2004 年 8 月 15 日 星期日 【晴】

今日本來好早就醒左......
but之後再訓過........
then再起身~~~迫住要睇奧運= =''
but之後睇睇下~~~都覺得幾好睇^^"

今日成日都諗到好多野........
尋晚我mum叫我出黎做兩年野先再讀書~~
其實我自己都有諗過出黎做下野先~~~
因為我而家真係幾like返工~~^^"
可能只係對呢份工係咁.....因為有動力先係咁.....

有時d野放到係你面前.....
你偏偏唔會想拎起佢.....冇信心拎起?懶得拎起?
定係咩?!呢一日.....真係過得唔多開心..........
好想自己有力去拎起任何野.......
更加想自己可以放低所有野......
拎得起~~~放得低......好想可以做到咁.......
但係有時.....偏偏好多野~~~自己真係諗得太完美......
明知個結果唔會係咁.....偏偏就要諗到咁好......

>>August 16, 2004 at 3:50:10 PM GMT+8

2004 年 8 月 15 日 星期日 【晴】

今日好累...........又要一早起身..><
好眼訓......

出到去開工......今日有d喉嚨痛~~~
今日d細路好"洩"呀~~~very洩~~~
佢地好野蠻~~~好似佢地話乜就乜咁~~~
而家佢話事呀~~~佢地話比就比呀~~~?
低能ga佢地真係~~~~超洩呀~~~~><"

有d細路~~又要問人點玩wor~~~人地答佢~~
佢又要唔理我~~唔聽我講wor~~><幾過份呀~~~
係唔聽人講就唔好問la~~~~><"

今日有個女仔~~very dirty~~very核突ar!!!!
佢打個乞次~~~打完之後~~成條鼻涕吊住左係度呀~~~
條鼻涕有20cm咁長ar!!!!!!><"then佢用隻手黎抺~~~
then"hi"落佢自己條裙度~~~then再玩泥膠~~~
超核突ar佢~~><"crazy ga!!!!!!!!><"

今日好唔開心呀~~~~對住d細路又angry wor~~~
有個仲衰呀~~~我收埋左一箱野係"台"底ga嘛~~
then有一個dad帶住個仔去"chau"我呢盒野wor~~~
個dad帶個個仔wor~~超唔掂low~~

今日一早返工~~仲好瘀~~><橙明明幫我拎左一張店布ga喇~~
點知比唔知邊個偷左~><個倉入面仲要冇晒lok bor~~><
then我周圍係咁搵.......搵唔到wor~~~有一張都係紅色ge~~
but係個好大ge袋.......好似聖誕老人o個d bag 咁ga~~~
我出左去之後~~周圍問人有冇~~佢地都話冇~~~><"
超樣衰ar~~拎個bag黎當台布><勁白痴~~~
then o個個女仔仲問我~~~"你搵唔到呀...."之後佢就係咁笑~~~><"
好樣衰ar!!!!><"

今日hitom冇返工~~~唔知佢係唔係驚左我~~^^"
因為我尋日冇啦啦送支珍寶珠比佢~~~唔知係唔係嚇親佢~~?!= ="
仲有2日咋.....佢今日冇返....見少左佢一日~~~><
我而家諗番.....好後悔o個次冇同佢講野~~
o個一次真係一個好好ge機會....點解我唔去珍惜?!?!
驚咩wor~~識個朋友之嘛.........駛死咩?!><"

今日返返下工~~~o個時好多very洩ge細路玩緊....
我o個時仲諗緊....."我第2時生唔生好.....d細路咁洩.....第2時好驚自己o個個都係咁"
我o個時真係係咁諗呢個問題~~~今日d細路真係特別洩~~~
but生唔生呢個問題......都唔係我自己一個諗ge~~
要同hitom一齊商量下先......^^

返完呢一份工之後........恐怕自己都有左"細路恐懼症"~~~

今晚打比cindy~~我話比佢知今日有個女仔條鼻涕...o個件事la~~
佢喇喇聲叫我掉晒d泥膠佢= =''
我問"以前玩過o個d都掉晒佢?唔駛留番佢?"
佢話"你留番黎做咩~~你番埋下星期之嘛..."
then我話"留番比你玩low= ="佢就話~~"如果你留番比我玩....我就唔出糧比你"= =''
佢聽到就咁驚d鼻涕~~可知我當d現場直擊係幾咁難受><"

>>August 15, 2004 at 4:26:37 PM GMT+8

2004 年 8 月 14 日 星期六 【晴】

又想打多一篇tim~~^^"

其實我諗.....我知....好多人都唔知我想點~~~
甚至d屋企人~~佢地都成日話唔知我想點~~
但係其實我一早都答左佢地......

我係想走番一條自己想走的路......
我唔想咩都有人幫我安排......
我唔想條路比人幫我安排晒.....
甚至有時.....我想我自己為自己去選擇......
係自己所選擇的.......就算錯了.....
我都唔會後悔.......真的唔會........

前幾日同佢地鬧交.......我一早叫左佢地唔需要幫我做咁多野......
我去報名.....去interview.....我冇要求過任何人陪我去.....
因為其實我覺得......我真係鐘意自己的時間多些....
當時心情唔好......好想靜....咩都想靜.......唔想同人講野....
同埋唔想有人同我講野.....唔想比人煩..........

當前幾日.....我心情唔好時......佢地真係會就晒我.....
咩都就住我....唔敢亂講野............
但係後兩日.......心情開始好轉......
佢地再一次打回原形..........又會去埋怨你....
"點解你會考成咁.....如果你有溫書...就唔會咁la"
就係咁......我自問自己真係有溫過書........
我溫書時佢地都係出晒街......佢地會知咩?!!?
佢地知道的只是......佢地返黎時.....我會發癲....
因為當佢地返晒黎時....就會好嘈......溫書?!根本就溫唔到~~~
所以佢地一番黎~~我就好易發脾氣~~發癲~~~
係佢地眼前ge我......係一個未盡過力的我...........
但係一切.....我問心.....無愧.......

放榜......一個我唔想再面對的日子.......
一早已經話過唔會repeat......因為我唔想面對多一次......
我唔可以接受自己再一次失敗......

>>August 15, 2004 at 4:46:52 PM GMT+8

2004 年 8 月 13 日 星期五 【晴】

今日一早~~8點幾~~就要起身~~~
因為今日一早去左報嶺南~~~
報左一個我幾想讀ge野~~>青年問題~~
係讀540個鐘~~學$$都幾貴~~要3萬5~@@"
but計番...都唔算好貴~~都係6十幾蚊一個鐘~~
有d要成9十幾蚊一個鐘tim ar~~
呢個course.....你讀完之後....有120個鐘係個社工帶住你去disco~~
搵d邊青黎talk ga~^^好似好刺激~好好玩咁^^"
but我mum唔想我讀呢個~~佢一聽到我要落disco~~佢就擰頭....
say唔想我讀呢個......but我真係覺得幾好玩.....^^

then.....就出去返工lu~^^哈~~~~今日一早buy定一支珍寶珠^^
點解?!哈......係送比hitom ga^^
我初時見到佢好驚.....唔係好敢比佢....
then放lunch......出去時~~我明明見到佢ga~~~
佢仲同我笑tim~~but因為o個時我急到就黎賴~~~
so好似跑咁去左廁所~~~去玩之後.....
諗住返返去比佢~~點知搵唔到佢= =''次次都係咁><
想搵佢時......就成日都搵唔到~~~
then食完野.....返去la.......橙去左開工先~~~
then我一擰轉頭.....佢就係我後面......我就即刻講"請你食丫..."
then佢就兩隻手拎住支珍寶珠......同我好細聲咁講"多謝多謝..."哈哈~~
佢拎支珍寶珠時....佢兩隻手都掂到我隻手呀^^哈哈~~~
好開心今次自己真係有呢少少勇氣~~~
但係當然.....我想ge唔止係咁.....我諗到好多野同佢講ga~~
but當佢望住我時......我又講唔出口................><"
我真係希望自己ge勇氣唔止得咁少............
冇機會喇......仲有3日工要返咋........><"

其實唔知點解...........我比左支珍寶珠佢之後......
好似有d唔知點咁........好似有d唔知點面對佢.......
尷尷尬尬咁......but佢之後.....都好少行過黎呢邊....><"

>>August 15, 2004 at 4:04:57 PM GMT+8

2004 年 8 月 12 日 星期四 【晴】

想打多一篇日記~~~~^^"
哈~~~以後ge日子......
真係可能要自己一個走......
但係就算自己一個走.....
我都知會有人支持我~~~~都有神陪住我.......
一切一切.....我都知神會安排左比我......

以後.....真係大家走ge路都唔同喇......
我地唔可以再一齊玩.....一齊好似以前咁.....
將來ge路.....可能會比中學更難行.....
而家諗番.....其實中學ge路 ~~一d都唔難行...
我地第2時出到黎....會有更多難題比我地去面對...
去處理......真係唔可以好似中學咁....
有事就交比d老師......或者其他人去處理........

而家出黎.....真係可以話大個喇......
尋日聽到一個人同我講"大個喇....唔可以再咩都靠人"
呢一句說話....真係冇諗過佢會同我講......= =''
佢同我講~~都嚇左一嚇.....
而家......真係大個喇........我真係要比以前更獨立.....
其實我冇你地想像中咁獨立......
我都係會靠人.....以前ge日子....真係好多謝你地....
如果唔係有你地....我知我都會好難捱....

朋友~~真係好重要....所有ge日子.....都要靠朋友去過......
如果冇左佢地.....呢幾年會點..?
真係唔敢想像........真係好多謝你地....^^

>>August 13, 2004 at 5:00:21 PM GMT+8

2004 年 8 月 12 日 星期四 【晴】

好angry ar今日......><"
今日一早起身....就出左去銅鑼灣.....
interview....去到~~聽佢講左好多野.....
聽完之後~~佢地叫我唔好in住....
因為以我ge eng~~我會讀得好辛苦~~~
so今日都係冇in到~~~如果到我諗清楚到星期一可以再去in~~

then就去同uncle講下~~佢再清楚咁解釋過比我聽......
唔.....都算清楚晒d野.....但係o個時幾不滿我mum~~
人地講緊去外國d野~~~佢成日都話我...
係咁講d冇關係ge野~~嘈住晒~~><"
當時真係好angry~~~佢係咁講話我訓得晏~~
又話我夜訓.......低能ga~~有關係ga咩!!!!!!><"
成日都係咁~~~其實今日一早就同佢發脾氣~~
佢一早就叫我起身~~~但係佢仲要自己未起身wor~~
又話我整野慢...又話咩咩咩.....點知到最後~~佢仲遲過我~~
佢自己仲要發脾氣~~~低能ga d人!!><"好"蚊"ar~!!!!!!!!><"
自己叫起身自己又唔起身~~成日都係咁wor~~~><"

then就去左尖沙咀~~搵埋sis食野......
我叫佢地去搵位先....我去玩具反斗城.......
我今日見到hitom ar~~~但係一見到佢就好驚....
then打左比橙~~~打左比佢之後~~就搵左好耐都唔見左佢~~><"
then mum係咁吹我~~叫我快d走~~~~><"就搵唔到佢ge情況下走左><"
好失望...................

好憎d人ar~~~冇人叫過佢幫我ar~~~
我唔駛佢地幫我ar~~~~自己好無謂咁幫左我~~
又話我唔聽佢講~~又話"最旅我唔幫你搵d資料"~~~好煩!!><
冇人叫過佢幫~~我更加唔駛佢幫~~
明知佢搵埋d野係唔岩我讀ge~~已經一早叫左佢唔駛幫~~~
幫完之後就話人~~~白痴ga!!><"
"自己唔係完美....就根本冇資格話人"~~>好同意呢一句話!!!!!
佢自己又唔執野~~成日將d野放係我張床同chair度~~
又成日用完我d野唔放好....攪到我唔見晒~~~
比佢用親d野都會爛左先比番我~~~
我著黎去街d衫~~佢就同我著黎訓覺~~><
一比佢著過訓覺又唔去得街ga la~~~
咁算好呀!?!?咁佢有資格話我咩?!?!><"
又成日話人洗$$~~大洗~~又話我成日buy野~~
佢自己冇buy過野咩?!更係咁講la~~佢buy得唔多~~
只不過係一次過buy幾十件衫~~一次過buy晒之嘛~~
好憎d人low~~~成日都係咁......識話人唔識話自己~~~
佢最完美la~~佢最好la~~佢咩都最好~~~~呢個世界冇人及佢好.............

>>August 13, 2004 at 3:48:09 PM GMT+8

2004 年 8 月 11 日 星期三 【晴】

經過尋日訓左好耐.....今日訓到2點幾.....
個頭有少少痛......唔..............

今日下午........上網度報左ive.....
其實我諗親身去報o個d人會著數d~~
因為都唔知d人會唔會上網睇~~
but if要報.....要去到柴灣....><"

唔.....今日都冇咩野做.....
只係好多野諗...= =

聽日interview喇.....好驚.....
唔知到時係講eng定係講中文.....
uncle特登請左假陪我去......
唉.....唔知聽日點呢......

~~>我冇事la~~^^kee.........
諗起hitom就冇事lu~~^^wakaka~~
見到佢就一定冇晒事......^3^"

>>August 12, 2004 at 3:25:39 PM GMT+8

2004 年 8 月 10 日 星期二 【晴】

尋日cut左hair......then同mum佢地食野.....
其間...我自己行ge時候....同uncle talk電話talk左好耐....
當時佢同我講"無論你做咩決定.....我都會支持你ga~~咩成績都唔緊要...."
我就想cry......之後....返到home~dad打比我~~
同我講""盡左力就得ga喇......呢d野唔駛咁介意..."
聽完之後~~我就入左room cry......cry左一陣~~對眼就腫晒><"

尋晚成晚都同左d同學成班一齊.......
同佢地一齊個人真係可以輕鬆好多.....
so....我真係好like佢地....因為同佢地一齊ge時間...
真係可以令我開心.....

then......緊張ge心情.....少左d......
就係成晚訓得一個鐘....

之後就去食早餐......行每一步....
都覺得個心震一震咁....一路行....
一路就好緊張.....到底..我都唔係好知自己緊張d咩.....

返到學校.....聽talk....有少少訓著左= =''
但係都好專心咁聽佢講.....
講完之後....就一步一迓咁行上去.....
o個種感覺就好似去迎接一d好恐怖ge野咁....
一步一步o個種感覺....好重.....好驚....好緊張....
之後就係接過成績單ge時候喇......
接到之前......緊張到cry左出黎......

之後接到張成績單.....自己唔係好敢睇....
就係深呼吸左一下...咁睇la......
好多都唔係我想像中咁.....最估唔到就係商業!!!><

then又cry.......我真係已經唔想再cry.....好累了....
但係今日真正感受到ge....唔係成績.....而係真正朋友~~
係呀~~~其實自己係唔甘心ge多.......
因為會考時.....自己真係好盡晒力咁讀....
我真係好唔甘心.....but算la........
我真係好鐘意佢地.....因為佢地個個都比信心我........
叫我唔駛擔心.....真係好thx佢地.......

今日.....係我過得最恐怖ge一日........
但係....恐怖ge時間已經過左喇.....
repeat ge就要再努力多一次.....讀其他ge都要努力...
為自己ge將來努力.....真真正正咁感受到......

企日同時都覺得好內疚......令mum同我一齊cry......
令到佢好擔心....但係我仲要發佢脾氣....仲要cut佢線....仲要話佢.....
我真係好內疚....返到home....訓左好耐好耐.......

遲d開左學.....真係唔知仲有冇時間大家出黎玩.....
好擔心呢樣野......大家真係各有各忙......
好驚因為咁而個關係遠左......

>>August 11, 2004 at 4:56:28 PM GMT+8

2004 年 8 月 9 日 星期一 【晴】

聽日就係放榜ge大日子喇.....
今日好早就起左身....8點幾....
緊張ge心.....都好似未停過咁......
一直係咁諗.....係咁諗..............
走?!唔走?!...自己都唔知......
唔通真係聽日先黎決定?!太遲喇....
咁就會變得一切都太遲........

唔想諗喇......咩都唔想諗.....><><><"
只係諗住hitom~~^3^"

>>August 10, 2004 at 5:05:39 AM GMT+8

2004 年 8 月 8 日 星期日 【晴】

今日一早就返左公司~~拎過一張new ge簽到紙...
同埋拎d new ge泥膠....~~
諗住去玩具反斗城識hitom la~~今次真係好有勇氣去識佢~
未試過咁有勇氣~~而且maybe今日無咩人....^3^~~
點知.....佢竟然今日唔駛返工~~~><"真係唔好彩!!!!!><"
等我仲諗左好耐點同佢講tim!!!><激死呀~~~諗住今日識到佢ga嘛~~
今次真係好有勇氣!!!!未試過咁有勇氣ga!!><

then去完玩具反斗城....好失望咁走左><"真係激死......
咁今日都差唔多成日冇咩心情ga喇....唉......
then去左葵芳.....行街....then去食野~~talk返d升學資料......
唉.....聽到好唔明= ="~~but另一方面都好擔心ga.....
唉.....我都未決定......睇到個成績先講la....
後日就係喇......真係好快....初初仲諗住有排....
點知真係過得咁快~~~><"

仲有4日返工咋....都好快....唔捨得走^3^"
我一定要識到佢呀......而家又多左野講lu~^^哈哈~~
其實真係有諗過聽日出去識佢~~but好似日日都出去咁...
而且特登出去搵佢....好似白痴得濟= =''
聽日一早又要去元朗換BNO~~返黎要去6樓~~~
都冇咩時間~~~其實我真係可以下午出去ga~~~真係可以ga!!!^^"
but唔知我會唔會真係咁做呢.....哈哈~~~~

and then.....就返home lu~~唔唔....^^"好累....好眼訓......

>>August 9, 2004 at 3:25:20 PM GMT+8