2007 年 4 月 6 日 星期五 【晴】

lukily that EVA airways arrange an earlier flight to me

so I arrived HK around 1830

thanks a lot for jason to come and pick me up, then we go to the hospital

seeing grandma, I send my 'metta' (goodwills) to her and teach her Anapana (mediatation focusing on respiration)

seems that she is listening and understand....

I send her the goodwills of my teachers back in India

let's see....

please kindly send goodwills and wishes to my grandmother and grandfather, also to my family members.

Thanks a lot!

>>April 9, 2007 at 5:21:19 AM GMT+8

2007 年 4 月 5 日 星期四 【晴】

Day 2

at around 2030, a dhamma worker tell me that I got a phone call calling from Hong Kong

at this very moment, I know that I've to come back

if it isn't emergency, my family won't call me rite?

so if got this call, better go back home

right now

yes, and right away

i call jason, thanks a lot for liasing

he told me that my grandma got the third stroke attack and is now in a coma

my two aunties from Canada is coming back to HK tomorrow

and my aunties ask him to pass me this message and see how's my decision

so, yes, i am coming back

so I go and tell the teaching assistant about this and get her permission

actually she kidna know about it as in the beginning of the course, I've almost noted every management that there may be a phone call from Hong Kong regarding my grandma's health

the teacher said she is a grandma herself and for sure will send 'metta' (goodwills) to my grandma


now what...yes....the air ticket, luckily that i got Roy's mobile (my travel agent, a very very nice and helpful guy), so I ring him (it was 2330 hk time, sorry for disturbing), very efficiently, he helps me to check the flight schedule and rearrange the ticket, luckily I got a flight tonite and it isn't full. The flight will depart at 0555, so a couples of hours later

the office arranges a cab for me which charge around 500HKD sth to go all the way from the meditation centre to the hotel in Mumbai to pick up my big luggage, then go to the international airport

the driver doesn't know the way......but he is a nice and honest guy, he keeps asking the taxi drivers along the road

we leave the centre around 2215

and at around 0200

we finally arrive the airport

i feel so exhausted yet so great that i finally arrive

after a tiring flight

i am now in Taipei transit hall

going to take the 1640 flight back to hong kong

arrive at 1820

so

update later

may Grandma and Grandpa can get this wonderful technique in the near future

I make a strong wish regarding this

>>April 7, 2007 at 8:29:04 AM GMT+8

2007 年 4 月 3 日 星期二 【晴】

hope i can wake up at 0430 today

go at 0500 and walk to the train station

take the 0610 train....

if things are on schedule, will arrive three hours later at Igatpuri

then walk 15 mins to the meditation centre.


hope i can wake up and dont' miss the train.....



why haven't I met any new fds?

why why why why why?

guess mentally I treat this four days as a prelude of my meditation trip, so I am still preparing myself and not in a relaxing mood, also due to the sitaution of grandma, always pareparing to come back to hk at any time.....also due to missing of bf

physically, the period has draw my focus, so hvn't got other energy to meet any new fds.

usually, I will meet new fds in the hostel, lots of hostel has a common area, either a kitchen or share bathroom, or some sitting area. The hotel I am staying now does has an outdoor sitting area which has a nice swinging chair, but as i always come back late, and even if I come back early, I would be busy with my planning in the room....so didn't actively go out and meet people......

I guess this is the first time I travelling alone when i have a bf....last time when I was with nico, it was different, I am expecting to meet him up after a week, so the feeling was different. Right now, I got 'attached' to the internet cafe and almost visit the cafe every nite trying to see whehter he is online or not....what i am doing here? suddenly I feel that I am a very 'sticky' and 'dependant' gf, especially when I feel that I am the only one who want to meet him up on internet......i get upset and emotionally imbalance......I gues it is all about the 'expectation' and 'desire'.

why when i fall in love, i always become that dependent? in the beginning of the relationship, i still maage to have my own life and enjoying life independently, but now, seems i become more 'dependent', or more 'demanding' you can say,,,,,this isn't very good, i guess the theory for men is, the more dependent a woman is, the less affection he will have with that girl....so I think I gotta be more independent from now on.

at least, don't go online every single nite, and telling myself the reason is to update the blog, which i know i am mainly waiting for HIM.

ATTACHMENT bound to SUFFERING, I totally agree on that, whatever we attached to, sooner or later the things will come to an end or a change for sure will happen sooner or later, and suffering is bound to come.

shit happs, love apart, desires not fulfilled, that's the suffering of life, let's come out of it and develop an unconditional compassionate love.

>>April 3, 2007 at 3:45:54 PM GMT+8

2007 年 4 月 2 日 星期一 【晴】

Time seems to be stopped when travelling alone in bombay (mumbai)

today is only the fourth day, but i feel like being here for a week ......time go so slowly here....i guess it happen to all travellers, say if we have a four days trip to bangkok, the time seems to go slower than four days in hk.....

today will be a relaxing day....not much in my schedule, just take my time and wandering in the city, pack my stuff, sleep early, wake up at 0430 and take the train toe Igatpuri (Nasik) for the meditation. I was supposed to practice morning and evening meditation in bombay..that what i told myself...but end up did nothing....because the floor of the room is not very clean...and the most important is, i am just too lazy...

mind is complicated, worry abt grandma, missing bf, happy to be travelling, panic about the coming meditation course, know that the course is good and know that I 'SHOULD' do it.

schedule today:
take a bus to Sasoon Dock (fish market)...i should be there at 5am to see colorful fishboats unloading fishes....but overslep >_<....arrived there at 0715....still see fishes wholesale, better than nothing.

walk to world trade centre (nothing there.....wht an idiot i am)

bus to Hotel Outram (this is a nice hotel to stay in, location is good, people are nice and helpful, room ar ....hm..ok at this price)

have breakfast (omlette and masala bread, with a cup of tea) at the street, it is funny here that you can fulfill your daily needs all in one street....u can't see a 'shop' really, u see a man walking carring a kettle...ok,, this is a mobiel 'tea' shop selling tea.....then u see another man sitting along the street with a mirror and some tools...this the 'barber shop'....then around the corner, there is a man sitting deep frying some food.....interesting

doing internet, update blog

go to bombay store and other souvenirs shop, see whether i can get anything

kebab for lunch

walk along Colaba Causeway

tandoori chicken for dinner

packed n shower

internet

sleep early n set alarm clock for tmr morning...hope i can wake up (cross finger)



ok, i am back to the internet cafe again....i guess mainly becos i miss my bf and trying to see whether

he is online or not...ok, no, he isn't online.


live in bombay is too busy....or too messy

you have to pay attention at every single moment

especially if you are a traveller

you've got to mind your bag

at the same time you gotta watch out the cars

the road crossing part is just like China, may be a little better here..

so if there are no locals crossing road, sometimes I just have to wait for some locals to cross the road with them....

the horns are ever ending.....adding to the heat, to the pollution (my 'nose shit' is BLACK color >_<), to the spitting.......i've got headache.......adding to the period....diarrhoea at a swat toilet....missing bf....feel the bf isn't really care for me.....worrying about grandma.....my mind isn't very clear, i guess going to a meditaiton camp is a good idea.

rang auntie 4 today for a chat, she was in the hospital and when i ask about the situation of grandma, i can strongly feel her 'worriness, uncertainty, helpless, not knowing the direction, sad' feeling.....this make me feel that it is even more important for me to go to the camp. I still believe that one's has to stay healthy in order to take care an unhealthy one.

after the call, I got a better idea that why my bf feels so upset after visiting my grandma and why he is so upset about my 'hahaha' words in the msn. Guess he still don't really know me, I ain't a person who will show my sadness easily, especially when I know showing sadness doesn't help with the situation at all.

newayz, I am not sure whether I will be staying for the whole meditation course, I will try my best to stay and leave the rest to the nature. I know I can't control all the conditions. so, let's see then. Let's work hard on what I can work.

>>April 3, 2007 at 3:21:06 PM GMT+8

2007 年 4 月 1 日 星期日 【晴】

schedule:

get money from ATM, settle the hotel bill, take bus to Kempt's corner (a place with Indian designer shops, Melange, price are keenly here)

bus to Crawford market, try to look for snacks for family colleagues but find nothing......try to look for souvenirs for bf but find nothing.....

bought an orange sari

lunch at Rajdhani for a "Thali" (it is a buffet like and all you can eat meal for around 30 hkd, there is a round metal plate and inside there are many small steel bowl with different southern indian food, a nice try), This restaurant has won the 'world award' too.

walk around Crawford Market (the outlook of the market is impressing, however, the interior is....full of crowl and webs....), bought anothe blue sari, bought a water, bought two tikka accessories set (really cheap, only 8 hkd for each set, which include a necklace, earings and a tikka), bus to Mahes Lunch Home and have a crab dinner.

The seasoning of the crab is nice, butter chili garlic....however the crab must has dead for a long time....the meat is so......dont' know how to say it in english.....not fresh.....the 'ginger lemon' juice is good though.

then go to internet, shower, sleep



regarding my grandma's health, the condition isn't very good, she can't really talk and she has got a second time of 'stroke' around 4-5 days ago, chatted with my cousin and she said grandma is now wearing an oxygen mask. My bf told me that when he saw grandma, she would like to talk but cant and he see tears in her eyes, which make him feel very sad.

I sincerely hope grandma will come out of it.....i don't know how to explain...i mean for most people it is the 'sickneess' of the physical body....but I think it is more the 'sickness' of our mind and how we attached to our desire. I did see people who have 'cancer' but are not 'suffering' from cancer, it didn't change their happiness no matter there is a cancer or not. That's not easy I know...but I guess that the real happiness is not bound by our physical body, but more on our attitude.

Of course, it is easier to say than do

that's what i am learning and that's kinda my aim of my life too.


Sincerely wishing grandma to be happy and healthy ^_^

>>April 3, 2007 at 5:10:07 AM GMT+8

2007 年 3 月 31 日 星期六 【晴】

yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

period comes today, so on the day of meditation course start,,,,at least it won't be flooding....which is good....know wht...meditation is really a hard work....so dont' want to get trouble by this monthly thing

ok, an update for today:

very tired, exhausted....so finally slept for around 11 hours and wake up at 0830, read the 'lonely planet' to plan my shopping route, which i later find that sunday is not a good day for shopping as lots of shops will close.

first, i went to the Bombay Store, the feeling is so werid, last time when I first came to this shop, I was a working as a flight attendant. I got no idea of how the place exactly is.....but now, it is good that i am getting a clear and clearer picture of bombay in my mind as days go by

then i went to a Cathedral, it is a church that going to be one of the world heritage, there was a sunday mass going, so i joined for a while. From different churches that I have visited, it is interesting that I really feel the church....some give me a very peaceful feeling, some give me a 'power' feeling

---> floral fountain and happen to see a 'Bollywood' crew filmig in the street

---> High Court, european architecture.....u won't believe u are in india just by looking at the pic

---> Bombay University

---> David Sasoon LIbrary

---> Fabinia ( a place famous for its fabrics and textile)

---> Jehangia Art Gallery

---> drink a lime soda

---> Prince Wale Museum (relatively expensive (60hkd) but worth to go)

---> buy water at supermarket

---> want to eat kebab but it is closed on sunday

---> Gateway of India

---> Taj Hotel

---> bought a gift for j's mum, as she has given me a bday gift last time when she travelled to US

---> Delhi Darbar restaurant, deliciousssssss

--->
--->

tbc.....need to go to cinema to watch movie now

>>April 1, 2007 at 4:43:29 PM GMT+8

2007 年 3 月 30 日 星期五 【晴】

staying alone in India, as i hv my single room, hvn't meet any new fds

as a girl....it isn't too wise to stay out late at nite....so...got nth to do at nite and the best is to write up my day....every single details.....to kill time and to record it down.

Arrived Bombay at 0405 this morning.....

didn't get much sleep ytd nite inflight, but my ear block problem seems getting better

from airport to downtown, taxi cost 70 hkd, so end up taking an autorickshaw (10 hkd) then took a
train from Adheri Station to Churchgate Station (1.6 HKD for a 45 mins trip.....can u believe it? )

in the beginning, i was planning to stay in the Hotel Outkram....but end up both the lonely planet and the meditation centre mentioned this Hotel Lawrence...so...ok...give it a try then....70 hkd included tax and breakfast...not bad..

so i walk walk walk....get lost....ask.....walk.....lost....and walk....and finally find it in a very quiet lane.....writing 'hotel lawrence 3rd floor'.......huh???? the suit case is soooooooooo heavy .....

there is a lift in the building (the ancient style lift), but apparently it isn't working....

ok....carry...rest...carry...rest...as i go up the staircase....shit...i saw cat and it smell loo every where?

the wooden stair case are broken...the light are sooo dim...it is the worst building that i have ever seen.....i did went to some old building in shum shui po...but no way i can compare to this, this just like a bldg tht will slump at any moment.....

finally made it to the 3rd floor,,,then 'full house'....ok..... -_-

fortunately the owner is kind enough to lend me the phone for free, so i made a phone call and hotel Outkram got room....ok.....so head all the way to outkram....

oh...so much better.....esp it is on the ground floor!

it charges 93-94hkd include tax per nite, with no breakfast
--> shower
--> ATM machine for money
--> check out internet care (8hkd per hour)
--> go to CST station to buy tix to Igatpuri on Apr 4
--> churchgate station's tourist information centre (totally sucks....when i ask about which nos of bus i should take, the lady keep saying ' u can just ask the people in the bus stop', ???)
--> took a train to Mahalashmi to see Dolhbi gant (an outdoor laundry place which u will see people washing clothes by hand all together, lonely planet claimed that there are 5000 people...i didn't count)

--> Ghandi house
(to me, i know know that martin luthern king and ghandi hv held some social campaign.....are a peace advocate.... period

it is a good chance for me to understand him a bit more today, don't know why, when i step into his house (he stayed here from 1917-1934) and when i read his 'quote'...my eyes was filled up with tears.....when i walked by his office where he used to discuss plans....it give me a churck like feeling.....that energy....so weird.

so happen there is a group of havard students visiting this place and they invite a local professor to introduce ghandi, i am lucky enough to sit in the class. the professor said martin luther king came to this house in 1959 and he said he feel the 'good vibration' (compassionate love) of Ghandhi...belive it or not?

i was so touched and end up bought a bibliography of Ghandhi (20 hkd)

--> 'hanging garden'

just a garden that build in the top of a hill, nth special

--> i guess i got 'hit by the sun'...serious headache...didn't drink enough i guess...so went to the super market to buy water
--> dinner , ate bhuperi..(check the spellling later,,,didn't hv the bk with me)...to hot...no appetize at all...
--> shower
--> internet
usually, internet cafe flooded with backpackers...may be no one know abt this....there is only 2 indian customers here....


expenditure:
- masala milk 12rp
- allo tikki (deep fried) potato + Tea Centre Special ice tea 142rp

>>April 1, 2007 at 4:22:11 PM GMT+8

2007 年 3 月 29 日 星期四 【晴】

3 月 30 日到 4 月 16 日

印度之旅


1925 本來該起飛

delay 至 2005

2139 抵達台北

2330 再出發往印度

在轉機大堂無無聊聊

發現免費上網

好嘢!


續借了圖書

send 了 email 給男友


呀!

剛才的那程機

是繼上年右耳朵做手術後第一次飛

嘩!

右耳朵很痛

起飛與降落時也 block 了

現在 transit on ground 仍然是塞咗

唔知一陣上機點算

不過我知道這證明我不該再當空姐

看來真的能替這行業晝上句號

好嘢!

(老毛病...不喜歡自己決定東西......)

不過其實經常心大心細

剛才看見在機上工作的空姐

又不想再當了.....

但工作沒壓力又確實吸引

不過當了空姐便失去自由又不想

我很想有辭職的自由 (空姐除非轉行, 否則有點難)

可以動輒去一兩個月旅行

回來再找工作

而且最近喜歡上太極, hot yoga, argentina tango

又想跟朋友學這樣那樣 regular 的課

又想讀 yoga instructor course

(下刪三千字.......我真的覺得自己很煩.....謝謝朋友仍會 entertain 我)




今天臨走時老細跟我做 appraisal

她說覺得我有能力有 potential

但不夠 agreesive

有點像接 job 般

雖然她也說我很 creative

當然還有說我上班時間太遲 (其實我並不是最遲那個, 可能她想改變我繼而改變大家 culture 吧!)

對

我也認為我是有能力做的

但我選擇不這樣做

每人

總會對自己的生活有某種要求

但我的 priority 實在不在事業這範疇上

>>March 30, 2007 at 2:15:06 PM GMT+8

2007 年 3 月 28 日 星期三 【晴】

明天出發印度

很多東西還沒準備好

特別是'心情' 方面

由於下班多去醫院探望嫲嫲的關係

一連兩天的午飯時間也去了買準備的東西

頻頻揍揍

很累

>>March 29, 2007 at 8:02:16 AM GMT+8

2007 年 3 月 27 日 星期二 【晴】

公共廣播服務檢討委員會今天提交其檢討報告 (http://www.citb.gov.hk/ctb/chi/new/pr28032007.htm)

記者會中主席不停強調是次檢討跟香港電台無關係

對記者就香港電台未來的提問都以很 '寸' 的態度回應

直到其中一位記者

明確的指出第 96 段報告說港台不應該轉型為公營廣播機構

反問主席為何不關港台事卻又提及港台

檢討便檢討

為何就不坦坦白白承認

小動作

卻又被人看穿

政治的世界

是因為權力? 因為慾望? 因為是大人? (總不能像小孩般明正言順的要求?)

真醜陋



嘗試放下對香港電台的情意結

除了這麼多年的感情

除了這份 '集體回憶'

香港是否真的應該有一個新的公共廣播公司比較好?

還是背後充滿政治因素?

港府要面子

不許不聽話的港台得逞?

要跟中央交代?

一所新的公共廣播服務能發揮的作用有限, 不會像現在的港台一樣有這麼大的影響力?

新人事新作風, 那時候可能新的公司不會像港台般批評政府政策?

真複雜

不想了

起碼現在知道自己的判斷不會很客觀

先冷靜下來吧!

>>March 29, 2007 at 7:58:23 AM GMT+8