2006 年 6 月 9 日 星期五 【颱風】

today had a big presentation... and the board haven't been accepted yet...
but this doesn't on my worry list, the priority is i dunno why my boss SY was so down and she even blackened her face throughout her meeting.

i dunno what happened, and can't ask. during the break, i just came over to her and gave her a hug. and then she ran into tears secretly.

she is a straight-forward woman with good heart as Loobay said.

i dunno what happen, i just wish her well.
somehow i m afraid my bad performance creates burden to her.

am i so unconfidence to myself? or am i really feeling wrong?

i have a gut feeling that my CEO may not like me. she is a sharp person but harsh too.
i believe the CEO must said sth to SY and made her feeling so down....

SY, pls cheer up, you are our mom in this team....

p.s. when i took the train back from GZ to SZ and then to HK, i really had a better time, honestly is a fun one, with Iris, flora & Cat. we are liked refugees, sitting on the plastic chairs and chit chat for the whole journey and doing silly stuff together. thanks girls.

>>June 9, 2006 at 11:34:40 PM GMT+8

2006 年 6 月 5 日 星期一 【乍寒還暖】

had an arguement with my AE. really dunno what nowadays' kids really thinking.

i told him to be careful on the minor things, can't take them for granted. and end up, he argued back that he is not as careless as i considered. Also said i m wrong to let others know his wrong-doings...

honestly, i did tell an AD for a ridiculous task he did, and he even didn't notice his mistakes for so long till i tell that AD.... i know he is scare of that AD and felt the pressure. but in fact i think i need to give him pressure for him to improve. Although that AD now always use that silly stuff to tease him, shouldn't both AE & I take up the responsibilities?

besides this, i never told others what else he did wrong.... and he blames me for i told others for everything....

he just thinks i should keep silent and never tells others how he performs.

am i suppose to do so?
i know AE is fragile and easy to lose confidence. but i m not supposed to cover up for him rite?

to me, his attitude has problems and always argue for the sake of arguing and many excuses for the wrong-doings. the worst is he didn't accept his wrong-doings.

to him, i shouldn't share any of his wrong-doings to others. it causes him pressure and he thinks i made him look bad.

i argue for his attitude problem. he argues for my past action.

end up, i told him, i will never say a word and keep my mouth shut. i m really tired of arguing with him. dunno what to tell him. i just wish him to realize his problems. i dun mind he makes mistakes. but he thinks he has no problem and all problems are on me, that's the problem.

sigh. kids born in 80s... i really dun understand you!

>>June 6, 2006 at 12:05:56 AM GMT+8

2006 年 5 月 26 日 星期五 【晴】

today had a monthly meeting with all the big guys in the company...

kinda a review for all current projects.

and one of the KV in my project is not well-received. they kinda blame the art direction of these works in the meeting.

afterwards, i was being asked to talk with CEO and another RAD separately on work stuff. feel so embarassed.

they said i have to have my judgement and rejected the comment if not valid from clients. sometimes i do have a hard time to strike the balance between agency role & client's expectation. if not following clients' comment, they will not be happy. if not fight for agency, the creative will not be happy.

although the RAD said he is not just talking to me, but to every teammember, i can tell he is direct to me instead. :(

the reason why i leave before is afraid of these dilemma, but i know i have to overcome it to do well for my job.

speak out. need to have a sharp eye and voice out.

i just afraid i dun have the judgement. or dun have the right one.

afraid. and blank are what i can feel inside my head.

what's next? have to really plan it ahead....

>>May 26, 2006 at 6:04:27 PM GMT+8

2006 年 5 月 21 日 星期日 【晴】

Have been to 2 weddings consecutively for 2 weekends...

congratulation Clara & Aries. so do Madam & Ma Gor.

everytime i went to wedding, each bride will cry or have tearful eyes when they said their vows.
i m always being touched when they thanked their guests, parents and the other halves in the church, or banquets.

i feel touched and happy for my friends. but i wonder what will i say if it happens on me.
today i have a weird feeling and doubt if i really have chance to say my vows and thank my parents.

honestly, i m not a good daughter, when i get married, how will my parents feel? how will my aunt feel? i really dunno. if i thank them, is it alright? many question marks in my mind.

guess fate is fixed. should maintain a "normal heart" to face this. just prepare to become alone for the rest of my life. it should be ok.

sounds so moody here, but in fact i think it is a good start to readjust myself to accept the fact and dun be so eager to find someone. afterall it's not an easy task. right? can't find anyone is not my fault (may be i get some problem myself... i dunno) it's a mutual thing i tell myself. haha.

>>May 21, 2006 at 12:30:04 AM GMT+8

2006 年 5 月 19 日 星期五 【晴】

Friday la.. will back home lei...

Finally got my home furnished. and settled. Happy for that.

At least i will become comfy at home. hohoho.
Today i took pictures of my home. showing to my friends. it's nice to share it out.

Although i think it is very ikea-like, (well most of the stuff is bought from there ma!!!), i tried to add some chinese cabinet to dress it up...

GZ, i m going to settle down in you la. My 2nd home... GZ...
-

>>May 19, 2006 at 12:12:03 PM GMT+8

2006 年 5 月 18 日 星期四 【晴】

woke up at 8am today to do dusting & mopping the floor.

being a housewife is really tired lei.

may be i m getting old. after being a day of bridemaid, i felt so exhausted. it even affects my mood. feel like getting sick on the next day.

as my bones kept telling me they are sore & tired. i worked out pilates at home.

a bit like idiot to practice it alone at home. but at least it helps a bit on my bone & muscle.
i will tell myself to keep working that out even a bit lonely to work on it myself.
hee hee at least i start feeling my bones tell me something! haha

working in GZ, making me realize 1 thing lately. sometimes i really dunno who should i trust.
trusting him or her? or simply trust myself? really hard to tell....

sometimes putting trust on someone will make me disappointed. but i dun want to give up because i believe trust is the backbone in establishing personal relationship. am i too naive?

i really dunno. whom should i trust? dunno. But i keep telling myself DUN GIVE UP!

>>May 18, 2006 at 6:17:11 PM GMT+8

2006 年 5 月 3 日 星期三 【乍寒還暖】

yesterday got his strange msg from msn.

he seems so pressurized and disappointed for himself. and said
"i wanted to call u, but didn't at the end. I lost myself. u are one of my best person beside me.
However, because of various problem, we can't talk. the reason, not a matter. I am feeling so bitter, but no one can share with me. why? I know. a simple answer, ME. anyway. just wanna release a bit, so say something strange for u. thx"

i know he is in bad mood. but dunno how to help.
i tried to block him and unblocked him yesterday and get his msg. feel kinda bad for him.

i wanna help, but as he said he thinks we can never communicate.
why i so care about him and still wanna get his attention?

>>May 3, 2006 at 11:24:20 PM GMT+8

2006 年 4 月 30 日 星期日 【晴】

i should be happy. cos' CC and I had a fun time in SZ.

"East Door", "Kam Kwong Wah" Mall, The Mixs Mall, SZ Book City, all left our traces...

I even did a Coffee Peeling in "Lan Kwai Fong" massage house, feel so smooth for my skin!!!
Moved to another massage house called "Maya" and stayed overnite there.

It was fun but i felt guilty cos' hope it won't get anything wrong for him & his gf la.

I should be happy cos' i had fun time ma...

but on the other hand, my hearts feel hurt, cos' RC rejected my invitation to go to SZ and i found out there is another girl whose always sms with RC... why my heart is still with him? why i so care about who is around him?

i m so disappointed to him. to myself.

Rain just never seems to bring the joy.
All that I dreamed of now it seems so stark. Disappointed.

咖啡靜靜在一旁...發呆...
連風也停留窗外...等待
電話也已經 喧鬧不在 靜靜在一旁無奈

>>April 30, 2006 at 11:32:49 PM GMT+8

2006 年 4 月 24 日 星期一 【晴】

last friday, i felt like 遇上披著羊皮的狼...

dunno why feeling so bad and like being betrayal. and so sick...

he came and said he would go to massage house and stay overnite there with friends. end up his friends flied him aeroplane, so he came back to my house again.

what am i doing?

i think i just think too much, i should remind myself, we are SEPARATED and no more. I shouldn't expect too much from him....

It's my fault, i got responsibilities in reminding myself.

Stupid. Stupid. I shouldn't act so stupidly.

>>April 24, 2006 at 4:25:20 PM GMT+8

2006 年 3 月 28 日 星期二 【晴】

Have been on board to a new job since last thursday.

GZ. a remote place and kinda weird place for me.

Also being the new AAD for a super tough client is a real challenge. Guess it will be a big step for me to grow and learn for my upcoming 30s.

Leading a new kid in the team, i feel like growing up but afraid. i am afraid i won't be a good mentor for him. Sorry Kid.

Last 1/2 year had lots of happening and with RC i guess after his left HKR, it is a new way for us to see each others.

sometimes i am impressed and happy by what he did for me, sometimes i still dun understand him. Anyhow, i know i should did certain things with him, but i just feel happy to see him even i know he will never committ me anything or i even doubt he actually there with me.

Coming to 30, be a strong girl... my new motto.

>>March 29, 2006 at 12:05:22 AM GMT+8