2007 年 2 月 20 日 星期二 【晴】

10 in the morning, 跟媽咪學手工花的同學黎左屋企。頂 ! 嘈 x 到拆天 ! 我尋晚 5 am 先訓 ~ 真係仆佢個街 ! 落?basement settle down 之後都仲要係度嘈.......依家係師奶聚會定係學手工花嫁 ? 學好一門手藝要靜靜地，專心去學嫁嘛 ~

Kenn 繼續 piss me off......我唔知道我可以忍到幾時.......詳細 ge 野唔係度講，始終係 2 個人之間的事，我 respect 佢，唔想好似講佢 d 唔好既野咁。連日來我不斷係腦入面搵 d 好 ge memories abt him, trying to cover and rewrite what he has been doing these few days.....but it is not working so well....

3 pm , started crying.......I told him why I have been so mad abt him these few days, but he gave me upseting response......All I want is that, he would admit that he has neglected me for several days and he felt sorry abt this. However, he said he has already done his best to keep contact w/ me. He also said that he didn't want to say anything to response to my suicide thoughts. All he had promised me was that, he will try to be more patience and at the same time, he asked me to decrese the frequency of being depressed. And I am only allowed to talk abt my sadness during his morning time but not night time. This is so ridiculous! How can I control when I feel sad? huh?

最後，我要接受現實；現實係沒有任何一個人能夠有耐性去照顧一個有精神病，差不多一日廿四小時都抑鬱的女人。我不想成為他的包袱，但我又不想改變自己，答案很明顯。

Copy from other sites:

約翰.葛瑞博士(Dr. John Gray)在他的著作『男女大不同』(Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus)中, 以「男人需要洞穴, 女人需要說話」來形容男女間最大的不同，在於他們如何處理壓力。

面對壓力的時候，男女的處理方式迴異。男士在難過時未必能夠說出甚麼事令他困擾。他們極需要自己的空間，讓一個人舒氣，靜靜地去想如何解決問題。反觀女士面對壓力時，她們偏向與人傾訴遇到的問題細節和分享沮喪的感受，藉以紓解壓力。

假若壓力不是源自伴侶一方，男與女的處理情況也相若。比方，男的在工作上遇到壓力，他們往往將自己困在房中，去思考如何解決問題。想到了解決辦法後，他們自然會離開他們的自我空間。又或者他們會藉著看球賽、新聞、報紙等來減輕壓力，鬆弛身心。遇到壓力時，他需要的往往是個人空間，但做女友或妻子的可能會很難受。他不談他的問題，她覺得被忽略、不被關心及重視，甚至會感到受傷害。

若女的在工作上遇到不如意事，她們往往不急於尋求解決之道。此刻，對她們最重要的是自己的感受。她極需要的是有人可以傾聽她的感覺和讓她說話。透過表達，讓人了解自己，令自己放鬆下來。做男友/丈夫的往往提出解決方法，見她只會談更多問題，令他覺得他的解答被拒絕，甚至會感到她藉問題來責怪他，使他更不願去傾聽。

要男女雙方和洽相處，最重要的是能互相尊重彼此間的不同之處。男方需學習尊重女方藉說話獲得紓解。他未必需要提供解決問題的方法，亦無須一定要說甚麼作回應，只要好好聆聽對方的感受，已是對她的支持，能助她紓解煩憂。另一方面，女方亦需學習尊重男方面對壓力時需要個人空間來處理壓力，而無須勉強他傾談。他躲在個人空間並不表示他不愛她。

交鋒備忘錄

可選擇多項，請用＊表示你認為很重要的。

當我們吵架時，我期望你︰	當我們吵架時，請勿︰
當我說話時，請你盡量讓我說完。	向我尖呼高嚷，大吼大叫。
請面對面和我談，讓我覺得我被重視。	向我說粗口，連我的家人也一同罵。
請給我一杯清水。	閉口不言，全無反應。
請你也嘗試了解我的困難和需要平心靜氣地討論。	動手打人。
請你在我情緒冷靜平穩時才談，不要強迫。	翻舊賬。
當我情緒極壞時，請讓我獨處和冷靜下來。	在外人前吵鬧。
當我情緒很壞時，千萬別離開我。	無心傾談，如眼看電視、書報。
當你也感到你那裏做得不對時，請你真誠地說聲「對不起」。	不停說「對不起」，希望速速了斷事情。
吵架後，請以溫柔的手擁著我。	說晦氣傷害性的話︰「真後悔當初同你結婚！」「你真無用！」「我要離婚！」。
	討論中途，發脾氣離家。

 and  represents the points that I think are very important !

The rest are also important, but just to highlight a few as more important.

2007 年 2 月 19 日 星期一 【晴】

Marketing class was cancelled. Thanks Steven for telling me, otherwise, I would have gone to school n sat there like a nut.

11 : 40 ~Accounting class, Annie and Steven didn't come to class, I was alone. I sat at the corner n wrote letters to my fd.

1: 30 English class, it was so boring......she assigned us to read a friction article....fuxk, so lengthy.....Thur will write an essay based on the reading material >.<" it carries 15 % of total daily grade ....I must not screw it!

2 : 20 ~ mum picked me up.

Called Kenn when I was home, another disappointment again. I have enough of it, really, enough. Dun test my patience, I dun shout at you didn't mean that I was not angry w/ u.

Dun have much mood to eat....

Watched TV from 8 ~ 12. 8 ~ 10, TVB soup opera; 10 ~ 12 Miami Ink, a show abt tattoos !! Well, I wanna get one, but I gotta think very seriously, cox it will be a life-long perment stamp on my skin.

Read the fuxking article till 4 am sth, haven't finished it yet. It was 7 pages, but I took like 4 hrs but still couldn't finish it, haha.......obviously, my eng really sucks......

Suffered from the suiside though again in the night......I called Kenn, but he was busy. alright, fine ! if someday, I die suddenly, dun blame yourself.

>>February 23, 2007 at 6:35:46 AM GMT+8

2007 年 2 月 18 日 星期日 【晴】

大名： elaine
電郵： [email protected]
說： Support u..I really really hope you will get well soon.

＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊

Thanks Elaine ! 呢個病都唔係一時三刻既野，好多 hidden reasons.....連我自己，醫生都未 find out 到。所以.....要好番都要一段時間 le ~ thanks for your support !

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

7 am woke up, 9 : 30 arrived school. Waited, waited and waited, 3 of us are there, missing one groupmate, but we decided not to wait and start rehearsal. wow ~ I played Wii today ! It's cool ! Thanks my groupmates bringing it to school so that I have a chance to get my hand on it ^^ I was reading and rehearsing alone w/ 7 small queue cards in my hands, but one of my groupmate took them away n told me that I would be fine. Tho I thought this was a bit rude, but I appreciated that he had confident on me.

11 : 40 am, started our presentation. Everything went pretty smooth, expect there was a small incident of the Wii-mote. But we fixed it be4 the actual presentation.

借左 Annie 套衫，但點知都係用唔著。我已經用盡辦法去 convinence 我的組員著得 formal d ~ 但最後佢地都係決定每人俾 $ 15 買件好醜樣的Nintendo tee >.<" anyways ~ 唔該晒 Annie !! 我咁肥都神奇地著得落 ^^

1 : 30 Economic mid-term, I guessed I did quite good. I aimed at least 80 %.

3 pm, mum picked me up ~ tired. When I switched on my cell phone ( I turnned it off during my presentation and test ), no sms >.<" so disappointed......I was expecting his sms to support me......

Web and Graphic report 10/10 !! yeah ~ full mark ! Finally, I got full mark! Finally, I show a second of smile ~

灰色衫果張攝於大概半年前

黑色衫果張攝於今日

無心機化妝了

每個女人都有扮靚的權利　但我沒有

眼睛很累　用了一隻極黑的睫毛液

眼袋 眼紋 黑眼圈　管不了這麼多

條眉唔知點解自己斷左　我無拔過　是凶兆嗎？

當天氣變暖的時候　在我身邊的還會是你嗎？

2007 年 2 月 17 日 星期六 【晴】

新年快樂！

太好了！在加拿大可以避年！

從小至大我也不喜歡新年。我並不對紅封包有什麼衝動；

因為在我眼中，這只是一件極無謂又不環保的活動。

更討厭的是要對那些所謂的長輩說些假到唔假的說話；

也要極禮貌地應酬他們，儘管他們說了一些傷害我的說話，我也要笑著扮沒事一樣。

Thanks Patsu

近日發了一些相像的夢，內容大概是我在街上走著，走著，突然被人從後箍頸。

我只是第一秒的時候下意識掙扎了一下，然後就沒有再掙扎。

當他放開手的時候，我對他說：「想殺我嗎？來吧！」

到底，當有一日真的發生在我身上的時候我會有什麼反應呢？

有一天上英文課的時候，老師跟我們一起討論幾篇文章。

那些文章大部份是在世界大戰後，一些女作家所寫。

內容是很抽象，寫的是作者內心的感受和幻想。

那些幻想很抑鬱～若果用中文寫的話，也許我會有共鳴；但英文呢？嘿！讀了數遍也看不懂。

這不是重點。重點是，老師說：「沒有人會和那些天天抑鬱，無論如何開解他，他也是老樣子的人做朋友。」

這個，就是我沒有朋友的最後答案。

我總是希望有人會極有耐性地開解我，然而，最能開解我自己的人就是我自己。只有我自己，才會陪伴著我呼吸最後一口氣。

如果擁有一雙翅膀，又會怎樣

2007 年 2 月 16 日 星期五 【晴】

When I was on my way to school, Kenn called. He had a party, he told me abt what he has bought in the "flower market" and new stuff.......after he finished his "report", he hang up ........

10 am arrived school. There should be 2 guys coming, however, 20 mins later, 1 guy showed up; the computer common was closed, so we sneaked into a classroom n used the computer to work on our project. We together finished the report; however, as the other guy hasn't come until 11 : 45 >.<" we couldn't reherse our presentation. I was so nervous abt it! I really wanna have some more chance to practise.......

12 noon back home, had sweet soup ~ then planned to do some revision but ended up too tired. It was 3pm, I was expecting Kenn's call, but I was not sure if he would call me so I went to bed w/ my cell phone under my pillow. He called @ 3 : 20 ~ he didn't ask me why I was sleeping, instead, he was saying that I shouldn't sleep.

When he got home, he showed me what he bought, which was a supre-large 珍寶珠.....then he just fell on his bed n slept. I knew he was drunk, but .....sigh ! I had enough of this.....I really couldn't stand this any more......everytime, he finished talking abt xxxxxx, then he just slept or hang up........

這個社會有太多道德規範

我討厭告訴別人，我曾經做過 xxxxxxxx，我所作的事，如果不是因為道德的規範，那麼說起來並不是一件什麼的錯事。我沒有傷害到任何一個人，我只是損害了自己的名聲。

自殺的人，其實是想得到注意和關心；也希望令到身邊忽略了自己的人內疚。

假如我死了，有誰會內疚？

MID-TERM

Mon : Economic + Presentation on Info Commercial

Thu : Human sexuality

Fri : Accounting + Marketing

Study week 要做 ge 野 :

1) Read marketing game chp 1 & 2

2) complete the frame for eportfolio ( website )

3) write resume, cover letter and ask 2 prof.s to sign for me

4) Economic essay

5) Analitical paper

6) Prince Edward Island presentation

6) Design 2007/08 student handbook cover

2007 年 2 月 15 日 星期四 【晴】

9 : 58 ~ Arrived school. Have a discussion w/ my groupmate. There should be 3 of us together in a group, however, one of our group member didn't show up, only 2 of us discuss. Sabrina is a cute gal, tho I was nervous when talking to her, but not as nervous as I used to be in front of other native speakers.

11 : 40 ~ Accounting class. The prof. didn't teach anything today.

1 : 30 ~ Marketing. My prof. was sick, she did come to class but decided not to teach. Oh....so what's the point of buying the marketing book and have Steven read it over......also, I have spent the whole yesterday night on reading Chp 12 >.<" what the.....anyways, that's not too bad, since I gotta read it over some time.

2 :00 ~ Steven drove me home ~ haha !Thanks so much buddy ! otherwise, I gotta wait alone in school for mum comes to drive me.

Finally, Kenn launched webcam and I was able to see him for 3 mins. ha, should I say, more then enough?

He also promissed me that, he will conpensate, treat me better when I return to HK. of cox, I am happy to hear this; however, do you think this is too late?

「愛得太遲」

假如　係我番香港之前因為控制唔到自己的抑鬱而自殺死左

你還有機會補償嗎

無錯　每個人每日都有好多野要做

Give and take 要取捨

當你決定左就唔好後悔

3 年喇 ~ 謠言可以離我而去嗎 ?

話少少唔開心都無就假既 ~ 點解我努力改變自己，努力做好自己，都抹不走我黑暗的過去 ? 我已經由香港逃走，走到加拿大，點解仲要纏住我 ? 自問我已經比起以前 low profile 左好多 ~ 大家俾一個機會我改過自身喇 ! 新的地方，新的朋友，我希望可以係佢地心目中建立一個好的形象

我想將我的精神，心力放係點樣讀好 d 書，點樣對身邊 ge人好 d ，點樣做個孝順女.......我唔想再企出黎澄清喇 ! 我的確做左 d 唔好既野，但經過 n 咁多次人傳人之後，事實已經唔再係事實.....而係謠言。

2007 年 2 月 14 日 星期三 【晴】

大名： =]
電郵： [email protected]
說： 我睇緊family doctor~ 醫生識個counsellor既朋友，所以又有另一個人同我做counselling的~~轉唔轉精神科都唔知...

我係香港果陣都患左2年慢性中度抑鬱症~只不過好似你咁，無乜點理，知道自己一向都唔開心~不過黎左us，情況嚴重左，先去睇醫生

朋友係us係有啦..但可能識既時間短..未搵到d真係朋友果d朋友..

哈哈...其實我男朋友都好忙...
我地每星期只會傾一次電話..haha
係呀..佢好坦白同我講我既病令佢有好大壓力..所以而家索性乜都唔同佢講~~

病始終係自己既...佢無責任去做d乜~~ 錫多d你自己啦，愛多d自己~~唔好咩都為左人地..

我讀college lu~ 但我細過你啦~~haha! 我聽日mid term lu! 要溫書啦 ~~ heehee

＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊

如果醫生幫到你，而你又想自己可以脫離這片陰霾，那麼看醫生真是一個好方法。反而我沒有想自己好番，我很享受自己的病～哈！不知道該怎樣解釋，看上去很矛盾，然而，事實上我的確是如此想法。
當然喇，能夠傾心事的朋友不能在一夕間建立；不用怕，不久的將來就會有。你還有和ｈｋ的朋友聯絡嗎？
如你所說，病係自己的，唔應該煩到人；但我一直都認為，做得我男朋友就要 take care 埋我呢樣野，如果接受唔到的話我寧願分開。你寧願不跟他說，你接受到瞞著他的事情愈來愈多嗎 ? 你會唔會覺得有距離 ? 我相信他會以其他方式來證明他是著緊你，但我個人來說，認為若男朋友唔願意聽我的心事 ( 特別係唔開心 ge 野 ) 就即是唔錫我.....haha 很幼稚的想法吧 !

Mid-term 要加油呢 ! btw 你學業上的壓力大嗎 ? 家人對你的期望高唔高 ?

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

大名： =]
電郵： [email protected]
說： 我睇左family doctor唔係好耐~~遲d可能轉睇精神科~~我既病其實情況唔算好壞，仲係under control ~~ counselling睇左一個月，每星期一次，每個section 1個鐘~~

anti depressant我都有食，但劑量唔算高，都係岩岩開始轉食呢隻藥~好定唔好都未知~~所以都唔知岩唔岩我~~之前都take過幾隻sleeping pills, 但藥呢d野，人夾人既~~

我唔可以話我完全明白哂你suffer緊既野~ 但我都可能會明白少少。 我知你都有好多struggle~可能環境轉變，突然間要你面對咁多野，令你既病可能惡化左~~我同你一樣，我都係岩岩過黎us，一個人過黎~ 呢個病都因為咁而黎~~

雖然所謂的積極面對好似好useless. 但係生命係自己，你唔愛，就無人會珍惜~ 要愛人，就先要懂得愛自己。=]

I would be happy to share with you ga. =]

＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊

你現在接受的 counselling 不是由專科提供，而是普通家庭醫生 ?
以前係 hk 係睇家庭醫生，之後由佢寫紙去睇專科，那麼保險可以 cover 一部份的 expense
我唔係淨係響加拿大先係咁樣，早在 2 年幾前就已經是這樣子。也沒有什麼，慣了整天也不開心，腦袋只懂想著一些唔開心既野，凡事都可以作最壞打算‥‥‥我不覺得這是一個大問題，反倒是 physical problem 對我的困擾較大。精神上的病，唔多唔少都是因為 physical problem 而引起的，當然還有其他因素吧 !
你在 US 有朋友嗎 ? 你認為他們明白你，了解你嗎 ?

你說得對，要愛人先要愛自己。所以我每一次拍拖都好辛苦 ~ 我好想做好多野 tum 對方開心，但我發覺我連自身最基本的情緒都未 handle 得到，係男朋友面前要抑制自己的脾氣，要對佢好，係一件好辛苦 ge 事........

你讀緊大學 / high school / college ? 我下個星期 mid-term 了 ....>.<"

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OH ! I have to say good bye to my flavourite cookies >.<"

反式脂肪危害大 須立法規範

因大雪的關係，昨天的 meeting 取消了。其中一位組員說改了今天 12 noon 開會。由於我只有他的電話號碼的關係，我 ask him to contact 其他 2 位組員。佢話無問題，說會在昨晚 confirm 我。然而，昨晚並沒有收到他的 email or 電話。今早，11 am 打給他，一直打，打到 11 : 30 也沒有人接電話。幾經辛苦，終於問到另一位組員的電話，他說完全唔知道有咁既一回事，不過佢 on the way school ~ 咁佢就話，12 點見喇 ! 我唯有急急腳番學校 ~番到去，得我同佢係度 >.<" 佢問我做好晒 d slides 未 ~ 我話做好左喇 ! upload 左 ~叫佢去 dl ~ 之後佢話，咁好喇 ~ 得嫁喇 ~星期 6 早上10 am ok 嗎? 到時 rehersal ~ 我心諗 ~ 頂你 ar ! 明知今日無人番你就唔好叫我黎喇...........

1 : 30 eng class........好 frustrated........佢用 ge 字太深了，聽唔明。班入面有 4 個年紀比較大的中國女仔，佢地係講普通話 ge ~ 好自然就 4 個聚埋一堆。我又唔想癡埋入去；同一個係 Iraq 的女仔講過幾句野，同 2 個 chinese 但淨係講英文的男仔講左 2句 ~ 係咁多了 ~

3 : 15 human sexuality class，沒有什麼特別。

4 : 00 Kenn 打黎，果陣時係香港 ge 5 am ~ 佢話想等我 tum 我開心，但我話我仲未落堂。well ~ 我好 appreciate 佢肯搵一晚黎等我，但付出還付出，我已經將我的 timetable 俾左佢，佢應該知道我今日係放好晏，根本就唔需要等，因為無可能等到，而只會浪費左佢一番心機.......

我唔係淨係想佢打黎講一句「我訓喇」~ 我真係需要 d 時間同佢係大家都可以停低手頭上 ge 野，將我呢個幾禮拜 ge 野同佢傾。每次佢講完公司 d 野點 ~ 朋友 d 野點 ~ 之後，佢就要訓喇.......i never get a chance to tell him my stuff. 我唔想我 msn 的朋友知 ge 野仲多過佢知關於我 ge 野 ~ but the fact is that, msn 的朋友真係同我傾的時間多過佢同我傾的時間。佢要番工，特別係新年的時間會好忙，我明白 ~ 佢成日都累到係 sofa 訓著左，應承左打俾我又唔記得 ~ 等等 ge 情況，我希望係過左年之後有改善 la ! otherwise i just cant stand it anymore....

我好炆佢都好，我唔會對住佢發脾氣，我只會語氣冷淡 d ~ 笑得假 d ~ 到我真係忍唔住要嬲佢的時候，我唔會大聲鬧佢同佢嘈交，我只會講野好有骨。當我愈來愈「老」的時候，我發現自己大大聲聲鬧人 ge 情況減少左，取而代之 ge 係講野句句有骨，寸到入心入肺果隻 ~ 唉，我唔希望有一日我要咁樣同佢講野。依家我已經唔想再主動搵佢了，點解次次都係我主動打俾佢 ? 除左叫佢起身之外，我唔會再打俾佢 ~ 佢係緊著 ge 就自動自覺打黎喇.......

儘管有好多人都認為，快樂係應該由自己俾自己。快樂與否只在於你的觀點與角度，事情的本身只有有限的影響力。但我還是認為，我唔開心，男朋友應該要 tum 我。有時我都會係度諗，到底我係真一個愛我的男朋友，還是一個像心理醫生般的「男朋友」。

2007 年 2 月 13 日 星期二 【晴】

情人節快樂

除了男朋友外

我還致電給爸爸和祖母

跟爸爸說了聲情人節快樂
也順道匯報一下近況

祖母的健康情況有些問題
暫時不能走動
即使躺著不動也痛

西方的情人節對她來說沒有什麼意義
但農曆新年將致
我知道她的心一定很焦急想打點一切
奈何身體不爭氣
所以我問她有什麼需要我替她向工人翻譯

她說很掛念我
掛念我比掛念弟弟多
哈哈! 不管是真是假　這句話很窩心

第一次因為祖母而哭了
或多或少　我感到她真的老了
不敢說我還有多少個年頭可以跟她談話
聽她說那些早已說過千遍萬遍的話

我要努力讀書　不要讓她掛心

假如有一天　那自殺的念頭再浮現
我會嘗試記起我今天說過的話

尋晚 ( 即香港的中午 ) 本來心情都唔錯
雖然學業上有好大的挫敗感
但和男朋友通完電話之後好了一點
縱使沒有跟他說任何關於學業的事　不想為他添加煩惱

今早 ( 即香港的夜晚 ) 心情又差了
漫天大雪已經令我很頭痛
不知道該不該上課　忙著打電話 or send email 去問 prof.
而他　跟我說跟朋友去 party

說好了　情人節大家都躲在家
結果　還不是出了去玩？

我不想管你　你有你的自由
不是說句「我玩的時候都會掛住你」我就不介意

換著角色　在敏感的日子
我和一大班男男女女在那些又煙又酒的場合
少不免總會和身邊的異性有貼身的接觸
我說我會和他們保持距離　你也會擔心吧？

最後，他沒有去 clubbing ~ 只是和朋友飲杯野 ^^

還打來叫我不用擔心 ! haha !

2007 年 2 月 12 日 星期一 【晴】

大名： =]
電郵： [email protected]
說： Sorry to know u got another physical problem.
Counselling is expensive, I have counselling, an hour charge me $70US.
But it works pretty well to me. I am taking medicine too, but I'm still looking for one which suits me well.
It's hard to adjust different pills. I dun want to see doctor too..hahaha

Anyway, dun give up. Life is a gift, embrace it, enjoy it, live it. You are a tough girl, right =]

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Physical problem 暫時都未能解決得到，要睇遲 d 見醫生，醫生點講。加拿大要 book 睇專科好麻煩，最快要 2 個幾月先俾到空位俾我去睇 >.<"
你睇左 psychologist 幾耐 ? 平均幾耐去見佢一次嫁 ? 藥果方面，有冇副作用 ? cox anti-depression 會令人上癮，唔食會仲辛苦過以前。anyways, if u dun wanna talk abt this, nvm ^^ 每個人都有 privacy ~ 有 d 野唔想人知。
什麼「知足常樂」「前路還有希望」「每個人總有佢的長處」等等 ~ 所有都係知易行難。
但當人愈來愈大的時候 ~ 也許真的慢慢能改善 ~"~ 都希望你身邊有朋友 and 屋企人會了解你 and 支持你 !

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9 : 50 marketing ~ 佢上堂明明無講話要 read Chp 12 ~ 但今堂又 expect 我地睇左。佢愈來愈唔講道理喇 ~ 唉 !

11 : 40 accounting ~ 今日終於有 d 「上堂」 feel 喇 ~ 起碼佢有叫我地拎本書出黎，又教我地應該點做。唔似得平時，淨係識得未教就叫人做功課，做完之後就咁對完就算 ~ 派左 test ~ 我同 Annie 都有 90 % 以上 ! good !

1 : 30 英文堂 ~ 派左份 in-class essay，55 % ! 全班最高係 67.5 % ~ average 係 57.5 % ，咁我姐係 below average 喇 >.<" 好大打擊 ........

多謝 Annie 帶左套 formal d 斯文 d ge 衫俾我 ~ 下個星期 1 present 的時候有得著 lu ! 唔使 spend extra money ~ 1000 個 thx !

呢排個人好躁底，或者係因為學業壓力大，加上男朋友成日都唔得閒陪我傾計，我就黎自閉。一日都講唔夠 10 句野........ accounting 同 eng 中間有 10 mins ，我即刻打電話俾男朋友，同佢講句「情人節快樂」 ~但原來佢今晚１１點先收工，番到屋企太累所以 hup 著左 ~ 如果唔係我個電話，佢又 wear 住 cons 就咁訓一晚 >.<" 佢好似無咩心情咁........所以我係學校唔開心 ge 野都費事同佢講喇 ! 上完英文堂 ~ 姐係 1 個鐘後，打番俾佢佢已經沖完涼訓左。

番到屋企，食左 d pasta，之後又忍唔住食左粒 chocolate ~ 雖然話減肥，但實在太唔開心，一唔開心就會暴食 >.<"

send 左 3 封 email 分別俾 3 個 professor ~ 又打左電話去 check 下個 health insurance 入面包 ge dental service 係唔係有 cleaning ~ 大概都係嫁喇 ! 不過都係 check 清楚好 d ~ 費事果間診所唔認可呢間 insurance company ~ 如無意外，study week 會去洗牙 ~^^ d 牙仔刷極都唔白 ge >.<" 一定要洗牙先得 !

今個 week 要做 ge 野 :

1) accounting 功課

2) read marketing chp 12

3) get prepared for marketing game

4) finish powerpoint for team info commercial

5) rehearse for the presentation of tem info commercial

6) read english articel

7) complete the frame for eportfolio

8) write resume, cover letter and ask 2 prof.s to sign for me

最好可以做埋

1) Economic essay

2) Analitical paper

已經 finish ge :

1) economic week 6 journal

2) research on Prince Edward Island

3) Human sexuality project

2007 年 2 月 11 日 星期日 【晴】

大名： =]
電郵： [email protected]
說： 試過counselling嗎?!
我覺得counselling比medication有效~~ =]

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謝謝你的提議～！精神問題我已經無再用藥去控制～連醫生都無睇。
依家食緊藥係為左ｃｕｒｅ另一樣ｐｈｙｓｉｃａｌ　ｐｒｏｂｌｅｍ的～
至於之前都有試過ｃｏｕｎｓｅｌｌｉｎｇ但實在好貴，而且不太喜歡果個人，所以一兩次之後已經無去。

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大名： Mani
電郵： [email protected]
說： 咁我就要多d睇你日記,了解一下你內在...

＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊

其實～我內在係比外表更醜惡！ｈａｈａ！所以我要努力咁去令自己善良一點呢＞．．＜

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11 : 50 arrived school, 10 mins late but the class only had few ppl there. My group mate said today would held a meeting, but I saw nobody in my group >.<" 15 mins later, one of my groupmate came, we discussed a bit abt the project; however, as 2 ppl were missing, we couldn't decide anything yet. One thing made me quite happy was that, a gal Sabrina, she went to me and asked me abt how to get to a page of vitrual classroom on the Internet. First time being trusted and relied by sby, it made me felt great!

1: 30 economic class, I felt half-asleep in class again >.<" I dun know why but I really couldn't keep my eyes open........be4 the end of the class, I got my essay outline back. It represented 5 % of the total grade, but I only got 68 % ! shit ! That meant I only got 3.4 out of 5 ! A big desaster ! I must find out the problem and fix it so that my final essay will be graded at least a B ! I am trying very hard to get an A in all courses except English, which I know it is impossible for me to get an A no matter how hard I work w/in 2 months. Therefore, Economic, I should also get an A, otherwise, my GPA will have a sudden drop! I will not allow this happen to me !

3:00, sent a sms to Kenn be4 I got on mum's car. Arrive home @ 3: 15, had sth for lunch. As he didn't give me any response, I thought he slept; but 3: 35 he gave me a call. He told me his worries and difficulties. I know it's tough, especially he's not young la ~ haha ~ so how, the society, his family, his friends, and the most important, himself are giving so sort of high expectation to a 28-yr-old guy. I dun know how can I help him, but all I can do is not to add some more pressure on his soulder. I am so freaking worried abt my grade in Eng and Economic, but I didn't talk to him abt that....he has had enough of pressure.

屋企 ge 暖氣大概 set 左 20 度 ~ 但我係屋企入面竟然要著2 件長袖仲要加件棉襖 ! oh ! 我真係懷疑到底我身體有幾差呢 ? 係唔係就黎死得 ?

打算係學校報 tutor 黎做 ~ 雖然我都知佢請我 ge 機會好微，因為我 ge 英文實在太差了，而且也沒有什麼經驗。也許其他人會笑我，但既然有個機會擺係我面前，試下又唔會死 ge ~ 試左先算喇 ! 但假如咁「不幸」，佢真係請我的話，我就要犧牲同男朋友傾計的時間；本來已經買少見少的「通話時間」又會再少 d 呢......><"



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如果你要一個人戒煙 / 酒 / 其他壞習慣

他也許會給你一百個為什麼「要」的理由



而我，會給他一百零一個理由。

最後的一個理由，即是第 101 個理由是：

我愛你　所以我希望你能健康地活下去

>>February 14, 2007 at 5:36:05 AM GMT+8