airport
before going back to KA House, otherwise i would be too hungry. then i went to get my
third vaccine. it's finally done. i'm immune for 10 years.

i m so tired.. how's he?
















>>March 18, 2013 at 3:45:52 PM GMT+8

2013 年 3 月 15 日 星期五 【晴】

:'(

i cried on the bus when i came home last night. it's not a good thing but it does happen sometimes.
i guess it's still better than crying inflight or crying in front of the other crews yea?

being a flight attendant isnt as fancy as ppl think.. its actually a pretty challenging and stressful
job. being fancy is about the image. but then when we are working preparing stuffs, we are just
a bunch of bitches rushing to complete tasks. some would be like horrible bitches.
and if u're not competitive enough, then you'd become a tumour in the team.
i m pretty upset. lately, for many of my flights, i was not satisfied with my own performance.
sometimes u gotta be that lucky or otherwise u'd meet lots of troubles. if they dont like u, then
u're dead. so... sometimes it's more important who you work with wether than how good you
perform. sometimes it's more important how you could entertain ur section leader wether than
your pax. its just that horrible at work. its just a bunch of fucking bull shit. working with
women is a horrible thing.

i m long for my day off... and today i reported sick. i was having a strong headache, all my
body parts hurt so much, and.... i wanna throw up. i went to the doctor.
i felt like my past three days were like the training camp, but kept giving myself hard time
within that 3 days continuously.

enough of complain yet? i just wanna sleep things off and hope for the best for my coming
flights tmr.. and finally take some days off.


i miss him... i dont know.







"All Too Well"

I walked through the door with you, the air was cold
But something about it felt like home somehow.
And I left my scarf there at your sister's house
And you still got it in your drawer even now.

Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze
We're singing in the car getting lost upstate
Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place
And I can picture it after all these days

And I know it's long gone
And that magic's not here no more
And I might be okay
But I'm not fine at all

'Cause there we are again on that little town street.
You almost ran the red 'cause you were looking over me.
Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well.

Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red
You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-size bed
Your mother's telling stories about you on the tee ball team
You tell me about your past, thinking your future was me

And I know it's long gone
And there was nothing else I could do
And I forget about you long enough
To forget why I needed to

'Cause there we are again, in the middle of the night
We dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light
Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well, yeah

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much
And maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of being honest
I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
'Cause I remember it all, all, all too well

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it
I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can't get rid of it 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah

'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all
Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

>>March 16, 2013 at 4:29:28 PM GMT+8

2013 年 3 月 12 日 星期二 【晴】

see you in a bit...
i miss him.















>>March 13, 2013 at 6:41:50 AM GMT+8