2004 年 1 月 9 日 星期五 【晴】

今日早上又被人話....唉, 我都唔知幾時可以搵到份長工... 不停的見工真有點灰心!....唉!....
* * *
下午, 媽竟然叫我出街....好驚訝! 出到到仲問我有咩想買!!! 做咩突然咁好....真係好驚呀!!! 有點受寵若驚.... 跟住我夜晚我要去紅館睇十大勁歌...佢又送我行去撘車.....好奇怪點解咁反常...有點心寒!同上午咁大分別.......
* * * *

>>January 11, 2004 at 3:07:52 PM GMT+8

2004 年 1 月 7 日 星期三 【晴】

10:00 central interview... then eat breskfast with a "friend"... around 11:30, I went to Yau Ma Tai
on my own... I need to wait util 3:00 for another interview... time is so diffcult to pass when I am
alone!... Although I have a lot of thing want to buy, but I don't want to go shopping alone.
After interview I planed to wait for a friend come to mong kwok meet me..... but then she said
don't want to go at 5:45.... oh....
* * *
When I was taking bus home, I c_ _ _d again.... I really hate myself, so useless....

>>January 8, 2004 at 4:40:37 PM GMT+8

2004 年 1 月 6 日 星期二 【晴】

interview again.....
* * *
start feeling life is more and more meaningless ......

>>January 7, 2004 at 4:16:37 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 31 日 星期三 【晴】

話咁快就2004年, 一年一年咁過去....我依然冇變, 好冇用咁一個人一日一日咁捱過......希望04年可以順利....不過, 我所有的願望都未實現過...... :(
* * *
夜晚, 去親戚的大食會, 都幾熱鬧. 以前的我會enjoy, 依家我開始唔鍾意...因為, 我同D表妹又冇野講, 唉...其他親戚又會問我做緊咩.....跟住又講一大倫野.....唉, 我呀媽又會覺得丟臉...更恨我了!!!
有時我好唔明, 點解人地可以, 讀完書又有份好工做, 又有家人和男友愛鍚....而我讀書, 我想讀, 但係我想的都會比人話冇用!! 搵工又搵唔到份想長做的...唉, 更沒有人愛, 家人恨不得我消失, 朋友, 個個都有愛人...就算冇我都唔想煩人.....唉! 每次想到這些, 就會.........................................其實, 我真係好驚, 睇睇下電視都喊.....一個人在房更加唔洗講.....有時真係想打去麥潤壽的節目度同佢傾O下計.......

>>January 1, 2004 at 6:13:20 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 30 日 星期二 【晴】

今日11:00要見工, 由鴻圖道1號行到鴻圖道81號......好累~ 跟住返屋企換衫...諗住2:30實夠時間唔會遲到, 點知我又沖涼, 又諗唔到著咩衫 (好想買衫!) 攪到遲左出門口...去到巴士站又走左架巴士....唉! 黑仔~ 跟住就搭小巴, 點知又站站上客!!! 激死, 偏偏趕時間就係咁! 結果, 我遲到成十五分鐘.....仲要Angel 係早到左!~ 好開心有人同我一樣係會早到,不過今日我好失策!!...........Sorry呀! Angel Y, 要你等左咁耐!~ 跟住, 我地去左影貼紙相~ 我係低能地唔識畫的~~ 之後, 我地去食下午茶~ ...... 我地因為想坐卡位的關係, 就不停望住好似就走的呀伯......坐低左好耐都未order食物, 個侍應行過來問, "兩位叫D咩食?".....我地不約而同又攪笑地答 "我地想等卡位..." 哈! 卒之比我地等到, 之後就邊食邊傾計...真係唔講唔知, 原本我地係同一類人, concept一樣!~ ....
* * *
之後, 我一個人唔知去邊好, 返屋企又唔係, 倒數又仲有大把時間.....唉!~ 於是我都係搭10號巴士去大角咀....點知....迷路....唔識行........
* * *
到左奧海城, 都好多人....就開始企......真係好累....今日除左食野坐之外,其他時間唔係行就企, 企到我腰骨都埋...唉!!!!
* * *
返到屋企都兩點, 都係自己一個行返來...唉!~

>>January 1, 2004 at 5:29:23 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 28 日 星期日 【晴】

樣子已經醜, 今日仲要加埋眼腫+黑眼圈+暗瘡.....唉, 不想見人!..... 一起身, 我實在忍受不了人地個寶貝仔的惡劣態度!! 我話佢, 佢仲要發脾氣, 嘩! 大少真係大少! 哼! 跟住比人話的又係我! 唉, 咩世界呀~ 巴閉啦!!!
* * *
跟住出去見工...等電話要等到幾時! 等電話好慘...我成日都等, 個個話打比我, 我會等架! 不過, 最後都係失望...
* * *
今日跟aunt學整甜品~ 太好了, 我得閒可以整O下!~ 我最鍾意食甜品的!~
* * *
夜晚, 我仲係好唔想返屋企!.....一個人幾經辛苦流連了一會....企響巴士站度, 真係想衢出馬路, 一了百了, 不過唔可以咁自私, 纍左D司機, 攪到人地唔安樂.....唉, 卒之咪又係要回家....冇用~

>>December 29, 2003 at 7:15:41 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 27 日 星期六 【颳風】

今天, 我姑媽, 我表姐來打麻雀...但都唔關我事....我依然都係冇野做, 躲在房裏...又開始執房......
到夜晚打邊盧加BBQ, 有點兒厭倦!!!....
* * *
同我呀媽講野根本真係冇野好講! 我唔係冇試過! 但係佢一盤冷水潑過來, 的確難受!!! 唉, 根本冇人會明我的感受, 好辛苦, 有時我都唔知可以點....每天都面對住這一切的煩惱....樣樣都不順利...
家人---每一日總會有說話聽....工作---每天都在尋找....學業---無奈,我想讀,不過......朋友---好似不多, 而我也害怕.......愛情---從來未真正去被愛..........一點溫暖也沒有, 尤其是在家中!....
到深夜, 我又諗.....又控制不了........其實, 我係好唔開心, 有邊個知? 我好冇用呀....我好想死, 我撐得很累! 好想放棄! 但我怕天堂也不歡迎我....

>>December 29, 2003 at 6:42:16 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 25 日 星期四 【乍雨乍晴】

今日出去晒相~
* * *
夜晚又係BBQ, 仲要好大風, 好凍!!!
* * *
你咁講我嚇了一小跳...一個小小小小的驚喜!~ 我係開心的...哈!
但我想知 "不過...唉..." 係咩意思??? 唔明wor.....!?

>>December 26, 2003 at 5:39:38 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 24 日 星期三 【晴】

Lonely Christmas!~
誰又騎著那鹿車飛過 忘掉投下那禮物給我 仍是那燈飾 只有今晚最光最亮 卻照亮我的寂寞
*誰又能善心親一親我 由唇上來驗證我幸福過 頭上那飄雪 想要棲息我肩膊上 到最後也別去麼*
# Merry Merry Christmas Lonely Lonely Christmas人浪中想真心告白 但你只想聽聽笑話
Lonely Lonely Christmas Merry Merry Christmas明日燈飾必須拆下 換到歡呼聲不過一剎#
明晨遇到 亦記不到 和誰在醉酒中偷偷擁抱 仍然在傻笑 但你哪知道 我想哭
和誰撞到 亦怕生補 寧願在醉酒中辛苦嘔吐 仍然在頭痛 合唱的詩歌 聽不到

>>December 25, 2003 at 5:43:00 PM GMT+8

2003 年 12 月 23 日 星期二 【晴】

Today, I need to wait for my cousin for so long, I don't like people being late....
:( I am too nice to beg her to go to see him, and he talk to her...
I understand that whoever next to me is better that me, I got it,
I know nobody likes me and I am not beautiful.
* * *
We were shouting "Merry Christmas" on the bus, with Edwin~ a bit crazy!~
* * *
Don't want to go out in Christmas Eve, because I have no money........at the end,
we have BBQ in my home, I don't know my friends like it or not.....it seem that I am
selfish, sorry.....
* * *
Why I have to be like that......I don't like someone younger that me but teaching me
how to do, it seem to say that I am stupid !! I know you think that I am silly, so what?!
* * *
why things are going on like this, god, may I know? Nothing are going on smoothly.....
I really don't want to live, everyday just walking on my own, I am fear of the darkness,
I feel really very very tired. I am doing all I can.... I can't help it !!!

>>December 24, 2003 at 9:18:53 PM GMT+8