2007 年 4 月 2 日 星期一 【晴】

試左新買果支 mascara ( drug store brand )

效果一般 la ~ 個色就夠黑喇，不過 dry 左之後好易癡埋 d 眼睫毛 and 要搽完再夾 ~ cox 一搽就整到 d lashes 太重，跌晒落黎 >.<"

12 點幾去左 markville mall 果度想買一套 business looking 衫。加拿大唔同香港，呢度比較 traditional d ~ formal business looking 多數都係 black & white 唔似得 hk 可以有其他色揀。

去左 H & M，Jacob，cost xxxx(唔知點串)，Urban behaviour，xxxx feather，winners 仲有好多好多.....最後係 H&M 買左條褲 ( 29.9 未計 tax ) ~ 係 Jacob 果度買左件透視恤衫 ( on sale $ 29.9 原價 $ 58)

救命 ! 點解會吊腳嫁 ? 呢條係 size 34 但已經嫌大脾 and 褲 long 位鬆，所以唔可以買大一個碼嫁喇 >.<" 但吊腳又好核突bor.....

 <- 呢條無買到，因為 $ 39.9，同埋佢都係吊腳嫁，只係咁樣影唔覺

仲有呢件黑色背心仔，我好想買嫁 ! 但 $ 29.9 ~ 有 size 4，緊緊地但 ok ar 因為咁先可以格硬迫番條腰出黎 ~ 但無減價 ><" 同件衫 and 條褲比較之下，一樣價錢 wor ~ 咁呢 d 純粹愛黎襯托 ge 野就算喇，唔好 spend 咁多 ! 況且著起黎成個 waitress 咁 ~ haha 應該都無咩機會用係 formal 的場合嫁喇........所以都係算 la !

仲有係 cost xxxx 果度睇 arm 左條貓頭鷹頸鏈 and 銀色好薄片 ge 耳環....但算吧 la ! 一年都唔知戴唔戴得 3 , 4 次.... d 頭髮又咁長，戴左耳環都見唔到，所以唔好 waste money 。其實某程度上，我都算係一個 harn 家妹 !

2007 年 4 月 1 日 星期日 【晴】

愚人節快樂

6 : 40 am 先訓 ~ 但 11 : 40 就醒左，因為我輕輕卒一卒鼻就流鼻血，今次仲要係好快咁滴落黎，搞到張被 dirty 左......

打俾 Kenn，佢話今晚想早 d 訓，傾左唔夠一陣就收左線。

食完早餐之後打俾 Maggie ~ lol ~ 想知多 d 你同你 bf d 野唷 !

2007 年 3 月 31 日 星期六 【晴】

發左個好怪的夢，更奇怪的係明明係一個惡夢但我唔願醒想繼續發落去。
我夢見 dad 死左，我要照顧媽咪，又要睇住細佬。
屋企的經濟狀況好令人擔心，我一方面要應付學校考試另一方面要搵 part time
之後又要頭痛點樣買機票番 hk 處理 dad 的身後事，又要安排人去照顧 grand ma......
番到 hk 我搵番其中兩個前男友，同佢地講左我既事；佢地幫我手處理。最後我終於撐唔住，暈左。。‧‧‧

到底呢個夢代表左 d 咩野呢 ?

我相信我的能力不止於此

需要的是一個愛我的人的支持

有了他的支持，將會帶領我走向人生另一個高峰

我知道自己有能力去做一些事情，但可能因為害怕 / 擔心

欠缺信心和動力去實行和突破自己

只要有人願意不斷支持我，讓我有安全感的話

我一定可以 breakthrough ! go beyond the limitation !

但這個人在哪 ?

其實我份人好犯賤；肯關心我的人我又唔受，唔想同人地講野
唔肯關心我的人我卻想佢地關心。
得唔到既野好ｄ嫁咩？唉‥‥‥

Kenn 5pm 打黎 ~ 佢隻衰豬仲唔訓 wor ( hk time 係 5 am ) 因為睇 movie wor >.<" anyways....佢問左一句野，令我好唔開心。直接 and 坦白係一件好事，但可唔可以顧下我感受 ? 你覺得我會點諗 ?sigh

2007 年 3 月 30 日 星期五 【晴】

8 : 50 received Annie's sms saying that she won't be at school today ~

9: 50 arrived school. Watched a group presentation...

10 : 40 class dismissed and went to the computer lab; checked email n went to the cafe to study accounting. Today was a bit cold but I didn't wear enough clothes....so cold n can't concentrate on studying.

11 : 40 Accounting, slept in class.....I was so tired

1 : 30 Marketing, my marketing game wasn't doin' to well....hopefully won't end up be the last.......

2 : 20 Steven drove me home after I begging him for 10 mins !^^ Thanks Steven !

Arrived home n ate my lunch, which was a big piece of pizza ! then played ps2 w/ bro.....5 : 00 went upstairs to study; but soon felt extreamly headache n went to bed....slept like dead till 8 : 30. Woke up for dinner.

Then watched TV again n played PS2 till 1am.

My arms were soar from playing boxing in Wii.......n my soul was empty due to lack of love......it's coming the 8th month being together w/ Kenn, but our future was a big question mark.

2007 年 3 月 29 日 星期四 【晴】

Exam schdule

2007/04/16    8:30 ~ 10:30

2007/04/17    11:00 ~ 1:00, 4:00 ~ 6:00

2007/04/18    11:00 ~ 1:00

2007/04/19    11:00 ~ 1:00

I must do well on every single subject ! No excuses that English is my 2nd language....

10 : 30 Went to see Dr. Had a qurrel w/ the pharmist, as I was wondering why she charged me $ 10 dollars more than last prescription ( I was getting the same drug and same amoumt ) the explainaion was frustrating....cox a generic brand has arrived and the insurance company decided not to cover the brand name as much as it used to be. Anyways, I chose the brand name instead of a generic one, cox I had the brand name at the first place and wanna continue on it; dispite the fact that I did suffer from various of side-effect.

12 : 00 arrived home, had something to eat....hea...hea.... and hea......

3 : 00 arrived school and had a consultation w/ my English prof. about my research paper. Hopefully I will do well in it as it worth 10 % !

3 : 20 went to human sexuality class, has a talk w/ the prof. publicly. To be honest, I dun feel comfortable when the prof. asked me to express my opinions towards a choice that would affect the whole class. I felt that I was being " put on the table" and my face blushed red.

3: 35 left school. Peter picked me up to another campus to collect the cheque for my scholarship! yea ~ $ 100....tho it's not a big amount, I was happy abt it. He then drvoe me home n I took the ugly-looking Tiramisu to him n headed to his place. Be4 goin to his place, we went to wash the car, using a strong water spray gun for 3 mins. I also took over the gun to wash the car....but I made us all wet >.<" lol ! Played Wii -- boxing and tennis ! lol ~ it's lotz of fun! but it's so tiring as I haven't been exercised at all for 6 months ! Also, brought a pear for Pepper, lol ~ she loves pear! I borrowed 4 movies from him.....to fill up my weekend !

6 : 30 he drove me home n ended the long busy day.

7 : 30 dinner time, after dinner played ps2 w/ bro.

8 : 45 fell asleep on sofa w/o taking my pills ! shit ! when I woke up it was 9 sth....too late to take the does, but I still took it.

11 : 00 finally sat down n start my stupid accounting.

2007 年 3 月 28 日 星期三 【晴】

Kenn called me at 2am, n remind me to use lip balm and buy Vaseline.....sweet !

Did marketing homework in mid-night n finished it round 4am, lol ~ I dun know why but I only liked to do homework at night....

woke up at 12, ate brunch. Arrived school at 2:20 ~ Just in time for Economic class. The presentation today was good. BTW, the prof. has giving a wrong grade for our group presentation n our mark should be 80 % instead of 65 %! oh ! gez.....the original mark scared me to death >.<"

Economic class ended ealier, so I went to the computer lab n get my marketing game done. Printed out 4 pages of work plus a recipe for Tiramisu.

Went to web & graphic design class, the prof. was not teaching as usual, so there was no point sitting there. I helped my classmates to solve their problems on website then left.

Went shopping w/ mum~ Loblaw doesn't have coco powder?! I had to go to other supermarket to get coco powder ! WTF......>.<" Got a mascara and lip balm in loblaws, will try n tell u guys if they work.

Went to LCBO n bought ice wine and Kahlua ( coffee wine ) . As I am on medication, I really shouldn't consume any alcohol....but I really can't help it ! I am risking my life....I know......n the risk of having liver problems when I get older.....anyways......Arrived home at 6pm.

So tired......Had dinner at 7, watched The American Next Top Model from 8~9, then started making the most important thing -- Tiramisu!

It took me 2.5 hrs to finish the whole thing, not including the clean-up part >.<" I am totoally exhausted ! Therefore, I sware to god, I will not make the 2nd time unless I have a domestic helper besides me. I missed the days that I have my dearest Rachel ( my domestic helper in HK ).......

Played PS2 w/ my bro, tho I planned to get started in my research paper >.<" my left thumb hurt as I moved the controllor-stick so hard >.<"

隻腳抽筋 ~ 好痛好痛好痛..............

The scenery is changing every single minute.....so does people?

Love is not solid....it fades, it changes.

2007 年 3 月 27 日 星期二 【晴】

Mission Impossible

Stay up WHOLE NIGHT to do the stupid accounting homework......yea, I am crazy.....I dun know why, just wanna torture myself......in a way that benefit me on other aspect. My eyes are so so so painful and I hit my forehead on the wall as I can't walk properly......lol, that's my life.

9 : 50 Marketing class, our firm did fine in the virtul marketing game; however, we could have done better ! we must find out what's wrong w/ our marketing strategy and do better next time~

11 : 40 Accounting class, I was already half-dead......I handed in my workbook that I've just finished the whole book 3 hours ago. Hope I can get at least 90 % ! I want A+ in accounting, and I am pretty sure that I am capable to get it ! I felt offenced in class, by what the prof. said....but anyways, I knew I've been thinking too much ~ gals like to implement ppl's words in other meaning.....

1 : 30 My soul has already left my body......English class, the prof gave us an overview and 5 main area of the essay topic in the final; I must be well-prepared for my Eng, cox I am not good at it n require lots of preparation work!

2 : 20 can't wait to go home....had some "lunch". After eating, I didn't feel as tired as I was, that's the problem, I can't sleep ! so I analized the marketing game's data and plan for the next period.......after doint this, I felt a bit tired n went to bed; 7 : 40pm when my bro woke me up, I was like.....har? do I need to go to school? I thought it was morning time >.<"

Checked my mark online, the presentation for economic only got 65 % ! oh ~ what da hell?! The prof. marked really rigid ! The other group that presented on the same day got a even lower mark >.<" sigh !

Many many things coming up.......put aside those stupid thoughts and work towards my short-term goal : be an A student !!

Wow ! breath-taking !

When I was doin' my reaserch, I got sth......it seemed right to me.

Structural Model (id, ego, superego)

According to Freud, we are born with our Id.  The id is an important part of our personality because as newborns, it allows us to get our basic needs met.  Freud believed that the id is based on our pleasure principle.  In other words, the id wants whatever feels good at the time, with no consideration for the reality of the situation.  When a child is hungry, the id wants food, and therefore the child cries.  When the child needs to be changed, the id cries.  When the child is uncomfortable, in pain, too hot, too cold, or just wants attention, the id speaks up until his or her needs are met.

The id doesn't care about reality, about the needs of anyone else, only its own satisfaction.  If you think about it, babies are not real considerate of their parents' wishes.  They have no care for time, whether their parents are sleeping, relaxing, eating dinner, or bathing.  When the id wants something, nothing else is important.

Within the next three years, as the child interacts more and more with the world, the second part of the personality begins to develop.  Freud called this part the Ego.  The ego is based on the reality principle.  The ego understands that other people have needs and desires and that sometimes being impulsive or selfish can hurt us in the long run.  Its the ego's job to meet the needs of the id, while taking into consideration the reality of the situation.  

By the age of five, or the end of the phallic stage of development, the Superego develops.  The Superego is the moral part of us and develops due to the moral and ethical restraints placed on us by our caregivers.  Many equate the superego with the conscience as it dictates our belief of right and wrong.

Recently, pretty moody....

到底日後留唔留係加拿大發展呢 ?

2007 年 3 月 26 日 星期一 【晴】

10點起身食早餐，之後沖涼化妝番學。今日有 presentation，所以要著得 formal 少少 ~但因為我無果 d business looking ge black and white ，唯有普普通通著 tight pants + high heels + 上身就銀色 tee + 白色 long sleeves 就算‥‥‥

11 點半番到去，得我同另一個男仔執手尾 ~ d 人求求其其整左個 powerpoint 就算 ! 但佢地真係好過份，成 250 字 ge 野係 powerpoint 果度囉 ! powerpoint 顧名思意淨係要「point」嫁嘛 ! 有冇搞錯 ~ 之後同我一齊做野果個男仔問我有冇 peer evualtion form。個 prof 講到明唔會派多張，如果係上堂之前未填好的話，就無得後補。咁我話，我填好左 la ! 佢話要囉去影印，我話已經填好左唔方便俾佢囉去影印 la ~ 但佢死都要囉 wor .......所以無辦法之下囉左出黎，本來份野係 confidential ，唔應該俾任何人睇，但格硬囉黎睇我都無佢乎 ~ 佢仲話我點解唔俾 full marks 俾佢，佢話佢一個人收集晒 5 個人的 powerpoint 應該 deserve full marks wor......我都認同佢係今次個 project 入面有唔錯的 contribution，但佢有時 meeting 遲大到，有時又搵佢唔到，also 討論的時候又掛住 gum 電腦，咁扣少少分都應該姐 ! 我都唔係俾自己滿分 la ( 要 evaluate 自己 ge ).....之後我見佢咁唔滿意咪改分 law ~ 佢係我面前 evaluate 自己，俾佢自己 100 分.....我就 95 ~ anyways 唔想計較。

1: 30 正式 present ~ 我地明明係第 2 組，點知第 1 組無番 ~ 所以我地變左第 1 組，我無心理準備添 ! present 得麻麻地 >.<" 緊張 ~ 成個人都好熱 ...... feedback 果度話我一部份 explain 得唔好，但另一部份就好好，and d graph 都用得好。

present 完，媽咪又未黎 pick up 我，所以就去 computer lab 坐下。 check 左分，camtasia 果個 project 14/15 ~ 唔錯 la ! 至於 accounting ~ shit ! 失手 ! 80 % only ~ 我呢個白癡，一定要睇書 and 狂做 exercise !

之後發生左件小事.....有時命運就係咁嫁喇......你唔刻意去搵，果樣野自自然然出現係你眼前。

9 點鐘，打番 hk 搵一個前男友，佢係中環開左舖，做一 d 同心理有關的服務。見佢發展得幾好，雖然仲係起步階段，最緊要既係佢 enjoy 佢依家所做緊既野 ~ 衷心祝福佢可以 keep 住心入面果團火去 achieve 佢的理想。佢同我講左一句野，好中 point 的。對於我而言，我最大的敵人就係我自己的情緒。如果我唔係成日都有 mood swing，我估我可以更加 productive ! 我知道自己仲可以迫自己多 d ，我仲有好多 room to improve，我相信自己的 potential 係比現在我所發揮出黎多好多倍....i gotta work this out !

2007 年 3 月 25 日 星期日 【晴】

是時候認真想想，自己在感情方面上，到底想怎樣；

還有就是自己的事業，想在加拿大還是香港發展？

說到尾，我要規劃的是我的將來，到底我想要怎樣的生活？

平淡，簡單，寧靜的生活？

還是繁忙，充實，競爭的生活？

我真的不知道‥‥‥

2007 年 3 月 24 日 星期六 【晴】

I slept @ 4 sth last night......I tried my best to allow my tears flow out, but may be I've been holding it back for too long, that it did not easily come out. Weird as it may sound, I needed sby to make me cry.....

Woke up @ 1 pm today ! I just couldn't imagine how can I slept like dead....I was too tired to think...I have to plan for my trip to HK, how I spend my time and the most important, how can I get a job ASAP.

Recently, I really did not wanna talk....for one thing, my bf was not willing to listen; therefore, I am used to not saying anything at all....I really cannot find sby to whom I am comfort to talk. 3 pm sth, Kenn called, he told me his long day n he met a fd n unexpectedly, spent hours to talk w/ her and taught her how to be the "strong" side within a relationship. Anyhow, after he has finished telling me his day, I started crying n he asked me what happened.....I just told him briefly that I felt so bad but dun know how to say...actualy, if he could give me more time, may be I could tell him everything in a nicely organized manner; however, as I knew he gotta sleep early since he needa get up at 10 tomorrow, I chose not to use up his sleeping time. but I did appreciate that he noticed I was crying over the phone....

7 pm went out to buy pizza~ Pizza Hut's pizza is the best ! we ordered 2 medium pizzas ~ wow ~ of cox can't finish them all by 3 persons la.....saved the rest for tomorrow