2006 年 9 月 3 日 星期日 【晴】

Many calls yesterday, I called grandpa, it was around 9am and Macao for 6am, I bet I called just to kill time, and to pretent I am caring them, haha~ OK, he's getting thinner & he is stressed, still ok, not as much as depression.

My Lord, have mercy on my grandparents! Prepare their hearts and open their eyes for you! I pray that grandpa is encouraged to be strong again. Father, I see that you have once highlightened his life with health, you can heal him once again! I ask that he doesn't worries but know the hope in Jesus! Father, lead him to think, to seek you! I leave grandma to you as well, she has all the reliance on grandpa, which, if grandpa is not ok, she will collapse too. Lord, strengthen her! Especially her feeling, her missing for me, for her daughter! There are many issues and problems that the elders think about, concern about, $, death, Lord, I do not know how to handle! I thank you that aunt is taking care of them! I thank you that there is a new born baby in Fong's family, which let me know that you are bringing more sunshine to my family! I pray that they willl be understood! When your angels approach them about the gospel, father, open their ears! I pray that my family will accept you soon! Acts 16:31, father, it was your promise, that when I am saved, my family will have salvation too!

Many are queing out there for PC, but I was surprise, when I pass through MMM, I saw a PC not-yet occupied. I have late sleep last night, and school today probably 12-2 and 2:30-4, that's much to dry me out. Pretty annoy, coz I wanted a lunch walk, but it's a bit cool outdoor. Father, but I thank you, at the moment, you lead me to sit back and relax infront of a PC, anyhow, I love typing! I thank you for Jason too, coz I am accompanied with WITH HEART from www.jesusfeeds.net. Ken called just now, very grateful to have a short lunch chat.

I like chatting with Ken, don't know why, but he has a mentor-quality! Hahahah~ oh yes, mentor called last night, thanks Father, for her effort and her lead! She knows me too well! What I want, she won't give, what I need, you lead her to give me. I am upset when she's no more as much (in terms of quantity) caring me, coz she knows that I am already mature too. Hehehe~ when will I be someone else's mentor? Anyway, Father, I ask for your blessings upon Ken & mentor! Grant them great strength & mercy! Both of them are working and working and working! Also doing lots of caring! Lord, continue to give them the loving hearts of yours! Let many be blessed becoz of them. I am sorry to have put them together in my prayers, but they are in my mentor catergory, hahah~ I LOVE YOU LORD!

Yup, and 15 mintues, I should be with Ivana, my nice teacher, she was once very tough & strict until that day I almost cried when playing Bach, I still wonder if she sees my tears that she knows I can stand that... or was it you Lord? Father, they all said that I should let her know my condition. I don't want to, until this morning, I know that I didn't have quality practice for awhile. There are more rooms that I can make, but becoz of emotions, of pains, my practice wasn't as good as usual. Anyway, ok, I will let her know and show her the documents for my physio. Lord, I ask that she understands and my reputation stays. Last time I was too sore to go for a lesson, she knows, she understands. I am thankful that I am always a hardworking person, that she doen't think that I lie or something. Father, lead us to work further! I pray that she is not restrained to push me when she knows my situation, I still want to progress lots in this remaining year!

And tonight, Lord, UM... Forgotten to praise you ... I PRAISE YOU LORD!!! Coz I can use this moment to pray =) ~ I am YOURS! I am entirely YOURS!

OK, back to tonight, Father, MUCH MUCH MUCH THANK YOU!!!! There's nothing much left in my fridge that can be consider as healthy, I should get to the supermkt last Friday, but I haven't, and still surviving! Lord, thanks for the 2 person coming over tonight. I am a bit annoyed, coz I need to do a bit of cleaning & tidy (which I should had done yesterday), but everything is in your hands! You are in control, heheh~ you let them cook/or buy? dinner, let me relax and have a good dinner! Bless them my Lord! Let both of them be understanding towards each other! And that they both grow well in you!

Run for class now. I LOVE YOU LORD! PRETTY TIRED, STRENGTHEN ME YA, HAHAHAHAH

A M E N for Jesus!

>>September 4, 2006 at 4:24:20 AM GMT+8

2006 年 9 月 2 日 星期六 【晴】

Finally called home, dad didn't recieve my voice msg the other day. FINE. He said my injuries might be caused becoz of playing in an orchestra - demanding, highly stressed...

Orchestra - it is somewhere I grow up musicially, technically, somewhere I love to be. Somewhat it is my dream-career. Will I be able to play in a professional orc in the future? Will that make me worst (my body)... I wonder.

Jesus came and died for us on the cross. He did that becoz God wanted us to be Christ-like. (Hebrews 2:10) There is a purpose for his death.

Now God leads me to visit Mr Physio, he heals me. He can leave me alone, the pain I get from playing can be tolerate. I will pain in the long run without treatment. When he come and leads me to treatment, does that mean he permits me to proceed a music-career in the future?

As for this years with my Bachelor degree, I see that I am viewing it as my temporary career...

I LOVE MUSIC.

Will someone who encounter my problem, blame God? blame music? blame the one who create a violin/viola in such an awkward - not-human-friendly instrument?

I MISS MY VIOLA.

I had a nap just now. Very bad~ but I am very tired! Essay due tomorrow, still I am not 10% done. This happens on me rarely! Very seldom I am having a last-minute rush. I want to blame myself - so lazy, not organized for it. But there's nothing to blame, I haven't had a rest, even after going for physiotreatment. I have to accept whatever time and energy I have for this essay. If I have only 50% of time while others have 100% of time, I have to do my best in that 50%. I looked back and saw that I have a few assessments & assignment previously, running to the library adn grabbing dozens of books even my shoulder & arm were paining, does that proof that I am doing my part? I am upset this essay isn't spread over my period of time to do it, but just for 2-3 days to finish off.

It's ok. I have less time while taking time to cope with my emotion, my treatment...

I HAVE JESUS.

>>September 3, 2006 at 6:51:57 AM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 31 日 星期四 【晴】

Good morning HK, Macau & Melbourne!

Alright, another sick leave today! Today's 3620 is rather PRACTICAL, so I have decided to take a sick leave (maybe my excuse).

Keep thinking one thing... remember in the beginning of the year, Eileen & I were finding accommodation. We were on the tram one day and I got 2 words in my mind "not compatible", I have no clue why was that. However, I thought of it as a feeling, a sense, or perhaps something from the Holy Spirit. I didn't doubt, but I follow and end up not living with Eileen. Mentor later point out that our 步伐 are different, in the long run, may cause some problems living together. Phew...

I got quite a similar feeling last evening - "not-yet-the-right-time". I have much much eager to show someone a "YES" for courtship, but there is something going on that I feel uncomfortable. I know this is someone who loves me more then I love him at the moment. I can see that his pace is ahead of me. My plan made in 2005 is to start dating in Jan 2007. Ken was laughing at me last night, what if there is no one or there is "any" one, will I stick to my plan.

Overall, my Jan - Jun 06 plan was to build relationships/friendship...
Time has proven that I was unsuccessful.

However, it came to the point, by July 06...
My 人際關係 started to bloom. I thanks God for that, if I were to start dating, he, at least, is giving me a way to start it. Coz I swear I won't date 'til I get an abundance of close friends. It's the deal.

Jul - Dec 06 - I planned to OBSERVE a potential BF, am I doing it right now? Will it be 1/2 year long?

Everything seems on the right track - except TIME.

>>August 31, 2006 at 11:08:16 PM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 30 日 星期三 【晴】

1 Kings 13:6
Then the king said to the man of God, "Intercede with the LORD your God and pray for me that my hand may be restored." So the man of God interceded with the LORD, and the king's hand was restored and became as it was before.

Intercession - whoa, I love to pray! I like to intercede with Heavenly Father.

At last mentor replied, but I was a bit emotional towards her, upset why she doesn't understand and know what's best to say. I know her kindness, but I need time. Maybe only Father know what's best to tell me, just that I am not ready...

Cried for another hour. Quite COOL though, I was lying on bed and crying, so dark here with me, but the sunshine keep shinning through, very warm.

Jason & Seriyan worked with me today. Jason recognized my jacket with Emily the Strange on it, haha! Good on him! Not sure how long he would be there. But I am so grateful that God gives me handsome therapists! He is nice. And thanks my physio therapist, he keep saying "Well done" to me and showing his sorry for my pain. A simple "I'm sorry, Emily" lightens my heart, really!~

Last last year when I go to gym, I had Handsome Aaron as the coach, then my handsome Peter leading the viola section too. hohohooo so many handsome guys around, thanks God!!! Many thanks for having handsome Simon, Ken and David too, hahahahah~

Let me laugh... I have cried too much, too tired, too sad.

Make me laugh Lord!

May I find your JOY in my SORROW!

>>August 31, 2006 at 4:04:48 AM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 30 日 星期三 【晴】

在神那有難成的事．神是位大醫生

1 Kings 13: 6

王 對 神 人 說 ： 請 你 為 我 禱 告 ， 求 耶 和 華 ─ 你 神 的 恩 典 使 我 的 手 復 原 。
於 是 神 人 祈 禱 耶 和 華 ， 王 的 手 就 復 了 原 ， 仍 如 尋 常 一 樣 。

Psalm 34:20

又 保 全 他 一 身 的 骨 頭， 連 一 根 也 不 折 斷 。


我本聖經記著，神不讓人的骨頭受到侵害等於全身都得到保護。


I came across the above verses on 15 June 2006, I jotted them and mentor helped to affirm God's help - 在神那有難成的事．神是位大醫生. Is that an early sign Jesus gave me? June... Aug... well, doesn't matter, as long as I am still strong & healthy in Christ.

10:40am - my second treatment appointment. I was thinking about that scene when my Mr Physio pushed my rib 2 days ago. I tried all my best to work with him, I tried...

Um...

>>August 30, 2006 at 10:33:32 PM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 29 日 星期二 【晴】

"謝曬 - tired - upset - all are on your face" my friend said.

作死~ 原來昨晚被很多很多位朋友見到我這樣...

>>August 30, 2006 at 8:36:59 AM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 29 日 星期二 【晴】

Last night...

chatted with Jasmine, but I am pretty much annoyed with her sharing. Very sad, very scary. To be honest, her sharing's hurting me emotionally, even more...

Brother Ken called as usual, thanks him, I yelled "So SORE!" and sigh, and cry. So weak. What he and Darren said has something in similar - stop playing, rest more, but Ken's impact are much more. Perhaps I have placed him in a mature spiritual brother position in my mind, that I value his comment very much, I feel that he and mentor has similar elements that cheers me.

Darren is so innocent, perhaps it's his first time "hearing" me cry, hahha

Thanks Simon for washing the dishes, MANY THANKS!!!

I can see that how Heavenly Father loves me. I wanted some sweets, but I can't go and buy it due to my pain. But my cell mate went and get me a pack of sweets ^.^ ~ get comforted very much!

Mentor must have received my e-mail, once again, no reply from her. Shoulder soreness, emotions & physical stress and the love affairs issue - will God let her intervene? I miss her.

Hebrews 2:10 I never know that what I shared last night to Prince Martin, there will be an impact for him. Thanks Father! May your name be glorified!

>>August 30, 2006 at 2:41:09 AM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 28 日 星期一 【晴】

經過三星期的 12 粒止痛藥...

數位兄姊的提議...

今日去了學校的 physiotherapy center.

Mr Physio 說我 left side 第一條肋骨提高了,

not so serious, but in the long run, will still cause me pain & problems.

Now I know why my neck looks different in length in the left & right side.

He is helping me to PUSH back the rib to its original position.

SUPER PAINFUL! 他坦然說個 treatment 的痛會痛過我拉 viola 帶來的痛呢.

在 clinic 忍了, 不過回家哭了很久.

Prayers needed +

- I get to know the feeling of my shoulders, I get confuse with tiredness, soreness, the kind of pain, I need to identify to work with my therapist

- Endure/tolerate the pain I get when I get the treatment (maybe twice a week), actually I feel that I want to faint because the pain is so great when he works with me.

- Emotional state...

- the side effects...

>>August 29, 2006 at 10:42:02 AM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 27 日 星期日 【晴】

Normally I don't work things out with my feelings. NO WAY! Feelings are never reliable, only truth are. However, I feel something yesterday - can this be love?

OK, back to uni. Monday - FRESH & GOOD! Coz I was able to catch the train ^.^ ~ coz I read Amos on the train and get to uni on time for a group meeting. Something to think & decide about...

1> After the group meeting, K told me that V doesn't understand the movie. Yes, I know that, party becoz of her English and partly she wasn't expose to a lot of literature. I was, I love literature in all my school years! And got to know how writers write, reading novels is just a piece of cake ya! K asked if we will meet again on Wed morning for the essay. I actually don't want to. Coz there isn't much benefits for me. I have to admit that I have RESERVED a bit of my ideas in the meeting today. But that's my style and my choice... I am afraid V will keep copying what we said onto her paper. I feel that unfair and not good~ for me and her... Well, Wed, should we meet again? I am terribly busy already, how can I love and help this V? In Christ, what should I do?

2> P doesn't know we have a listening test tomorrow! Oh! That's not a big difference with me, coz I know it, but I just don't get the time to study it. OK... the information on the board has been removed, so I need to tell him what is in the test... Yeah then, he's asking for the details of the answers. P must have known me better, he knows I won't answer him if the answers I got is by my effort!

Both parties are not-yet-believers - how far shall I go to help and assist them? P is lazy, but always smart, I jealous him and never like to help this kind of guys. V is innocent, but helping takes me dozen of times... Father... WWJD?

>>August 28, 2006 at 6:02:20 AM GMT+8

2006 年 8 月 26 日 星期六 【晴】

Someone commented I am quite joyful yesterday... (Thanks for that)

Indeed I am, much better off then the past 13 days - experiencing my sickness, my arm soreness and my viola - pretty much out of my control.

Feel something tonight... *o* ?

what is it?

>>August 27, 2006 at 9:40:59 AM GMT+8