2005 年 1 月 19 日 星期三 【晴】

Visited the pharmist in the afternoon...got a pack of anti-allergy medicine & a first aid cream to stop my itches. I hope they work!

By now, I am not 100% SURE if what I get isn't chickenpox, coz mum answer isn't confirmed. However, I do not have the symptoms for chickenpox except the red spots. While chating with the sister, we both agree that I am far too 精神...if it is chickenpox, I shall be tired, with fever/headache. None of this occur!

I need time to prove it too...

I had an appointment with Dr Wendy tomorrow at 9:45am, she gave me today to observe if it is chickenpox. Wahahaha, but I intended to cancel the appointment, for I can't afford to miss another rehearsal tomorrow.


Concert is coming on the way! One of my dream venue: Melbourne Town Hall!!! Concert starts at 3:30 - 10pm.

>>January 20, 2005 at 8:53:15 AM GMT+8

2005 年 1 月 19 日 星期三 【晴】

Got a few red spots on my arms & legs 2 days ago. This morning I returned to VCA and made a sick leave notice to the manager. I just want a little rest, and at the right time, these tiny little red spots appear on my skin, so I could have an excuse to visit the doctor, to take a rest! To be honest, I never like myself skipping lessons, but if there is a so-called 'reasonable & legal' way, I will let myself absent at times.

It's really tough in the music course! Not jokking, not exaggerating!

OKOK...I was a bit too early to get onto the train this morning. I was awaken at 5:30am, thanks God, although I am tired, I feel recharged a bit! I visted the doctor in the campus center after being absent from my music course. I like to go to the doctors on campus, coz I do not need to pay when I visit (since I have paid several hundred bulks in the beginning of the year for my health insurance!).

The doctor suspected me getting chickenpox. At one point I was about to cry infront of her. She told me that, if it is chickenpox, peple will not let me get onto the plane. Wa~ how shock it is! Although I really do not want to return to Macau, but I feel so sad. My family needs me~ they need the gospel!

What would it be like if it is chickenpox? Next 6 days...must be locked at home, no exposure to sun or wind. Keep on feeling itchy here, itchy there! And the worst of all, I need to rearrange all my schedule.

I don't know what to pray for....Pray that I can return to Macau as scheduled? Or pray that I have something else in Melbourne? I have no idea, but I need to say "not my will, but yours be done"! Is my plane going to clash? (so God is forbidden me to fly...) Is it that my schedule is too tight? (that he wants me to rest instead of returning to Macau...)

From the time I met the doctor (11:00am) 'til now, almost 6 hours lu~ A sister in Christ was with me doubting and wondering~ discussing the tiny red spots, chating on chickenpox experiences...what a nice chat...neither of us is experienced~ allergy~ itchy skin from hay fever, we have all sorts of suspects~

By lunch time, I gave mum a call and asked if I had chickenpox before. Her answer was..."水痘呀 (chickenpox)...唔...應該出左ge!" I have to accept that this is my mum...Her un-confirmation makes me wonder~

What happened next...?

>>January 20, 2005 at 5:40:15 AM GMT+8

2005 年 1 月 16 日 星期日 【晴】

Why am I not always serving as musician in church?

Why am I not in music area in church?

Why am I working in ministry which is music-non-related?

~~~~~~~~~ these are all sorts of questions I got from brothers and sisters.



Is music what God preferred for me?

Why aren't I often using music to serve?

~~~~~~~~~ another sets of doubts from within.




Just about to have my last prayer tonight...I asked again, that two doubts...

I wrote them in my prayer book, and before I finished writing out the 2nd question, I heard a voice inside me, saying:

"In music, concentration, demand of excellency & accuracy, patience, literary skills, confidence, creativity, disciplinary... was developed."


I don't know why I have so much confidence to claim that this voice is from God. Perhaps it's the right time, to stop me from being doubt, to answer my questions, and perhaps, to strengthen me for my music profession!

Another 5-day course will starts on 17 - 22nd. If I were to doubt, I don't think I can concentrate and enjoy much in my music course.

If, by any case this:

"In music, concentration, demand of excellency & accuracy, patience, literary skills, confidence, creativity, disciplinary... was developed."

is correct, then I can say that,

"I have often been using my music to serve the Lord, just invisibly! I need concentration for LIFE word-processing, high standard on accuracy...my literary skills for proodreading, and many many characters that I have developed...I use them!!! "

天父愛他的兒女，總會在適當的時刻說明他心意，好叫他兒女安心及認識他更多

>>January 17, 2005 at 11:45:24 AM GMT+8

2005 年 1 月 13 日 星期四 【晴】

好像很久沒有打中文日記了. 過了十二時, 現在累的, 但不想休息.

心中太多的問號, e 一刻, 不能找朋友傾數, 同神傾完一陣~


家中也好像很多答案 - 書, 聖經...

看了妹妹送給我的 ,
我都不知為何她送這一本書給我. 當時我 18 了~ 是 teenager 嗎?
哈哈~ 不知為何拿來了看看. 感覺到天父同在的時候, 也看到衪祝福使用這本書安慰我!

無論幾悶, 幾無聊, 幾不合適的東西, 神都可以化之為 blessings!
也許, 最大的 key 是, 我等待神的回應吧...



教會的 project 可以話未完成, 不過, 我可以做的, 完成了.
出了 unexpected 的阻礙, 所以未完成. 幾唔開心架,
話曬我開左好多個 OT, 計好曬 schedule, suppose "出得街" 架喇~
只不過, 有些 decision 不到我話事. Set decision 的人又忙得七彩,
nothing I can say, nothing I can do, just wait!!!

好痛! 我 set 的 deadline, project 未能完成, 對我來說, 同 failure 沒太大的分別!!!

痛

痛

痛

...................................................

Right time - right thing

time - pain - grow - learn - process - enjoy - relax - rely - focus - His will

>>January 14, 2005 at 1:40:48 PM GMT+8

2005 年 1 月 8 日 星期六 【晴】

Have cut my fringe this morning, I like my hair, but dislike it growing so fast! Really miss my days in Macau, when I can go to the Salon once awhile~ nice massage, and nice service!!! ^.^ Wait for me~~~ a loyal customer!

On the other hand, received an offer tonight! Actually I was shocked...two farewells for me~ Will everyone cheer when I leave Melbourne? Haha....just kidding, thanks for all the kindness & lovingness.

Besides the farewell dinners, a guy claimed that he is a good brother in Christ, and he will pick me up and drop me off at mentor's place on 23rd evening. I feel disappointed, for I cannot sit on mentor's car~ I never tried her driving skills, haha! However, it's good too, mentor could take a rest without picking me up in the city! Hopefully I can have a chat with her that night before I depart. I remembered last year, I was at her house before the day I depart, we were having a chat, then she got a phone call. Moreover, I have fallen asleep on her floor while she was on the phone. She woke me up but I was reluctant to clawto the bed, and well, our chat ended too~

The following day, mentor's husband will take me to the airport. You know what, he asked me to offer the fares to God instead of to the Taxi-drivers, he is so GOOD! I never think that someone would be so kind!!!

Thanks Heaveny Daddy, may you reward them - cell mates, mentor & mentor's husband, good brother, auntie & sister

>>January 9, 2005 at 1:26:05 PM GMT+8

2005 年 1 月 8 日 星期六 【晴】

Wawawawa XD

Spent 6 hours today reading JOB!!! ^.^ So happy! Happy that I can finish 42 chapters this afternoon, happy that God grant me this patience, although I was playing around, having coffee, listening to CD at times (short breaks ya?) while I am going through this journey.

Thanks God! Dad didn't give me a call~ thanks God for blocking those disturbances! Thanks Heavenly Daddy~ I love you !!!

However...I am still behind...Last year in Jan, I was reading Isaiah, haha~

Hehe, but today is so relaxing. I love spending the whole afternoon reading

~.~ just so nice ~

>>January 9, 2005 at 8:04:26 AM GMT+8

2005 年 1 月 8 日 星期六 【陰】

Many brothers & sisters asked if I am having a full time at church, they wondered...I was at church almost whole day this week~ except Monday which is a holiday...

My industrious, my strength to grow, to ministry, to work have given stress to brothers and sisters, even my spiritual growth~ I was a bit shocked when I know this. It's God's grace giving me a good character, letting me grow so quick and also so steadily.

There is a post for church LIFE course material publications, actually it is all about what I have been doing for these 2 months. A part time for 2 days a week~ It is so attractive! Since my skills can cover this postion!!! However, haven't got any calling, and this is not the right time! I even didn't have a working visa~ I still feel good as a volunteer, rather than getting paid.

Just checked my orchestra shedule in Macau, I won't be able to attend any concert performance >.< they have one concert on 24th Jan and the other on 27th Feb. I feel so sad, I am afraid of visiting my orchestra when I return to Macau, I am afraid my director and other musicians will scold me!!! Am I that weak? Am I not trusting God?

A vacation from Nov - Feb, I can have 4 concerts in Macau and fool around there. I can go to Queensland for a music camp in early Jan. I can travel around and have fun, have more photo-taking times. But I have choosen to stay, to have 2 days devoted to church eack week. I have learned a lot, I have gained a lot of insight & experience, I have joy, I have support, I have received encouragement, I have tears, and most of all, I have served brothers and sisters. At this time, just 2 weeks before I leave, I am feeling quite emotional, dreading of families & friends and what to do in Macau. I hope I am not regretting now for what I have planned, coz I have very little time left for my holiday!

>>January 8, 2005 at 11:19:18 PM GMT+8

2005 年 1 月 4 日 星期二 【晴】

It's a complete waste of time! Why do I find it so hard to sit down & have a meal? Just 3 sessions a day - breakfast, lunch & dinner!!! I do not enjoy eating, especially alone...

It's a complete worth of time! My other 3 sessions each day are prayers, meditation and bible reading. Why can't some people just sit back, relax & enjoy God's presence?


A matter of like and dislike, enjoy or not, worth or not. Oh, it depends on our views?

>>January 5, 2005 at 12:32:26 AM GMT+8

2005 年 1 月 3 日 星期一 【晴】

Finished another project last night, it was a 10-slide powerpoint. However, my job is to re-type all the words contain in it, just change it to Chinese instead of English. Cool, now that it's done!

A week to go and my summer class (camp) will start, isn't that funny? When everyone's enjoying the vacation, or at least nearly the end of the summer class. Well, hopefully I can finish this last project that I am working. Will go to church this afternoon, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and the folloing day of the day after tomorrow. In short Tue - Fri I will be working.

I have been re-planning my schedule, I have 9-12 class on the 1st week of summer class, then 9-4 the following week. Actually for the half day ones, I can still go to church to finish off the project. But I think the class will consume me a lot of energy and concentration, and also I need to practice on my own too. I can't risk to take the project unfinished!!!

OKOK, after two weeks summer intensive music class, I can rest for a day. Then head off to the airport! I am leaving by 23rd evening. So you should understand why I am having OT for the projects la~ although it is not a MUST!

This morning I'll need to go to Monash, to the post office, to get my academic transcript and also a letter. Dad told me that I can have the flight ticket free if I can get a letter proofing that Bachelor of Music is not offering in Macau! That's cool~ if so, can I change to sit in the first class of the plane? Wahahaa...

It's lovely to serve God 80% of my day, it's challenging too! When I need to take a balance from work, relax & socializing & maintaining my spirituality. I will fall, and I can fall, but God lifts me up all the time. Sometimes I can work life mad, and especially at times (when mentor is away : P!!!) HAHA. Moreover, God is molding me, just for the past 2 months, I can see how much I did grow, how much I have changed my attitude and my way of thinking. I have to fly, to fly away, to impact others, to help mold other Christians...

>>January 3, 2005 at 11:35:16 PM GMT+8

2005 年 1 月 2 日 星期日 【晴】

It's 3:24pm...seems haven't done much this morning, but 1/2 of the afternoon has GONE by now!!!

At least done somthing worthwhile...wrote letters to mum, to cousins, and to friends. Mum's birthday's coming, I didn't know what to do!!! However, I drew her some pictures entitled "我的家". The drawing...is actually imitating how children colour pictures, scratching every corners and different directions...

I have written 1 Cor 13:1-8 in it, I have also printed some pictures for her. A picture of a family, a picture of a little girl, picture of me & mentor, picture of me & a sister. After writing/drawing/colouring for a few A4 papers, I think I have lost my first aim - birthday greetings...I just began to write of the love God has given me, the love that mentor expresses, the love that I learned...

Really hope that mum gets the message.

>>January 3, 2005 at 4:32:38 AM GMT+8