2013 年 2 月 8 日 星期五 【晴】

happy chinese new year..
the year of rabbit is gone, now it's the year of snake.

humm.. few days ago, i went to the doctor, spent HKD1100 for the check up,
coz i have been feeling more and more uncomfortable with my left side.. the girl's area.
then it said i have an ovarian cyst. hummmmmmmm.... its not too too big, but if it grows a little
bigger than i'd need to have it removed. and i can see if i don't remove it its gonna bug me.
coz its quite uncomfortable when i walk right now. i can feel that thing.
then i also met with Doris.. i did the nails at her cousin's place. very cheap but nicely done..
we had dinner... than i returned to Tai Po and met with Shan for dessert. she's changing job!!!
finally, she's leaving Ella. that's a good move, but i definitely would miss hanging out with her
at Elchards or drop by saying hi. she said she's been working there for 5 years. i was shocked
how time flies so fast.. yea, i introduced her this job to replace me when i left there. and now
she's leaving :) haha... hummmm yea, Ella's gonna miss her lots.

i went to the CNY market the night market at Mong Kok with Doris my sis yesterday..
we also went to the Jusco store... HK12 store, (Daiso 100Yen store).

and today is the CNY Eve night.. i got standby from 3 pm till 11 pm...
my family went to aunt's home to have that family dinner... i dont wanna go....
instead, i took everything, my uniform, my trolley, my handbag.. i met with Bonnie at the airport.
we had CNY Eve dinner together there. then i went to her place and stayed till 11:30pm...
so tired.. and so funny Zec also came to say hello. he was heading to the night market.

i m so tired..
i got back to Tai Po, my family was hanging ard the night market at Tai Po..
then we came home together.

just now... i got his letter. FINALLY~~~~~!!!!!
and... i open it, i couldnt see his passport copy... but i do appreciate that he finally sent it.
so, all the question is answered now. he just needed that little time. and lucky that i didn't
change my mind. lucky that i have realised how much i love him and still being patient with him.
lucky that he remembers i m still waiting for him and love him so.

i wanna write him an email but i guess now it's 2 am already..
i miss him so much.. what am i supposed to do?

tmr, i'll have standby from 11am till 7pm...
if called out, then i'd get double pay... if no call, then i can spend time with my family. sigh.




"All Too Well"

I walked through the door with you, the air was cold
But something about it felt like home somehow.
And I left my scarf there at your sister's house
And you still got it in your drawer even now.

Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze
We're singing in the car getting lost upstate
Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place
And I can picture it after all these days

And I know it's long gone
And that magic's not here no more
And I might be okay
But I'm not fine at all

'Cause there we are again on that little town street.
You almost ran the red 'cause you were looking over me.
Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well.

Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red
You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-size bed
Your mother's telling stories about you on the tee ball team
You tell me about your past, thinking your future was me

And I know it's long gone
And there was nothing else I could do
And I forget about you long enough
To forget why I needed to

'Cause there we are again, in the middle of the night
We dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light
Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well, yeah

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much
And maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of being honest
I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
'Cause I remember it all, all, all too well

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it
I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can't get rid of it 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah

'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all
Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

>>February 9, 2013 at 6:57:49 PM GMT+8

2013 年 2 月 4 日 星期一 【晴】

i have heard lots of stories today... and some of the pax today were quite horrible too.
today we are supposed to pass the probation, but i don't know we havent received the email yet.

i sent honey a package yesterday...

today i m so exhausted.. just one day i m already worn out......... sigh.

be patient, Cas.. please be patient.
i dont wanna increase him stress. i might not be able to handle everything on my own, but i cant
rely on the others as well.. if it's my problem, it's my problem..
and for him, if he'd do it, he'd do it.... nothing much i can do actually.
i love him, and i've been missing him so much, i guess he's got this message since long already.

>>February 5, 2013 at 2:52:53 PM GMT+8

2013 年 2 月 3 日 星期日 【晴】

努力生活是為了自己還是別人？
人和人之間的關係很複雜，不是每事都是黑與白。
我是太無知還是太天真？

我很想與您在一起，想您事事放心， 所以我事事周到事事體諒。
但原來我愈想念您，愈周到，愈體諒，我愈忽略了我自己的感覺和需要。
是您不懂我，還是我不懂我自已？珍惜這二字太難做，堅持幾曾容易？
您教我該怎樣做您女人。

有時候會想太多。我還是您心愛的那個嗎？

>>February 5, 2013 at 2:53:24 PM GMT+8

2013 年 2 月 1 日 星期五 【晴】

completely dead..
flight delay.... super tired... didnt sleep well at the hotel..
full load inbound... yea... i dont like the food there. horrible.

i miss him.. i emailed him on the way to work... i know i've said i didnt wanna email him..
but i know why, that's only coz i miss him too much and he didnt seem to response much.
i dont know if it's my problem.. i told him straight that.. i miss him a lot but i worry he'd find me
very needy. it's true. i dont know how to express myself better.. that might make him find me
very irritating. he said he's just very busy.

i was going to go buy him a valentines gift but i really couldnt do it..
i was completely dead when i got home..

the version when i was a kid..


the new re-arranged version today..


its a very sad song, a very lonely song.. but it also talks about faith and how to live alone,
making friend with one self, then never felt lonely again. no matter what others people say,
they might say lonely people are too arrogant, prefer being alone without friends...
but they do have their own world. never feel cold..

<詩詩>：童年時逢開窗 便會望見會飛大象
但你罵為何我這樣失常
而旁人仍痴痴 話我現已太深近視
但我任人胡說 只是堅持
飛象兒共我 常在那天上漫遊
要用笑造個大門口 打開天上月球
齊話聲
漫長漫長路間 我伴我閒談
漫長漫長夜晚 從未覺是冷

<劉天蘭>年齡如流水般 驟已十八與星做伴
沒有別人來我心內敲門
而旁人從不知 亦懶靜聽我心內事
但我現能尋到解悶鎖匙
星與月兒共我 常在晚空內漫遊
笑著喊著結伴攜手 空中觀地球
齊話聲
漫長漫長路間 我伴我閒談
漫長漫長夜晚 從未覺是冷

<林子祥>從前傻頭小子 現已大個更深近視
但已練成能往心內奔馳
而旁人仍不歡 罵我自滿以心做伴
但我任人胡說 只是旁觀
心就如密友 長路裡相伴漫遊
聽著我在說樂與憂 分擔心內石頭
齊話聲
漫長漫長路間 我伴我閒談
漫長漫長夜晚 從未覺是冷

>>February 2, 2013 at 3:01:32 PM GMT+8

2013 年 1 月 29 日 星期二 【晴】

half dead.... late night Beijing turnaround... plus delay in HK, de-ice in Beijing, ATC hold...
delay and delay... arrived ard 2 am? Gees.... we were short crews today... quite full O/B,
a bit light I/B... but really exhausting coz we were lack of crews.

tmr... Bangalore red-eye over night flight... 1-0-1 pattern, 3 days :'(
reporting at 9 something pm tomorrow night.

dying..

i miss him... does he miss me too ? i dont know..
i bought him the vitamin today at the drug store at the airport...

then also picked up the new uniform, did the fitting... still need to wait to collect the over-coat.
i remember there're something i wanna write about, but i cant remember what that is..
i m too tired.... really exhausted.. go to bed, Cas...

i had nightmares again.. i m wishing for a nice sleep.

ahhh.. yea... lately there's some weird guy on facebook kept talking to me.
i kindda say something to make him go away, but he keeps coming back and it's like....
i think he has some sorts of problems. i mean it's either he's sick, or he's one of those crazy
players. i cant tell, but i m still talking to him. he keeps bullshiting. i just wanna give him more
and more questions so that he would realise himself or what i mean. i seriously think...
there couldnt be someone as naive as him while imagining what his job is.. it totally doesn't
make sense at all. if he is not lying, then he must have some serious problems with judgement.
either he 's that naive to think that i'd believe him, or he's one of those crazy guys who would
kill women or whatever. i think he's that kind of person.

>>January 30, 2013 at 8:28:17 PM GMT+8

2013 年 1 月 28 日 星期一 【晴】

when one day it'll pay off, it'll pay off. this day is called.... the salary day.
when the time it's done it's done.. it's the time when i could leave the aircraft and be confirmed
with no mesgs from the crew control.

Cas.... tomorrow, you'd be that pretty pretty flight attendant again, with that big smile and ...
i dont know... just go to work tomorrow anyway. being a professional cabin crew is really not
easy at all........... and tomorrow i will go back to the office a bit earlier coz i'd need to collect
the new uniform.

we had the chinese new year eve dinner with my relatives, mom's family. it was alright..
and before dinner, my youngest sister Doris and i hang ard Tsim Sha Tsui. it was not bad.
we went to The ONE, there's a supermarket that belongs to Jusco, and the $12 store.
it's actually like the 100Yen store in Japan.. but HK is more expensive since it's $12,
and even if it's 100 yen, it still should be ard HKD$9 only.. $12 is expensive. i did some
shopping there, and bought some stuffs for honey.

honey emailed back yesterday afternoon.. he said to me not a big deal...
sometimes i dont quite understand guys... if no big deal then why not telling me ealier on
so that i didn't have to be so worried and upset the whole day? is it the guys' style or
it's my problem? it might be my problem. if i dont care about him so much, then he couldnt
have that huge impact on myself right? i'm a girl, sometimes i dont understand girls too.
whatever, i cant even understand myself sometimes.

i m surprised that i'm still asking that question... if he's sent me that form yet.
how come i dont quit asking? i start to wonder giving myself a break. would he not even want it?
it could be? well, Cas... stop chasing please. i start to realize that actually it's that connection
makes me happy if he has sent me the form. the whole thing is not only about the benefit i hope
he could have. that benefit is like... the fruit, the lovely part of my job that.... he deserves.
the happiness or joy of this job is something i wanna share with him, and i'd like to thank
him and let him know my appreciation for his support during the whole time since he knows
i'd love to be a flight attendant till i could actually become one step by step. but he's delaying
and delaying. if it's his wish, why should i keep pushing him to do something he doesnt wanna
do? and the funniest part is... he might not see the same as i do, it could be the reason.
or it's just simply like what he said he's busy, and he doesnt have an envelope.
Cas, dont be too harsh on yourself.. stop chasing please.






















>>January 29, 2013 at 4:50:43 PM GMT+8

2013 年 1 月 27 日 星期日 【晴】

:'( i m very sad..

i made him angry again.

these days... our flights have been playing this song, a very sad song..
i used to like this song so much when i was studying in vancouver, living with Victoria,
Cyn and Ade... i dont know why our flights are using this song, but it does remind me
of the days when i was still a teen there...



and also this song... our flights have been playing this too...



為了愛我真受夠傷　但有過愛的分享
為了每次打敗仗　我哭得最響
沒有博愛的技倆　有幾好亦自量
不去用腦想　牽掛又會有幾傷

＊聽遍最浪漫纏綿的歌　聽幾多次也落淚的歌
　我才明愛恨因果　懂得心痛要恭賀
　興奮妒忌苦惱怨恨完全憑心魔　然而無論有幾多愛錯
　那紀念屬我　開心比苦惱多＊

其實傷心都不過為愛（誰又懂得愛）
　同樣知活得開心靠愛（愉快的意外）
　情像一首歌　可一總可再
　失戀後幸運在能重頭戀愛　付出過偉大到放開

沒有得到好報不悔改

明白我生死都也為愛（存亡亦靠愛）
孱弱得為了一粒砂感慨（相戀要慷慨）
人存在世上　若要悲壯過　便投入愛海　沒有害

怕接觸痛苦　白過都活該　誰亦未信　首先相信愛

沒有得到好報便分開

知不知錯　亦但求被愛
苦戀的　大概與某個他比賽
單戀的　設法參透怎去活到死也要戀愛

亦勝孤單一個沒戀愛

怕接觸痛苦（痛快的痛苦）全為怕分開
誰亦未信　首先相信愛

聽遍世上勾引眼淚能迷魂的歌　纏綿華麗已經綁架我
美化了我　眼淚算得甚麼


these few days.... i was working.. and working.... i m kind of lost.. as in...
there were times that i kindda feel like i dont belong to this company.
everyday when i m going to work, i need to do lots of preparation before the briefing.
sometimes i wanna cry. i dont know if i still havent got used to it or... i just dont know.
and i always think of him, i just miss him so much.. i really really do.. and sometimes
it's just very hard for me to ... stay focus. i need to convince myself everytime.
and... i wait for his email everyday, anytime.. and it becomes like... kindda like the fuel
for myself to get going..

i was flying three days in a row, including that sand-by..
i felt like these three days were so long... and it's like this whole Jan has been going too slow.
i cried everyday including today. yesterday was the worst. Cyn and i were messaging
each others when i was on the bus.. not the Cyn my best friend i knew in Vancouver,
the other Cyn who's now just started flying at JAL. she was flying to Vancouver, staying in
Richmond. i was so happy for her. she mainly flies to Japan, Vancouver, and US.
she stays at Japan sometimes too.. She likes my company, she wants short haul..
but i want her flying patten, i wanna go to Japan more often.

then today.... i feel really bad the whole day. i cried just now on the way home.
honey called me.. on skype when i was on the crew bus right at the time when the crew bus
stopping at the company. i took the call coz i really want his call i really miss him so much..
but then i was so stupid that i hung up coz i needed to get off the crew bus.
there were CP, FJs, Pursers on the same bus with me, and some FJ who i worked with
before was sitting next to me.. i was so nervous, coz he was telling me how scary our
CP today would be. yes, i was flying with him again. and i already knew how famous that
CP was even before he telling me. i m not the kind of person who is that sociable. i could,
but i need my own time and space as well. many time in the public i actually rather be alone..
i m not the kind of ppl who like to start the conversation or being too talkative to the ppl i dont
know. i can but it's really not something i love to do all the time. before work, i'd need time
for myself to relax and get prepared. i need space and time to do that. and after work,
i need time and space to slow down and relax as well. i need time to warm up and cool down.
so..... yea... i was so stupid i hung up.. i got off the bus with my trolley then i called him
immediately. and..... nope, he diverted it to his voice mail.. and i kept emailing him but he's not
replying... i think he must be angry at me.. i have been missing him so much, and i feel really
bad and really guilty the whole day. i couldnt really focus today. it's like it's already hard
for me to do so, and today i couldnt control myself.. i wasnt doing good.. lucky i got a nice
crew working with me today, and the purser was not horrible, so.. yea... but i wasnt in mood
at all.. i emailed him tonight when i was leaving the airport on the way home...
i dont know if he'd reply me. i saw him on skype i was really glad, i saw him smiling. its so sweet.
but i hung up.. he must think i'm the bitch. well..... what can i do? i wasnt even allowed to
talk on phone, and it was on speaker. so.....that FJ next to me already knew... and...
everyone could hear him, and i was getting off the bus at the same time.. it was.. just... sad.

i cried... and i find it so hard..... hasn't it been always my problem?
i mean.... whatever i do... it's like.... i always make him angry.. i'm that stupid. i m so tired of myself.
and what i want him to do for me it's like.... it almost s like.. not gonna happen.
i dont know if i m being impatient or... what is it? it's been almost 2 months now. i just worry
it's not gonna happen. so back to the question.... i m tired of myself, being so fragile. i'm tired.
i hate myslef that there're many things i cant do well, i'm so stupid, and i always make him angry
even though i didnt mean to i still did. i m really dumb.

:'(
















>>January 27, 2013 at 7:42:27 PM GMT+8

2013 年 1 月 24 日 星期四 【晴】

i m exhausted.....
got acknowledgement for the beijing turnaround flight, full load......
flight was smooth except delaying..... and it was really really tiring....
i flew with Ellie and Edith again. it was cool. i was at the front galley, then the CP was very
standard.... so..... yea... kind of scary but.... manageable.. at the end, got some positive
comment.. i appreciate that and i think there're still many things i need to improve..

i miss my honey so much... :(














>>January 25, 2013 at 6:23:39 PM GMT+8

2013 年 1 月 23 日 星期三 【晴】

no calls today, yay :) but..... that means less flying hrs less money..
sigh... and still no further email from Jessica.. so what about the money from last time?

i had terrible sleep last night... i kept waking up from nightmares.. again.
i got up ard 4:40am... couldnt get up... standby starts at 06:00 till 14:00..
i went back to bed ard 10:40am.. then got up again around 14:20..... then headed out with mom.

they changed my standby hours tmr... used to be 05:00-13:00, now it's 10:00-18:00...
they probably would assign duty for me i guess? then, if no fights, it'd be ending at 18:00..
which basically means i m not supposed to leave home till 18:00.. what can i do after 18:00?
remains staying home or should i still take a walk?

i had lunch with mom today... and we walked around, and i bought a hat for mom from Uniqlo.
she really likes it. we chose together. i found myself seldom buying gifts for my parents actually.
i love my family, and i see my parents getting old.. sometimes i feel like i m still a kid at home.
mom takes care of everything, dad pays for the household expenses. i feel guilty sometimes.
i m a capable adult, like my mom at my age already gave birth to me and living with dad and
working at the same time, my dad was paying his first mortgage at my age as well. but me?
i m the miss lau sitting at home when im off. am i considered as lucky or not?
sometimes i have asked myself, if i have enough money, would i live with my family or would
i move out? should i hire a part time maid to help mom? my parents are getting old... and
especially my dad, he had two times of stroke before, he could not take another one (touch wood).
if i m rich, i would love to do something for my family but i cant. i think my parents understand
that thats why they dont ask me for money. but as their daughter, they have been taking care
of me so well, gave me what i needed (might not be what i wanted), they fed me with healthy
food, they taught me, they gave me good examples of being a good citizen and being a good
model me, what else could i possibly ask for i asked myself... but me, when i m off from work,
when i m extremely exhausted or stressed from work, i became impatient. i wanted space and
time to slow down but its hard at home. i feel bad for feeling bad.

so... when i m off, i dont go out with friends as often as i hang out with my family. coz i love them
and they are way much more important to my own plans or other things. i like spending time
with the ppl who are important in my life. i love the time with my friends or going out alone,
but at the same time, i'd love to spend time with my family. i guess that's why it's really difficult
for me to become one of those nasty teenagers. it was impossible.

my dad and mom used to watch over me as in not letting me eating McDonalds, not letting me
eating candies or chips. we had lots of snack as in cookies or biscuits.. but not much candies
or chocolate. bread or cake for breakfast or snack usually. then dad wont let us eating those
unhealthy food except he would eat those. but now these days, i m the one always make
sure dad wouldnt eat fatty stuffs, he must eat plain food, not much meat anymore, no fat,
low sodium, low or no sugar, even bananas he's not supposed to take a whole banana.
if we have dim sum, he basically cant eat any. he could only have the chicken rice, no sauce,
chicken has to be steam chicken, chicken breast, and without skin. he needs another cup
of tea to wash out the extra oil or sauce on the food. it's that huge change of eating habit.
it also affects mom, coz... she's the cook at home.. so we switch to red and brown rice instead
or the normal white rice. and almost no salt or sugar for our food as well. it's a huge change.
much more veggies we eat, and far less meat. no more beef at home but more fish and
chicken breast. pork.... depends. but no fatty pork chop for sure. when i used to be small,
i wasnt allowed to this or that.. now role changes... my parents arent allowed to this and that.
and i m the one to watch over them. its kindda funny, but i wish i dont need to take this role,
and my parents could take the role and be healthy all the time. i sincerely say that i really really
wish that they could be as healthy as before. and my parents were pretty patient actually
compared to me right now... but i shall say coz i was a kid for many things i didnt know i needed
them to explain to me. but they are adults, i expected they knew they just dont follow.
i love them anyway. so when i saw mom liked that hat today, without a thought, i was already
ready to pay for it. do i get that much spare money for that? i dont think so. but i'll get that
hat for her. and she doesnt need to know how much money i have in my pocket.
i always think mom has given the most to us. her time, her youth, her energy... everything.
really everything. and she doesnt really ask anything in return. she's not like my other aunts.
i m very proud of my mom although she always nags at me for every single things.
my dad is a good man too. dad and mom always fight with each others, not physically but they
do have different opinion and ideas all the time. but they get back to normal super quickly too.
dad... he likes shopping much more than mom. mom hates shopping, dad loves it. dad buys
stuffs that we need and we dont need. mom hates it. but dad buys stuffs for us and for the
house, not like he buys weird toys or things that he hides. dad isnt rich, and i m kind of smart,
so far, i think, my dad is still very faithful to mom. mom isnt very smart, but i think it's good
for them, coz dad is honest enough. he doesnt bullshit us at all. he would put christmas gifts
at our bed when we were kids, he enjoyed the decoration too. but when i asked him if there's
Santa, he said no. he said santa is fake, but he was saying in a funny way. he said i could
visit the santa in my story book, coz Santa lives there only. but what i cared was if i'd see the
gift at my bed when i woke up, coz obviously he's the one who bought the gift. i just liked to
see it at my bed once a year. i was silly. i was a kid.

honey once said he's afraid to see my dad. he thought he would hit him.
i dont know, i cant picture what it'd be like. i think it's too far to think about. my dad wants to see
him. he'd joke about it sometimes. my dad is one of the kindest men in the world. he had no
problems getting along with my schoolmates or classmates before. even guys i mean.
i dont see any problems between honey and dad. but i would be pretty nervous for sure.
dad wants to meet him coz he wants to know who's the guy his daughter has been spending
6 years with. he's curious enough how come long distance relationship could last so long.
i guess my dad is a guy so he knows it's difficult enough. but he's also understanding enough
not to ask too many questions since i m not answering regarding this usually.

so.... before i get married, i would definitely choose to live with my family. coz they are too
important to me. i'd stay with my parents, i wanna be in my family, and we could take care
of each others. its my comfort zone with the ppl important to me the most except honey.
if we'd get married, then i'd live with him. he'd become the man i love the most except my dad.
well, he already is actually.

being a flight attendant allows me to spend more time with my family especially mom.
i have more holidays, i have more spare time, i could even stay by myself in a hotel a few
nights a month... i could have cheap tickets to meet him, or he could use those tickets
too (if he'd send me the stuffs). i love my job.

how's he? he told me he'd need to renew the visa today... i hope it goes well.
i know he's pretty stressed already. sigh... what can i do?

i still hope for no calls tomorrow though.




>>January 24, 2013 at 5:02:00 PM GMT+8

2013 年 1 月 21 日 星期一 【晴】

hello...

i havent been here for awhile already... either i was too tired, or busy, or the network got problems.
anyway... this month has been a bit tough, coz... till now, all my flights were the early ones,
then i got quite some hard-time from different people.. flights were not very smooth but i guess
that's the real cabin crew life. so, i better not to complain about it. this is what i wanna do for long.
i m happy that i could be a cabin crew, just that i think i can do better, and i wanna do better.
i wanna fly international routes. i wanna see something different than China.

tmr, i m going to the cx city for the dragonair tv. hummmm i havent prepared anything really.

i have been sick for awhile, on and off.. and these two days i rest a lot coz of the medicine was
very strong. i asked for it. i feel so dizzy and not quite in mood for anything.
i cant really sleep still. like last night, i slept late like ard 12, then i woke up at 4am.
then i tried sleeping again, and i kept waking.. i got up ard 9am, took medicine and breakfast,
then i felt drowsing again... then i fell asleep... but i wasnt really sleeping.. i went back to bed
but kept waking, then i got up again ard 2pm. it's crazy. i told the doctor i hoped to get well in two
days, and asked if he could give me heavier dose.. he did... and i felt like my heart is bouncing
faster than usual. am i still alright? i guess what doesnt kill me would cure me.

i miss him. i wonder if he found me weird kept sending him some special pics of mine.
he said he's fine. heehee i like that idea. however, i do wonder if he has already sent me the
stuffs i need from him... that.... i m not so sure. and it's very strange. apparently i m doing something
good for him and for us, but its like he's delaying his own benefit. if it's someone else, i would have
said to him/her that, no. that's it. enough is enough. i dont care if you want it or not. i gave it to you,
you didnt take it. that's it. bye. for him, i dont know what to do. ppl say in a relationship, there must
be someone chasing another one. i guess in this situation, i must be the one chasing after him,
not like he's chasing me at all. would i even need to propose to him one day?
i guess it's not happening. if he wants to marry me, he would propose to me. if he doesnt, then
it's not happening.

because, i dont wanna be the one asking for a marriage. if it should happen, it must take two
people to make it happen, equally. girls should never propose to guys. girls could be active or
take initiative to approach the guys they like, but when it comes to something serious, i think....
if the guys are serious enough to keep the relationship going or even taking it to the next stage,
the guys should do something about it. girls could be patient, but girls should remember what
roles they are taking. guys should remember chances are rare. if they are gone, they are gone.

i think i m talking too far.

sometimes during inflight, i saw lots of irresponsible parents. especially those chinese ones,
and sometimes i'd see some foreigner father with a chinese mother... they are the disasters.
it could take a very long while like almost a whole journey to figure out they are a family.
i mean... you could tell the kid was a mix, but u need to guess who's the father..
coz even though they do sit together, the mom and the dad dont talk with each others.
the dad d never touched the kid while the kid was crying, yelling, throwing things, jumping ard.
some chinese kids were the king or queen in their parents' eyes. that's also bullshit.
the parents dont know how to take care of their kids, dont know how to teach them, don't show
respect to the others, they are pathetic. what kind of parents they are, what kinds of kids the
new generation they are shaping into. money cant buy everything, they are not making good
use of the money.

he must have his reason for the delay. and i know he's been really busy too.
can i be more understanding or considerate? i think so, but its been a month already.
am i asking for something not possible to happen?

i miss him lots.















>>January 22, 2013 at 5:08:59 PM GMT+8