2004 年 10 月 24 日 星期日 【晴】

睇番自己所打既野，真係好白痴呀
點解０個 D 野會無lar lar ０係我個腦到打轉架
十個白痴有十兆０既十次方咁多個白痴呀

i think a psycologist would help
but 一年得０個十零次，煩完就算lar
"病"發己經比以前少架lar..

原來我都幾cool 架wor, 有時會俾人一種拒人於千里之外既感覺
我都唔想架，都唔知點解會俾種錯覺人ger
我想改架，不過有心無力，盡改lar

i'm not as strong as what I look like
反而心靈其實頗為脆弱
所以呢．．．．
please dont be sad because of me
please dont angry with me
please dont get mad about me

otherwise.....i'll start that "thinking" process again...
恐嚇你地咁話呀

其實有時唔係我唔想開口，而係都冇咩人會同我講 D 關於佢地自己０既一D比較serious既野ger (可能冇咩人會諗掛)
我曾經試過想知道多D關於一個人比較私人０既野
得到０既反應都係"唔好咁八"或"做咩無lar lar講D啦咁既野"
似乎大部份人都唔會將自己個心諗咩同人講
咁真係會搞到我有時好難自己主動開口家mar
同埋對住D平時唔會講D咁既野既人講D咁既野，真係好odd家mar.....
如果人地主動問我，我其實都冇咩收埋架lar

唔該大家有心事都揾我傾lar, 我好樂意傾架，不過我會唔多講野，我比較於聽(藉口)

For those who care about me and worry about me
萬二分致謝
I'm totally fine

D 人唔係話男仔cool D 比較型架咩，點解我呢隻冇人受ger....

我諗我都係寫番多D白痴野好D

真係唔知點解，覺得自己０係人面前係OK cute 同有D陽光架wor

晒命時間，我在orientation camp 時同組隊員對我之印象

每組十個人，自己唔可以analyse自己
主動 9, 有禮 9, 尊重人 9, 盡責 8, 可信任 8, 有領導才能 7, 有條理 6 (低左Dwor)
被動 0, 自我 0, 好勝 0, 魯莽 0, 武斷 0

完來我俾人個印象係咁架wor...哈哈，幾搞笑(唔係自謿,真係唔係)

The opening ceremony of PLK Vicwood KT Chong Sixth Form College's 13th Sports Days willl now begin 原來好難讀架!!!

有生之年，我要做一個meterosexual，即係都市型男ar，有D potential 架我

唔知潘瑋柏個髮型套落我到好唔好睇呢

原來HKU 個 BBA 入到去唔洗好似UST咁同人爭major, 咁hku又加分lar

dun want people be sad because of me again

沉默寡言神神秘秘係咪會有另一種魅力架呢????

>>October 24, 2004 at 5:06:42 PM GMT+8

2004 年 10 月 23 日 星期六 【晴】

I use typing diaries rather than telling the others cause the former one is easier and more comfortable

當有人問我我煩D咩
我講唔出
我唔係將我D野收收埋埋
而係連我自己都唔知
如果我知我點解煩或知道我煩D咩咁我就唔會咁煩lar

我諗又係D自卑心玩野.....
久唔久就會有一次
所以唔洗理我
好快就會冇事

Needa concentrate on my study and make myself tired, so that I'll not have time to think of those silly things

>>October 24, 2004 at 12:20:56 PM GMT+8

2004 年 10 月 23 日 星期六 【晴】

Finally, I can use the computer again (my brother has been playing the same computer game for the last eight hours)

this diary is a more emotional one..
these are the things running through my mind in Thursday and Friday
they are not inter-related
people say that they like to read words from the bottom of my heart, just like words below
I definitely do not like to type things below because 99% are sad


1. watching Miss Match really makes me wanna be in love
being in love should be an amazing thing

2. I don't mind people pissing me off
but I really afraid people get angry or mad because of me
I'll always think that's my problem or that's my fault making others angry

I made him mad on Thursday, really shocks me
The way he got mad made me feel that I'm not the first time making him angry but he's the first time got mad in front of me
And my mind keeps on thinking this issue for the following 20 hour...
Though the others told me to ignore him, I just think that is my problem to make him mad

I so care about how the others feel about me.

3. I wanna talk about this issue with someone but I just dunno who I should call.
There are plenty of choices but it's just so hard for me to open my mouth to talk about serious things like that with them.
Before I think there is a hole in my life, the hole is still not mended.
I think that hole is a friend/lover who give me the comfortable feeling which I can share everything with him/her.
It seems that person will never appear...

4.I think most people have two faces
One appears when people are hanging out with their friends
the other face appears when people are alone
or when people are talking about the serious things in life with a/some very good friend(s).
I enjoy hanging out with my friends cause they make me very very very happy. But I really want friends would talk about more serious things in life.
I'm getting lost with my own principal of lives, my own moral value or my own opinions on different things in the world.
I think my face when I'm with bunch of friends should be pretty good. But my another face....seems pretty scary.
The "friends" part of me is not bad I think, but another part of me, is totally different.

5. I'm just so afraid to be alone and afraid that I'll be hated by the others...
and dunno why I got the feeling that others starting to hate me.
this is not the first time I got this feeling, I think that's pretty crazy.
I had this feeling may be because when I'm in a weak state, I just lost all my confidence and feel that the world will leave me alone.
this proves me I'm totally an idiot

6. People need time to be with friends, but people also need time to be alone.
I think I'm the kind of person who need a bit more time to be alone, cause I always just sit there and think of different things.
Just sit right there and think of different things???? seems like a freak.

7. I think I'm over insist on my own opinions on different things and always ignore/deny the others' opinion.
Seems like I'm the kind of stubborn person since I always think what I'm thinking is better than the others.
This make some/many person do not want to talk to me or hate me.
I think I needa correct it.....but It's not easy/impossible.
Cause that's just me..

If anyone think what I'm saying is not true or correct, try your best not to get mad, please..
And try to convince me with your words to make me agree with you (it's not an easy job), please..

8. The person who got mad with me told me that It's not my fault and it's just his own problem.
Hope that's true and hope he's not just trying to make me feel better.

9. The effect on me from people getting angry with me is vital....it makes me think of the above things They are the results of "thinking" for couple of hours
Seems I'm a weak person and can easily get hurt.

10. I'm pathetic and I'm a freak.

P.S many grammatical mistakes, this is because whatever pop up in my mind, I immediately typed it.
P.P.S I'm fine now, the above things just appear in my mind when I'm in a bad mood.
P.P.P.S I have not study for a single minute in these two days....the result of long time thinking
P.P.P.P.S And now I'm going to play minigames.....
P.P.P.P.P.S If this diary is typed in Chinese, people will have much more interest on it
Cause when I read through this diary once, I can see some parts are pretty difficult to understand..

>>October 23, 2004 at 5:25:13 PM GMT+8

2004 年 10 月 22 日 星期五 【晴】

actually i have something wanna write

but just dont have the time to type it
cause my brother had non-stop playing the same computer game for 10 hours
and i'm just now offered a half hour use....

half an hour seems not enough for me to type what i wanna write

not in a good mood in Thursday's evening and Fri's afternoon
but better now

just found a book in my room, is my brother's university textbook
the name is Introduction of Probability and Statistics
I immediately have a look of the book, the content is exactly what I'm learning in Apply Maths
This makes me more likely I'll study BBA cause I have some interest in statistics lar
(though i know statistics is a very tiny part of the course)

hae for a whole day (part of it because of thinking something deeply )
whatever
hope that I'll work hard on sat
and resist all the temptation
i dun want a 5 days holiday become a 3 days one

唔知投左長毛既人開始後悔未呢..
本來我覺得佢幾好，但而家．．．
佢太冇分寸lar...

>>October 22, 2004 at 5:00:52 PM GMT+8

2004 年 10 月 17 日 星期日 【晴】

CU??
UST??
HKU??
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????
我要住hall

still outside canteen, studying with a extremely low speed
try to make it faster, but tired

>>October 18, 2004 at 12:34:27 PM GMT+8

2004 年 10 月 16 日 星期六 【晴】

Tue: watched doctor zhivago
not as good as expected and actually a bit bored

Wed: Rose Red, not as good as expected
but still worth watchin

Thu: watched miss match
really love watching people flirting
the feeling of in love seems to be amazing

Fri: happy birthday to Jason
someone cried heavily on Jason's birthday

watched 無線台慶亮燈儀式
楚國驕雄，吳美珩做虞姖應是神來之筆，一直都覺得她演戲很好，而當晚著古裝表演一舉手一投足都很有戲味，把其他人比下去
不過總覺得鄭少秋做劉邦是一個敗筆．．．．
不過又真係好似冇咩人選ger..

有古巨基，李克勤，許志安獻唱，就好似預吿緊今年最受歡迎男歌手三甲

Sat: HKU open day
聽左 BBA, BBA (Acc&Fin), Marketing, Econ&Fin
行左hall tour

果然．．．．i think ０個三間大學講bba既野真係差唔多
都係emphasize exchange programs and internships
聽人講有個hall好靚，靚得好緊要

其實若果三間既bba 係差唔多，環境係其中一個因素
但係如果我入唔到0個個hall, 港大既環境我又唔係buy 得咁緊要

CU / UST/ HKU???????????????????????????????????????????

at night have dinner at Festival Walk's Maxim's group EXP
咁既價錢黎講ok lar
someone wanna cried at the dinner

Sun: hae for a long imte
may be will start doing homework 10:00
but i dun feel regret, dunno why....
may be i'm working hard lately

movies I wanna watch:
1. adaptaion, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind,
confessions of a dangerous mind (because of Charlie Kaufamn's story)

2. before sun rise, before sunset (because of a lot of flirting)

3. 90 男歡女愛 (because this film is one of the most 經典 romantic film

4. piano teacher (because of the writer of the book "piano teacher" has got the 諾貝爾獎)

5. 聖教慾 (because of 艾度幕華, the director)

6.the motorcycle diaries (beacuse of 聖教慾's main actor and 哲古華拉

奇待pearl's new tv drama, nip/tuck (凹凸容醫) ( i give a lot of effort to figure out how to type 凹凸)
have six feet under's feel, great

bba/accountancy/broadcast journalism/economic/finance/marketing/economic&finance/
psycology/law/hotel management/advertising and public relations/translation/???/????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

tommorow's quiz
two hours lar
much much more than enough ga lar i think

>>October 17, 2004 at 12:04:42 PM GMT+8

2004 年 10 月 10 日 星期日 【晴】

time: 8:30pm
venue: PLKVKTCSFC unix centre
purpose: to prevent myself serving the internet and hae the whole night after I went home
I type my diary now so I hope I'll not turn on the computer after I back home

I'm really slow at studying
just finished revising 10 pages of Physics to clear some confusing concepts......
now start doin' the section paper

glad that I don't feel sleepy
and till now, I dun hate studying

>>October 11, 2004 at 12:30:20 PM GMT+8

2004 年 10 月 9 日 星期六 【晴】

finally, 4 hours afternoon nap
tennis really makes me tired lar.....

study 0 page in the weekend....whatever...
I know I did not hae jiu for long jiu duc lar

>>October 10, 2004 at 12:51:35 PM GMT+8

2004 年 10 月 8 日 星期五 【晴】

tommorow tennis again...
i'll try my best to stop myself to have a afternoon nap....
sleep really waste a lot of time...

toinght's meal
翠玉瓜菠蘿紅椒黃椒鹿鳴春鴨肉炒埋一碟
炒蝦仁
蒸魚
薑蒜蓉小白菜

係咪好似OK好食咁呢
不過呢
D 鹿鳴春鴨肉應該係上個禮拜再上個禮拜去鹿鳴春做節
同個相熟既經理攞鴨殼（即係食烤鴨個刀手切完D肉淨番０個個殼)
再番屋企拆肉(即係用手撕)
再放入雪櫃到雪
雪到而家再ling出黎炒架
雪左咁耐真係好鮮味架
跟住 D 蝦仁 D 肉入口即溶架，好似食雪糕咁架
薑蒜蓉小白菜, 你一定覺得好普通lar, 不過我地屋企好speical, 係用水煮架，夠晒健康


today I went to Baptist U and Poly U information day
some more choices for the Jupas: Broadcast Journalism, Translation, Hotel Management, Organisation Communication

just finished watchin' Erin Brokinvich
quite good lar
if I can do a task like what Erin Brokinvich did in the film
I think my life is meaningful enough ga lar
9:30 to 12:20
omg, spend too long time on it lar

school work start driving me a bit crazy
but these days, still happy ger

>>October 9, 2004 at 4:08:15 PM GMT+8

2004 年 10 月 7 日 星期四 【晴】

這兩天上堂都在大昏迷
己經睡了6.5小時
都依然大昏迷.....
我原來係完全唔捱得既

想辦法與哥哥談多些話中　
總覺得而家都唔去做D野
將來一定後悔

這個weekend沒有時間讀書
死lar...

>>October 8, 2004 at 3:24:11 PM GMT+8