2004 年 1 月 8 日 星期四 【晴】

Today i send my sister to her school to take lesson.
then i saw my old classmates , he invited me to join the gathering.
but i rejected him, coz i had to go home.
i'm thinking that when i will be back the place that i was belonged.
that's my hiding plce... when i got any problems i would go there.... but,...things changed.
maybe it's not about the things, but myself.
after the service(soma) , i know... i 've done my best already. and... okay.. nothing at all.
"Father, i'm so sorry. i'm not going to hurt you, not meaning to be isolated , but i really get lost now"
the bright in my heart is off , i dont know how , when, why , where to turn it on again.
i'm waiting for some help. and nnow, i dont want to hurt people, i dont want to get more sin,
that's all enough.

i will do my part, try my best,... and others will help me to do the rest.

>>January 9, 2004 at 11:51:59 AM GMT+8

2004 年 1 月 7 日 星期三 【晴】

hello,

i'm writting a diary for yesterday.
i'm listening "life for rent" right now, which is very soft and touching .
in these days, i'm entangling in some problems, erm,...love again?
anyway, it's not my want. i just avoiding it.
i hope they understand that i cant.

i know my friend ,queenie is worried for me, but...i 'm still fine. not die yet, haha...
my english is not good, but i enjoy using english, coz it's fun ; i feel good in it.
i know there must be some misticks in my writting, but i dont care...haha...
maybe people find it then they dont want to read this site anymore...haha..i dont care...
coz it's my place, if you dont like, dont feel good, it's okay.
i dont expect many people to read my diary, but it's welcome taht my friends come to take a look.
=)
and,...how's life now? very care free, coz on holidays now... school will start on 12 th.
and i will be busy and hard working heehee...that's promised.
anyway, we're going to review and discuss about the su,
of course i need to make self-criticism too... i say so, i have to stay at the group.
i cant leave my group mates , and my job is important for me . i wont leave till the things are all done.
this is the principle.

i used to think i want to move out, dont want to live with my family...
but now, i find that i need them... i love my father , mother and 2 little sisters.
if everyone is going to leave me, but they wont.
and i know my parents give me so much, but they growth old everyday.
i want to spend more time with them. i love to being with them...
if i got chances, i think i will move out , but it's not equal that i am going to leave them away.
in god, i got no ideas. and i know i'm a bad christian. ( at least now i'm )
but i dont know when i will be back to church or gathering.
when i pray i feel the pain from my heart. it's like the .....bugs inside your body, they dont bite you,
but they make you uncomfortable, you will feel that's so disgusting then it becomes a kind of pain;
it hurts you , and the relationship between God and you.
The bugs are evil. can i stop them? but i feel tired to be a little good girl .
maybe i got something changed that i dont know? is it just a fault?

>>January 9, 2004 at 11:34:48 AM GMT+8

2004 年 1 月 6 日 星期二 【晴】

Today i go to mong kok with friend,
she brings me to the shop that sell earrings in very low pric... haha... i buy...8.
i'm so glad that i have those earrings =) coz it's really interesting.

i got some new friends from internet, they're from utah and new zealand.
they're very nice =) thankyou.
and also there're some friends arrounding me are good for me, taking care of me =) thx.

erm,...i want to enjoy my holidays right now, and i still got some stuff in su,
i wont give up my job there, coz i think i have to support jin (the su)
he got heart in it, so ,...i think it's worth to support. even though i will leave it.
and i'm going to contact my classmates which will leave the class, just make sure where they will go
and i should know how the situtation will be and how're the new classmates come and stay.
i should prepare well before the changes.
and we will have a meeting on the first day after school =)

erm,...i will stay at home tomorrow,... hope to post the thing to Wuhao too.
then i will have a walk, deep breath.

>>January 7, 2004 at 2:50:48 PM GMT+8

2004 年 1 月 4 日 星期日 【晴】

today i buy a jeans... very nice, a bit expensive jeans... lucky that it's on sale~
haha~

hum,... tomorrow start the holiday~ yeash~~~~
but today i spend too much money... ai~

the exam is quite fair, just use the less-est time to finish it.
coz...that's the last one, i think i should try other method to do paper.
then i use the least time to do it...heehee =)

tomorrow i will become a tutor for my sister ~haha..
i'm bad today, not fine.
goodnight.

>>January 5, 2004 at 3:38:54 PM GMT+8

2004 年 1 月 3 日 星期六 【晴】

i'm really sleepy now...
i'm preparing for my psy test, almost the final exam...

today we go watch "Love Actually" which i 've been wondering so long !
That's a nice, funny, and romantic movie for christmas..
i know it's a bit late, just past the christmas,
but... anyway, just like to prepare for the next christmas 04. haha..
then we share the cake with vincent at the harbour , coz today is his birthday =)
woo...nice day .
after tomorrow , i will be so free for a week... cool man...
but actually i dont think that's good.
coz...i 'll be too free that cause me in the disorder state. haha.. joking.
but i dont like to be too free...i will hang out with them, and waste money.
but if i dont go out, just stay at home, then it's worse... i will eating and eating...
and i will think away, think of the past, then become sad and depressed.

i will plan a lot of fun for myself... at least dont let myself go into abnormality.
happy new year castor... although i say so, i dont feel that's new for me.
everything still the same with me. nothing speciall, even christmas also like dead.
even though i hang around those guys that night, having a lot of fun... not be alone, but i still can
feel the tears in my heart. that's real, although i'vent say it out. when i sit down, be honest ...
i cant stand for the person now that is me... i think i changed too much...that i cant understand who're
the real, whoe arent in my self. i feel scared deeply... just like i 've never knew that person.

that day i recieved the card from junming, he wrote ...hope i find the real castor already.
i dont know... maybe i still need more time.
plx...give me more time god.. i'm not avoiding you, but i'm too scared to approach you.
i can hear your voice--the spirit, but i just cant accept that... all the things happen so fast..
i cant adjust them and... i havent faith in church , in the gathering...i havent. i'm so weak.
i dont wanna develope the new relationship with the new people and whatever...
i dont wanna be closed with guys and ... it just sacre me.
if love is a kind of hurt, can i dont give and dont take? if love is a kinda good things...
but it should bring me hurt too right?
then... can i just avoid it far far away ?
i'm so .... confused...

>>January 4, 2004 at 6:51:12 PM GMT+8

2004 年 1 月 2 日 星期五 【晴】

MERRY NEW YEAR ~!

Just long time havent come here...

i 've finished all the econ assignments! yahoo~!
but... unfortunately i think i maybe fail in this subject.
although all of us are the cheaters--why i saying that is because the ass ans just come from others,
who finished already; they got those ans ,then pass through to us.--i still feel happy ,just cause of
finishing those stuffs. They drive me mad actually. It's sin....sigh....

"merry new year" is coppied from JunMing~ haha... he taught me.
and i'm happy that i will take the new term on 12 th Jan... everything will be new again~
so good, right?! erm,... i 'm going to be hard working and to insist on studying.
i promise i will get good GPA (in the total course).

today i just wanna take the last psy lesson again, then i back to school,. everythings go well,
but at the end of the lesson, Mr. Martin lost him temper,(hum,...actually he is frustrated) then he left.
when he was packing his belongings joey and me asked him if he was okay or not..if he was angry
or just frustrated. and i knew that because we were damn bad ...
we( the class) just keep talking and talking.... woo~ so bad. sorry mr. martin.

and i heard that mr.johnson isnt that good except in class.
he used bad language to blame or insult us under the counter... oh... i know he always discuess
with Kenny (the office boy) but i didnt find him use that language to talk about us.
anyway , he is a good teacher in class, that's enough...
and i understand that not all of my classmates are that patient ,and responding.
they dont respond, dont esteem to him that make him frustrated too... yup, he told me before.
sigh... after class, we still can talk, can chat... i dont think he's that bad.
In class there're so many students didnt concentrate and dont care what he said.
then result comes back were terrible... *(but still better than econ one =))
i know he is a good tutior so, i'm not going to kick him out of my mind =)
he taught me a lot of things =) Thankyou, Johnson~

Otherise, i chat with kai leung and hui ping today =) haha... nice chat.
we seldom chat, coz we have our own stuffs, be always busy one man...haha...
but we keep contact, via e-mails or what... hum,... some forward things and chian letters =)
heehee~ we're still the well buddies, frenz lor~ lol...=)
i wish all the best with them in the coming years~!
hum,...i think i will just concentrate on the last psy test in these 2 comming days.
after that i will take long break and contact my old frnz and my old teachers =) ~!
yeah~! then i will go buy clothes haha~ go shopping , hanging around with tracy, jackie.....

take care , castor, work hard castor...
and.. goodbye 2003 castor.
Today is 2004 already. new year, new things... i wish i can go study over sea after the associate.
and the peace of world, my family is well, frenz 're well also...
that's all my want in 2004.

>>January 2, 2004 at 5:52:03 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 30 日 星期二 【晴】

i slept for 15 hrs yesterday.
i was really tired, but today i think i will do the assignment later.
tomorrow will be another day.
it's the new day of the new year.
i hope i will have a greater year.

hum,...i will have the new term, start on 12th Jan.
some old students from last year woul;d come, but part of my classmates will move to other class.
ai~ i dont know la... my father said it's like the politics...and i 'm partly agree with him .

i want to think back the whole year of 2003... it's like too short. i feel strange .
and last year happened too much thing already =)
and i still havent contact my uncle , hum,... dont know how to explain to him,...
and maybe call him later. i'm so tired to do anything, in clude my assignments =) haha!!!
i just want to take rest~ haha!! so lazy.

but, actually i'm tired to think.
merry next year~ yahoo~

>>December 31, 2003 at 8:47:04 AM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 28 日 星期日 【晴】

my usu exam .... may be cant pass ...
and econ today... sux....
oh...too bad man ...

just too tired, tomorrow got math exam, then i will have pinic lunch again~!
and we will watch "Love Actually" ^^

i prayed for him last night, just follow by the spirit.
and i talk with jackie on phone today, so nice to hear her voice again~haha...
we talk about him, and she gave me some advice =) thx jackie~
anyway, i'm goona to be my truth-self.
hum,.... i forgot what i wanna say~ okay, just drope out few lines. =)

>>December 29, 2003 at 3:04:01 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 27 日 星期六 【晴】

Today i have to stay at home for studying.
i 'll take the last econ test tomorrow morning. it's really really hard .
if i cant take over 70, i may fail in course.
but,... the fact is-- i only pass 1 in 3 times.
econ is the worst sub that i cant fix, too tough to get pass.
however, i know i will fail, but i should finish it, keep the spirit.
i know my friends support me a lot... i just dont want to let them down.
and i wont give up, i think.

today i got an e-mail from cecilia ,miss tong, whom was my tution class teacher.
it's so glad to hear ~ haha
hum,... just wanna have a new start in my studies...
think back 4 months ago,
i said that also, and i had a nice start , pretty bliss.(of course, because he standed behind me)
but used a long time to adjust my school life. it's so different from the college.
now, i may use less time to adjust another term. but i have to becareful la...
anyway, i know my class will be seperated , some will join and some will leave.
it's quite bad to hear those . but just think of the possitive way, that maybe good.
because the old students from the last year will join us, they will stimulate the class.
we need some stimulus. but part of my classmates will go another section.
let say god bless....

hum,... the rest is the the most difficult part which i concern everyday...
but i gonna not write it down.
if you understand what i'm meaning , that means you know me a lot.
what 's so important that anytimes fix deeply in my heart?
ah-huh... so smart, you may know it already.
God bless.

>>December 28, 2003 at 6:24:47 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 26 日 星期五 【晴】

Hello,

Today is a special day, i dont write down here~heehee
anyway, i have a nice day today. we go for lesson, then we have lunch together in tsim sha tsui...
it was a very nice lunch. we buy food, cross the harbor then sit on the ground,hum,...stair actually.
it such as moving back to NZ... we have a great harbour view ! and then i feel so carefree~
we all were the exchange students ( although i was not staying long there) we chat alot and
.......have a nice time~ heehee.

i hope i can watch the firm "love actually" next mon or tue, if dont go watch, then cant watch in cinema.

and,... today when we back home, we take bus , then me, joey and vincent chat a lot, we talk about so many things deeply... it's good. i like that kind of friend =) anyway, just so carefree today, although i'm fighting for my econ test now . and when i back home, my parents and leggy are going to leave,
i take a short sleep then prepare the dinner for maggie...and also myself.
there're only us in home... the feelings is good, carefree. haha!
anyway,... just a nice day today =)

hum,... when i think of j , i will smile. when i think of chris, i smile too~
but, it's different in them.
goodnight, and may tomorrow be a nice day =)

>>December 27, 2003 at 6:18:53 PM GMT+8