2011 年 5 月 2 日 星期一 【晴】

Was reading a book "The Life You've Always wanted". One of the chapters said they we shouldn't aim for a balanced life, as there are important and less important events, so the pie we are making wouldn't be the same for every piece, do you reckon?

You put a great portion to work, then there is family & friends, and church activities, plus some others like equipping, sports... some gets lesser attention.

I had night shift today. But my few hours gone well:

9.40 arrived home & enjoy TV
10.30 do some reading & praying
11.00 shower & unwine
11.15 internet
11.30 chat with Sheng

Frankly I have not given myself ANY time-table for these 2 years. If I have, I have missed every single schedule. I have left my organizer and going through big events on my head week by week.

Is that good? I am wondering tonight.

Shall I stick back to a disciplined schedule?

I used to. But that is very systematic, robotic and for the sake.

I can. Thought I will always be guilty if I am not putting a TICK indicating that they were DONE.

Am I someone who, already 停止慣了? I am not sure, but not so.

I have not yet master that art of balance. I fear I will return to that workaholic, super-disciplined & organized character.

May God leads.

>>May 3, 2011 at 3:42:26 PM GMT+8

2011 年 5 月 2 日 星期一 【晴】

Thanks God for all these buddies!

這幾個月 keep 住練詩. 當中認識到一對 couple, 有個好有性格的小女兒. 另一位弟兄, 有一仔一女. 最近他們都分享了一些"技巧"應付 parents & marriage 當中的 troubles.

我問, "..... 那我們可以決定什麼?"
他們回應, "沒有, 您只要演好這一場戲就夠了. 您可以決定 who is your partner"

And any other decisions... follow both parents.

I am still not ready to accept the fact that a wedding reception is HOSTED by parents, plus assuring them that the banquet is prepared according to their wants. Meanwhile, let me enjoy whatever there is...

-//-

The other buddies - CC ~ I think this is another person who can unlock my quietness. Yesterday he asked about politics and asked if he needs to be precautions of any one.

I am glad this is one whom I can chat freely. To the extend of workplace politics.

>>May 3, 2011 at 6:22:58 AM GMT+8

2011 年 5 月 2 日 星期一 【晴】

Received two extra sum of income last Friday. Dad's gig which I participated earlier, plus violin teaching fees. One teacher approached me this afternoon and asked if I can teach his students too. Thanks God for all the provision. I have accumulated quite a number of extra "jobs" this year, either in teaching or performing gigs.

I am happy as our wedding funds could then be raised.

-//-

However, Lord, I am asking you for Sheng's experience in you. I have always seen you at work, I have often looked at your blessings. I ask that Sheng's eyes to be opened, heart to be widely opened. I pray that he desires to see you, to feel you. And to see everything as you have seen them. We have different background and I am certain that you know what he needs. I pray in your name that he will go through big transformation. As you let us walk together to that day, bless his path.

Lord, every time I shared with him that I have earned some extra pennies, I am sorry for him. He hasn't yet get a job that he has wanted, he hasn't any extra part-time like me. Teach me how to walk with him too.

>>May 2, 2011 at 4:16:51 PM GMT+8

2011 年 4 月 29 日 星期五 【晴】

30.04.2011 活動
我知，我明～　不過我真係討厭出 e d show～　嘈～　沒音響～


星期六參加了教會 outreach activity．我是被邀去參與worship 那部份的．

活動如下：吃 buffet (mop 200)，玩 games，唱詩，見證及講道．

我說笑的要弟兄請我，他竟說沒問題，因為我幫忙出 worship．

他們是另一個分堂，所以我好多人都不認識，即使認識，我都會靜靜的坐著．

開始 buffet時，超級多人，排隊都．．．我第一輪沒行動，第二輪取了些 desserts ＆ 水果．第三輪已經沒食物了．

大會安排玩 bingo，有多過 20人 win 了，他們到台前取 prize 啦，點知個 MC話prize派曬，早 win 的人先有，後來的沒有了．我真係呆左 (I am not one of the winner)~　又要玩，人家 win 左又無prize～　最多話“日後補返”都好吧．．． why d 教牧人員不會自動放棄自己的 prize？

如果我付了 200 元，我會想死～　

I am not fully participating myself in this local church. But this is what I seen…

>>May 2, 2011 at 11:39:25 AM GMT+8

2011 年 4 月 25 日 星期一 【晴】

決定左兩個課程都不參加了．

- 感覺到自己未回復元氣．

- 另外，咖啡個 course 不是現在必要上的；

- 司琴．．．課程的 content 有一部分是我已上過．．．而上星期有 d 靈感，我想睇睇會唔會有多 d；

- 最後，如果我上這些課程，我想我又會放下個 viola，我想 upgrade 下自己算係有小小”精”的talent 先！

Okay！心已決！

之前我好擔心及接受唔到．．．結左婚唔會咁自由去任意用我的時間，所以煩惱了．但係，如果係天父的心意，他會明白，會支持．希望我同 Sheng 會再接近更多更多！

>>April 26, 2011 at 9:41:39 AM GMT+8

2011 年 4 月 23 日 星期六 【晴】

there's no right or wrong decision

this is what I heard from a voice minute ago
very true, i am afraid I will regret if I made a wrong decision

>>April 23, 2011 at 5:11:35 PM GMT+8

2011 年 4 月 23 日 星期六 【晴】

oh no!

I asked Sheng's opinion on my participation of the 2 training. He let me decide and just remind me not to grumble at him when I can't find a time for him. He commented he will not interfere my decision, not until we are married.

I have seen people asking his/ her partner on any schedule. Say I invited someone to help out in my wedding, he went to his wife first. I was shocked as it was a very little help. Perhaps every two in Christ has become one.

I wanted to cry when I thought of losing complete freedom in a marriage. Of course there will be MORE freedom and more mobility. But what I worried is that my incomplete dreams may not be fulfilled when I entered that new life.

Sometimes I will purposely make that decision - give up on both ...

>>April 23, 2011 at 4:41:38 PM GMT+8

2011 年 4 月 21 日 星期四 【晴】

22.04.2011
沒事吧？有沒有人 respect 下個司琴？個司琴又是另一”大師”，望都不用望下個領詩！


4月22日是教會的 Good Friday Reflection Day．我幫忙演奏．牧師想我拉 viola，不過他們提供不到一位伴奏者，我就不想拉了．心中有合適的一首 solo，不過我覺得 d 人會在看表演多於 reflect 吧了．所以我當了司琴吧．

當日第一次去那堂會；嚇一跳～　個琴是背著領詩及主席！=_= ~

無野呀？之前個司琴不用望下個領詩？
咁敏感下 d 會眾呢？我要望下 d 會眾反應，再決定用什麼方法演奏 lor～

我即時同他們講，不過沒人理我．仲估下是否因為 d 音色問題．And then 有個同工話搬個領詩去我則邊．．．

Ridiculous！

And then 我開琴，琴鍵有好多塵，多到 unbearable！

完左後我發現我 clean d 塵的 tissue 仲係到，我拿了給牧師看．他說事奉人員不會理會．What！我 d 眼神望著他，wanna force him to give me a better answer．他提議派我去管理三間堂 d 琴．

即使有人管理，excuse me，使用者都要一起保護個琴～

>>May 3, 2011 at 6:12:48 AM GMT+8

2011 年 4 月 21 日 星期四 【晴】

4月未完就收到兩個課程資料 – 司琴初班及咖啡中班．

到達要不要放棄不參加？

有一件事我沒多提的，就是我感受到那種．．．成為了別人的“另一半”時，可以有幾分心．我明白這應該是在婚姻後先出現．不過大多時因為我同阿聲不在同一地，有機會都盡力給對方．

司琴初班，一個月前知道有這課程，十分想參與．因為我感覺那些生命聖詩很陌生．原定他們是星期日上課，所以我已知應該參加不了．上星期收到５月的課程資料，時間是星期一晚上，完全不是問題．不過最近我準備”受難節”的伴奏時，突然有很多靈感於鋼琴技巧上．我看了課程 outline，我不知我是否要參加．我去 equip 自己？定係慢慢等下 d 靈感好呢？另外個課程 MOP 800，不貴，MOP 50 一節（兩小時！）．但因儲備緊 wedding funds，聽起上來，都感貴貴的．

咖啡中班，原本時間都有問題，我提出後，他們跟其他同學安排時間，現在完全 FIT 我 D 時間．不過這 FIT，代表著我星期一至五都有節目．這課程只是４節，辛苦兩星期就 okay~　我只怕最佳一堂要整 signature drink （自創一杯咖啡飲品）．初班我傻下傻下取了第一名，不過中班就唔知了．

是否４月太多事，我被嚇怕了？

>>April 22, 2011 at 8:38:43 AM GMT+8

2011 年 4 月 19 日 星期二 【晴】

Noted today that the government is granting us mop 3000 @. Thank you for his contribution to my wedding fund. The news commented that this is to ease the pleasure for people going on strike on 1 May. Well, whatever. I am waiting for an increase in my salary. Boss said we will definitely have a pay rise, but haven't said that, it' already the 4th month of the year... no action yet =_= Sometimes I am upset with the "benefits" in this organization. Last week I gave my time for a Celebration Dinner, but only later I found out that we were not pay for that extra time (I worked from 9-6pm, dinner at 7-10pm).

>>April 20, 2011 at 3:27:57 PM GMT+8