i have planed the time table already,
tomorrow i will call sankie to make a change on the working time.
and perhaps all will going to be fine~
i dont angry at kenny, but i will write down all on the question sheet next time.
i think i shouldnt get angry at anyone.
just be careful next time =)
yea~
have a nice day tomorrow!
goodnight, work hard,
take a deep breath, start a new day~
>>April 25, 2004 at 4:49:26 PM GMT+8
2004 年 4 月 23 日 星期五 【晴】
Hi,
i cant type chinese again.... ai...
anyway, i go take my music exam today. that's fair. i try my best.
i stay there for 2 hrs. when the time's up, i still sitting there.
i got 61.3 % ... that's just fair.
then i come back tai po to join SOMA.
we have the praying time... yea, very long praying...
that's my first time to pray that long .
today i got katy's post pack. there're many photos... they're from the wedding party.
we've a nice day that day.
i've thought of my past in church, that was very nice.
but i tend to leave actually... but just think that was my home... i really wanna go back.
i will join some churches... for a serval weeks to find out which way i should go.
and keep praying to leave hk.
but since i feel like i have to develope in music world, it seems God doesnt let me go.
i ask for changes in SOMA and church... i can see the points now, but....
yea, what will jesus do? i dont know.. i just cry, coz i dont know what way He wants me go.
i ask... if you want me to leave my dream, just tell me... i will leave it and go to your way.
but plx let me get through it forever. but why i just keep wordering for that dream, but you dont let me?
i have faith, i work hard, try hard, but you dont let me?or you got your ideas for me already?
plx guide me to your way. if you let me get my dream, plx open the door for me.
i learn to dont love a person at the wrong time, i dont let myself to fall in love...
coz i wanna leave hk. i work hard to studies, coz i wanna go study abord.
i go take part time job, coz i wanna get experience for my next part time job in the coming days.
and adjust the life without daddy paied.
but why i go study chinese music? why i keep concerning in church and SOMA?
coz ... i love them. why i still havent asked my dad to let me go directly?
coz i dont dare to do so... i know my home's economies.
will i stay in hk after associate? or will i go study aboad? or ... can i reach my dream?!
that's most conncerned ! i wanna reach my dream !
i wont give up de!!! ~
i'm worried for maggie, my sister,mei ki.
coz she cried yesterday... just a bit shocked. my mum told me that about her.
hum,... she wanna go church, i think it's coz of her old schoolmates. i dont know,
i think i will go with her, to help her find out one she feel best for her.
i know she feels so tough in school life... i can see it.
so... i should give her big support. i dont know what i can do, but just be a nice friend for her.
and try to chat with her more. we sometimes chat, but i wanna chat more now.
and i will give her more more back up and support. perhaps to let her feel better.
i will pray for her.
anyway, tomorrow i got the last exam , that's the biology.
well, dennis and water will have the content tomorrow~ i know they will make a great show!
i will pray for them.
and... sunday will be the first day for me to experience a new envoriment. coz got changed to pr group.
when shan and me go home tonight, we have chat... about church life and my life.
i said plx plx plx stop asking , mentioning about the love.
coz i dont know how to respond already.
haha... we laugh.
hum,... i ask myself many times, can castor leave it away... i dont think i can, but at this moment...
i have to do it, i have to stop myself if i 'm going to fall in love.
yea... i got to stop thinking of it.
i have to tell myself, just be a friend is ok, that's enough. dont get hurt, dont hurt others.
that's pretty good for both of us. but i know it's a big lie to all.
just lie to myself first,cover it till the day i cant lie anymore~haha~!
goodnight castor.
>>April 23, 2004 at 5:20:18 PM GMT+8
2004 年 4 月 21 日 星期三 【晴】
Today,
we have the BA exam, before the exam, we have the last music lesson.
yea, i was a bit late to class.. on the way, Queenie called me, from U.S.
we've chated a lot... she asked me some questions... haha... make me scared.
queenie, thankyou for reminding, but i cant tell you waht now, coz i dont make sure all.
anyway, thankyou very much queenie~ i can feel your heart~
hope to see you soon ,sweetie~
then i go back tst have lunch with shan, at the delifrance. we have a nice lunch =)
long time havent lunch with her =) then of course i go back wan chai to take exam.
hum,... my music lesson is great. i understand all. but it's me, although i know all, i lost all.
i cant remember well. that's me... poor girl, right?!
i will study hard tonight...
my BA exam.... will be fail i think... they can finish the exam, but i didnt finish in time.
oh man...
today just very tired and ... a bit worried for my next term. anyway, i 'm planing for it.
i go to mcdonald's today, coz my friend go interview the pr post. hum,... who's her? yea, joey.
then we go to agnis'b to change the wallet. it's pretty trouble, waste a lot of time.
then we go home together=) we're good friend mah~ haha!
and... i gotta plan my time table soon.
tomorrow night, we(soma) will have the praying time. yea, i'm going to attend it, sure i'm pretty looking
forward for it already~ before that perhaps i could contact christy in time~ coz she will back tai po
tomorrow =) haha...
but i take music exam at 4:00- 6:00
i dont want to stay too long there, but i gotta do that.
so, i may leave 6:00 from tst, perhaps can reach tai po beforee 7:00.
but i will have my dear bio exam on Sat... i think i may not have enough time to prepare.
and, i know my friends will have the singing content on Sat ! i will pray for them!
they dont have enough time to prepare~! but i think they'll make a great show ! i trust them~
heehee~
god bless~
>>April 22, 2004 at 2:50:00 PM GMT+8
2004 年 4 月 20 日 星期二 【晴】
Holiday today,
i waked up early, go to my friend's home to study.
but he just keep sleeping... then he shows me his collection~ woo~ so cool~
we record two songs. he plays the guitar then i sing~ haha... nice nice~
then, we go pick up a new "string" for his guitar... we go lunch together.
during the lunch time, he told me about his past, i feel so funny. that's the fun story with his friends.
and i share my sadness with him also.
after that, we saw water! then they have a little chat. then i go to wait for ivy, we have bible reading today.
we go to serenity park. we chated a lot, whatever the bible talk or else.
from now, i know now it's acceptable for me to share my things to her... coz i have faith in god.
i have almostly lost in god. but now it's ok for me =) that's very great.
i say i will come back soon. and i will go other churches at the same time too.
she told me about the difference in church now.. well, i miss them, yea, but i will make a new life there.
past is all gone. all will be new for me.
i dont know will i stay long there, since last time, i find that i know how to establish the relationship
with god without others , i mean celia, shawrn, mimi , katy and kammy.
hum,... i mean, we ought to look upon god, not upon people. that's why they leave, but i dont.
i will try to go other churches... but my home church is still the yan chung.
she knows me to put my studies at the front place except church, soma or family, friends.
i will make a new time table for studies, working ,church, soma and exercise.
my dear friends...... i will be always there.
let's talk about music.
since my friend told me a lot of knowledge, i wanna know more and more.
so i determind that when i have time, i will go libary to borrow some music knowledge book =)
i tend to learn chinese music in September, but western music is very abundant too!
hum,... yea, i like rock, the soft rock, and i know Evanesece is just playing that" black metal"
that resist to christain life. i was attracted by its mysterious melody. coz it's not too rock, a bit soft.
it's easy to be attracted for me. i like listening this melody style when i were very sad.
it just gives me some feelings like dead life, but rich of resentment , and the lyric telling me
a girl after dead, still have thought to protect that guy she loves, wanna tell him she's dead but still
like him. something like that.
that's song " bring me life" is one of my best favourite. and i like the latin also. one of this is the ...
electronic guiltar with the saxophone, sometimes guiltar just replace the saxophone,
sometimes it's kinda like the tango or jazz, but a bit different, coz of the beat.
some songs like "swing swing" , " the anthem". " falling down" and " if you leave" all are very nice too.
i find them from the "american pie" . and " hands" and " smooth matchbox 20" are very nice too =).
perhaps someday when i'm free, i will go to the library to search for some information about the
different music style. coz it's related a bout different culture.i wanna know more about this !
work hard castor~~
tomorrow i got lesson at morning and exam at 4:00... humm,.... try my best.
* i have to protect my friends , so i wont write too much about my friends.
that's the right and protection for them and also me.
diary seems like losing its meaning here, but i will keep tring.
just be honest to myself, be honest to the surrounding.
i will write honestly here, here is the honest place.
i got to have real faith deeply to support the honest.
i dont mind what you think on me, except my best friends ( hee...you know we're )
i will listen to you, but may not change my mind, but thankyou very much for the advice =)
>>April 21, 2004 at 11:48:26 AM GMT+8
2004 年 4 月 20 日 星期二 【晴】
i think i must be wrong in some ways... how come 2 friends have the same feelings on me already.
to my dear friend,
my friend had the same thought as you before... but now she understands me,
she knows what to do is the best way to be my best friend.
i dont ask you to do what for me.
but i hope you understand that i didnt mean to hurt you. you know me,
i dont want to hurt anyone. but how to develop a good relationship is the trust, to share and support.
yea, you may say i didnt share with you. yes.. but you know why? sometimes i dont know what i'm
thinking too, how to share with others? i need much space.this time you say you feel dissapointed, coz
you dont know me, you dont know my hard place. i cant tell you yet, coz i'm not ready.what i need is
the supporting and the trust.
i'm sorry that maybe you have shown me already, but i cant feel that.
i like you as my sister too, but you're not my mom, just like what i told to my friend.
i'm not that little girl.i need my own space . we're from the different type. if we go to be friend , we
have to learn to accept each others. if it's too easy to feel dissapointed that's not good for both of us
too.
we'vent meet for so long time. but time is kinda important element to know to find out each others.
that's why in my diary, i said perhaps we still have time.
now, i'm so confused with myself too.i dont know what to do.. but i do know you're hurt by me. i feel
so sorry about this.
but i ccant see any right or wrong in this events.
you dont know me well, and i admit that i put too few concerns on you guys now. but it doesnt mean i
dont care, i dont like you guys.
tracy called me last night, she asked me how long i havent called her. around 1.5 months. but we still
like very good good friend. why? coz we understand of eachothers. she knows my difficults. i dont
compare you with anyone of my friends. but i have to let you know i'm this type of girl. i give my friends
enough space and respect,and they do. when i need them, i ask,then i find. i do the dame thing for
them also. but in the normal days, maybe we both carry too much things, too heavy, we cant always
contact each otehrs. but we still being good. that's the real friendship between us. yea, we need
someone to stay with us...yea i need you too. but, i have others things too.
i have seen that friend,one sir , he is the "psy doctor" all my friends and he also suggest me to put
down all. joey trust me, i didnt wanna hurt you, you're my real good friend, but in this min, i really cant
give what to you.
maybe just the simply thing, i cant do it too.
perhaps you would understant.
but i would keep tring.
trust me, i've never give up anything.
if you ask calais, i think he would understand.
that day i didnt mean to hide up what actually, but you know,the real purpose for dennis to call calais is
coz he need his help. it doesnt matter if i were there or not. if i were there, calais would see me.i dont
let him feel hard, if he tell you or not i were being with him that day.
i dont know you were there too.
if you see me being with him what would you think? i dont wanna let you down. but i know you do. i'm
so confused to go with him that day, but i chose that way. and i dont want anyone to worry for me on
that event.
actually it doesnt matter if i were there or not. coz why dennis called calais is for help, not coz of me. i
were there or not doesnt matter that much. so i chose not to come say hi to calais. we were wearing
too similar clothing, i dont want calais to misunderstanding us what.
in that night, he sent his guitar to our friend's home, i just waited outside the building, i havent go upstair
with him also. that friend is my old classmates, very friend.
you see that's not meaning to lie to anyone, but just keep things secert, coz it doesnt mean anything
actually.
i hope you understand this.
i treat you as my good friend too. i've pray for you, cry for you. but now it's time for me to take a rest.
i'm sorry that to let you down, but...i cant say anything more...
you're always in my mind.
>>April 20, 2004 at 7:03:13 PM GMT+8
2004 年 4 月 19 日 星期一 【晴】
very very very tired.... every min just wanna fall asleep.
today , joey, vincent, and me have chated in bus after school.
erm,.... i dont know what to say... i feel so sorry actually.
but i have my difficults ... sometimes i dont know what to tell... i'm confused too.
perhaps we both could understand. lack of comunication.... it's hard to get well.
perhaps.... we still have time .
if talk about those events happened between me and dennis it's really complicated.
if try to clarify the relationship.... that's ... obscure.
i dont want to be like that too. but i could do nothing actually.
i dont want to fall in relationship...i bet he doesnt too. but it's nice to get a friend like him.
sometimes i just think it's not good for both of us.
if someday he falls with other girl, then how about me? reversly it's same for him also.
maybe he doesnt mind of it... that's why he never mention to me before.
just guse... if he mind of it.. he should tell me. of course me also...
but.... hum ,... it's still ok for me. coz everything goes smoothly, no fake.
let's see what can we do next. God knows it, He will guide us each.
I'm so sorry for joey, vincent, calais...
coz i havent told them the truth.
yea, i admit that i was being with him yesterday. why i didnt tell them, hide up...coz...
i dont want to let them gues too much. we were wearing too similar, it's ok for me...
but not ok for the people who arround us. coz we're not lovers, i dont want others talk about us.
if we're i dont mind to tell everyone about this, but we're not.
people ask me if i like him or not. i couldnt tell the answer. i dont want to fall in relationship.
maybe it's too fake for myself.. coz i never face to problems. but... i'm so confused too.
just put it awqay first.
what's the most important for him is his ce and music.
and me is the studies. i dont want to have any blocks for my coming studies.
i cant waste chances and time anymore. i dont have much time.
if God let me do something other different from studies, He would let me do and let me know before.
i may sense it right? so ... just put it away first.
Today i go to take my bis exam... start at 9 ... to 10 am, then we go to tst to have lunch and
joey need to print something. we chat alots.
and we go back wan chai to have bio lesson.
well, after all, me, joey and vincent just wanna go home.
vincent said he would drive us to tai po...... ok...coz we're like a family.
i accept... we just go to cheung sha wan. he go take his van.
on the way, they agure ... very sad... i feel so embarssed... then i just leave them.
then i got a call from mcdonald's. i will be changed to be a pr start from tomorrow~ hee~
i meet my five girls to have dinner tonight =)
but jackie just cant come, coz her home....well, we had a very nice dinner!
long time havent seen them~ miss them so much. we talk a lot. joke a lot~!
coz they're my best friends! anyway... just miss jackie. gigi got a new guy! he's cutous!
celia got one, ying got one~ haha!! nice nice~ we talk about the latest events and love of course~haha.
they ask me alots... haha....hey men...you know me. haha... er..... ah-ha~( i dont write on ~hee)
but why i still be sad... coz....... her...,eling.
her mom dead......just......before few weeks....coz of ...cancer..i feel so sad about this. =(
coz.... they're a good family. and i know eling love her mom so much,,,,...
but today... i heard that since eling knew her mom got cancer... but she treat her mom so bad..
i dont know... i didnt ask for anything... coz just shocked and sad ... =( !
i wanna call her... but just so odd... coz we havent contacted with each others....never.
i dont dare to contact her.... she angry at me before although we had a deep hug at the last day...
the hug makes all of us (8 girls) feel touch... but... after that hug, we havent contact each others anymore...
i just miss her so much... she is always on my mind. what can i do now?
i'm so sorry to hear about this...
anyway, i'm lucky ... coz i havent join joey and vincent.
you know? they got van accident. they're so lucky, coz of the seat belt. but joey got hurt again...
if i were there...i would be the unlucky one... coz i would sit at back,...and i would be thrown out.
just be thrown from the bridge.
just now i saw them in mcdonald's... they told me about this. i'm shocked...
we hug...two times. after this accident, they're being sweeter. it's nice to hear, but just .... shocked.
and feel so lucky... coz if i were there... really that i might be thrown out.
and...
tonight, we chat about ying and her boy. (we= four girls and cutous)
and i find that i'm different from them... i'm open minded. i think hug is normal.... but they dont.
i think girl sleep(no sex) with guy is ok... but they say no. i think kiss is just a easy thing for lovers,
but they dont think so. of course all depends on the relationship. if you two are lovers, why cant?
anyway, if you got a lover, then you cant do that with others(opposite sex).
but, if you dont have, then have to be very careful. must consider about you two relationship first.
but hug just so normal what? in the campsite, boys and girls sleep together... why cant?
if they dont mind... why cant sleep together? just sleeping only. if only two people.....
haha... dangerous for falling in love, but not dangerous to get sex.
so... if a girl goes to a guy's home.... then?
ok... let's say... if they two dont mind... it's okay for them. that's enough~
you dont need to think too much. you're not a story writer. just go by heart.
but !!! girl must tell her boy first ! and that guy have to make sure there're nothing between them too.
if girl's boy mind that... girl must stop . it's the respect basicly.
anyway, perhaps dennis will go interview. but all depends on what he actually think.
it's hard to get up early, it's hard to take away the hair colors, it's hard to work in central...so
many excuese...finally it's hard to move those excuese away...but it's a big chance for him~
everyone have to respect and challenge himself, just before to be succedd.
the first step is too hard...yea...i know... but ... how to breakthrough it? ask God.
guitar is not an easy thing, jumpset is hard to adjust and so on....but why you choose them? ask God.
ce is coming again... have you done your best? if not..... then? if yes, so?
ask Him. no one could help i think except Him. i will pray for him =) and support him whatever he does~
may god bless us.. especially eling.
thanks for saving joey , vincent and me.
and perhaps people would carry on their works, let's work hard together! yeah~!
Here used to be called Shmoo Sassy Rowdyruff's page. It was a random name i got from The Powerpuff Girls' site. however, i am not that little girl anymore. i'm learning how to live a life now. haha! and this is the pic of my 22nd year in my life, taken in the summer of 2008.
here is like my reference, my history, my story, and the little pieces of memorries in my life. someday when i get old, maybe i would just review my life again. or i can share with my close ones... would they miss me someday? i dont know. i just wanna live my life fully and happily =) with the ppl i love on this planet.
i have planed the time table already,
今日又可以用中文, 真係好~
哇!
Hi,
今日呢...一早買早餐上個朋友家...一起吃早餐啦...之後see左好多關於佢既野.
Someone who know