2005 年 7 月 13 日 星期三 【酷熱】

每日專欄：親愛的十七歲

你在我最不希望你來的時候來了，然後在我最不想你走的時候走了。

那年我還未準備好做一個懂得怎樣玩的人，但所有身邊的東西都告訴我十七歲的
人最能感受青春，最有精力享用美貌，也最有資格強說愁；我卻由始至終沒有接收過你
給的專利。你是個憂鬱的王子，世上所有貢品都不夠好，而我們一直道聽途說知道有關
你的傲慢，所以都擔心自己不夠美麗，不夠瀟灑，不夠強壯，不夠資格擁有你。可能是
林志穎的《十七歲的雨季》的關係吧，總覺得他才配得上你。

你來的那天，我害怕得不知所措：我只是一個普通的孱弱小男生，怎擔當得起這
個縱慾不需負責任的虛榮？你讓我把自己關起來，一天到晚祈禱你快些離去，不敢讓別
人知道你跟我在一起。其間我也試過希望我能改變自己滿足你，但我始終沒有把握，也
沒有太大決心……直至你快要走之前的一個月，我發覺我永遠也不能再與你一起，我忽
然開始不捨得你，尤其是取代你的將會是成人身份證—青春又少了點，責任又多了點，
很恐怖……

成人身份證從此沒有離開過我。這些年來每次想起你的來訪我都忍不住嘆嘆氣，
同時也笑自己曾經身在福中不知福。想像如果我和你重逢的話我會怎樣好好利用你，而
不再終日認為自己不夠好或不夠壞，亦不需要進貢給你，反而要你進貢給我—把你自己
進貢給我，沒有討價還價的餘地。

時間上我們的確是越來越遠，然而在感覺上我們卻是越來越近。Janis Ian的At
Seventeen是她在二十五歲的時候寫的，寫完之後她不夠勇氣拿出來，很長時間她都是
閉著眼睛演唱的，因為她赤裸地面對那年的寂寞，把自己赤裸地展露在別人的耳朵裹，
她認為聽眾都會偷偷地恥笑她；結果是，恥笑她的一個都沒有，淌下感同身受的眼淚的
則大有人在。

原來，歡迎你，與你打成一片相處愉快的只是少數，給你或你的形象折磨的卻是
多數。我們很多人都沒有市面上給不斷販賣的肌膚，青春活力，但是我們都背著那些完
美形象學習接受自己的不完美，從陰影?走出來。"I learnt the truth at seventeen"
是一個解脫，原來，青春是這樣的不確定，不安全，不好玩，身在其中的人卻永遠沒有
能力了解。

事過境遷，我們跟自己做了朋友，回頭看看時才知道你的真面目，於是與你在心
靈上重修舊好。Annie Lennox在四十多歲時才寫了Seventeen Again，向你揮手，放心
笑著，放心玩著……"I feel like I'm seventeen again"。重點是那個"feel"字，多
年以後終於懂得，你是只能被感受的，而不是被賣弄的。

這是永恆的遺憾吧：我們越了解你，你就離我們越遠……


林一峰— 香港人，因為要交租和養家，所以要出唱片寫稿，幫補幫補。

>>July 14, 2005 at 7:39:01 AM GMT+8

2005 年 7 月 12 日 星期二 【酷熱】

hi guys, I like that album in MSN spaces, I will post photos there.

http://spaces.msn.com/members/soyaumAy

>>July 13, 2005 at 8:53:13 AM GMT+8

2005 年 7 月 7 日 星期四 【酷熱】

After receiving the result of X-ray, Dr. said my joint has no problems.
But I still feel painful. Help~~~~~

I will go CHINA with family this weekend.
last time I went to China was around 12 years old.

>>July 8, 2005 at 7:46:54 AM GMT+8

2005 年 7 月 7 日 星期四 【炎熱】

The imperfections are what made you beautiful. God told me that in a magazine.
Thanks God~

>>July 8, 2005 at 7:42:49 AM GMT+8

2005 年 7 月 5 日 星期二 【炎熱】

Dear All,
this is the 1st time I write prayer letter, I do need your prayer.
I am feeling bad now, I got headache those days, and my ear starts painful today.
it made me woke up this morning, I dun know why, it makes me worry.
tmr I will go seeing doctor to check my ear and head.
my second brother got sick also. pls pray for him.

All the sickness came after my china trip (短宣).
屬靈 War seems start, pls pray for protecting my family members and me.
We did a great job in China, many ppls seems clear what they believe, some ppls are saved....etc. thanks god.
but at the end of the trip, there are quarrels and sicknesses happened between different ppls.
pls pray for our church members. May God protect us and grant us peace.
Thank you for your useful prayer.
mAy

>>July 6, 2005 at 10:01:25 AM GMT+8

2005 年 6 月 21 日 星期二 【雨】

早排忙於工作的自己, 很久沒有寫日記.
昨晚和友人(who came form England) 到 Causeway bay 食 dinner.
Long time no go Causeway bay lu.
很多回憶的地方.
When I was 18, I always go THIS Games center. But I dun like playing the games.
Just go with someone, and watch him.

Hahah....he is pretty fat now...not fat, is strong, he said he was a big eater in England.
And now in HK....hahah
I said he could become a security guy or fireman now.
And his head seems become smaller…haha.

And we go to play games and 挾 dolls, we were so lucky. We got two 芝麻街 small dolls and a towel.
Last night we played some “low B” games, as I am not good at play games.

He is now studying 哲學 in England. Such a complex subject.
And he is a complex man. He has complex mind, and worried everything.
I just wanna tell him, EVERYTHING CAN BE SIMPLE!

May God bless him, although he dun believe God.

>>June 22, 2005 at 7:04:58 AM GMT+8

2005 年 6 月 9 日 星期四 【炎熱】

monthly pain now.........poor......

last night we were so happy to cook in my gal friend's home.
we cooked by ourselves.
Gal's power!!!!!

>>June 10, 2005 at 4:04:28 AM GMT+8

2005 年 5 月 22 日 星期日 【酷熱】

GOD must give me a way...

suddenly my boss added me +15% salay, very surprise~~~
thanks GOD!
I was planning to ask my boss about that when I finish two-year work in this company,
but he added me today~ and support me on the course in art center.

SO happy~~~ God must give me the best~~ thanks god~

>>May 23, 2005 at 8:59:17 AM GMT+8

2005 年 5 月 20 日 星期五 【酷熱】

It's hard, it can't plan, you have to watch people more,
so you keep them eye on to protect them,
because they can't always see what they need, it's like a big chance,
to fix something like your bicycle, you can fit a person.

pay it forward.

>>May 21, 2005 at 2:07:44 PM GMT+8

2005 年 5 月 20 日 星期五 【酷熱】

I just finished my design course, the first thing I wanna do is visit my grandpa.

today we went to visit my grandpa,
drive him to our place, and have dinner with other family members.
lone time no see him, bcoz my busy studies and work.
he looks great and cute.

thanks god to give him a healthy and joyful life.

>>May 21, 2005 at 2:04:47 PM GMT+8