2004 年 5 月 21 日 星期五 【微雨】

唔知係唔係收人影響，依家開口收口都會叫人食0野呀，小心身體呀, etc.. 好似冇其他0野講咁。我好想念他，但係我又冇可能見到佢..........都唔知點解我會咁.............我同佢都有病..............唉~~

我今日同過三哥傾計。我0地之間好似乜事都冇發生過一樣，好平常咁傾計。我好開心我同佢仲可以做到朋友。我唔係因為任何事而影響我0地0既友誼。點都好啦，我同佢應該仲可以做好朋友gei....話晒我同佢真係太熟識對方0既一切。

琴日返fellowship幾\開心。我不但見到四哥，仲見到Edwin, Lily, Cathy, Leo, 和好多其他人。我因為擔心跟樣0野所以都有d唔係好concentrating。到最後知道冇乜事我就可以concentrate啦。我之後都好開心咁同人傾計，但係冇做好我應做0既事，因為我真係唔知點做。Eric好早就話返屋企我真係好開心，因為我好sleepy。返到屋企我又冇立即sleep因為上icq傾計。

今日我十點就起身，洗了好多衫。哈哈~~ 終於會有衫著呢!!!
又係訓覺時候了。我唔想比人打所以只好去訓啦。

>>May 22, 2004 at 4:01:27 PM GMT+8

2004 年 5 月 18 日 星期二 【晴】

我同佢傾過以前0既事，比我發現到我有可能傷害0左佢。我真係唔知事情會發展成咁lor，而且我都唔想。估唔到兩個星期可以發生咁多事。哈哈~~ 我覺得自己變得太多啦。其實都比andrew講過。佢都講得冇錯。我其實好對唔住三亞哥。我希望佢唔好嬲，因為我唔知會有咁多事發生。同佢講完電話後，更加覺得對佢唔住，雖然我冇做過任何唔應該做0既事during that time of the period。三哥，希望我0地永遠都係好朋友啦!

我好多謝所有咁支持我同關心我0既弟兄姊妹。因為你0地我只可以再次企起身。
都要多謝我二佬對我0既關懷。冇0左佢我唔知我星期六點樣去面對那個人。冇人想事情發展成咁，但係since佢已經發生0左，我0地只好接受自己種下0既後果。我同佢都一定要，雖然我唔想但係我的確做過一d我唔應該做0既事。

都知道一d好消息。Stanley個太太會在九月尾生一個兒子。Alex好似都一樣，不過唔係好清楚因為我冇同佢點傾過。再加上佢已經冇做咁耐..........我對佢0既impression就唔係好好lor。唉~講起佢就冇乜心情啦...............依家我同Sunny熟識多d，發現佢真係好好人。佢都真係好錫我。新來的Andrew都不錯，但係未咁熟絡所以未可以同佢傾咁多野。偉哥對我都好好。嘻嘻~~

依家又肥番唔少la!都係佢衰啦，成日叫我食野。 ><"~!
又係食飯時候了。

>>May 19, 2004 at 10:27:27 AM GMT+8

2004 年 5 月 14 日 星期五 【晴】

Life is never the way that it is for anyone. I hate it when my life doesn't go the way that I want. Right now I can't tell you I hate it. What happened with me I do not regret but right now I am such broken hearted and will never want to do anything again.

Last night's fellowship has such a big impact on me that I never know how much I care about everything. I have learnt a very valuable lesson and to be honest I must also thank that particular person that taught me so much about myself too.

I hardly know what I have done during this week and today when I got called into work by uncle I was hesitating rather I should go or not. It is not an easy decision when that thing happened last night and I was just too upset. Even this morning I was very very upset. Thanks to Eric's help I was able to face the day. Now I am just very sleepy........

>>May 15, 2004 at 10:37:20 AM GMT+8

2004 年 5 月 8 日 星期六 【晴】

今日心情好好多啦。多謝所有琴日幫過我0既人。你0地令我知道我點都好都要回到神前。我會好快咁讓自己從錯誤or罪中清醒過來。我唔想要一班愛我同好care about我0既人咁擔心。

今日我都可以專心咁去聽牧師講道。冇因為那樣事而不專心。
我覺得做亞媽好偉大。我真係要好好愛惜我媽咪。

我返了包店同auntie講一聲母親節快樂。我見auntie好開心lor。嘻嘻~~我都有同So姐講呀。不過唔知點解到後來佢都有笑我返去係為0左另一個人。 ><" 真係好embarrassing ga!
不過我真係好開心可以今日去到包舖見到我愛人同auntie同d師傅。

聽日我可以見到亞Beth啦!!!!

>>May 9, 2004 at 1:04:15 PM GMT+8

2004 年 5 月 8 日 星期六 【晴】

What am I doing? Why did I have to hurt others like that? Why did I base my happiness upon others bitterness? Now, how can I ever forgive myself and ask for forgiveness from others?

I have never dreamt that I would end up like this ever in my whole life. I also found out that I am so weak that I can't stand Satan's test. During this week, I have gotten so far away from God that Satan has the power to control me. Now, I guess I should go back to God.

This whole week is happy and yet so bitter. I have never felt as bad as this since ages ago. I can't eat and I can't sleep. One day, I will ruin my life too.

>>May 9, 2004 at 12:45:35 AM GMT+8

2004 年 5 月 3 日 星期一 【晴】

Haha~~ Long time didn't write in here tim. Well, I don't know what to say really. I am rather lazy lately with typing up my diary. All I can remember about what I have done lately is work and work and work. I still love my job and everything about it, but then there are things that have happened and I just don't know how to deal with. Right now, I just solved a problem and I was just amazed about it. How would I know I can do that and affect the problem in such a big way?

Auntie and uncle are still very nice to me and so are the si fus. They treat me very nicely and I just don't know what to say. Sunny is the most powerful in the kitchen and Stanley is the most trustworthy one and then there is a new si fu called Andrew who just graduated from Macquarie doing computing. What's wrong with people nowaday? They all finish computing and then come and become a si fu.

Oh, my father is over here and I am rather happy about it. I can't say that his being here didn't affect my privacy though. Now I can't even talk on icq without having my father staring at me. I just don't know.....he has more or less interrupted my normal rountine but I can't complain because he is my father and then the fact that he hardly ever comes is also a major factor to why I can just swallow the complaints.

My parents stopped me from going to Vincent's graduation yesterday and I was rather unhappy but then luckily I have other ways of cheering myself up. ^^~! I also get a surprise yesterday which affected me for the whole night and for the whole day today. I can't sleep and I can't eat.........it was horrible. But since that I have solved the problem I think I can get myself back to normal. Or at least I hope I can. If it has affected me deeply then I think I am in serious trouble. I do not want the matter to expand into humiliation or whatever so I think I better do something about it in order to prevent all kinds of other troubles from happening.

Now when I come home from the shop, I just went straight to bed. I don't know why I am always so tired and stuff but I just sleep and sleep until it's time for the others to sleep then I wake up. That is rather stupid to be honest but well I did that again today. That's also why I can be typing up this entry at this moment. Haha~~ I can't even let my father see what I am typing up. I am rather annoyed when he just stands behind me looking at what I am typing about. Such an invasion ar!

I think I should stop now before people complain to me about how long this is again.......

>>May 4, 2004 at 2:30:42 PM GMT+8

2004 年 4 月 17 日 星期六 【晴】

今日一早就比亞哥嚇死我。因為二佬今日要開會而亞媽又想我0地早d返所以佢0地就吵架了。當二佬開車時佢開得好快而且佢又乜都唔講......害到我勁驚。今日我0地遲0左十分鐘，去到時黎金城傳道已經開始0左。 ><"

今日auntie都返午堂祟拜所以今日十分之interesting。我同auntie都要上洗禮班所以auntie今日又見到我啦。依飯時，本來auntie同我坐的但係之後比auntie anita拉了去同其他大一點的uncle, auntie坐所以之後我走0左去同peter傾計。

Andrew同Cathy送完Lily去library後返來，我同Cathy傾計時Binella都一齊同我0地有講0野。食完飯就係時候上洗禮班。我答了很多問題但係我唔知arm唔arm。上完堂，我跟auntie車返Chatswood。好高興地又見到我0既愛人。我同佢都有d din din地的。哈哈~~

我見到Alex好努力咁做跟個蛋糕我就奇怪點解唔見0左偉哥gei?只係得Alex正好慘呀!佢同我講佢連午餐都未食呢!我peel了一個apple比佢食。我依家知道d蛋糕點正。唔係好難的如果你人知d份量。我走之前auntie正了一杯mocca比我同愛人飲。我諗就係呢杯0野所以我依家唔想sleep! ><"

聽日又要返工啦...............

>>April 18, 2004 at 2:43:10 PM GMT+8

2004 年 4 月 16 日 星期五 【晴】

I will now update the rest of the week here now.

On Tuesday, I went to work. I did basically the same thing. 甩蛋撻,上包,收銀etc.. Well of course talking to the 帥傅, and auntie, uncle, also Beth. I can't remember anything interesting that happened that day other than the fact that I was very tired.

On Wednesday, I went to old house to help with some cleaning up but I hardly did anything. I went home and was supposed to cook dinner, but due to the fact that I was talking to Peter.....I didn't get dinner done on time. My mother and Eric were rather mad at me for that.

On thursday, it was work again. The day seemed to pass rather slowly. Sunny went back to Hong Kong so Alex has to come and work on this day too. The place is much more quiet without Sunny. I hardly remember what I have done during the day other than the fact that I was rushing around everywhere. Zoe came by after school on that day and she helped with making the base for the egg tart. I had dinner with uncle and auntie and Zoe that night too. I am so amazed at Zoe's appetite. She seemed to be able to eat a lot of food. I was very lucky to have mother coming up to pick me up from work because otherwise I would have to catch the bus home.

Yesterday, everything was rather much the same. I was rushing around everywhere and then Zoe came at one to take over. I stood inside the kitchen talking to Alex and Stanley for hours. I was waiting for Eric and Jenny to come and pick me up but they took a long time. We got to church at five thirty-ish. Mandi and Queenie were already there waiting for us.

We had small group last night and we got to meet some new people. The group that I am in now is very interesting and we also have a lot of people in our group. We are mainly carers and our aim is to accomodate the new people. We are to make them feel welcome and do the basic stuff that allow them to understand more about God's words. Those people will stay in our group for three months and then move onto other groups.

Yesterday, I finally got to see Cathy. She is such a nice girl. So unlike Andrew lei. Andrew talks too much. And he is also rather mean! Always criticises me about everything. ><" We had to rush home after fellowship because we needed to return things back to 新堂 and then take Jenny home and then take Karen home. When we got to Karen's home, we walked her in because we heard some rather disturbing news about her area. She got a cat and he is so cute! So unlike Gail's cat to be honest. I prefer Karen's cat than Gail's cat. Karen's cat is so cute! Quite fluffy too! ^^~!

I went to work today, because Vito was not feeling well. Today was rather樣衰because I overslept this morning so I was late to work for twenty minutes. I never thought I would be late for work ever. Just as well that I did get to do my share of work properly afterwards. Today is a very, very, very busy day. All I did was continuously 甩蛋撻,上包,收銀. I hardly have time to sit down to enjoy my lunch too! Alex and Stanley, as usual were making fun out of me. We actually talked about swearing today. They think that I am a very good girl but I am so not one and I can't convince them either. ><~! It will take a lot of proofing to do to convince them. I was telling them how I used to swear all the time and they said they can't imagine me doing it. Alex told me once how he has a few female friends who can swear but they make it sound as though it's just normal language. Just that they say it so nicely and stuff like that it doesn't sound as though they are swearing at all.

We have used up lots of boxes today and plastic bags. Today is just so busy. Horrible for me! But I am glad to know that lots of people like buying buns. If it wasn't for the fact that Zoe loves tearing the plastic bags (she did the whole roll of it!) we would have ran out of bags today. We had to fold up some boxes in the afternoon as we ran out of them. Today is an interesting day for me but I will not like to work on Saturday every week. Busy from day till night. Haha~~ Rather proud of myself for being able to stand up for so long and rushing around the place working. Maybe I am not as useless as I think after all in some area. Hehe~~~ I think I am starting to talk in jubberish so I guess I should sleep. It's rather late now and I am supposed to wake up early tomorrow. >~<

>>April 17, 2004 at 3:10:30 PM GMT+8

2004 年 4 月 11 日 星期日 【陰】

Just updating Monday's stuff now. Monday was Jenny and Winnie's birthday. We had a party at our house and on that morning I went back to the shop to get the cake for Winnie and Jenny. I was rather happy to see my lover there because I was waiting for the chance to yell at her for three whole days. Before I got to say anything though, she was telling me off for leaving things dirty behind. I meant leaving the box that carries the buns unclean. The thing is I didn't even work the previous day so to her accusation I was rather not happy. I did yell at her haha but that was nothing. I watched as the 師傅 made the cake. Sunny had to take so much time to make Jenny's cake because I asked him to use pink cream for the cake and also I wanted a hello kitty face on it. He had to go through so much trouble to make the cake so beautiful. I was feeling rather 唔好意思that Winnie's cake was so plain compared to Jenny's one. I don't know Winnie that well personally so that's why I only just ordered a black forest cake for her.

I had to ask Andrew to take me home because as it was a public holiday, there ain't as many buses for me to get home by. He picked me up with Cleo, who helped me enormously by holding onto the other cake for me. We were the first lot to arrive and then it was Debra. We were having barbeque for lunch that day. It was really good because we haven't been able to have BBQ at my house for ages. It is more convenient to be doing it at our house than going down to Davidson Park. There was actually quite a lot of food but according to Eric, we didn't have enough food at the end of the day.Quite amazing!

I guess I must mention the fact that my brother did a lot to make Jenny's party rather successful. He has done so much for Jenny to make sure that she will remember her 21st for sure. He even had her relatives in Hong Kong recording some messages to Jenny and played it infront of us on Monday. Who would have thought of that?

We ended up mucking around till very late. We also have a lot of rubbish too!

>>April 17, 2004 at 2:04:47 PM GMT+8

2004 年 4 月 9 日 星期五 【晴】

On Thursday, I had so much fun working! I love my work so much now. The 帥傅s are all so funny! They were making fun out of me and well I was laughing with them about it too. I really think that this job is rather interesting. It's not as if I needed a lot of skill to do it but I do need to know how to 甩蛋撻 the very least. Of course there are the chicken pie that need to be 甩 but it's alright, they are easier to do then egg tart.

I stayed for dinner as well as Debra came and visited me at work. I did miss my 愛人 though. She didn't come and see me! >< I waited the whole night for her to come by but she did not. I went home at nine and Debra drove me home. Such a nice person to go out of her way to give me a lift home. Haha~~ she is actually my darling too. I said goodnight to Stanley before I left and he was so shocked to see me still there! Haha~~ He must thinks that I am rather weird!

Yesterday, we had our Easter Service. We woke up rather late but we did make it to service on time. Eric and Jenny were child caring and I was in the service with Vincent. When the choir was singing, I had this very emotional feeling inside me. I felt like crying and I felt like just breaking down and beg God for forgiveness. That emotion was so great inside me when I heard the choir singing.
I am just so glad that I don't have to suffer so much like Jesus. He died on the cross for our sin so that our relationship with God could be maintained! How Great Thou Art! That is really true.

After service we took a long time to decide where we all wanted to go and after much lingering around, we have decided to go to Eastwood for lunch but we did all go seperate ways in the end. I had Vietnamese food with Queenie, Debra, Alice, Peter, Billy, Winnie and Tim. Only did I realised what I was doing wrong when I sat down at the same table as Tim and Winnie and talked for five minutes. I was doing the same thing as what I always do with Eric and Jenny. How can I be so stupid to choose such a spot! I don't like being a light bulb too much as the reason is quite obvious. And yet, I was doing that even when I am not with Eric and Jenny!

After lunch, we all went to Billy's place. Some people were reading magazines and some were just playing cards as for some, they were just sleeping. I was playing cards with Peter, Tim and Alice. We did card tricks, played cheating or lying or whatever the game is called. Then we also played a game that tested our reaction too. I am glad to say that my reaction is not as slow as I thought. At about five, half of us went to buy food and half walked to church. The people that walked to church were faster than those of us that went to buy food.

At night, we had small groups. I am now in a group called disciplinary training or something. I don't know the name of it in English. We have Alfred and Iris as our teachers and our group is so big! Haha~~ We even have homework to do.

Today is Hedy's birthday! Well, happy birthday to her and I must thank her for inviting me to her place today. I had so much fun playing tennis today. It has been a long while since I last played tennis. Today my performance was alright. I have hit the ball outside the fence about five times. I am not too sure rather they can find the two balls that I hit over the roof of the swimming pool. I got to know Cedric and MC today. I also got to know that Alex is actually a left hander too!

Oh, Debra got hit at the back of her head by Cedric who was serving and then Jenny got hit on the side of the head while Queenie was hitting a ball at her. There were lots of incidents when the balls just go over the fence and I wonder how many balls we would lose today. Right now I am getting very sleepy but it's still so early! It's only half past eleven and I want to sleep! ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz~~~~~~~~

>>April 10, 2004 at 1:34:58 PM GMT+8