2004 年 7 月 30 日 星期五 【晴】

today... i attend to class.
then, have tea with rachel, we talk about love.
she tells me a lot of rules, tells me a lot of examples.
haha...

then i back to home.

i ate the kiwi fruit, i become sick.
then, i have to sleep. coz my eyes were pain,then tears come, my mouth were being red and uncomfortable.
very uncomfortable with my bodies.
i need to rest.
i know when i was sleeping, i got many calls.
when i waked, i..... just....dont know what happened.
hum...
i hate taking on phone in these days.
coz, i dont know what can help when people tell me thier stuffs.
i have many things to do, in my heart, i'm a bit frustated.
i cant take care much of them, so i shut up, give up, let others to take up my jobs.
but the outcome made me stressed.
such as the gathering for 5D, supposed i have to arrange something (not the dinner on tomorrow)
but i know i wont be able to carry too much on it, so i've disscussed with others.
but from the call, i know we both cant take it well. so, just wait and see.
i just look for the chance. but i still havent seen much.
then queenie's back.
she wanna has the gathering, so... i think let her to do it.
coz she 's much free than me.
but, hum... alright, next time, i will do it by myself or calls other for help.
i cant predict everything. but i 'm learning how to accept things that happened , cant be cahnged.
hum, people minds have changed, i cant force them for what.
if they give up the chance, it's really sorry. but, so?
i miss them so much, then? i know maybe they miss us too, but ?
i cant do anything. so...?

tomorrow, we supposed having the gathering.
but it's cancled, seting up another gathering privately.
is it neccesary? the first one is optional right?
if people want to join, they will come. how about the sec one, huh?
i'm so confused.
queenie remind me to be ware of speaking. coz she thought i've lost temper on her many times.
well, i'm so sorry. i dont know why everytime when we meet, temper comes.
wait a min...
i think i wont meet her in the coming servals weeks.

i have exam tomorrow.

hum...
i'm so sorry.
i 've never mean to hurt anyone.

>>July 30, 2004 at 4:54:34 PM GMT+8

2004 年 7 月 28 日 星期三 【晴】

Few days havent be here.
manny things happened.

today, i go take tofel exam.
thx for calais. he sends me there. thx so much !
i got less points... well... last night was a bit...... silly.
i 've been wondering my dream job at airport.
i got the chance to apply a course in major. but... just coz i wont be ok to concerntrate on my studies,
my parents stop me. i know they're right, i better dont take the course...
but it's the chance for me to touch the knowledge of air-line industries now.
there're no courses like this one before. and dont know if the course 'll exsist or not after this time.
i almost get the key to the door, but blocked.
i'm very dissapointed actually. really depressed.
and i found myself was so foolish. if i know the sitiuation well, supposed not to attend to "semina"
last night. coz i 've tofel today. but i was outside the whole day then back at 11:30
queenie was being with me ... but.. seems like is me to led her be tired. she's a bit un-willing.
but i love the course... maybe this's the only chance for me , but i lose it.
daddy said, dont need to feel up-set. coz the course is nice, but now just isnt the right time to take.
alright... i'm so depressed. i cried... coz i know how much the course values me.

so....
i dont know what to say more.
today daddy wake me up by sweet words... i know coz he thinks he hurts me.
actually i know he does right. i didnt angry at him, i just still cant take over it only.

last night, i saw many people would take the application, and i saw many nice and worse teens
in class... i know i have the chance to join in class. they only accept 25 students.
but you know? i've 70 % confidence to say i 'd be one of them, and i would take the pass.
but now... i just now, i've to concerntrate on my studies... and working.
i've to go canada. coz i know myself. i know i've to be there then i could complete my bechlor,
my dream and get my full confidence.

well,...
today.
that old shit woman pissed me off.
i'm not in mood , there're so many seats at that fast food restaurant. she just choose mine!
i ask her to sit another place, my friends coming. she doesnt move, being rude to me !
she arranged the all the seats for her, her friends and me and queenie!
how come i need her direction? she tolde me where to sit? is she sick?
what's the hell going on? she just sit next to queenie's seat.
when queenie comes, than we "sqaueel". ...
queenie ask me why dont move to other place. "coz she wanna share the tabble with us!"
i speak in english. that old woman glanced at me.
"i come here first !" "i'm the first here!" "i've the right to stay here right?"
my friend sit down, but i know the show should be end. coz i know i'm being un-controled.
"ok! let's move!!!" i left ... very angry... very very angry.
i'm a christain, i shouldnt scold people like this... but i was very very angry!
coz i was polite speaking, but that "belach" didnt take it.
she was very impolite at the first place. then i know i 've to stand for myself.
i hate older teasing yongs. they dont have any extra authority.
we treat them extra politly, coz we respect them.
today, i havent scold her directly, although the words are at my tooth.
i even dont wanna let her know what i say to my friend.
i just need her to listen clearly, i'm not the weaks. i dont need to say what to her...
but i can use the language that she cant understand to gossip her in front of her. that's enough!
she doesnt understand what i say i think.
if she knows it, better! coz she knows what's going on.
that's her the loser.

however...
on Mon,
supposed i 've to attend to meeting at 8:00.
but i was waked at 8:45 , by the call from Wyane.
He calls me ... erm,....
so,.. thx for him, coz his call, i could be in time to take the usu exam at 10:00 am.
after exam, i go mcdonald's... and i find them just finished.
i got the news, chalres and daisy would quit the job, sunday 'll be the last day.
rain, my best in mcdonald's is going to quit too. just on sep.
i'm going to miss them, coz they're very nice to me.
chalres looks like my friend... i saw him then stimulate the image in mind.
he quits.. is it good for me? maybe. coz it's time to forget my friend too.

hum,....
tomorrow i 've to hang the draft to class.
i'll try my best.

i'm so sorry ,friends...
coz i'm not in mood in these days.
tired, stressed so... so sorry .

perhaps soma would be fine too.
i put down soma from my mind. coz i dont want to spread my time, my mind on them.
they're too much. they depressed me almost everytime.
i dont want to give up, but now i 've to cool down. if not... i'll be mad.

>>July 29, 2004 at 11:16:37 AM GMT+8

2004 年 7 月 24 日 星期六 【晴】

BullShit.

actually today is very nice.
coz my friend drives me to school and send me back.

well, but you know?!
today i got a call from Wyane, he said we'll have a meeting at 8 am on Monday.
I got an exam, that shit usu final exam at 10 am in wan chai !!!!
and then i got the fchd lesson + presentation at Tsim Sha Tsui !!!!
i dont want to attend to the meeting.

and tomorrow, coz no one duty, so i w'll be there at 6:30 am to get ready for the opening!!!!
oh shit.
i got to go out at 5:30 am.
what's the time now?
.....

>>July 24, 2004 at 4:41:16 PM GMT+8

2004 年 7 月 22 日 星期四 【晴】

Well,

today, i go to school for the writing lesson.
This is the last two lessons.
hum,................. she teachs us to write for the refrence.
nice lessons!
then, rachel and me go to cause way bay.
it's very crowed in the time square.
i brought two piars of ear-rings.
well... i love that shoses, but cost $ 550. (before disscount)
and the clothes, cost $ 380 (before disscount)
hum,... it's very expensive for me now~ haha!
coz i spent much on books before, at the book fair.
and i'm going to take the course . i'll pay for myself... so.... i cant spend much money on clothes or
whatever now... ai.....
i wanna get the things i want. i wanna get more clothes, and new shoses...
but, how poor will i be huh? maybe, i have to lose my weight too,
coz i will collect my money up for clothes and shoses! haha!!!

well, pretty girl.

er,....the paper is going fine.
i'll start to do it soon.
but most ugent sub is that usu exam!!!!
ai~
study hard la...

i've told my parents that i'd take that course already.
hum,... i dont know ar~ just wait and see.
i'm looking forward for it =)

>>July 23, 2004 at 1:22:09 PM GMT+8

2004 年 7 月 22 日 星期四 【晴】

old password.

if there's nothing;it should not be here too.
you should go and check the another place.


in these few days, i'm being quite fine.
attend to class, then go home to sleep.
sometimes just being with my friends for the "ugent events".

finally, queenie, me and shan have met outside having coffee together.
how's it? absolutely wonderful time.
we hang around the habour city.

those exams are coming. cant take time to breath ? nope. i'm still here to write.
well, i'm just preparing for the tofel and my final paper.
recently i recieved the news that the in-flight course is available right now.
i'm gong to take the course and get the certificate.
prhaps it could help when i apply the university ( the futher studies ).

lately i've talk with my parents( finally i have to espress to them).
regarding to the rest of the associated course and my futher studies.
well, we must have faith in god( i mean people)
i got it, i waiting for it.
i cant deny anything about God.
I may leave in the next year. "Might leave"
i dont know what'll happen when my relatives know about that news when it comes true.
i cant magine if they know it. would it be blocked by my grandma grandpa?
or blocked by others? the aunties? "relatives".
well, put it to god. He would help me to get rid of those stupid things.
i dont want to tell everyone that news. coz no one could promise anything .
i'm still worried that if the time comes but i'm still cant take any action.
would i become mad?
i trust in god, and my aunt there. =)

queenie send me a very nice bible. she encourges me to read it, to pray more...
i think her main idea is about " know more in the bible with Jesus."
well... thanks so much.

i find a change inside me.
that's very lovely ! i love to find out the definitions on things.
seems like wanna make sure everythings well on knowledge.
coz i think errors exsist would make misunderstanding. i love shady paths too...
but, i think we could make things clear and simplier by the definitions.
anyway, it doesnt matter.
i dont care what people thinks on it unless it gets harful .
i just have to walk through my life and report to God.

hum~
we have the book hisibition at HKCEC lately.
i were there at the first day of it. i've been there with queenie, cat with his boyfriend.
nice walk. i've brought what i want. the set of "Princess Diaily" , some books by Jimmy.
and the stuff from "turn left turn right" , a book from "siao wan zi "
haha... then queenie and me went to tsim sha tsui
to have a movie " shi mian mai fu" with her brother, gary. thx for him.
he pays the stickets for me twice already.
perhaps someday i dont need him to pay for me! haha.

tofel 'd be held on 29 th.
next monday i would have the usu exam, and the fchd project presentation
then...the wendsday i''' have the samilar for the in-flight course.
thursday i'll ve the tofel exam! ..>.<
friday i have to complete my final paper.
saturday, i'll ve the fchd exam and the gathering dinner with 5D.
Suday i'll go to stanly market with my family.
So busy days ...
perhaps it would help me to lose my weight! haha!!!

here's 3:00 am coming soon...
i dont want to sleep yet...
i dont know how to start writing my paper actually.
although i've the proposal already, i still havent started to write.
coz i dont know how to start.
i wanna find a day sitting down to write. it seems so hard right?
hum~~~ tomorrow i got lesson, the writing class, well... what can i do huh?
study for the usu tonight? or go sleep again?
anyway...

today on train, when i's coming back home, i felt very very bad.
to admit being lonly request lots of brave power.
but i fely alone today. why stupid me still cant get through of that story?!
that's past! that i've told myself. i've explaint the feelings with my friend, dear friend...already.

but, so? i cant see anything could help? it pissed me off again.
i know i have time to keep tring. and i must try and try and try!
i know jesus is being with me! i know i'd have new life soon! thx.
the brain, isnt following me. what to say more, man?
it's horrible. it's horrible... horrible.
you counts the days. how long does it take really man? then the outcome affects too long!
it's TOO LONG! it's too much and too long!
i listen to my friends, they say i' s not really dating with them.
so, supossed not to be that hurt. and i was stupid, foolish , naive with those stuffs.
till now! they still have that thoughts on me! it's so unfair!
how do you have that authority to adjust me?! YOU HAVE NOT !
you dont have that feelings doesnt mean that feelings are from the wrong place.
you're not giving the answers, you're just using your mind to force , give presure!
does it work?! i 've never found the "respect" in it.
maybe you did it, but i cant see it. what's the meaning huh? it's meaningless.
coz you'd never try to stant the other side to observe. you dont, you've never understood.
you know the both sides yet? you've checked all already? how dare you "using the punishment
atitude" to me? i feel so bad .

i know guys,you have your points, i could understand with you.
but your points aint the definitions.
you cant accept people thinking that 'd never mean yours must be right.
if you 'd never mean like that, then plx take back your stupid atitude.

i'm not focus on one or two of my friends, i'm tring to tell the people around me.
not just on my story, just as the remind of yourself.
i'm not asking for the right and wrong. i'm here to express my feelings only.
people might feel bad of it, but... i think you should take a break to listen what i think.
i dont mind what you feel like... i just remind you that the atitude presents your mind best.
if this is not your fellings, stop acting like this. this is so disgusting!

Just try to be objective !
you'd never got the absolute value till you're dead.
View more before you to being explosive.
take one step back, you would find more and more.

* no responding would be followed.

>>July 22, 2004 at 7:35:10 PM GMT+8

2004 年 7 月 14 日 星期三 【晴】

[Jul. 15th, 2004|01:50 am]
Hi...

i've been very well in these days.
queenie backs, she brings a lot of happiness and joys for me.

last night, i was outside with queenie, and her brother gary.
i company queenie for interview, then her brother invite me (us) for dinner and movie!
that HARRY POTTER!!! hahahaah!!! one of my favourite movie!
so nice.
nice to meet her brother anyway. thanks for dating( they).
we walked through the "star road" i fotgot the name of that "road"
very nice, but i got stomache... well. fine.
then, queenie and me buy a "necklace" spelling mistake. that "lace"
are our names seperately. very very very nice!
i want to pick up 2 more different.

however, thankyou for the wonderful day =)
perhaps i didnt beeing too silly that day.
coz i know i laugh too much, or maybe i say something wrong... to make ppl embarssed.
i'm so sorry if there're any misunderstanding, i didnt mean the bad ways.
i'm just try to make some fun, just kidding... i didnt find anything wrong, so i did say alot.
so if there're any bad cause.. opps... so sorry for that.
but what? they wont know that by the way from here ~haha.
this is my diary, not the bulitin board. haha...

hum.... just now, i got the message from junming. i feel so warm, thx alot =)
and i saw the e-mail from my friend, well... it's very nice and touching.
perhaps i could paste here.
and... benny comes and say something to me... i dont know he's serious or not actually.
well...he says it's 100% true... but how come i've to trust him?
i've experienced those stuffs(i think) so... although he's in serious, i've to control well.
i dont mean to what to do for prevention or whatever.
i just wanna be cool arround myself to think twice.
think careful what's going on and the effect after decision.

well...
i'm so tired, but this week ... nana... this month would be the tired month.
i take long leave at work. coz i wanna concerntrate at my studies and resting well.
i have two test and one proposal this week.
you know man, thursday, tomorrow got test, friday got proposal presentation, saturday have test.
then next week have the draft class at friday. and seems like having test too.
oh..well..... finally 29 th i will take the tofel ! so stressed!
and i know cherrying has past the birthday already.
dennis 's one is on 17 th. cool. and ince 's one has past. his present, i'm still painting...
well... busy day with busy resting! haha...

i've to go now.
perhaps i would come here more.
coz i know since the days i dont really appear, ppl start missing me~haha!!!
kidding...
anyway, i've nt always being on line nowadays... personal reasons?
kindda.

goodnight =)
link

>>July 20, 2004 at 6:13:13 AM GMT+8

2004 年 7 月 7 日 星期三 【晴】

Today... haha...

too much silly things...

wow...lovely.

we made a lot of mistake...

we laugh so much...

we have too much food today...

(with queenie)

and for myself...

i go to take my id card application.

i take my lesson with queenie today... she sits outside the room, wait for me. thx =)

and i saw cythia , water and pky today~

we talk so much, laugh so much on bus! hahaha!!!

we have lots of jokes! haha!!! of course, they keep expanding those " events" along.

a smart you should get what i mean~ haha!

well, i dont think it's a big thing in my mind. i dont care.

>>July 8, 2004 at 12:20:17 PM GMT+8

2004 年 7 月 6 日 星期二 【晴】

Hi =)

yesterday, i met miss meiyi and queenie for lunch~
we have a nice meal.
than... queenie and me go to sha tin. we have coffee together at starbucks.
she has lots of things to tell me...
and she comes my home to have dinner together =) heehee
than... we go to a friend's house to have a little chat.
than we go home la~
lovely day !

however, since she backs, i feel strongly that she's a very nice girl =), as a good good friend.
of course, she's one of my best =)
thx queenie.
thz for god.
i love her.

tonight, i met my friend, leung mung fung have dinner together...
i want queenie go with me. and also meet bobo... perhaps it's a nice chance for them to know each other.
they both like to write... so... would they be good friends? haha~
nice day.

>>July 7, 2004 at 4:59:08 AM GMT+8

2004 年 7 月 4 日 星期日 【晴】

Haha!!!
I cant type chinese again!

however, i'm very happy today~ thx God!
you know! I talk to Joey(another Joey, she is Ka Wing)
and another classmate, from malasia one~!
wow! so great~! and i got kawing's tel, icq and msn =)
nice to meet new friends~!
and!!! finaaly Queenie call me today~!
good~

yea~ and today i got time and energy to go on line.
then i got good news from irane, haha...good!
then i got message from Wuhao~! and also got message from MongFung!!!
and the message from Hammer.
so glad~!
and i see "dear husband" online also~! haha!!!
go great~! ^^~~!!

you know mcdonald's green bean, red bean sundies are very nice!
i love them so much~@@
wow~ so great... i have time have lunch with mami today leh~! haha~!!!
i enjoy my life so much~! especially with my family, especially at my work.
how fortunate i am huh? Thx God la~! ^^

>>July 5, 2004 at 12:21:09 PM GMT+8

2004 年 7 月 1 日 星期四 【晴】

Today, Miss Grace asks us to think about the topic of the final paper.
we're going to write about 8-10 pages for that research.
however, we're going to hand the last writing on the coming Friday.
That's about our mind. it's the comparsion writing.
in these few weeks, we learn alot skills ,new concepts ,especially some new terms.
it makes my mind be runing smoothly while devloping our points.
it also makes the proceed right, correct , fast of analizing.
it helps to comunicate with people mind... i mean it through the words ,speech ,the language.
yup,... the class is going to end.
right now, i'm just be focused ( my confidence feels like this )
haha... i wanna focus on my studies only, in this month.
so...after this week... i'm gonna take long leave at work.
perhaps work in one day per week. maybe 4 hrs only.
and also stop playing outside. just study , rest... being with my family as well.
why do i have that thought? it doesnt matter. life changes all the time.
we have different things to do at the different time.

well...long story...
in these days, guys must notice me being invisble on internet.
yes... where d i go? i stayed at home with my family.
i find that i love my family more than the un-real world.
especailly.... in these months... i was so lonly with my id there.
i found my time was pass. while i tried to talk, tried to write my life...
there's only something dead in front of me but behind, i have my family.
staying at internet just make me tired and it's meaningless for me.

now... internet is just kinda like tools for me.
which to comunicate... that's all.
i want to enjoy my life really, not asking for anything now.
i know God plans all the things for me. i gotta trust in heart and speak out by mouth.
i know He blessing me all the time.
it's the best present. coz nothing need to be "real worried".
i just have to do my job best.

i have things to do. i know...
at the future... i' ll be so different from now.
coz God modelrate me everyday.

Thx God, and my schooldad.

i'll still come to look... to share... to find to feel...
coz this is my story.

>>July 2, 2004 at 1:32:43 PM GMT+8