Dad left this morning. I didn’t sleep all night, partially because I need to study, but it was more like I am just too depressed and cannot sleep.
I can feel the stress is eating me up; I’m so worried that I cannot take good care of the household and my younger brother. I don’t want anything goes wrong and make my parents worry.
Having to handle 6 subjects, drive brother back and forth to school, buy groceries, cook, do the dishes & laundry, pay bills, shovel the snow and many other things, I am totally burn out and both physically and mentally exhausted.
7am – Dad left the house
7:15am – cook breakfast for brother, ate a bit tuna salad
8:15am – shovel the snow
8:30am – drive brother to school & eat half slice of banana pound cake on the go
9:40am – arrive Finch subway station
10:15am – my first class
12:30pm – print out some readings
1pm – bought a coffee and sat in the corner, trying to get some rest and peace in my heart
2pm – second class
4:25pm – got on subway
5:00pm – arrive Finch station
5:35pm – got home, shovel snow again
6:20pm – finally get to eat something, reheat the tomato soup
6:25pm – turn on my computer and upload photos for my friend’s project
7:00pm – call brother and ask where he is so that I can pick him up
7:15pm – arrived at the pickup spot but cannot see him, call him but no one pick up the phone
7:30pm – finally show up with 15 mins late
7:40pm – cook dinner
8:35pm – eat dinner
9pm – wash dishes
9:45pm – prepare fruits
10pm – finally get to sit down and enjoy my private time
I was so pissed that my brother showed up late when I picked him up. I didn’t get any sleep but I still finished shovelling the entire drive-way on my own, as I knew my brother had a test this morning and he must be tired; also, by the time he got home, it would be darker and cooler outside, so I decided to do him a favour with my exhausted body. Then he showed up late and didn’t apologize at all. I started losing my temper and I told him I shouldn’t have done the snow shovelling for him, as he didn’t deserve it.
After I got home, then I started thinking, maybe I shouldn’t link two irrelevant incidents together. After all, he did not request me to do his duty (shovel the snow). Maybe he preferred to do it himself instead of having me do it for him and force him to feel guilty of owing me a favour.
One of my biggest problems is that, for everything I do for others, I subconsciously require some sort of return. Thus, when I don’t get anything in return, I become very short tempered. I know I should change this kind of thinking but I really can’t. Then maybe I should stop doing favour to others until I manage to control my selfish thoughts.
I used to longing for a shoulder or a pair of strong arms for me torest after a long day, but now, all I need is alone time. I am too tired to act in front of anyone, that’s why even though it’s good to have someone to lean on, after considering the give and take, I’d rather be alone, at least I don’t need to act.
剩低我同細佬係度食飯
& lt;br> 今次終於無煮燶啦 ! 哈哈!
& lt;br> 西芹炒雞柳，仲有紅洋蔥。味道唔錯 ~ 之前個雞已經係醃好左，所以好入味
& lt;br> 整餐飯的 overview ( d 蟹柳係順手整定佢用來做沙律又或者想送公仔麵食的時候，唔使拿手唔成勢 ) 細佬話overall 都唔錯!
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尋晚通頂溫書，夠鐘就車細佬番學，之後想訓但訓唔到。
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Where are you? w