2005 年 11 月 5 日 星期六 【晴】

今日上中化講到藝術。
Dewey 講過art as expriences.
我又聽人講過:
『言而盡﹐意無窮』
然而我覺得﹐
art is Catharsis.
真情流露的表現。
~> ~> ~> ~> ~> ~> ~> ~> ~> ~> ~>
(辛苦的一星期)
由星期日的深夜至今﹐
每晚也沒有好好休息。
每晚都去到4至5點﹐
為的是做philiosophy。
份Ethics終於完結了。
還記得昨晚做完的那刻心情﹐
是一種興奮﹐
是一種成功感﹐
是一種鼓勵。
感謝上帝加力量給我去作﹐
又感謝阿豬陪我﹐
再感謝自己咁醒真的有認真去向神渴求。
還記得做的過程是高興的﹐是滿有快樂的。
但是仍然辛苦﹐但是仍知道自己上堂是不可以睡覺。
那種心和身的角力﹐頗難支撐的。
雖然有點遺憾﹐
就是媽媽不諒解﹐不明我為何那麼累﹐
我不明她是沒眼看﹐還是怎樣？
怎麼還有理由去要求一個5晚沒覺好睡的人﹐去辛苦練琴﹐
並指責其不練習。....
我有時間都用來做功課了。
哪會有時間？？
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學琴.....
開始對『推』有所領會。
然而發覺自己有很多的不足之處﹐
原來從前就是忽視了。
現在要慢慢改﹐
實在有點困苦。
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條neck真的很累。

>>November 5, 2005 at 1:14:43 AM GMT+8

2005 年 11 月 2 日 星期三 【晴】

For the Son of Man came to seek and save the lost

We do need Thanksgiving everyday.
Account of He saves us, eveyone, everyday.
Thereforer,
we do need Thanksgiving everyday!

Dear Heavenly Father,
May you hear my prayer,
I always feel helpless against the evil, against all guilt.
But is you, you give me hope.
Everytime when I ask for pardon,
you are not only to forgive me but give me hope.
Thanks God.
Thanks the Creator.
Amen.

>>November 2, 2005 at 9:30:40 PM GMT+8

2005 年 11 月 1 日 星期二 【晴】

<改版>

(Question 2)
Jodie, you may blame me for conceal the departed of your younger sister, Mary. Also, you may blame for cover up the reality for twenty years. However, I tended to believe that those are for your own good. Despite the indispensable of comprehend the pass, I believe that it sticks in your gizzard to accept. Perhaps you presume that I am trying to hide the chronicle up, but I decided to tell you when require enough intellectual maturity.
Nevertheless, there is struggle in my heart; I think that the bruise will gradually fall away through intuition. When I start realizing I forgot, you remind me of Mary.

About your pass, despite using innumerable words, it's a long long story. When Mary and you were born, you are twins. It is harsh for me to believe the reality. I was not willing to face you. At that moment, doctor claimed an agreement from us to keep on the situation or carrying a surgical operation. But doctors warned that you and your sister was going to dead within half a year unless carrying an operation. However, in spite of carrying the operation, you will survive but Mary will lie down. Since Mary alive because of sharing your organs, when separated you and Mary, she will sacrifice. And now, you are twenty that means she passed away from us for twenty years. You need to know the lie down of Mary for depart you from the death and continue your life, so you need to treasure your life. I had no thought of tell you originally because of my ineffable difficulties.

I am afraid that you will challenge: "You were doing the same thing as kill my sister, you are too ruthless", I afraid you angry with me also I'm not willing to remind the left of my daughter, your sister again. I always feel conscienceless and compunction since I believed that, no matter directly or indirectly, I am the murder of killing Mary. Maybe you will ask:" You have no idea to know Mary's best interest that she be separated, moreover Mary has a right to life, it would be unlawful to kill Mary intentionally, that is to undertake an operation with the primary purpose of killing her.", actually I had struggled in a dilemma. At last, I considered that is not on the question of is there a chance to be given to Mary, but whether long or short, would hold nothing for Mary except possible pain and discomfort, if indeed she can feel anything at all. Jodie, I cherish you to understand, at the moment, whom I can count on? The time was running short; I really need to make a decision heartlessly between the two difficulties. I'm really not willing to lose you two from my bottom of heart. I can be perceived to be selfish, but during in a dilemma, I believe you will make the same decision as me, prefer to loss one, but not rather two. Jodie, I cherish you to know, Mary would be willing to see your life is beauty also bliss but not to grumble of the bottom on the question of it is right or wrong whether she is standing beyond.

Sorry Jodie, I wish you pardon, I have not told you the reality early and immediately for make me feel at ease; I wish you pardon, because of kept you alive, I have chose to give up your sister, Mary; I wish you pardon. However, I hope you can take account of having no alternative. Being your father, there are no reasons for allow any hurt to my children; say nothing of facing the death! I wish you can tolerate that hiding up the thing's difficulties. Life is hard-won, and now you have grown, you ought to understand the original decision up to a given point of the depart for heaven of your sister. Therefore, we ought to convert the sorrow to become the constructive motivation of living, bear in mind that, we can breathe is an amazing grace.

>>November 1, 2005 at 1:24:48 AM GMT+8

2005 年 10 月 31 日 星期一 【晴】

Jodie, you may blame me for conceal the departed of your younger sister, Mary. Also, you may blame for cover up the reality for twenty years. However, I tended to believe that those are for your own good. Despite the indispensable of comprehend the pass, I believe that it sticks in your gizzard to accept. Perhaps you presume that I am trying to hide the chronicle up, but I decided to tell you when require enough intellectual maturity.
Nevertheless, there is struggle in my heart, I think that the bruise will gradually fall away through intuition. When I start realizing I forgot, you remind me of Mary.
About your pass, despite using innumerable words, it's a long long story. When Mary and you were born, you are twins. It is harsh for me to believe the reality. I was not willing to face you. At that moment, doctor claimed an agreement us to keep on the situation or carrying a surgical operation. But doctors warned that you and your sister were going to dead within half a year unless carrying an operation. However, in spite of carrying the operation, you will survive but Mary will lie down. Since Mary alive because of sharing your organs, when separated you and Mary, she will sacrifice. And now, you are twenty that means she passed away from us for twenty years. You need to know the lie down of Mary for depart you from the death and continue your life, so you need to treasure your life. I had no thought of tell you originally because of my ineffable difficulties.
I afraid you will challenge: "You were doing the same thing as kill my sister, you are too ruthless", I afraid you angry with me also I'm not willing to remind the left of my daughter, your sister again. I always feel conscienceless and compunction since I believed that, no matter directly or indirectly, I am the murder of killing Mary. Jodie, I cherish you to understand, at the moment, who I can count on? The time was running short, I really need to make a decision heartlessly between the two difficulties. I'm really not willing to lose you two from my bottom of heart. I can be perceived to be selfish, but during in a dilemma, I believe you will make the same decision as me, prefer to loss one, but not rather two. Jodie, I cherish you to know, Mary would be willing to see your life is beauty also bliss but not to grumble of the bottom on the question of it is right or wrong whether she is standing beyond.
Sorry Jodie, I wish you pardon, I have not told you the reality early and immediately for make me feel at ease; I wish you pardon, because of kept you alive, I have chose to give up your sister, Mary; I wish you pardon. However, I hope you can take account of having no alternative. Being your father, there are no reasons for allow any hurt to my children, say nothing of facing the death! I wish you could tolerate that hiding up the thing's difficulties. Life is hard-won, and now you have grown, you ought to understand the original decision up to a given point of the depart for heaven of your sister. Therefore, we ought to convert the sorrow to become the constructive motivation of living, bear in mind that, we can breathe do is a amazing grace.

>>October 31, 2005 at 5:07:06 AM GMT+8

2005 年 10 月 30 日 星期日 【晴】

剛才靈修.
the title is 『休息一下吧』
.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..
:『若基督徒不能離開人群休息一會兒﹐就可能崩潰。』
. .. . .. . .. . .. . .. . .. . .. . .. . ..
神真是有趣。
今晚我打算做ethics essay.
做到做完先去訓。
然而....
神又叫我休息。
矛盾嗎？
我覺得.....
衪也許是想告訴我:
你的心好像要放低。
你的心累了。
: 嗯﹐神我懂了。我真的累。
我會放開點了。
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
腓4章6節:應當一無掛慮, 只要凡事藉著禱告, 祈求, 和感謝, 將你們
腓4章6節:所要的告訴神.
腓4章7節:神所賜出人意外的平安, 必在基督耶穌裡, 保守你們的心懷意念.
.. . ... .. . ... .. . ... .. . ... .. . ...
感謝主

>>October 30, 2005 at 11:35:05 PM GMT+8

2005 年 10 月 27 日 星期四 【晴】

之前兩三天﹐部電腦又唔知死左d咩野﹐不停地重開機﹐重開完又重開.........
.....
大半個鐘頭之前﹐經我的胡亂調整﹐部腦卻好像又再有生命了。(. .灰. .)
. . . . . . . . . . .
今天和興練歌﹐有趣的是﹐時間真的過得很快。
下午也和興討論﹐討論(本能- instinct)
最後﹐我地總結係有a cognition﹐b cognition and c cognition.
之前靈修﹐可以說有得著。
為何我會靈修？
因為我漸覺得生活太緊﹐每一分鐘都好像有野做﹐冇野做都搵野做咁.
好似沒有讓自己有meditation的空間。
於是我尋求神。
唯有我一邊讀經﹐一邊思想﹐我才知道自己累了。
學習對靈﹐有胃口了。

>>October 27, 2005 at 11:48:52 PM GMT+8

2005 年 10 月 24 日 星期一 【晴】

開始對Poulenc這位音樂家﹐有點欣賞。
他的作品﹐真的不旦有風格﹐更甚的是很流行歌feel的。
剛才按進了別人的info﹐覺得以下段文字﹐確有意思。

轉錄自Herman的info:
有每夜和我搶棉被的伴侶,因為那表示他/她不是和別人在一起
有繳稅的帳單,因為那表示我有工作
衣服越來越緊,那表示我吃的很好
有待修整的草地,待清理的窗戶和待修理的排水溝， 那表示我有個家
能找到最遠的那個停車位,因為那表示我還能走路，且還有幸能有輛車
有巨額的電費帳單,因為那表示我冷氣吹得很爽
有一堆衣服要洗燙,因為那表示我有衣服穿
一天結束時的疲勞和肌肉酸痛, 因為那表示我有拼命工作的能力
一大早響起的鬧鐘,因為那表示我還活著
當你覺得人生當你覺得人生很糟,就再看一遍吧！


點呀﹐睇完ok嘛...
我要努力讀書呀~~

>>October 24, 2005 at 10:21:02 PM GMT+8

2005 年 10 月 24 日 星期一 【晴】

要回應阿興的留言﹐實非用一篇日記去回答不可了。
阿興:
阿興的留言是很inspirable. 的確我都覺有神好似沒有被『牽涉』在我們的感情當中。
我是一個很少講信仰的人﹐然而我都重視信仰的。
大概我覺得很多時候我跟豬都不是有什麼談情說愛多﹐而是ALWAYS討論學術.(特別係PSYCHOLOGY AND PHILOSOPHY)很少在靈中有交流﹐這是僅有的。也許我的靈的knowledge唔夠好﹐so.. 唔緊要彼此努力﹐向上帝支取。
多謝阿興的提醒。
your best fd.

>>October 24, 2005 at 10:13:41 PM GMT+8

2005 年 10 月 22 日 星期六 【晴】

今天終於跟豬吵完了。
很累的﹐每次吵都是累的。
算吧...
我相信我們可以很快學懂不再吵的。
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

梁湛恩先生丫﹗
你要學懂珍惜丫﹗
別做487丫﹗
後悔的只會是自己丫﹗
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

我到底是一個有天份的人﹐
還是一個天才呢？
到底我是否真的愛音好樂呢？
片刻有點兒迷茫了吧。

>>October 23, 2005 at 12:02:30 AM GMT+8

2005 年 10 月 22 日 星期六 【晴】

今天是10月21日。兩個月了。
快嗎？愉快嗎？辛苦嗎？
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有時總覺得有點遺憾﹐
為何總要不高興的完結。
難度這就是roma人所謂的完美悲劇？
每次我想找機會報復你傷害我﹐
卻每次都心軟。卻每次都像莎朗史東最後一樣。
想不透﹐原來我所想的和真實的竟有如此出入。
To maintain a good relationship, is absolutely need to self control included temper, and do need to treat conflicts well.
化腐朽為神奇吧﹗
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收到我一幅我真的很喜歡的painting.
是幸福的。
我知道。

87呀87﹗
為何還要執著於那形式化的現實呢﹐
何不鐘情於那份真摰的感情？
別再執著。
著執再別。

>>October 22, 2005 at 12:34:25 AM GMT+8