2013 年 8 月 2 日 星期五 【晴】

feel so tired... exhausted.

last night... got delay... then came back to HK late... i took taxi home... duty finished ard 02:15?
then yea... got home ard 3 sth am... .super exhausted. i almost fell asleep in the taxi coz i felt
too tired like dizzy and shit. i slept ard 4am... i got up ard 12:30... they changed my duty again.
they gave me duty today but then coz i landed too late last night, so less than the min rest hrs...
they canceled my duty and put me on standby starting 15:00... soon, very soon...
i didnt see any acknowledgement yet, not yet. but who knows... they might arrange a flight
for me soon...... i hope it'd be an overnight flight, so that i could earn some allowance and
flying 2 days instead of being standby tmr again...

i miss him.. sigh.









>>August 3, 2013 at 6:30:21 AM GMT+8

2013 年 8 月 1 日 星期四 【晴】

yesterday... i headed out for lunch with mom at my sis Doris' restaurant.
then i went Festival Walk, was still looking for J-ello for honey, and wanna see if there's Tylenol
as well.. i couldnt find any... but then yea, then i bought some chocolate for him.
i met Jacky for dinner. long time no see. just chi chatting... i still feel a little down.
came back to Tai Po late, and met with Shan.. we went Mcdonalds. i had some ice-tea.
just wanna chat. coz our schedule just doesnt match at all. she told me some more about
the secret. hummm.. good to have the closest friends around yea?

i miss him lots. im hoping to see him soon again.. sometimes i wonder if he wanted me to
be more.... active? as in i could have speak first or touch him before he asked. it's weird to
talk about it here, but yea... maybe. but at that time i had lots of stuffs in my mind and i really
wasnt sure what he wanted or not wanted.. at least i didnt feel i was wanted. not in many
ways but some certain way. and so... was i supposed to avoid it or.... what?
dont think too much first, Mei Kwan...

coz... u're going back to work after 14 days off in total. 11 days off, plus another 3 days off
of being no duty assigned during standby and another day off... anyway.... today is the
first day back to work... coz you finally have 2 acknowledgements for today and tmr...
yea, they assigned duty for tmr last night, and they gave me acknowledgement at ard 10 am
this morning for my standby duty starting at 11 am. i didnt click it at 10 this morning. fuck it.
if i clicked it, which means basically my standby duty should have started from 10 instead.
i waited till 10:58am to click it, still pretty nice enough to click it before my duty hr start.
i know 97% of ppl wont even bother to click it and would wait till they call for the possible
''120 mins call out'' taxi claim. i dont want it. i rather get prepared and leave home early to
give time for the buffer. what if u cant get a taxi? what if there's traffic jam outside?

anyway..... do ur best today Mei Kwan.. i know u miss him much, i know.
but remember what he said? dont be weird.









>>August 2, 2013 at 3:33:54 AM GMT+8

2013 年 7 月 29 日 星期一 【晴】

without him, everything is difficult. i know we only spent 7 days together the past week,
however, i miss him so much since i left there. only 7 days.... i dont know.. it's like we didnt
have much to do actually, but staying together just made everything different. everything
became fine. and when i left, i tried not to be sad coz i know i could go back to him next month.
but still, when i was at the airport i was a little sad. when i was on the plane, i got worse.
when i got home, happy to see my family again but still i felt worse. then yesterday was still
my vacation, i felt terrible and i cried a little bit even though i had a comedy cartoon movie with
pop corns and pop. and today, i rested and had standby late night (touch wood still haven't
called me yet) i still feel sad. i seriously do.

honey didnt ask about my family on the first two days when i was there.. but the third day,
after we sitting down at a restaurant, he finally asked. i was very worried. i worried a lot.
i still do coz no one knows what's gonna happen next. and it'd be a long thing. he gave me
some advice. i know he cares about me a lot and i do appreciate him. and he showed me
lots of stuffs, and also helped me with my computer. he even joked about if it was the reason
i went japan. haha.. of course not. but having a guy who knows computer and can fix things
for me is like my hero. i m a typical girl this way, i dont know and definitely am not good at
any computer, electronic stuffs. no mechanic for me as well. so he's my hero. and he knows
how to plant, knows how to take care of animals. he knows everything that i dont know.
he's my hero.

i emailed him about the ticket stuffs yesterday... he replied me today that he's very sick.
i saw him having fever. he got a flu. i m a little worried. coz... he doesnt usually get sick
easily. but when he does, they dont go away that quickly. for me, i always feel sick easily,
but they'd go away very quickly too. when i was still there, he already said feeling a little
unwell. i just didnt know he'd get sicker. i should have brought him some medicine.

i miss him lots.. but then next week, if his friend is visiting, then maybe we cant meet?
i m not sure... and what about the girl that we met? i dont really wanna think about that now.

i just finished unpacking my stuffs, and then pack the stuffs in my work trolley and handbag...
i'd need to get ready for my AEP, the annual emergency procedure... well, the exam and
assessment basically. it'd be on Aug 8 and 9. so soon........ which also means i've been
at KA for almost 1 year. Aug 6 is my date of joining. cool yea?

i love my family, and i love him... i think if he's not marrying me, that i'd need to find a new
relationship, that's gonna be almost impossible for me. and im not about to try or challenge
myself for that. for a moment i have thought about what if this or that, but i just dont wanna
change my mind, i dont wanna cheat, i dont wanna find someone else. i don't. i just want
him, and i have chosen him that i m not gonna change. he's the one.

what am i gonna do till i could see him again? i feel so lonely sometimes. and i need him.
he'd think i'm too emotional. but can he say that he had never missed me or he had
never felt sad when i left?










>>July 30, 2013 at 5:51:45 PM GMT+8

2013 年 7 月 28 日 星期日 【晴】

i miss him already.
we had a talk after i was back to HK. hummmm.... he said i worried too much.

i didnt do much today... when i woke up it was already ard 1 sth pm... that should be his 2 sth.
i missed him, i thought of him alot today. there were times that i had watery eyes. i tried not to cry.
i had late lunch with my parents, then i went Sha Tin alone... i went to the store there, but i still
couldnt find the Jell-O or Tylenol he wanted. i remember i saw them there before though..
then my youngest sis Doris came to join me, we watched a movie, long long long time haven't
been to a cinema, like at least 3 or 4 years? we watched Pixar cartoon, Monster University.
something funny to watch, right? we got the free tickets anyway.
last night, i couldnt sleep.. i checked the tickets for him. it's like.... from time to time i would look
at the watch then thought about what we did there..

i wanna write more later..



>>July 29, 2013 at 1:57:54 PM GMT+8

2013 年 7 月 25 日 星期四 【晴】

can anyone tell me what i should do?
i dont think i m happy about the news, but i guess there'snt much i could do. i feel the exact the
same as him. was i happy to hear that? fucking no. i m concerned. i know he's not happy even
though he tried to, i know he's not.

and as his girlfriend, i cant do much. even if i m really that stupid, he shouldnt have yelled
at me. its just the way we do things differently, is it necessary to be that angry?
he has never been to hk before, never ate the way we did. i m not japanese, am i really
supposed to know that i shouldnt have ate the way i did? even if i knew, im not dinning
outside, i m ''home''. maybe not. i m at his home, and so i should follow his rules.

i m just visiting, not even living here. there are many things that i DO understand and i DO
accept, although it's difficult i WOULD ACCEPT. coz i understand the situation.
proves me i m right and doing right, and not just blindly accepting everything just coz i love him.
i m doing everything i can. i m trying so hard already. i m just a girl, i m not that strong actually.

>>July 26, 2013 at 9:33:28 AM GMT+8

2013 年 7 月 23 日 星期二 【晴】

i m glad to be here, with him.
coz with him, everything is different. in a good way i mean..
it's like having someone who would understand exactly how i feel towards certain things
happening in the society. he'd judge me, but wouldnt be mad at me. not yet at least.
but at the same time, this guy is the pain in the ass towards certain things.

i dont have any brothers at home. the only male figure i have when i was growing up was
my dad, and maybe some schoolmates. but mostly i look up my dad and i know what
a man should be like, and what types of guys i definitely dont want, and also what types
of guys i would get along with. i know myself very well, although i know i m the pain in the
ass as well. i m fuzzy. i m shy. i m not into big groups of ppl, especially a big group of girls.
i rather stay alone sometimes, go shopping alone sometimes than hanging out with ppl
i m not close with. i could be talkative but that's not my true nature. i could be aggressive
when i felt attacked but its also not my nature. i like to think, i like thinking. i m not wise or
smart, but i always have weird thinking or like creation. maybe ppl wont understand me,
but that's okay as long as they dont criticise me. i m weak. but i m independent. i rather
be alone sometimes. so that i know what to expect and what i dont like wont happen.
things dont have to happen exactly the way i like, i just dont want to keep being surrounded
by things that i dont like. i know i m weird.

and so when i m not fuzzy or shy in front of him, it actually takes lots of efforts and
courage. and of course he's the only person that makes my heart beat so fast when i was
on the train, on the way to the station to meet him. i know that's it, that's him, he's the one.
however, he always brings me difficult challenges. good and bad.

i m a girl, and i m scared sometimes. i want to be protected and feel safe if things happened.
i want my guy on my side. that shows loyalty. i wont test him, i dont want to test him.
its pointless to test someone. but i do hope he'd be on my side if things happened.

i told him something big about my family today. something i couldnt tell the others..
i have already seen him as part of my family.

i should sleep first now... write tmr...

>>July 24, 2013 at 6:09:22 PM GMT+8

2013 年 7 月 22 日 星期一 【晴】

:)





>>July 23, 2013 at 11:46:22 AM GMT+8

2013 年 7 月 21 日 星期日 【晴】

see you in japan.

>>July 21, 2013 at 8:44:39 PM GMT+8

2013 年 7 月 18 日 星期四 【晴】

Mei Kwan... what are you thinking?
you trust him, you cant question yourself just because you have weird feelings.
even if you're not confident about yourself, you can't doubt on the others.
i know you're lonely, i know. i know you want someone when you're tired, i know.
i know it's hard to wait for someone and he's messing around. i know you want sex.
i know, i didnt hide these feelings from myself. either you're gonna cope with that or
you're gonna leave.







>>July 19, 2013 at 5:31:01 PM GMT+8

2013 年 7 月 17 日 星期三 【晴】

Laying in bed.. Completely exhausted both physically n mentally..
But couldn't sleep. Got huge body pain even after a strong massage.
Full loaded flight delaying with annoying n rude pax. There weren't much
I could do. N purser was being harsh somehow just made everything
Even more difficult. It's not like I'd like to do things wrong. It's just hard to
Communicate with her. Anyway.... Difficult n long day was done..
But parking at the outer bay n crew bus was late that made out duty longer
Than it should... Then when I was on the way home, the ppl stink,
N talked so loud that I can't understand n I can't accept. I wanted to cry.
I seriously did. It's like shut the fuck up! I need to fucking rest my mind!
If ur on the public bus, mind ur manner! It's fucking 12 am. Who do u think
would be interested in ur Hindo conversation??!! N Chinese we r nt worse
Than them. Why do ppl need to speak so loud??!!

Got honeys email...... Very clear info. Hes bullshitting either her
Or me. Or the same line would work for both. I m so tired already
I don't wanna guess or think. Whatever it is, if he wants to play, then
Play. But then I shall nt be serious or maybe I'd be gone. It's hard to
Play with the truth or be serious with the lies.

I'm happy to join, I appreciate the chance n effort he made.
So now, can u understand how complicated I feel?

I can't force anyone or anything, so I'm not gonna try that.
I suggest myself to go to sleep first.

>>July 18, 2013 at 7:32:52 PM GMT+8