2003 年 12 月 25 日 星期四 【晴】

Hello,

hum,...last night was the christmas,right?!
heehee
anyway,...just post on something first. That were my profile in icq.
i gonna change this.
風吹落最後一片葉 我的心也飄著雪
忽然間樹梢冒花蕊 我怎沒感覺
艷陽高照在那海邊 友情盛開的世界
遠遠看著熱鬧一切 我記得那狂烈
我瞭解 那些愛過的人 心是如何慢慢在凋謝
從回憶我慢慢穿越 在這寂寞的季節

如果是因為外在因素,那我們之間承諾的意義又何在呢?
不堅壯的信念還要守下去嗎?承諾都已經解除了嗎?
即使我為你堅持,你也要放手,我又何苦為你而守?
承諾是永遠的,我們都不應欺騙自己.
我後悔答應放棄. -- 矛盾

*Gypsophila ,配角,但不可或缺*

沒放棄,但給時間重新觀看 --矛盾後

okay,...
i have a nice christmas =)
this's the first time i went out with friends in christmas.
i got 2 presents from friends, one is from christy the another one is from isaac.
hohoho~~~ one is earings , one is a scaft~ both of them are very nice~
ThankYou ar~!
i got ,.... 2 cards, hum,... actually is 3.
one is from Queenie, one is Christy, one is ...heehee...is JunMing.
Thanks=)
so nice to gather with 5D =) it's a warm christmas =)
i made some pieces of cake for christmas, it's nice.

I'll have a new msn account in msn , because i wanna make some friends in Utah,hum,....i mean
in US one. i wanna know more about my scholl there, and wanna meet some friends in UK,
CA , AUS and also,.... some funnt place~ haha... anyway, it's just "wanna"
hum,... i will have a new term soon, hope to have a new start on my work.
=) goodnight.

" Happy Birthday for Jesus "

>>December 26, 2003 at 3:16:22 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 23 日 星期二 【晴】

i went Lsc tonight, havent go church ...
hum,... when i prayed, i told god that God tie me with this difficult, then He should take care of me.
He should re-tie it for me...

just now, i talked with chris again,...he just told me dont put any hope between us,
it's not worth, and we only can be friends. He isnt ready to be friend actually...
i wanna call him, but he said better dont, because...he minds...
hum,...i asked him if he had have thought about that i make those card and present for many people,
he appologied to me,.. " no no... it doesnt matter."
hum,...i dont know what to say,...but i told him if he always thought that way; it's hard for him
to accept other'sss . i used to thought that it's him to tell me he can take it over at first,
i thought he make it already,...but the fact is he still cant... okay, let say,...i dont wanna see him like
that, and it's also so tough for him ,and also me... so... i let him go. now, i let him go,...but...
so what? anyway, i let him go,... i listen to him, i stop to do all. just hope he'll be happy...
then,...i told him that i am not going to talk about the hope, coz hope or not isnt the thing we ought to
talk about and,...i dont wanna talk about the past, just want to be friends with him.
he told me to move on, dont forget there's someone waiting for me.
erm,...i told him the truth that,...i cant and dont.
yea...that's the truth. i even told him there're some problems in many ways, also with my lovely god.
so,...that's the why i said i dont and cant.

now is the christmas already... just hope he will have a nice christmas.
and,... now we're friends, i cant control anything in relationship. i think i accept that we 've broken up
already, but still cant fix some problems. anyway, i said that before, if i cant compromise those things,
then i dont go deep with anyone.

now, it's not my own problems,...it's the thing between me and god.
i cant control, and dont wanna make choice.
i give time to him, and Him and also myself...i dont be a fool and dont be anxious.
although, i dont have bf now, but i still feel peace and =) ... hum,.... not that lonly actually.
thanks for god

>>December 24, 2003 at 6:00:23 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 21 日 星期日 【晴】

i used to be treated like this.
it cant hurt me...

i dont care for it anymore, so that's the why i 'm not hurted.

i love, but i dont .
dont ask me why, i dont know too, but i know i love but i dont.

>>December 22, 2003 at 2:23:28 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 20 日 星期六 【晴】

hello,

now, i'm not in my home, in my friend's home...hum,...i 'm very tired, because i've been so busy.
i cant sleep very well, because got few time to sleep... i dont know where my time goes,
just know that i am very tired and busy.
time goes very fast, a year will be over. last year that time, i was....a little girl~haha
then, i prepared to face ... some big problems and ... some... things that i hadnt faced before.
i was falling with a guy, haha... the guy is... my ... bf. erm,......haha... erm,...
the first one, haha..
anyway, after a year, now, i just finished the sec love...
i've never thought of it.
whatever one or two had past already....people may think that i have some experience
and will be coming smart, right? erm,... i dont know.
just know that i have to be smart...haha... dont know what i'm saying now.
nope nope,...i am not saying anything, just typing...
haha... anyway,
there're some good guys arround me, do i have any feelings? erm,... dont know how to say.
i think it's not the time yet.
that's the point,... it's not the right time yet.

i will take 2 exams on Tue, i havent prepared it, just busy to go out almost everyday.
ai..........

hey!
the christmas ball is over already.
it was nice. after the night, i think we get closer ...(i mean all the schoolmates)
it's good la~ this's the first time for me to attend this kind of party.
nice nice nice.... but it's far from my home. and i was late to back home... it was so cold!
it was .... .... ... only.... 7 c. cool....
write back later.

>>December 21, 2003 at 10:02:00 AM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 17 日 星期三 【晴】

今天是我在soma,也是個人的第一次出隧日子...
之前我是一點擔憂都沒有,因為我相信主會讓我們有一個good show,一個具感染力的好show.
我之前有打算過離開soma今次的事奉,...因為我對神有懷疑的時候,我不相信
我能作出好榜樣,也不能有感染他人的能力,就是在台上唱唱歌而已,沒有意義的事吧.
但是我...我想了很久,在想我是否應該退出的時候,意粉提醒了我啦...
erm,...我知道自己在一個低谷裡面,...受到許多試探,...但是我仍然覺得這是我和神之間
的問題,或許是chris,我和神之間的事,與其他人是沒有關係的,什至我會覺得...
我不能取去他人受感動的權利或是受感動的機會...而且我深信這餉神是唯一的真神,
再無別名...
所以,我只好盡力去歌頌祂,也藉以去找尋自己多一點...
我覺得神是要讓我去學習的...我覺得...我是需要時間的,我覺得祂在帶領我去經歷祂.
這是第一次的事奉,感覺到自己心內那份熱血是希望他人能感應到的,希望可以有那種光芒...
thanks god, thanks soma and thanks g-one, especially for alex and grad ...
i know grad is going to move back canada, we're going to miss him, and...
it seems like everything will have a comma, but dont know when will be started again...
i do miss these month what we did together, what we experienced together...
what had the jesus lord have done...
grad is a good drumer, and really really happy to work for him.
i know after a year, we, soma, and g-one will gether again...
and when the day comes, we all will meet at the heaven.
may god bless him , g-one, and also soma all all all the time.

anyway,i've been very busy with my works, less rest...
there's a function in lsc tomorrow and also the su in my school, and got a test .
then next mon will take exam... tough man..
i just put chris away, and let's time go through all the things... if , if... if we're the one that
god wonder, then,... i think god will let us go together when the time is right.
but,... i must wait, and maybe he isnt the right person...
anyway, i just wait for the imply. during this period, i think i cant love a person deeply,
because i still cant make sure the answer from my lord...
i have to find out the answer and where'i am now.

sat i wana go watch a movie with joey, vincent...
and sunday we got a gathering with grad at lunch... i'm gonna miss him.
and i think all of us will be too.
god bless soma.
a-man.

>>December 18, 2003 at 4:11:11 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 13 日 星期六 【晴】

today is tired.
i havent go airport, but i wanted to go... no chances.
anyway, just tired, very cold actually.
we eat out tonight.
it's nice... and,... tomorrow i got test and 2 lessons,
i changed the class... i think tomorrow will be much more tired.
because before the test, i got 2 classes with no breaks.
just hope that's fine.
and Tue i will have 2 classes too...
so tough, morning class everyday .

>>December 14, 2003 at 3:00:40 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 13 日 星期六 【晴】

今日好累...累得要命...今個星期和下個星期我都好好忙...好充實.

我今早 6:00 才睡,睡了4.5 hrs, 就是為了christmas cards... 我就是趕不上呢,唉..
總是沒機會,沒時間會到post station 和 snationary shop ... 去買材料. 也沒有心力去做這些cards,
那只好推到最後的幾天. 今年沒為junming準備什麼禮物,但是chris就有一條由我親自秀上名字
的毛巾啦. 是因為沒時間為junming準備吧,不是不想的. 但是我為他們準備了一個鈴兒,
聖誕嘛,這個不應欠缺的.
我還差好多張哦~我希望再做就是先做給子欣,miss erin, 之後再做給 sg ,cn 的朋友們,

soma 的practice 還好啦...但是真的好累.
god bless...那種光芒...
願主祝福恩全堂,queenie, chris, junming,.....
我最近都好小為到大家禱告...
但其實是有心無力的.
願主保守你們每一個...
i still giving time myself to find the ways, and i shall make clear that.

>>December 13, 2003 at 5:04:12 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 10 日 星期三 【晴】

today is a tired tired day...
i cant post the cards in time...too bad...

today i am late ... because of last night...
i just slept for 3.5 hrs, very tired.
we took a lot of photos today, but tracy isnt there .
hum,...i got nothing to share ...
i just hope that i can finish the cards on time, but i think i'll be very busy for my econ test,
cant put too much time on cards ... ai... and also i wanna go airport in this weekend; there's
a very big function there.

i'm a bit sich with my belly . not very pain, but sick ...
tomorrow i will go pratcice again, back to lsc.
and next week, i will change 2 classes .
one for the soma, the other one is for fun =P .

i havent go interview today,... cant fix the time , i think she will call me next week...
if she doesnt, i just find another job. anyway, my mother just oppose me to work strongly.
she even told me my dad doesnt allow me to do so. i am not really obeyed with that kind of rubish.
well, i dont think my dad 's speech is that strong , just my mom exaggerates that~

>>December 11, 2003 at 1:28:41 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 10 日 星期三 【晴】

today is a really tired day

今天遲早大到,天氣好冷,穿得不錯,見到那好帥的人,開了很多玩笑,
傻得像小朋友,今天和shan吃lunch,回lsc practice,打好了會章,開始了做christmas card,
耳朵還好,心裡的難過都被擱置...

明天會去跟他們拍照,行街,要見工,要寄東西,要上usu,可能又見到那個好帥的人.
明天放早啊,希望可以休息一下...

其他的事,write back soon... today really really tired.

>>December 10, 2003 at 4:50:36 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 8 日 星期一 【晴】

i got two earrings with my ears now =)
both one got one separatetly ; on my earlobes.
it's glad that to have them, because i just wondered for long time ago.
i take care of my wound well =) do i look pretty? haha...

anyway, i think the look has been changed already , with the right style for me.
last night i was thinking that why i wanted to change the image . i answered myself, because i want.
when i were one's gf, i even dont want to change anything. because i thought it's good
that all the things keep constant ; at least dont change too much ; that's safe !
i didnt make up, i didnt cut my hair, didnt have earrings ,didnt wanna change the image,
just kept the little good girl . it maybe a bit out of date, but i didnt care !
i just dont wanna in a poor taste that most of the girls are indulging.
my mind is different from them (i thought...) .

but , after the breaking , i just want to make myself look different, and just want to be happy,
forget the sadness . i even dont care about what i thought before...
but actually that's really important that if my mind is totally changed ... maybe i am not doing the
right thing to let myslef to be happy but being a fool .
you know, if a guy really happy, that's joyful , not only the happiness .
what i need is joyful ,not the happiness only. joyful is bright one , is from one's heart . you cant hide it.
and today i saw that " To lead others out of the darkness, let them see your light."
the light in our heart is from our Jesus Lord . if i hide it, hide from the spirit , i will be dead in my heart.
and what make me feel peaceful, joyful ? it's the light in everyone's heart.
if i change the image, but still cant feel satisfied ... that means i am still i was -- the bad mood castor.
so, i just feel uncomfotable with my change. i think... if i really want to be a new .
i have to re- new myself, which from my heart ...
that means i have to let my light on again. i cant escape from myself...
why i lost, because i am escaping. maybe if i dont escape, be brave and stay strong to wait for my answers,God will let me know about it . And i will know why he separated us ,and why and why ...

i thought that a new life is for my own self only, but i was wrong...
it belongs to my Lord. so now i wont leave Soma, i will try my best on that day.
because i have to show them my light , and also lead them out from the real darkness.
the new life that i thought was created by God and it's kept by Chris.
but now, i say " the life, and the light are not my own self , but Lord."
i have to stay back from the daed line ... and i have to learn how can be really joyful.
i'm still what i am ... and i will keep finding myself till the day i think enough.

i put away the love with him , put away the pain , just go out look around what others need.
what i need , what love is, what is life , what is whatever...
but stop go deep with any guys. because i am not the right girl now.
today i am thinking, if i got aciddent or he got, then what ?! i think god bless us.
God protect us. if someday i can find out my answers, then it 'll be a glad day .
if i dont, i think he doesnt too. anyway , all the things are a blessing, gift already.
Thanks.
Thanks for God and friends.
God will give me the right time , tell me the right chance , then we will go together .
i said "i just hope someday we make right choices at the right time ."
i know it does come true . it should be .
[ * that's my faith]

>>December 9, 2003 at 11:08:50 AM GMT+8