2009 年 3 月 3 日 星期二 【晴】

看 '秘密' 一書

想不到和 meditation 所說的東西有共通點

跟著做真的會發生嗎?

有待驗證

不過無論如何

我想多觀察自己

反省自己都是一個很值得養成的好習慣

:)

>>March 5, 2009 at 6:47:43 AM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 2 日 星期一 【晴】

看完 confession of shoppaholic

很好笑

我想戲也會蠻好看的

>>March 5, 2009 at 6:38:28 AM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 1 日 星期日 【晴】

今天開始 physical training programme

每星期三天

每次一小時

為期三個月

希望真的有 significant result 吧!


quoted from mirabelle summers:

"What comes to mind when you utter the word "attractive"? Do you
imagine a dazzling new outfit? A voluptuous figure? A
well-proportioned hunk? Or perhaps appearing younger than you really
are?

If you've said YES to any (or all) of the above, then you're only
partially right.

Let me share a little truth: it's not just about how you look on
the outside. Think of all the gorgeous guys you've seen walking
around with women who don't necessarily look like celebrities or
models.

There's more to captivating a man's heart than just blinding him
silly with your fabulous looks.

Of course, everyone has to do their best in looking presentable and
decent to the rest of the world (whether they're looking for love
or not).

How can anyone take you seriously if you're too lazy NOT to look
like a train wreck?

Don't oversimplify the matter by saying that men should accept you
for what you are. After all that's said and done, yes, guys should
care about what's inside you.

YET, guys will have a harder time being attracted to a woman who
doesn't pay attention to basic hygiene or never bothers to dress
appropriately for the occasion.

It gives a clear message that you don't value yourself highly,
which is a good cue that guys shouldn't value you highly either.

If that's what "being yourself" means, then don't expect a pack of
lovestruck guys to come knocking at your door!

However if you are a girl who values herself and the way she
presents herself to the world, go ahead and maintain all your
beauty habits and rituals that keep you looking your best.

Be grooming and hygiene-savvy.

Have a friend or style coach help you find the best kind of clothes
that will highlight your natural features.

While you're at it, hit the gym, take up yoga, or do what it takes
to stay healthy and fit.

All in all, asserting the best version of yourself means being
MATURE, but NOT stiff or boring.

It also translates into making the EFFORT to play up and improve
your best attributes. It doesn't matter if you aren't perfect, or
don't have a super-model figure or look.

What's important is that you're TRYING, and care enough to take
care of yourself and the way you present yourself to the world.

And believe me, that can be SEEN with how you dress and groom
yourself. From this perspective, you'll come to understand the
kind of role that looks play in the greater context of attraction.

In a nutshell, being savvy about fashion and beauty is alright as
long as it doesn't spill over into vanity....

...or worse, getting all hot and bothered about SILLY standards.

What I'm talking about is the unnatural fear of ageing. So what if
you have a few smile lines or a couple of stretch marks?

Unless you live under a rock, there's no avoiding the constant
bombardment of anti-aging cosmetic ads or other media that
practically condemn women for being less than perfect.

This is where the irony kicks in: as long as you know that you're
DOING your best to look your best, not caring about someone else's
approval is the deeper meaning of "attractive".

So when you think about the true definition of "attractive", there
is a LIMIT to caring about appearances. It's about striking that
balance where you care enough to have that "I've got it together"
look, but at the same time DON'T give a hoot about what others
actually think.

When you get down to it, men LOVE women who have that special kind
of indifference.

It's hardly about being NASTY or being that evil tyrant grinding
the people around her into misery.

Nope, not at all. It's about prioritizing your integrity and
principles before anything else. An attractive woman puts these
above all other things, and DOESN'T CARE if a guy she's dating gets
upset about it.

She's the kind of girl who's sweet, polite and ISN'T AFRAID to
refuse a man that doesn't live up her standards.

With such a killer combination of traits, guys will come to respect
this kind of girl...and then fall hard for her afterwards.

Nice girls do the opposite by doing everything they can to please a
man, even if said guy is already having her jump through hoops.

These girls WONDER how other women can be so confident about what
they want.

TIP: it's a simple matter of FOCUS. It's about focusing on your
life, and not just diverting all your time and energy to your love
life.

This is the dividing line between the smart woman and a nice girl.
The latter is all about jumbling her life inside-out to make sure
everyone's happy.

That's not what an attractive woman does. The sassy woman makes
her life work so SHE is happy. Only then can she ever allow a man
into her life.

Men, on the other hand, will fight feverishly to win over a girl
who they respect and DON'T take for granted. They'll set out to
make room for themselves in your life rather than the other way
around.

How does a woman ever get into that position where she's calling
the shots without breaking a sweat? How does she get a guy to
stick around after he's seen past her outer beauty?

Simple: she has the kind of attitude that keeps men from taking
control and prevents them from walking all over her.

Case in point: let's say you're going out with this really cute
guy. Before you ended your last date, he promised to call you
back. A week and a half later, he still hasn't gotten back to you,

Catching up on a book late one night, he finally calls back. He
says he wants to take you up on that date and asks to meet him at
the coffee shop in 15 minutes.

What would the nice girl do in this case? As soon as the phone
rings, she'll come charging to pick it up, as if her butt were on
fire.

She already knew it was him calling. "I guess those few dozen
messages I left on his machine did the trick", she thought to
herself as she picks up the receiver.

As for his last-minute plans, she's all too happy to go along with
them. She springs into action, hurriedly putting on her best
outfit and storming out her place as quickly as possible.

In her mind, the nice girl thinks she's so lucky that he finally
called back. Little does she know that she'll be getting into more
and more situations where it will be increasingly difficult to say
"no" to him.

The smart girl on the other hand, attracts her man by not acting
the least bit surprised when he calls back. She's even less
thrilled about his outrageous plans and tells him,

"That sounds nice, but I'm really just exhausted right now. I will
be available by Friday evening though."

If he thought that she'd be raring to go out with him, he'll be
thrown off by how nonchalant she is.

In just a few effortless strokes, she has effectively disarmed him.
She was able to assert herself without having to confront him
about how inconsiderate he was.

Instead of telling him how silly it is to think that he could just
see her without making REAL plans ahead, she simply ignores it
altogether.

She gracefully refuses his own agenda and makes it clear that she's
putting herself first. She's not about to meet him halfway if he's
not the kind to reciprocate.

If he has any sense in him, he'll think twice before pulling
something like that again. Otherwise, a smart girl will have NO
problem seeing someone else.

We should all understand that men will be more attracted to a girl
who has her own life. She's not going to put it on hold just
because he came into the picture.

Long after the infatuation phase has passed, a man will keep
chasing after the girl who knows how to perpetuate the attraction
cycle.

She knows how to keep herself just out of reach, not giving her
entire self so that he doesn't have all of her.

Thus, her man is always in top form, knowing that she could walk
out anytime he doesn't treat her like the prize she is."

>>March 2, 2009 at 6:49:30 AM GMT+8

2009 年 2 月 28 日 星期六 【晴】

今天到義大利餐廳吃飯

義大利人部長 a 把我擮停

問是否曾經在 lkf 見過我

我說應該沒有

然後他又說可能是我的 sister.......


最近在網上購買了 flirting 資料

果然值得投資

原本以為全是因為 eye contact

但細想之下

應該也和 posture 有關

謝謝 mimi tanner

>>March 1, 2009 at 1:17:19 PM GMT+8

2009 年 2 月 27 日 星期五 【晴】

從來也不望陌生人

所以從來也不知道有人望我

今天第一次正式練習和陌生人有 eye contact

還有 posture

果然 work

不過由於是 beginners

所以不太 picky

求其找些人望吓練習吓是今晚的 objective



尖沙咀一下地鐵

見到一個黑人

不感興趣

到了中環

他走上來搭訕 (該因為 1 sec 的 eye contact + posture)

說 "you walk very beautifully......"

原來他來自 madagascar

他問我拿了電話

我也給了

不過我想下次應該給 email 就好了


跟朋友會合後

到了 a

想不到在這裡碰見舊同事 c

還認識了她的朋友 p (該因為 eye contact)

後來有一個德國人過來搭訕

後來也拿了我的電話


之後跟朋友瘋狂跳了一輪舞

有一個外國人走過來 (該因為 posture )

說 " I admire your moves"

我問 "what did i do"

他說 "I dont know, but it works".....

然後我沒有甚麼東西再跟他說



之後有一個美國男孩過來跟我說話 (該因為 posture)

他正在 ust 讀書

講了幾句後他的朋友過來找他

然後離開了


後來轉到 v

認識了朋友的朋友的朋友 s (該因為 eye contact)

他算是整晚最 decent 的一位

他是 cbc

不過他的眼神好像有點咸濕

而且我沒有問他便主動告訴我他的父母在香港

從事甚麼 oilfield, gas 的生意

好像有點浮誇

anyway

他拿了我的 email


之後去跳舞

有一個不知道是否 abc 的人 approach 過來 (該因為 eye contact)

但由於我的朋友要離開

所以只說過幾句

我便走了



提醒:

朋友提醒, 在 lkf 就算人們拿了你的電話

他可能不會打給你

而就算下次碰到面

他甚至不會認得你

所以要 take it easy


檢討:

這晚六個男生有三個問了我的聯絡方法

不過我想 madagascan 和 德國人應該不會打來

拿了我 email 的 cbc 則有待觀察

沒有拿我聯絡的三位

我想是因為覺得跟我沒有甚麼東西好說

還有他們過來跟我談話後

我便沒有再跟他們有甚麼眼神交流


改善:

- 避免 dead air, 多問問題
- 人們喜歡說自己的事情, 所以可以問對方他們是一個怎樣的人
- 跟對方談話時保持 eye contact

>>March 1, 2009 at 3:04:00 PM GMT+8

2009 年 2 月 26 日 星期四 【晴】

認識了一個來了香港兩星期的 abc

我做了香港大使

第一次見面

他的真人沒有相那麼黑人憎那麼白那麼像 player

不過煙不離手 -_-

帶他到 lkf 和 soho

再到廟街

然後在美都餐室吃晚飯

最後由於我要去旺角

所以去了砵蘭街參觀

他看到那些廣告燈廂

說要拍照

便替他拍吧!

他很自然一手捏著 poster 上那位大胸姐姐的胸部

面對鏡頭咧嘴而笑

點呀!

才認識了你兩個多小時

-_-


後來看見一個廣告招牌寫著 "歡迎參觀"

他提議去參觀

我們居然真去了

上了雞竇

以前在 C 工作的時候男同事們經常討論有關叫雞的事

我常嚷著要去參觀

他們當然不肯帶我去

這次有機會去

覺得很好玩

但才剛剛認識這個人

和他去了這種地方

又覺得有點怪異



走上一條筆直的樓梯

上面有三個男人迎接我們

其中收銀的那位跟我說這裡只有女, 沒有男

難道他們以為我來叫鴨嗎? -_-

我說我是陪他來

給他當翻譯


這裡是閣樓

樓梯盡頭有一張二人黑色梳化

梳化右面是收銀櫃檯

左面是那條剛上來的樓梯

對面有兩張長木梳化

那人叫我們等等

小姐馬上就到

我們坐在黑色梳化上

我坐左他坐右



樓梯頂有一台電視

真的如舊同事所形容有電視看呢!

不過不是播四仔

而是播著一套內地連續劇


收銀男跟他搭訕

又問我是否他的女朋友

我說當然不是啦! "如果係我就一巴打埋去啦!"

收銀男說有時有情侶會來找小姐 3p

也有一些女朋友陪男朋友來叫雞

女的自己坐在外面等男友

簡直不可思議~~~~


那三位男士後來又跟我搭訕

問我為什麼這麼大膽

又問這位 abc 是否要轉碟看些激 D 的

abc 說唔好嚇親我而拒絕了

這位 abc 又問我是否有些 nervous

你話呢?



良久 (其實可能只有十分鐘....我太 uneasy吧! )

電視的那套連續劇播完了要換碟

收銀哥哥叫我不要望

我說 : "點解 wor , 我都敢睇架!"

把頭左轉一看

畫面裡有位女子正在替一條 jer 口交

無錯

是一條 jer 而已

看不到男的樣子呢

-_-

我估計所有房間裡都有電視

長期播鹹片

所以他們轉碟時便會播房間裡正在播方的鹹片

兩三秒後

畫面繼續回到連續劇上

我們繼續等

他不停的抽著煙


這裡地方很小

直望便是一道一道的門

門上貼著一個非常大的號碼 (A3 Size )

font size 駛唔駛咁大.....

難道 "發雞盲" 一詞是真的嗎?

只掛著看著那位小姐而忘記自己的房號?


左邊牆上掛著一塊白板

板上畫了方格

上四格下四格

格內寫著一些代號

觀察之下

發現那是顧客進去的時間

原來這裡是以半小時來計算的

超時要加錢


不久

一個男人從房間出來

他是一位很普通的阿叔

接著那位小姐也從房間出來

這位小姐是 typical 的北姑

年約三十多歲

付款後收銀男把白板上的其中一格抹掉

上面原本寫著

"野仔 09:13"

我一看時鐘

???

現在 9:28 咋喎



他不停抽煙

我們繼續等

他問我用不用離開

我說不用

等候時看見幾位男嫖客幾位小姐進進出出房間

小姐們有些是根本不能從外貌看出

衣服平實也不暴露



收銀男說今天月底出糧

所以人比較多

而月底很多小姐經期所以休息甩不開工

因此要等耐一點



過了大概 20 分鐘

終於有位身穿黑色米里裙的大陸女孩從樓梯上來

好像只有 18 歲

很瘦

胸不算大

也不算漂亮

這位 abc 看完後

說要先送我到戲院看戲

轉頭再回來

我們便離開了

他第二天說他沒有回去

哈哈

因為他去了灣仔跟另一個女孩見面



之後我去了看 slumdog millionaire

很好看的一齣戲

感動得眼濕濕

很希望

未來的那位丈夫會接受 adoption

很想領養小孩喔!

值得推介的一齣戲

:)

>>March 2, 2009 at 6:45:03 AM GMT+8

2009 年 2 月 25 日 星期三 【晴】

quoted from Terry MacDonald:

"He Didn't call, now what YOU WON'T do:

-Call him
-Text him
-Email him
-Get your friend to call him
-"Accidentally" bump into him in a club or bar where
you know he's apt to hang out.

Here's what YOU WILL do:

-Tell yourself that a guy who doesn't keep promises might not be
too much of a loss
-Treat yourself really, really well; remind yourself you're a treasure
yet to be discovered.

Here's what YOU MIGHT do:

-Call a good friend and go out for dinner, a movie, coffee, a drink--
something fun. (No crying in your beer.)
-Rent a movie ('Broken English' is a good romantic drama, 'Forgetting
Sarah Marshall' is hilarious, and 'The Holiday' is good fun, too).
Curl up with a blanket and a bowl of popcorn

Tomorrow morning, congratulate yourself for NOT contacting the guy.
You haven't appeared insecure, needy, or desperate. Hold your head up.

Now, it's possible (wouldn't be the first time), he'll come to his senses
and call you during the week. When he asks you out again, tell him
sorry, but you're busy (and just to keep things honest, go out and
make yourself busy!).

The worst thing you can do is be easily available to a person who
said he'd call and didn't (put yourself in his place: you tell a
guy you'll call. You don't. You finally get around to calling, and
he drops everything to be with you. Turn on or turn off? You tell me).

Make him work a bit to see you again. Give yourself a few days to
decide whether he's even worth it.

Now, if the guy doesn't ever call, once again consider the very
real possibility he's done you a very big favor. A guy who doesn't
keep his word makes very poor boyfriend material.

You can do better. What's more, you deserve better."

>>March 2, 2009 at 3:19:48 AM GMT+8

2009 年 2 月 24 日 星期二 【晴】

朋友ll 的 blog 有這樣的一個測驗

我又玩

發現我是 : http://w3.mecolor.com.tw/343style118.html

你要玩嗎? http://w3.mecolor.com.tw/find.html

>>February 26, 2009 at 4:21:24 PM GMT+8

2009 年 2 月 23 日 星期一 【晴】

保密日記，請登入觀看！

>>March 10, 2009 at 9:07:21 AM GMT+8

2009 年 2 月 22 日 星期日 【晴】

謝謝朋友的意見

1) 學習 put myself in the other shoes, 說話前先想想對方會希望聽到怎樣的回應, 不要太自我中心

2) 學習 eye contact, 但不是 'bea' 人 -_-

3) 學習不要太 judgmental, 不要經常拿呎糧度自己和糧度別人



Quoted from christian carter

"THE MISTAKE OF BEING EMOTIONALLY OUT OF CONTROL

Why do men freak out when a woman is angry with
him, or tells him how much she cares or needs him,
or worries about the relationship taking a "wrong"
turn? And that's to do any of the following things
that men think of as "drama"-

1) Having frequent intense emotional outpourings
he considers "negative" or "scary"- the likes of
which he regularly AVOIDS in his own life

2) Letting your feelings or emotions TAKE OVER
to the point that you lose your composure and cry,
scream, yell, etc.

3) Have these emotional meltdowns suddenly, without
warning, and with no cause HE CAN UNDERSTAND

4) Accidentally communicating to a man that HE
is to BLAME for the intense negative emotions
you're feeling. Or blaming or accusing him
deliberately.

5) Giving him the idea that the closer he gets to
you, the worse your emotional episodes will be,
and the harder it will be on HIM

6) Constantly thinking about and analyzing
what's going on with him and asking him what's
wrong- which only makes you lose your cool more,
instead of taking care of and emotionally
"balancing" yourself first and coming to him with
a cool head

7) Quickly turning on a dime from being a sweet
and loving woman who only talks about and wants
love... to acting the part of a "wounded" woman
who says mean, hurtful, spiteful and negative
things about a man and the deepest parts of
his character because of your own pain in the
moment

Is it possible that you've had any of these
things going on for you?

If so, Here's the thing...Men are drawn to women who "own" their
emotions... and who aren't so PREDICTABLE in a
negative way.

If you suddenly erupt in a negative way about
how a man is acting, or about how your relationship
is going... this is the classic and PREDICTABLE
behavior of the kind of woman a man DOES NOT want
to be in a relationship with.

You know the kind of woman I'm talking about.

The kind of woman who really does create
"drama" for "drama's" sake.

THE REASON YOUR FEELINGS AREN'T BEING HEARD, AND
KEEP PUSHING HIM AWAY

When most women start dating a great guy, they
have a whole slew of POSITIVE FEELINGS, IDEAS and
BELIEFS about where things are going and how they
might work out.

Thoughts like,

-"Wow! This guy is so much nicer and more fun than
anyone I've dated in a long time. This guy is not
like the rest"

-"This time it's different. I'm smarter now."

-"I won't let myself be fooled by a jerk or a
player like before."

And often, it's the power of these positive
feelings that are the catalyst in helping you
look past the fears and negative beliefs that
linger from PAST bad experiences and give you the
courage to start fresh and open back up again.

You TELL yourself it's different now, and
you've learned to not make the same mistakes.

But the reality is that even when you tell
yourself you're "smarter" - you aren't.

It's that you're still ATTRACTING and CREATING
the same wrong situations and patterns because of
what's INSIDE YOU. The reality is... when you still carry the same
FEARS and NEGATIVE BELIEFS that helped create the
patterns and relationships of the PAST...

Like he doesn't call when he says he will, or
he does something that reminds you of your ex.

And WHAM!!

All the old fears and negative beliefs come
rushing back.

You get that familiar sick feeling in your
stomach, and you feel obsessive worry or anxiety
about what's going on.

You begin running the tape of negative voices
in your head.

"There's must be something wrong with me."

"There are no good men... they're all selfish,
cheating jerks and I'll never find one who gets
me and can really love me for who I am."

"I'll never find true love, so I should just
give up and stop putting myself through so much
pain."

You might have a few negative beliefs about
men and relationships of your own here to add
to the list.

Here's one of the most important and fascinating
things I've learned about these voices...

Pay attention here-

When these negative voices start to set in, this
is when most women STOP being the confident,
positive and playful woman that attracted a great
guy in the first place.

They stop radiating love, beauty, and the
joy of life that makes a woman so IRRESISTIBLE.

All the positive emotions and feelings and
the love and goodwill disappears... and it's
suddenly and abruptly replaced by DEFENSIVENESS
and negative SENSITIVITY.

This is what it's like having ZERO control of
yourself and how you let your emotions speak to
the people around you.

And guess what?

This is 100% GRADE A MAN REPELLENT.

Men do not want to get involved or committed to
women who act emotionally dependent from the start
and "lose it" at the first sign of difficulty.

Some women see the first signs of trouble or
that a man is acting "non-committal" after they've
become invested in the situation, and they FREAK
OUT inside.

When a man doesn't share the same feelings at
the same time in the same way, they become nervous
and unsure in everything they do and say.

The point I'm making here is that if you allow
yourself to become TOO emotional and fearful in
situations with men, and dependent on their
behavior for your happiness and well being, it will
SCREW YOU UP... and send even the right man packing.

And you'll make things even worse when you try
to TALK to your man in order to work out those
negative feelings with him.

Like when you want him to tell you something
that will make you feel better. That's a nail in
the coffin.

Guaranteed.

INSIGHT #1: EMOTIONS ARE CONTAGIOUS

when you feel an emotion, you
can very easily pass what you're feeling on to the
person you're sharing it with.

Emotions can actually trick you into trying to
CONTROL others.

So instead of simply communicating what it is
that you're going through and what you want, you
actually try and make the other person FEEL the
bad things that YOU FEEL.

#2 CREATE INTENSE ATTRACTION BY OWNING YOUR EMOTIONS,
INSTEAD OF HAVING YOUR EMOTIONS OWN YOU

1) Men crave women who are fun and spontaneous.

But how are you going to be this way with a man if
you're always on edge, worried or anxious because
your FEARS are running the show, and your head's
off trying to control the FUTURE?

That's right. You aren't going to be the fun and
spontaneous woman a man really wants and NEEDS to
be with.

Men aren't ATTR&CTED to women who let their
emotions control them.

This is ESPECIALLY true when women act needy or
overly-sensitive to anything the guy does or says.

Instead, a woman who is fun, playful, and
UNPREDICTABLE with the positive things she does
is the kind of woman who is "relationship material"
in his book.

If you're venting your emotions as soon as you
feel them, just because they are there... you're
going to have a VERY hard time succeeding with
men past a few dates.

Men will quickly get the message that you are
"trouble", and they'll want a woman who brings
more JOY and SIMPLICITY to their life.

Not more worry, intensity, and what men think of
as "drama."

here's what you need to do...

1) Stop waiting for things to fix themselves, or
for men to finally "get it" and stop being
difficult or dumb in relationships

INSIGHT #2: THE POWER OF THE MEANING YOU MAKE
ABOUT THE THINGS AROUND YOU

Something happens that "pushes a button" inside
of you and BAM!... the emotion happens before you
even have a chance to think about it.

For instance, let's say that you've met a
great guy, went on a few amazing dates, and then
he wasn't as quick to call you and make plans as
he was at the very start.

What do you usually think?

"Maybe he doesn't like me. Maybe he has a
another woman. Maybe he's trying to avoid me.
Maybe he's withdrawing like those other guys
did in the past."

In other words, we make the fact that he
didn't call back MEAN all these different things.

Women often allow their imaginations to take
over and imagine the WORST possible outcomes.

Then they get nervous about that outcome
happening and FREAK OUT.

When it comes to men, it's important that you
lose the need to make everything MEAN something...
and STOP imagining the worst.

Think back to the last time a man said or did
something and you asked yourself or your
girlfriend, "what do you think it meant that he
did/said that?"

You start to wonder if the way he's acting is
a "game" of some kind... and if he has a hidden
agenda he's not going to let you in on.

If you immediately start to wonder where he
is... what he's doing... and who he's with, you
CREATE the game in your mind.

If a man doesn't call you for a day... and
you spend that entire day wondering why he HASN'T
called you... you made a completely negative
meaning out of something that isn't necessarily
negative.

But if you think every moment that passes means that
he doesn't care about you... you're going to
both FEEL MISERABLE...

And... you'll act miserable and strange and
awkward when he finally does call the next day.

And then what, if he was busy with something
important in his own life, and there was no "bad"
reason he didn't call?

You are upsetting yourself by imagining all
the BAD THINGS that could be happening.

Making NEGATIVE MEANING out of situations
that you have no proof of negative things going
with is a guaranteed way to get NEGATIVE OUTCOMES
in your life.

When it comes to men, these include:

-A man not liking the "vibe" you have because
you worry or think negatively, and not wanting
to be around you

-Acting insecure or needy because you always
have the worst of things in mind

-Showing a man you can't be away from him, or let
him have his life and space, without you going to
a bad place in your mind (so he'll either constantly
have to appease you, or suffer the consequences)

If you find yourself making a lot of negative
meaning out of situations- it's time you took a
good hard look at what this is really creating
in your life.

Does all the worry actually help things?

Or is it just your own form of CONTROL, or of
trying to defend or protect yourself from things
like the other bad things that have happened to
you in your life?

Here's all you have to do:

Step 1) Visualize your ideal outcome

Whenever you get into a situation, or approach a
new conversation with a man... it's great to stop
for a second before you get too deep into things
and make sure you know WHAT YOU WANT out of it.

Because if even you do know what you want,
it's VERY VERY UNLIKELY that a man will figure
out what that is for you... or be able to give
it to you.

If you can think or feel what it is you're
wanting or looking for, and imagine that positive
result taking place... you are MUCH MUCH more
likely to have that exact thing come to fruition.

So imagine what the END RESULT is that you're
looking for with a man.

It might be-

-"I want him to understand what I'm saying and
hear me"

-"I want to feel connected to him"

-"I want him to relax and open up"

-"I want him to hold me and be affectionate"

The simple act of getting clear on what you
want will help you communicate your feelings in
a way that will move you and a man TOWARD the
outcome or experience you want.

Don't waste your time focusing on all the
things you don't want, or the things you're
frustrated about that aren't working for you.

These are a trap that will only lead to more
COUNTERPRODUCTIVE interactions between you and
your man.

Step 2) Make POSITIVE MEANING out of your
experiences, and what men say and do

I'll break this one down into the simplest
example possible.

I have an amazing female friend.

She was in a 2 year relationship with a guy
she really loved.

One night her boyfriend came to her and told
her that he wasn't sure he wanted to stay in the
relationship.

Naturally, she was very upset by this news.

But what did she do?

She didn't go to the place of telling herself
that SHE must not be good enough for him to keep
loving and want to stay with.

And she DIDN'T go to the place of tearing him
apart and telling him how rude, insensitive,
"jerky" or wrong he was.

No. The meaning she made out of what happened
was very very different.

She came to me a day later with an amazingly
clear head and strong heart and said-

"That hurt, but it was great news to know how
he really felt, and that he told me now, instead
of how ever far into the future. I don't have to
waste my time in a relationship with a man who
doesn't want what I want. What he told me makes
it easier for me to know that this wasn't the
right relationship for me."

I think you can see how different the meaning
was that she made out of this than what lots of
other women do who end up suffering for weeks or
months or years after over what should have been.

I'll give you another example for if you're
a single woman, or dating and in a new relationship
and a man doesn't call you back.

If he doesn't call you back right away, don't
start to go to all those bad places.

"He's a player."

"I said something wrong."

"I scared him off."

"Things never work out for me."

"Men are afraid of real women."

Instead, imagine that he is freaked out with
his own life and schedule (maybe his boss just
threatened to let him go), and make it mean that
when he finally DOES talk to you, he's going to be
even MORE interested because it took you so long
to catch up with each other.

That way, when he does call, you'll genuinely
be happy and excited for his call... and you'll
have had a great time in your life in the meantime.

Here's another...

If he tells you he's not ready for a
relationship right now because of his past,
figure that he's feeling that way because he
REALLY likes you and has had to THINK about being
in a relationship because his feelings are so
strong.

He's scared of his deep feelings for you and
doesn't know how to deal with that yet.

And that once he figures it out for himself,
he'll miss you and want you... and you don't have
to be there waiting around for him to grow up.

There's nothing wrong with you or how you are.

And it's great that you got to see this problem
of his early on, but it's his to deal with, not
yours.

Let me tell you something honestly...

All of the women I know who end up in great
long-term relationships with great attractive
men think this way.

All of them.

This is at the very essence of what makes a
woman not just physically attractive and desirable,
but the kind of woman a man can truly see himself
with in a lasting relationship.

Also, start noticing those particular things
and situations that trigger your strong "negative"
emotions.

Learn to spot the signs that it's about to
happen, and then learn how to keep yourself
CENTERED.

If you can learn how to do this, the quality
of ALL your relationships in your life will
improve DRAMATICALLY."


Quote from Mimi Tanner

Bob shares that you should not get into any big discussions during the tenuous
time when you are negotiating your way back together.
Bob says to hold to this plan EVEN if your guy starts
talking about the past. Don't go there. He also says... don't get emotional during these
talks.

"Even when your heart might be racing, when you
remain cool, calm, and collected, it will surprise
him." "


@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Quoted from Mirabelle Summers

"Before you even start dating a guy, your last priority is to rush
into a relationship with him. Making a relationship your number
one goal just kicks things off to a wrong start because you'll be
fixed on being intimate with him...

Being in a relationship won't fix you. On the contrary, you
actually have to be a strong, confident woman BEFORE dating a guy.

When do things in reverse, dating a guy in the hope it will make
you strong and confident, you'll run into problems. This backward
mentality has a couple of related consequences, namely:

- accepting ANY kind of man, even if he treats you like a doormat

- thinking that having a man is the answer to all your problems

These will inevitably branch out into other complications that will
poison your relationship sooner or later.

Thinking along these lines makes the nice girl overcompensate even
though she's still getting to know him. There's really a danger to
going all out even though he hasn't earned it yet.

Letting him have 100% of you right away makes for a very bad start.
A man appreciates something more if he had to work hard to get it.
When you kill the mystery so soon, the only thing you'll be creating is familiarity.

The nice girl is afraid to put her foot down and put him in his
place. Men will instinctively push and test your boundaries while
observing your reaction. Men actually like it when they feel that
resistance.

Deep inside the male brain is a primal tendency to judge a woman's
worth based on her emotional maturity. Unknown even to them,
they'll test you to the point of walking all over you if you let
them.

If he feels that you can stand your ground, he'll naturally sense
that you're someone who isn't overdependent on a man to complete
her. From that point on, he'll begin to respect you and this is
the most important basis for a healthy, functional relationship.

I once went out with a guy who always showed up at least an hour
past the agreed time.

I decided that I wouldn't have any more of his wanton disregard for
my time. On our next date, I left after fifteen minutes of waiting
for him. I proceeded to make other plans instead.

As I was having coffee with a friend afterwards, he called me up on
my mobile but I let it go to voicemail instead. When he managed to
reach me at home, I greeted him like I always did, as if nothing
happened.

He apologized profusely and wanted to set up another date. I told
him, "Sweetie, if you're going to ask me to make time for you, then
you should learn to show up ON TIME. I have my own life too, you
know."

After that, he had no further problems being on time. In the rare
occasion that he was going to be late, he always made it a point to
let me know WAY in advance.

I'd have to say he wasn't being late on purpose, but nevertheless I
reacted by not blowing my top or getting all emotional on him.

Why do you think men like to play it cool and act detached
sometimes? He doesn't want to appear too emotional because he
assumes that it's a sign of weakness.

Guys are more likely to respect a girl who isn't inappropriately
emotional. As you'll see from my own experience, nice girls
tolerate abuse while a sassy girl doesn't.

Why? Because she places value on herself and he'll follow suit if
he's a quality guy. When you perceive yourself as valuable, your
man will come to the conclusion that you're worth pursuing.

On another note, a nice girl makes the typical oversight of
mismanaging her daily schedule to the point of exhaustion. You
know what I mean; at one time or another, you've probably had to
cancel an appointment to make room for your guy's last minute plans.

Honestly, there's nothing wrong with the occasional rearranging,
but even then it should only be done if it's a matter of great
importance.

Otherwise, don't get into the habit of suddenly dropping your plans
just to accommodate petty, unreasonable whims. Like I said, don't
be like the nice girl who doesn't know how to set limits.

The right perspective lays in believing that a relationship is only
part of a bigger whole. Whether you're single or taken, it
shouldn't affect the overall quality of your personality."


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Don't Make a Scene He'll Never Forget: How To
Avoid Bad Scenes and Win His Love

you're SCARED of expressing your feelings about what
you want, so you let things build up inside you until you
begin to let your frustrations with him show.

You start a conversation about the relationship and
then you "let him have it"! You get upset and lose your
cool.

Step 1) You Need To Understand What's Going On Inside
The Mind Of Your Man...

Men don't assume that a connection, being together,
spending quality time and all the rest means they're
in a relationship. Some men do, but not most.

For a man to understand the things YOU want in that
relationship, YOU have to communicate with him in
CLEAR AND DIRECT terms.

Step 2) You Need To Understand What Causes You To Make
"The Big Mistake"

EVERYONE wants to have THEIR needs met first. It's basic
human nature.

But being able to delay your gratification is an AMAZING
thing to develop in your life. (in every part of your life!)

Most people (men and women) want to talk, talk, talk
about what THEY think and what THEY want.

The root of this problem basically boils down to needs
that are unmet.

So making "The Big Mistake" is really all about being
driven by your unmet needs and desires and solely focusing
on what YOU want the relationship to be, without honestly
and critically considering the man's perspective, his
emotional state, and his communication skills.

Patience, empathy and understanding are the first steps
towards creating the relationship you dream about.

Step 3) How To Avoid Making The Big Mistake

If you can make a guy feel like you put his feelings
and needs a priority in this conversation, and always
consider what he wants, he will LOVE YOU for it!

When you consider another person's opinions and feelings
first - often, you end up getting what you want.

When you talk to a man from a positive place of listening
first, he will be 10,000 times more receptive to what you
have to say and what you want once you bring it up than if
you approach him from a place of feeling hurt, communicate
need and projecting fear and anxiety."

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

To protect yourself, don't settle for less than the normal
markers of a healthy, committed relationship, such as:

- Going places in public together regularly, especially
in the beginning of your relationship - not just one time!

- Being introduced to his friends/colleagues and spending
time with them

- What kind of people his friends are - and how sincerely
they acknowledge your place in this man's life

- Meeting people in his family within the first 6 months
(generally speaking)

- Spending most of your free time together if possible

- No red flags that he's married or otherwise involved when
he's telling you that he's free

>>February 26, 2009 at 2:17:20 AM GMT+8