joey,
i will be always there when you need me. just tell me ok? i will manage well.
you can call me home , but i think better before 1:00 am.
take care well... i cant accompany you to go to school now... however, just tell me if you need me.
i will manage well, ok?!
take care .
i am happy that ince tell me he will send me a birthday present. ^^ so thanks!
well, chris's birth just after mom's . i am thinking that if i send him card or not.
i may not prepare what for him, i mean present... but i think card is ok.
i dont know what will he thinks of me... but i think it's nice to get blessing on birthday.
i dont care if he throw my card away or just re-post to me... but i wanna let him know i do care of him
,at least like friends. just get back to the first place, we're good friends.
if my card isnt be welcome... then it's okay too, i just wanna do what i want and what i wanna
express is the blessing is never die.
and i think he maynot mind of our relationship ,coz since he can accept others, that means...
he is okey already, he get over it already. and... i dont need to prevent what.
coz he wont love me again, and what i keep isnt that kind of love already. that's another kind of love.
it's over than the hugs ,kisses, over than saying "i love you" whatever. just blessings and support.
just like... junming, ince and me... yea, love, but not girlfriend boyfriend one.
goodnight castor, work hard~
>>March 23, 2004 at 11:52:59 AM GMT+8
2004 年 3 月 21 日 星期日 【晴】
Hello,
Today is Tse sir's birthday. i called him, and many old friends, 5D members called me~haha!
of course i remember his birthday!!!! and on the way with shan, we saw kowk sin on train!
heehee~ so nice to see her, to recieve my 5D 's calls!!!!
And, today is calais's birth also~ joey and vincent brought him a cake!!!
we share the cake with him~ haha... anyway we 've had 2 birthday times already!
just miss the days we had before... but now... i just dont want to rely on them... coz....hum...
it's different from the past. i ... feel hard to face to them sometimes.
i dont know what to say with it, i dont know how to deal with it, but ... just different, really different.
no tracy, no nikita, and no joey.
this joey isnt that joey i knew. sometimes, i just... cant do anything.
the girl in front of me is her, but... she isnt that one i knew...
so strange... i know it's not her want, i 've never tried to blame her...
i tried to stay with her, but just like... something hard for me man...
she doesnt know me, i dont know her, but we really had many nice time before.
i cant forget what she brought me,i cant forget the days we had together... everything...
but, now, she cant remember them, she is a totally different girl.
she is not the girl i know. i dont know her, she doesnt know me.
sometimes i feel hard with her. Coz... i have my hard place too.
everytime when i think of her, our past, and think of the girl in front of me.... they are two people.
i cant ... and i know she doesnt want to get back her memorries...
i doont want her to be tough, actually perhaps she couldnt think back.
And, i got a invitation today . that's about needing for photo modles.
hum,... she gives me the name card, then she said she would contact me back.
she wants a lately picture from me and my contact number.
hum,... let's see. i have checked their website, that's a weak company.
and if she really contacts me, i will ask her to show me their qualification of that company.
maybe i will check it in the government department~ hee.
anyway, we have meeting ,the student union.
hum,... talk about the camping... we went mc donald's to take tea and continue the meeting...
then, i saw sanky, the girl who's the leader of PRs. Weel, she is a partly manager.
she has been changed for traing to another store.she will be back to our store after one month.
and, she knows that i wanna apply to be a PR. she told me she would contact me when she's back
to our store... ahe also asks my working time table~ hoho~ that means, i may change to be a PR!
yea~ maybe that's better than mc cafe. coz the tittle is PR. it's would be better for the experiencing
part of my resume right? at least i have experienced about the basic law for being a good servicer.
i think that's nice for my life time anyway.
hum,... today so many calls from 5D... i havent listened to class well.
but that's all from notes. i will read them.
ai~
last night, i just sent back my essay for miss grace. coz i got to change some words in stead of the
old phrases that coppied from the internet. just be late... ~too bad.
i have brought the book for myself today.
And i visited the museum of art today. hum,... very nice.
junming is very tired today, he greet me, and say twice hello to me... i sense that he is not well today.
yea, he is really tired and maybe stress. we talk for few mins...
and heehee~ he told me
[really feel nice to chat with you..known each others for 2 years...thx, friend..]
^^ so sweet~ yea! we have known each others almost 2 years! it's not easy way to go~
we had been in relationship in love, but now, also in love, but changed in to friendship~
i feel so glad about it. we still can be friend, and really really nice and pure friendship.
GOODNIGHT~CASTOR.
>>March 22, 2004 at 3:57:27 PM GMT+8
2004 年 3 月 20 日 星期六 【晴】
Hi !
Today, i got to work, before i go, i feel so tired... i sleep in bus.
today is a busy day. i take my breaks late.
but! i am very happy, coz i do well today, sometimes just some misticks happened.
but actually i dont think i made them wrong... coz that's the question on the commuication.
i work with some new workmates sometimes... we can corperate well, but just the old mates ....terrible.
you know, they always mention me, that's nice... but their auttide are bad.
they like gossiping also.
i try to match with them, but sometimes they're bad to customers. i dont think they're right, but i let them
go on, coz i dont want to make any argue with them... they work long... old mates...
anyway, so what... no matters how loong you work, you're same to me, workmates , crew.
this world will still runing without you. you're nothing to anyone here.
if i dont respect you, i can complain you imediately, i can argue with you...
but it's no need. you're nothing to me. what i am doing now is for the customers, for the company.
however, i am happy, coz some customers give me so nice responds! ^^
one of them just play magic for me !! so great !
what i suggest to him, he accepts ! finally give me a magic game ! haha! so thankful~!
you make my work vaulable !
and~ two men come, they order food in cantonese, but !they're not chinese !!!
wow~ they play with me...haha~
anyway, that's nice experience! hum,...i dont know if i go cafe or not now...
coz... if i still work in counter, must be fine, but... if go there, then cant work with my friends,
and cant see the man who looks like chris. heehee~
they suggest me to be the pr in stead of the cafe crew.
hey! Tim and Fung are brothers!!!!!!!!! oh my god... haha... no wonder they seem so closed...
i thought that Time is his friend only.
anyway, i still have time.
on the way, when i back home, i listen to my cd ~
then,... i feel so touching~ not the tough feeling.
it feels like so free, out of relationship is nice for me, although the proccess of breaking is too tough.
but i still be fortunate~ heehee =)
coz i love myself, love my family, my friends, my home, my dreams,my lsc, my soma, my future~
i miss him, but i miss my future husband more !
that's the feelings i have when i listen to my cd~haha...
goodnight castor !! work harder and harder !
coz... you're just being honest to yourself and being nice to others ! (in any ways)
>>March 20, 2004 at 6:07:02 PM GMT+8
2004 年 3 月 18 日 星期四 【晴】
Today i go take the writing class... before i go to school, i go shan's home to print stuff.
ai... then on the way, i try to prepare for the presentation. then i got the phone from meiwen,
we go have lunch together! then i go to school, take my nice lesson.
I slept at 4:30 last night.
then after school, Rachel and me hang around the harbour city. i brought a new skit...
$220... it's quite expensive for me. coz i am not a rich girl. but coz this skit is so nice ~ hee
but, as you know, i have to buy some make up base ,and cover ... soon.
there're so many choices in body shop. only the base...there're so many choices already.
let me buy some later.
i am so tired and busy yesterday, so i didnt write diary~
i will not force myself to do anything for chris.
i wont ask myself to keep memories on him, wont ask myself to forget him.
i will let him out of my mind.
coz, i dont need him anymore, since my heart dead.
since i know i am who i am,castor, not one's girl.
god will help me, He will prepare well for me. Just do my part is ok then.
now, i accept that we're finished. And somedays if we see, that'll be the new start.
we're over already. may god bless us .
just like what i say,.... if fate brings you there, you still have to make one step more.
if the fate doesnt commit this, no longer dream i can take.
i accept all, no more hesitated now.
Jesus God, i am tamed now. I dont bargain now.
>>March 19, 2004 at 1:18:49 PM GMT+8
2004 年 3 月 16 日 星期二 【乍寒還暖】
so tired today....
weds, but no day off... i go to school for assignment today.
finally my bio paper has been done already~ i love my paper, coz i have done the best.
hum,... last night, i slept at 4:15 then... cant wake up early today morning...so didnt go out have
breadfast. but i take my breadfast home, then go school, take lunch at festival walk, the pacifi coffe.
"ah-huh! the juice is very nice ! apple with sawsberry. and a piece of cake."
i was reading my ba textbook and tried to fiugre out my essay. but ... havent any ideas.
then i come back tai po to meet my net friend, roy.
this is the sec time i meet him.
i bring him to church for studying, then i meet ivy for the bible talk.
but finally we go mcdonald's. coz ... just noisy there.
when ivy saw him...haha... i think it's a bit shocked?
anyway, after he left, she asked me if he is my bf . of course not.
i dont mind to being friend with anyone actually. haha... we have a nice day today.
but i am so tired already... hum,... dont know how to fix the stuffs.
ok la... finally today i went to post office to post the cards.
i know i gotta work hard . but sometimes just hard to do ~hee
tonight we take pizza for dinner... wa... pizza...bad.
haha~ aiya.....we have two large size. just too much.
i wrote a letter for junming today... i think since... the july, 03...i havent write anything to him,except
the christmas card and present~ nice to write to him today.
Today, i just go to the libary, the main of hk one.
i worked there when morning, after breadfast. i enjoy the time being with myself.
after school, i go to festival walk ,wait for shan, we seat for few hrs, we chated...
coz too tired, and i carry too much books. i need a place to rest.
of course i take a cup of coffe... at the pacific coffe.
well, nice.
there're so nice la... so big, and so many facility.
i have to hang out my bio paper on weds. i know i may cant do the perfect paper... but i will try my best.
and on ... thursday... i have to hang out my ba assignment... hum,... i will work hard.
anyway, i am not a small girl anymore. i got to respond to myself.
perhaps that i can do my best... no matter how, i have to do my best.
i know i am lazy... i have to improve myself... hard, but in need.
last night, i found out the big box, which is full of letters and stuffs from different countries's friends.
hum,... mostly from junming of course~
and... i read the only one letter from chris... it made me cry... when i cried, i still could smile.
smile...coz i know i was so happy, joyful, fortunate... just like the first time to read... so touching.
but i cried also... coz i know all is past... and the fact isnt equal to what he write in letter.
he deny all the things happened. he just.... dissapointed me ... not only coz he given up,
not just coz he deny all, but he ... goes with other, but no face to come talk to me.
why no face...coz he thought i would keep annoying him...
He knows me... he ought to know that i am not like that.
anyway... that's really cool, right... my heart dead. what can i do is just only let him go.
seems like wake up already... but still can feel the sadness.
my heart never be healed yet. i dont expect anyone comes help. no one can help me.
i need god, need friends, my family, but not boyfriend.
Chris is someone very important, but boyfrirnd is nothing to me .
chris is someone i love very much, but i dont like having boyfriend now.
friends are the best of mine . god is the only one in my life.
my family is my home place . my dreams are the things i wonder so much.
life is the process ... it will end.
who wants to be my boyfriend i dont care.
no one would love me actually except him, who is exactually matched up from God.
loveactually... would come, but dont know when.
i dont even wonder chris will be him or not. if he is, he is. if he isnt, no longer fate goes up with him.
he is nothing to me. so am i .
love him is real, forgive him is real , past is real , all is real, but he never understand.
he would never understood. coz he's never tried to make it real . he's never tried to know the real.
he is nothing to me. so am i.
>>March 15, 2004 at 5:03:17 PM GMT+8
2004 年 3 月 13 日 星期六 【晴】
i havent go out today, i take a sick leave... coz of too tired.
and i start to prepare for my bio paper.
work harder castor... you will be fine soon.
tomorrow... will be a better day... should be a better day.
i have thought twice already.
i would let him out of my mind. it doesnt mean i dont love him anymore, but ... ... ...
he doesnt need me anymore. since like that... i would like to kick him out of my list first.
i dont need to fight back him, coz nothing means anything.
i will do my parts. i will try to leave his shadow from the life.
and i will tell myself that i dont need him anymore.
coz i love him, i just want to let him feel better. so... i will leave.
hey, i was hesitated if i could go canada for studies... coz i was thinking of him, of the relationship.
but now, i will not be stoped by anyone.
i will try my best to go there.
i'm still sad, coz i am growing fat ! ai... i dont know why i am growing fat when i am being busy.
when i am free, care free, i dont get fat. oh man...
>>March 14, 2004 at 11:42:06 AM GMT+8
2004 年 3 月 12 日 星期五 【晴】
Today~ i go work, i am late, coz wake up late...too tired.
and i am so glad to recieve queenie's call today!!!
we chat for few mins only, coz i really got to go... i 'm so sorry queenie.
i havent started to view the information i got from books. i planed to view on way.... but just lazy.
when it was around... 8:30 pm... jackie comes !!
she comes with his boy! haha! i am so glad to see them ! finally i see his boy, not bad, nice guy.
they will go tai wan to study in this year... and i also see their friends too! so nice to chat with them~
i hope to know them more.. let's see there'll be any chances.
we seat at mcdonald's arounf an hour... we hug, we talk, we laugh... make jokes.. haha~ just so nice~
my work is quite fine... finally i do better in my position. hum,... i wanna to be changed to cafe...
but now, i just adjust the nice position~ counter~~~ heehee. i dont know... let's see...
hum,~ today, my dear manager,gela feels good on me! ^^ and my manager, eric just change me
to the frount counter~ hoho~~~ coz the frount counters are near to the exit ... that's why always busy
in the frount counters~~ hoo hoo~
i know some new friends today also... nice nice..
hum,... ai ... tears come when i just back home on way. i wanna say he doesnt deserve... but
you know me. i dont think he is that bad actually. i trust him, never hesitated on him.
but now... what does it tell ? i still trust him... but why he does that.....?
you know... at the place i work, there's a guy, the serveic-er (shirts in pink with tie)...
he looks so similar to him... oh man... everytime when i talk to him or just see him, i feel so....
i dont know how to say... ok... fine... i feel the shadow of him.
oh.....
anyway, i gotta stop. hope to get up earlier tomorrow... then i wont be late and also got time to make up.
haha...today just no time to have breadfast and not time to make up. too bad~!
i have to start my bio paper.
i am glad today coz i have god to walk with me.
Here used to be called Shmoo Sassy Rowdyruff's page. It was a random name i got from The Powerpuff Girls' site. however, i am not that little girl anymore. i'm learning how to live a life now. haha! and this is the pic of my 22nd year in my life, taken in the summer of 2008.
here is like my reference, my history, my story, and the little pieces of memorries in my life. someday when i get old, maybe i would just review my life again. or i can share with my close ones... would they miss me someday? i dont know. i just wanna live my life fully and happily =) with the ppl i love on this planet.
Hello...
Today i go to have a haircut~
Today... we talk about 心情型重.
i havent go out today, i take a sick leave... coz of too tired.
Someone who know