2005 年 5 月 20 日 星期五 【乍寒還暖】

I had else been perfect,
Whole as the marble, founded as the rock,
As broad and general as the casing air,
But now I am cabin'd cribb'd, confin'd, bound in
To saucy doubts and fears.
*William Shakespeare

Neither have they hearts to stay,
Nor wit enough to run away.
* Samuel Butler

The deplorable mania of doubt exhausts me.
I doubt about everything, even my doubts.
* Gustave Flaubert

i am so in doubts of myself. my work. my mind......

>>May 20, 2005 at 7:11:34 PM GMT+8

2005 年 4 月 25 日 星期一 【雨】

結果‧從開始‧已定下‧
選擇一條路的開始, 也就選擇了它的盡頭.

熱誠‧
選錯了對象、
用錯了方法......

結果‧
越想越不濟、
越做越失望、
越陷越深、
越久越難抽身.

自我‧
越變越渺少.

煩惱‧
越纏越擾人.

淚和累‧
越積越深、
方向無法辨真.

>>April 25, 2005 at 10:58:40 PM GMT+8

2005 年 4 月 25 日 星期一 【雨】

結果‧從開始‧已定下‧
選擇一條路的開始, 也就選擇了它的盡頭.

熱誠‧
選錯了對象、
用錯了方法......

結果‧
越想越不濟、
越做越失望、
越陷越深、
越久越難抽身.

自我‧
越變越渺少.

煩惱‧
越纏越擾人.

淚和累‧
越積越深、
方向無法辨真.

>>April 25, 2005 at 10:58:31 PM GMT+8

2005 年 4 月 13 日 星期三 【雨】

went to Union Hospital to visit a sec. schoolmates and her new baby!!!

she is so tiny with lots of hair!

this year many ppl will get married, some even having babies!

kinda weird... seems ppl are getting into another stage
and i m leaving behind...

still i m v. happy to see the baby and my schoolmates.
wish both of them healthy and happy lei!!!

i also saw another baby, i heard that he weights 9Ibs when he is born!!!
he is really big and fat. His face looks like a little buddha!

baby is cute but its a huge responsibility!
when heard how hard my friend gave birth to her baby,
i don't think i can do it both my physically n mentally!

she got painful for over 10 hours to give birth..
being a mother is so great lei!!!

should thank you all the mothers!!!

>>April 13, 2005 at 11:57:57 PM GMT+8

2005 年 3 月 24 日 星期四 【微雨】

cried in office again.
my eyes were red n tearful.
can't deny to anyone.

argue with him on phone.
cos' of work stuff.
cos' of my slow response or limited response.
he said i am FUCKING stubborn and impolite for not responding to him and just kept silent.

doesn't he know that, more i talk, more he will get mad??


he cut off the phone and yell at me again.

i was so mad even though i tried to control my temper.

although he said sorry n sms me to apologize, i still don't want to talk to him

he said he is sick and my coordination makes him confused.
i dunno what i did wrong. may be i m just not as skillful in organizing n coordinating with others as he does. I just tried to help.

he said he can accompany me to buy computer on sat. i said no need anymore, my brother will give me his computer. and he asked my computer doesn't need to fix? i said it can't be fixed anymore.

i dunno. we ended the conversation in bizzare.....
dunno what we ended to.

talked to new AM. i won't take care of the decoration part anymore.
guess it will make less conflict between us.
it's a so irresponsible act.
but i guess it will do good to me & him.
i won't have to confront him at work,
he can get a better coordinating person instead.

Two Self Fishes
Perfectly inbalance
Heart with oneself solely
Talk in two languages
Hopes to get closer
Ending in big disappointment
Swim against each other
Meet in somewhere
Stay in silence...
Stare at each other...
Want to speak i care
Too dumb to let you fly into fury
Have me cry out like river

>>March 26, 2005 at 11:19:14 PM GMT+8

2005 年 3 月 13 日 星期日 【乍雨乍晴】

so happy to get a ticket to see Leo Ku's concert.
it's the last show. a day show.
i never watched any concert in the day time.
thank you AL! thanks for his invitation and let me to go.
i sat on the 5th row (suppose the ticket said it's 2nd row)....

anyway, he sings great.
and all his fans were excited...

dunno why everytime i heard his song 愛與誠,
i will have tears in my eyes..
so silly... so touchy.

he is back from Beijing la.
and i have decided to be invisible at home from now on.
kinda an escape.
escape from him. from friends..
dunno why.

tarot ronnie told me that the lucky stick i got from Wong Tai Sin,
for my career, i m v. good. there will be a good change in May / Jun.
but for my love, there is a change. v. fructuated. not a good sign.
and my love one will delay his show up...
oh well.. where is he then??
and for my family, there is an illness sign. so my family & i have to be careful.

ronnie asked me to do more charity, and it will do good for me!
i will. not just want to do good for myself. helping others is good la.

i dunno why, when i heard ronnie said my love has some problem, not as he read durinig tarot,
actually i don't feel that upset.

but when i told BJ & kate, they think i m upset.
may be i was just too tired yesterday.
anyway, i m too lazy to explain.
let them think like that is fine.

i didn't call prince lately.
dunno how to say.
not just her, i didn't contact most of my friends lately,
besides BJ group...

it's ok, just follow my heart and do the things i like.
as long as i didn't do harm on anyone, it's ok i guess.

will start busy in april onwards.
focus on my job, do my best.
the rest just let it be.
things will come if it has to come. rite?

>>March 13, 2005 at 9:50:30 PM GMT+8

2005 年 3 月 8 日 星期二 【晴】

i finally realized how bad it feels when ppl mad at u.
when ppl black face at u.

i promised myself i will never black face at others.
i promise.

i made him mad again.
he yelled at me via icq about how inconsiderate to send him email regarding work stuff and cc MM & AM.
he said why i can't ask someone besides me in office or call him first.

i just want him to reply me. that's it.

he later offered to help on fixing computer. i rejected n told him i will handle it myself.
because he was mad when i asked others to fix the computer, but not asking him.
he said beyond work stuff, none of his biz. my stuff has to be work out myself.

this time, i told him i will manage it myself.
he was mad again said he offered me but i dun take.
he dunno what to do.
he dun wanna to me la.
that's it.

ok i dunno what to do too.

i met him again. completely no talk at all.
i feel the coolness of him.

ok i sent him icq saying wishing he has a good trip with his grandma. and sorry again for the work stuff and appreciate his offer on helping to fix the computer.

no reply at all.
may be this time he meant the truth. he really doesn't wanna relate to me anymore.

oh well. what should i do.
i feel like a sharp knife cutting across my heart....
really hurt.

彷彿已經自由 下一刻我變成風
吹過你的領空 差點失控
回憶在夜裡鬧得很凶
我想我可以明白你所有的痛
想讓你知道我懂 卻擔心言不由衷

我們都接受 一定是彼此不夠成熟
在愛裡分不了輕重
誠實得過了頭
不能退後也無法向前走
愛是一個自私的念頭 把寂寞消除的理由
剩下的那些感動 能記得多久

>>March 8, 2005 at 11:49:05 PM GMT+8

2005 年 3 月 8 日 星期二 【晴】

i finally realized how bad it feels when ppl mad at u.
when ppl black face at u.

i promised myself i will never black face at others.
i promise.

i made him mad again.
he yelled at me via icq about how inconsiderate to send him email regarding work stuff and cc MM & AM.
he said why i can't ask someone besides me in office or call him first.

i just want him to reply me. that's it.

he later offered to help on fixing computer. i rejected n told him i will handle it myself.
because he was mad when i asked others to fix the computer, but not asking him.
he said beyond work stuff, none of his biz. my stuff has to be work out myself.

this time, i told him i will manage it myself.
he was mad again said he offered me but i dun take.
he dunno what to do.
he dun wanna to me la.
that's it.

ok i dunno what to do too.

i met him again. completely no talk at all.
i feel the coolness of him.

ok i sent him icq saying wishing he has a good trip with his grandma. and sorry again for the work stuff and appreciate his offer on helping to fix the computer.

no reply at all.
may be this time he meant the truth. he really doesn't wanna relate to me anymore.

oh well. what should i do.
i feel like a sharp knife cutting across my heart....
really hurt.

彷彿已經自由 下一刻我變成風
吹過你的領空 差點失控
回憶在夜裡鬧得很凶
我想我可以明白你所有的痛
想讓你知道我懂 卻擔心言不由衷

我們都接受 一定是彼此不夠成熟
在愛裡分不了輕重
誠實得過了頭
不能退後也無法向前走
愛是一個自私的念頭 把寂寞消除的理由
剩下的那些感動 能記得多久

>>March 8, 2005 at 11:48:08 PM GMT+8

2005 年 3 月 8 日 星期二 【晴】

i finally realized how bad it feels when ppl mad at u.
when ppl black face at u.

i promised myself i will never black face at others.
i promise.

i made him mad again.
he yelled at me via icq about how inconsiderate to send him email regarding work stuff and cc MM & AM.
he said why i can't ask someone besides me in office or call him first.

i just want him to reply me. that's it.

he later offered to help on fixing computer. i rejected n told him i will handle it myself.
because he was mad when i asked others to fix the computer, but not asking him.
he said beyond work stuff, none of his biz. my stuff has to be work out myself.

this time, i told him i will manage it myself.
he was mad again said he offered me but i dun take.
he dunno what to do.
he dun wanna to me la.
that's it.

ok i dunno what to do too.

i met him again. completely no talk at all.
i feel the coolness of him.

ok i sent him icq saying wishing he has a good trip with his grandma. and sorry again for the work stuff and appreciate his offer on helping to fix the computer.

no reply at all.
may be this time he meant the truth. he really doesn't wanna relate to me anymore.

oh well. what should i do.
i feel like a sharp knife cutting across my heart....
really hurt.

彷彿已經自由 下一刻我變成風
吹過你的領空 差點失控
回憶在夜裡鬧得很凶
我想我可以明白你所有的痛
想讓你知道我懂 卻擔心言不由衷

我們都接受 一定是彼此不夠成熟
在愛裡分不了輕重
誠實得過了頭
不能退後也無法向前走
愛是一個自私的念頭 把寂寞消除的理由
剩下的那些感動 能記得多久

>>March 8, 2005 at 11:44:49 PM GMT+8

2005 年 3 月 2 日 星期三 【陰】

another sleepless night
mood swings
roar like a rocket
drop like a comet

tick-tock
tick-tock
clock inside pounding
hard and loud

memories in mind flashing
detached yet so close

in touch like anew
run after two polars
feeling two extremes

wispers in air, asking me to
set off to a calm ocean
take on a single excursion....

>>March 2, 2005 at 9:41:16 PM GMT+8