just now, i read my past diary...
i find that ... in these 2 weeks happened so much.
我是撐不下去才會爆發出來的.一點點的矛盾,一些些的刺激,就讓我迷失起來.
這會不會是自欺得來的後果? 還是這只是因為我的堅持不夠,病就復發?
我不可讓自己沈淪下去,但是我又是無能為力.
每當我想禱告求助時,我又有猶豫...又冷卻了禱告的火.
可是我心裡是多麼的火熱,矛盾. 這種感覺很矛盾,讓我很辛苦.
我知道了她們要離開...我一時間接受不到...當我離開了之後,我一邊回靈風一邊哭。。。。
回去之後更是控制不了。放聲大哭。。。
也許是因為抑壓得太久了... 但是之後我又很投入的practise...我在想,我的心那麼亂,
這時候,實在不能有一個十分敬畏的心去做事奉,敬拜 . 我有想過停止在soma裡面的事奉...
但是意粉都勸我啦,我也很明白她的道理,也明白呀徐的提醒..我們應該要小心試探
,也要無愧的在台上敬拜...才能有那種基督徒的光芒...
[ * 我會繼續吧...我知道我不是真心想逃避主的,我其實是明白主的意思,
[ you're the chosen of the Lord to sing His highest praise , and through the melody of song to
[ show His wondrous ways -- Anon 。。。CHRIST CAN TRANSFORM PAINFUL TRIALS
[ INTO GLORIOUS TRIUMPHS. 我只是想冷卻自己,等待一下...我是有猶豫吧. ]
i understand what the fate is , i try to be smart, be mature...
i dont even cry , because i know cry couldnt help, and also will let people down,
others will worry for me, if i cry, i will be more sad, so i do so much things to make myself happy,
dont be so sad. i believe i can get over it, i dont want to hurt myself again and again...
just stop the sadness expanding along. he is well done, isnt wrong, no one is wrong.
sometimes there'snt any wrong and right, only the white , that we couldnt find the final answer.
if i keep sticking it out, it will be much more hurt for me and others.
sometimes i am thiking if somedays we really dont like each other, is it a fault for anyone?
if we really dont like each other, all the promises will be broken immediately and directly.
"promise" ... we were so firm , we were. how about now? i admit i am firm.
i cant break it infront of lord . it's sin and also i think it's important that i dont even break promises.
*sometimes i do break some boring promise, but that's not important one.
some promises is affecting the whole life... how to be decided?
friend told me wait till the next winter, give time and let time.
but it's confusing is it? how to treat someone you like to be a friend? or it's still un-answered.
how to be distinguished? i want to contact him, but cant, how come?!
because i still love him? still feel hard?! i want to be setting off ,but cant, how come?!
because just know i am what i am, i cant turn myself in to the sin one !
i cant forget the promises between us, cant do the things which is not my want .
maybe it's not "forgetting" but is the hart,mind to bring me to the desert place...
>>November 30, 2003 at 5:15:21 PM GMT+8
2003 年 11 月 28 日 星期五 【晴】
yesterday is the important day for my parents =) i dont tell you why.
today is okay, i have enough sleep, can be a shine girl.
i meet tracy today, we go buy some clothes, actually i buy a jacket, a very nice ,but expensive jacket.
then i back to lsc to practise with them ,soma.
tomorrow i will finish my assignments (econ) .it's very soon to be the "dead-line"
i got to finish all in these 2 days.
then i got to preview the notes for the coming tests and exams. seems like all the things go back to
the begining. fine, it's fine...i will catch up them, i will open up a new prospect.
=)
i hope tomorrow i can go church, gathering with them =)
god bless ..
i wish i can get rid of the stuff, which is very confusing and affecting me quite lot.
erm,...god bless and hope he is alright too. maybe i thought too much already,
actually maybe he is very fine now, i just think too much...
we're be fine =)
Here used to be called Shmoo Sassy Rowdyruff's page. It was a random name i got from The Powerpuff Girls' site. however, i am not that little girl anymore. i'm learning how to live a life now. haha! and this is the pic of my 22nd year in my life, taken in the summer of 2008.
here is like my reference, my history, my story, and the little pieces of memorries in my life. someday when i get old, maybe i would just review my life again. or i can share with my close ones... would they miss me someday? i dont know. i just wanna live my life fully and happily =) with the ppl i love on this planet.
just now, i read my past diary...
昨天...是很難過的一天...也是重要的一天.
yahoo~!
when,....
[首先记住， 你再怎么成熟， 充其量也只是17, 所以不需要整天去关心什么信念， 人生以后的道路这些东西， 因为你对它们的理解并不完整（包括我和所有同龄的在内）， 但由于社会的发展， 我们过早的接触了这些东西， 并产生了我们自己所谓的见解。
Someone who know