2006 年 8 月 26 日 星期六 【晴】

Very grateful to have everyone of you sharing my life.

If you are not my bro/sis, you might find it pretty boring & out of topic here for you.

Go to the following link for my updates then: dedicated to my non-Christian friends.

http://hk.myblog.yahoo.com/jw!OCRG9dyCFRhT6zsUTklJKCs-

>>August 27, 2006 at 4:13:18 AM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 26 日 星期六 【晴】

It was sad last night, to see Brother Ken leaving the group and took his trip back to Ballarat (1 1/2 hours on the road). Father, I pray that he is well! I lift him to you! May you intervene in his life - the faulty internet, his master studies, his acting, career, writing for resume. Father, he's alone in Ballarat, the closest bro & sis are all in Melboune, I ask that he stand firm in you and that he stay well in you! Lord, he is determined to read, examine, hear, etc your word more! I pray that your WORD is always a comfort to him, is always his first consutation and his strength. Yes Lord, your WORD is life, is the spirit, I pray that he is lightened up!

Thanks for the night Lord! Is this my first time joining the cell for a drink so late at night? I love it, although I am very full after the Laska King feast, I enjoyed my iced coffee & the treats of pancake. Sure it was you with us that is the most enjoyable! Father, I was surprise at myself sharing the "past events" - that 7 years and a bit of recent ones. Mentor has asked me not to share it. But I didn't regret, yes, I bet it is OK and the time is reasonable! I pray that my lovely sister in Christ is all well and get comforted in you! She's super stress and frustrated, Lord, have mercy on her!

I thank you Lord, for my braveness & my comfortable environment to share. I have bias against some bro & sis, and also new friends in the group. But time by time, you lead me to see something good in them! Brandon - suddenly suggested to pray for Su, Simon & Vera & Darren, he sees the need, he sees the power of prayer. Father, I love you! I love your work!

Also are the other bro & sis - Lord, you lead me to trust them! To trust you as well! I know something is not appropriate to share, and there are risks in sharing, I thank you for Simon, he reminded us to keep secret and to keep it in the group! Father, I pray that nothing that we shared will be OUT to be gossipped! I pray that there is no room for Satan to work! If whatever I shared have bias/subjective view, Lord, may you work, work in the mind of bro & sis, that they have wisdom to dilute my sharing!

I will learn to trust my cell mates, to view them as you would view them! Take away my bias Lord! Yes, they are young, but you let me see that they have a heart to grow, they desired that! Lord, strengthen them! Give myself, and cell mate the wisdom to walk in you, to walk in the light. I need their slacking habits, their lazy time, rest & play time, they also need my hardworking & super-industrious life, Lord, teach us to balance, not to envy, but to learn and share!

I LOVE YOU DEARLY MY FATHER!

I LOVE MY CELL MATES! I LOVE THEM ALL!

>>August 27, 2006 at 3:54:22 AM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 25 日 星期五 【晴】

2 months & 3 days - my last meeting with mentor was 2 months & 3 days ago! Thanks GOD! I am not somewhere I used to be (co-dependency on her) but I am going somewhere (standing seld-reliance at bit more). I have to say, if it was not Brother Ken, I think I might be crying many nights coz I miss my mentor & coz there are much much to think and worry about.

I hope that I am not developing a dependency on Ken, never want that to be happened. Having a close pal with you is absolutely very joyful, you may get 24 hours support and backup, but sure if they are your godly goody pals, you won't offend them for 24 hours, chit-chat a night, a 20-minute free call with OPTUS are already very good!

Bless Brother Ken my Lord! I thank you for the opportunity that we have - he, as practising his support to cell mates and me, getting used to having a guy as a close pal and being more sociable! Father, he has been there to pray for me while I am DOWN! But I know that you are there! Because of you, we know how to love, and we get the privilege to pray for one another! Bless him ^.^

>>August 25, 2006 at 10:59:10 PM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 19 日 星期六 【晴】

我的中提琴感冒呀, 天氣的變化使琴身的木板受影響. 演奏的時候, 弦線的振動會發出雜音, 琴的聲線也沙啞了. 今晚我接受不了她的聲音, 我決定換一套新的弦線看看有沒有 improve 個情況.

心情很沉重. 星期二 & 星期五都有 assessment, 今天換上一套新弦, 新弦 & 我的琴要時間交通, 來臨的一星期多都會有不穩定的情況 – 容易走音. At risk…

明天 12 點 exam 音樂歷史, 我想 9 點帶個琴去看醫生 (violin repair shop), 因為她的沙啞都影響到我拉琴. 但我怕影響了心情, 怕不夠時間.

對了, 上星期六小組玩 massage, 我在過程中整傷了自己. 前幾日我痛到去看醫生.

休息 – 沒事了 – 拉反琴 – 又有事 – 再休息 – 再有事.

>>August 20, 2006 at 1:30:51 PM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 14 日 星期一 【晴】

今天, 我不會否認我對他沒有感覺. 他有很好的品格吸引到我.

我也喜歡他的.

但這幾天, 我後退了很多. 他 SMS 來, 我未必回應.

他來電, 也沒有好像之前傾半小時以上的電話.

我想要有返一些距離.

我感到不自在.

細心想想, 我不喜歡人那"貼身"的.

他是喜歡人際關係, 很喜歡有人陪伴的人.

而我 - 第一, 我獨行了幾年, 雖然教會有朋友, 但大多數我都是自己一個.

他不果斷, 不太喜歡獨立. 我會怕這種人.

我在澳洲有了我很大的空間, 自由, 今年仲自己一個人住,

一直想有人更錫我, 想有男朋友仔的我,

今天, 我想宣告, 我不習慣我身邊有個人!!!

真好了, 我找到了我不喜歡他的東西!

我仍然是有理性的.

上年年底, 我定了目標, 是 build up 人際關係.

我經常做野, 在教會識的朋友, 都是因為合作, 事工...

但問一問, 我沒有知己. 有的, 但在澳門.

最近我與 2 位朋友 friend 多左~ 熟左, 他們都會支持我,

就讓我下半年好好交朋友, 之後再想拍拖的事吧.

上年入 2006 之前, 我的計畫:

06
1 - 6 月, build friendship
7-12 月, search a suitable man & observe
07
1 月, start 約會

呵呵...

>>August 15, 2006 at 1:36:03 PM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 12 日 星期六 【晴】

戒備!

Can't imagine I reach home by 2am after Sat's Dinner. It was a great feast! We had Chinese Cha Siu, white chicken, Indonesia roti, Korean kim chi, tarimisu & birthday cake, leader's soup water, & of coz my beloved vedgies!

ok, 戒備!, why 戒備? Um... I rested a bit this morning, eagerly reading & also some notes on dating & friendship. I am sorry, I have not guard myself and a brother in the prrevious 30 days, I shouldn't have long marathon chats with him on the phone. After confessing it to God, I feel better. I am violating myself's boundaries against him. I am sorry!

Although this guy & me only talks about spiritual topics, I have to admit, at some point, we might, or we have already mis-motivated! Yes, we do all sorts of spiritual activites together, praying for each other, working and discussing ministry, but somewhat there is quite a bit of isolated elements! I am a bit upset with him when he is not guarding me, a sister in Christ... Upset too that I didn't do well in my boundaries.

I glanced at my dating notes and tried to remember the teachers & BGR rules. I hope I can stick with it! I am naturally a very commander-follower type person, whatever a more mature person tells me, I 90% will follow and do. Maybe I have decided that he is the one secretly...

>>August 13, 2006 at 3:59:07 AM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 12 日 星期六 【晴】

I am super annoyed & unhappy at the moment!

Thanks Brother Ken, who listens and shares and supports!

WHAT is being in love with someone? Sweet man?

When I was young, mentor taught me that when a decision is made, and I feel peaceful & calm, it is a will of God. On the other hand, if I find myself not at ease, the decision might be of Satan's will. To this day, while I am already 3 1/2 years old spiritually, I do not fully rely on this teaching. Feeling is not reliable, truth is.

I wonder... shouldn't I be happy/joyul when "someone" might be right for me and appear to me? But no, I feel annoyed! I am stressed! I am upset. I do not want to hurt this brother. Brother Ken said that he definately likes me, becoz of what he has done. If I am not into him, let him know, so he won't waste his time and energy on me. Oh, I am upset that he is wasting, though I do not know what I am thinking/deciding.

I planned to have 6 months searching for my Mr Right, then 6 months observing him and then start dating, if this is the case, how can I apply Ken's teaching? First decide if he is the one?

Why I am wanting to back up the answer of that 24/7 prayer that it might not mean he is not the one...

N was NOT YET, N2 is NO? I don't know!

>>August 12, 2006 at 4:23:02 PM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 10 日 星期四 【晴】

It has been a long time since I last sit in a written exam! Absolutely FINE today! Out of 13 questions, I knew that I have 10 questions correct, and for the other 3, I bet still can get some points. Doing very well! Well DONE to me ^.^ !!!

I saw my classmate Penny kept thinking what to write. Last night I was upset by him, coz he shared in his diary that this test is a 吹水 test, things tested are the things we knew already, just need a bit of common sense to answer... I studied 'til late (12:15am) - that's super late! I seldom get up at night for Music test... nothing I can revise. I took my effort for the test ~ so got irritated with his comment.

Um... still hope that he's doing OK!

I went to the library straight after the test, met Vanessa & grab her to watch Like the Water of Chocolate with me, also finishing watching Aliens. She kept screaming and asking this and that. A bit annoying I have to say! But I said nothing, sometimes answering her questions, sometimes ignoring her. Friends! We are friends anyhow!

OK lunch at 4pm. Father must have killed me not eating! Sorry~ coz need to finish off that two movies fore dicussion on Monday. Well, heheh I went to the Den cafe and though of getting meat pie for lunch, but it was closed, surprise that the other food area was opened, closing actually. I bought a box of chicken $4 and a box of pasta $4 there! That 2 box can serve me 4 meals! So thankful! I originally planned to go to the supermarket, but since I haven't have lunch and since the boxes can make up 4 meals, I went home straight after.

>>August 11, 2006 at 7:19:34 AM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 9 日 星期三 【晴】

1 Peter 5:2
Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve.


A brother sent me the above verse this morning. Yes, I am always eager to serve. Is he preparing me for his sheeps? (To be confirmed)


Oh yay~ in times of sickness, I cooked my FIRST congee in my life!!! With fish & vedgies in it. How amazing, Emily cooks congee!!! Hahahah! But there isn't much help. Due to... my fridge only process of FISH FINGERS, the fish are quite oily! Having congee is for the sake of 食清一點 wahaha!!! Sorry then! Well, but then my pot is so so so small. It can't contain a metal spoon in it with the lit being close, hahah~ so I cook the 2nd time tonight, this morning's portion isn't enough!

>>August 10, 2006 at 8:59:48 AM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 6 日 星期日 【晴】

I am sick again. My throat is terribly hurting now.

7 August 06
My heard felt like broken, I wanted to cry infront of 2 person. How can they not actively seeking God through the bible? Oh, I really feel the sadness for Jesus. He died for us, the blood & the water came out from his dead body... the blood symbolizes His work, the water symbolizes our work...

I checked out this morning the AIM and PURPOSE of the Prayer Triplet. I don't want our group's prayer triplet to be a dinner-date. What's the point? Where's the spiritual growth? They are drying! Dying soon in thirst of God's word! Ar...

Deep upset!

May God use me! Give my wisdom to encourage them! Give me patience to accept their growing. Remind me not to judge, whatever reason I have!

I still feel the pain this morning, why is it?

LAST year I was angry when my housemate played TV games all summer. Father, but you let me know that a person's spiritual growth has nothing to do with me in terms of responsibility.

This year I am upset, I feel the pain, Father, what is it that you are telling?

I remembered my ex-cell leader's word: "Emily, you won't understand, you are such a disciplined person." This sentence still remains in my mind to this day, becoz I was hurt by this comment? Becoz I am ashame that I don't understand my bro & sis struggles?

Bible reading is a MUST, isn't it?

Ministry is a MUST, isn't it?

I'm sorry here, but let me burst out...

>>August 8, 2006 at 2:46:15 AM GMT+8