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2012 年 2 月 17 日 星期五 【晴】

我發現
性格是最珍貴的人類遺產
有好的性格的人真的買少見少

有時覺得自己很懂得看人
可是,
很多東西還要看緣份
好的東西又未必是你有份

很多人都喜歡說謊
就是因為這樣
不想問太多
不想失望
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

錯配
我還是欠點運

>>February 18, 2012 at 2:51:14 PM GMT+8


2012 年 1 月 15 日 星期日 【晴】

Finish 1st term.
and it is 2nd term now.

我還是小心翼翼好..
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

船多不礙港

是我昨天學到的

各人頭上一片天

>>January 15, 2012 at 4:39:04 PM GMT+8


2012 年 1 月 2 日 星期一 【晴】

[Loop]

again, I start my first thesis after marking all the 9 piles exam papers from 24th-31st Dec 2011
1st Jan 2012 I just input all the marks to excel files and it takes really long time cuz i have 36 score sheets to input.

I can't say it's very tiring but I've been staying home throughout this X'mas holiday for work.
My heart feels tired cuz I feel like I'm trapped by work.
And untill now I just started my first piece of thesis.
but my holiday is going to end soon.....so dunno how poor I will be in the coming week.
3,000words X 2 on 9thJan
Work + Study is really very harsh.

我也不知道我應該開心還是不開心
唯獨寄託有個relaxing lunar new year.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2012...
peace for world
peace for me
dun want too much change
cuz I've made enough....

it's getting better
but I just want some rest

>>January 15, 2012 at 4:24:22 PM GMT+8


2011 年 12 月 11 日 星期日 【晴】

Elaine:生活那麼繁忙感謝妳還記得我
反而我自己忙到忘了自己還有個diary

我們很快會再見面 ^_^

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[樂趣]
feel very stressed today
Cuz I have lots of work to do

新的工作環境欲言又止
變化大
資訊少

要多點點時間適應

大學的功課量也很高

幸好班女都好乖
我也不用太勞氣
反而是身邊工作以外的人

幫不了忙之餘
要我經常受氣
當我去到這個age & stage
無法接受這些荒唐的事還能發生在我身上
我無法擺脫


人之孤獨也莫過於此
莫過於工作時的樂趣更甚於其他
究竟,工作的樂趣能否當作真正樂趣?

anyway,i still have to mark 16pieces of composition before zZ
and thats definitely not a funny thing

>>December 12, 2011 at 4:12:50 PM GMT+8


2011 年 10 月 22 日 星期六 【晴】

[心息]

天外有天
人外有人

鬥贏了
外面有千千萬萬個更好的

學到了很多很多
每個人也有優點
也未必學得了全部

最近,
我心裡經經常出現一個問題:
"世界這麼多人是這樣的,
為甚麼我不是其中一個?"
我把幸福的平常事平常化了
可是那根本是不切實際
但我又不能夠抑止自己去這樣想

以前
我根本不曾產生這種想法
或者that 's simply impossible
and right now my mind tells that it's possible

但最後
我控制了自己不要這樣想
讓自己心息

因為我發現
很多事情
真的無法勉強

很多時候
命運論
令我低頭

就算世間有大愛
也有所謂的試煉
傳說告訴人們
通過後會有獎品

但如果現實是不能容納傳說神話
那麼在失望之前趕緊心息

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[矛盾]

私心的大方

假意的關心

並存的矛盾
原來這一詞
只是用來覆蓋慾望

如果我是妒忌的source
無論我做了甚麼
也是被討厭著

不但視我為挑戰對象
也矛盾地成為了對方的依賴對象

這種關係
就好像扭作一團的繩索
解開了
其實還是沒有甚麼大不了
但不明白為何實在是那樣複雜......

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
某日收到舊校社工電話

說有個學生想跟我聯繫
我拒絕了

舊同事說他很想念我
聽說最近他統測拿了全班第一
我只是留言讚了他

我的反應不得不有點冷漠
不在其位
過火聯繫便會使其他人不快

現在我心裡想
收了錢
就做好佢
心安理得
關係僅此如此
不過他的天真可愛感動了我

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[障礙]

溝通不到時候
我會認為有幾個可能性

智商不合
價值觀不合
感受不合

紛爭嚴重程度來說

價值觀不合可以使人分開
感受不合可以使人痛苦
智商不合可以使人無奈

故此
這個世界有很多不快存在
因為很少人在這三方面有吻合
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

開學後
我終於感受到我開始成熟
I call myself a young lady
雖然歲數上的增長被視為女性不利因素

但我一直希望自己快點30歲
在青春追逐路上
我覺得自己很麻木很勞累
新一代的青年
總要付出很多
收穫很少
競爭很大
但勝出太小

十幾歲做不到的
廿幾歲做不到的
心願和理想
還要等等...
待我讀完這個master

我一定會把某個水平提升
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

我終於發現
我的不幸是因為我一直遇上自私的人
然後我發現
我開始走運也是因為我碰上了無私的人

>>October 22, 2011 at 8:14:22 PM GMT+8


2011 年 10 月 1 日 星期六 【晴】

看到很多不倫新聞
覺得很可怖
很離譜

全因為家人之間沒有真愛

揀錯人
悲劇就像電影般開始

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
知她不喜歡我
但這是無法避免的
環境造就一切

向她求助也只會是浪費時間

我跟小的說
你們要做好朋友
不能做friend
至少也可以做不對立的同學
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wild]

我覺得我很wild.....
是一種內在的wild
卻沒法滲出來

其實我一直很想染滿一頭啡色頭髮
但我不知道何時才可以.....

我怨恨生活環境從來沒有讓我稍稍放縱
一些很簡單的事
對我來說是難以登天的事
所有東西也要well disciplined

當外表跟靈魂不配合
所做的事
就總是好像真的有天使跟魔鬼在左右
使結果是出人意表

每天都想以最真誠的黑臉見人
但結果變成貌似最快樂的人
其實最後我wild 不起
像一條死狗

There's a quote from Shakespeare:

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts.
世界是一個舞台,
男男女女都不過是演員而已,
他們上台又下台,
每個人都得扮演幾個不同的角色。


but for my understanding,
it seems like they're still acting
even they're not in a role.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
there's no inclusive education unless u pay for it.

there's a blind in our class.
I really appreciate for his endeavour cuz that's not easy...
and he walked up the slope by himself.
last time he came in class late as usual,
and asked the lecturer, would you help plug in for my laptop?

Then the lecturer said:
I cannot stop my teaching.
so u better come early next time.
he's just right next to the blind, who was standing still in the class while everybody was sitting and looking at him.

in an awkward silence i helped him to take a seat and plug in the power.
this lecture taught me something:

do not get blind by any chance.
there's no real inclusive education.
because all the so-called teachers just sat there and did nth.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[遇強愈強]

跟同學唇槍舌劍一輪才放學
起初還是不太行..
有些同學教開band 1.
或許用詞較順暢
有些還是panel級

我這幾年教那些..
或許用"ok la"的chinglish已經夠皮
所以我只是聽著大家的意見
現在慣了
才能真正交流

我相信我可以做到中上水準
由細到大也是
the variable factor is merely the environment where I stay.

沒想過
我會這麼早再讀書
命運和際遇總是像齒輪牽動著我
或許我就像一個小小齒輪
外流稍稍轉動
已為我帶來很多變遷
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

every time after school I go back home...
and it's better because it is not as dark as in tai po.
there's lights everywhere
in those nights I sat in the bus and looked outside for a while..
seems like I didn't ever sleep in that route.
cuz I want to see the view.

the similiarities and differences between Kowloon and Hong Kong island
Is Hong Kong island really better?
I just feel like there're more slopes and it's not comfortable to sit and sleep in car.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[莫測]
舊同事取笑,
"你去師姑俺"
那時我心裡想
打份工只為錢
又唔係溝仔
最好笑是你又搞不清楚我甚麼status,笑mud 鬼.

很諷刺的是
現在我幾乎每天都跟三個一同入來男同事食lunch
沒得再誇
比舊校還多
偶爾聽他們吹水不用心煩
我也會比較放肆說話
因為他們relatively 不記仇
取笑完他們第二天還能正常溝通


聽過一位舊同事罵學生時說:
這個世界
不是男
就是女
(可能還有人妖i guess)
沒得你選擇
是人就可以
我想我現在已經更懂得相處之道

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
我還是有點日夜顛倒

>>October 1, 2011 at 8:16:41 PM GMT+8


2011 年 9 月 25 日 星期日 【晴】

怎麼做也是一塌糊塗

再好都是壞

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
開學了一段時間
我竟然還未入狀態
失去了一種勁
不知道自己在做什麼

新的工作單位
雖然工作量都不少
但一切運作挺舒服的
同事對我不錯
很照顧
也給我創作空間
可是我自己把握不好
有點lazy
加上今年讀書
心不在工作....
心態...想拖得就拖

開學後
很多舊同事找過我
這樣
至少我覺得
這兩年沒有白過

會不會後悔很快就知道
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

當理想變夢想時...
我想離開

>>September 25, 2011 at 4:48:39 PM GMT+8


2011 年 9 月 12 日 星期一 【晴】

差不多整個季都無買新衣服
基本上...我夏季不想買衣服
只想放假
然後不斷當我年年都是某幾件時
數年後
竟然還有人問
這件新衣幾好看wor...

唔...換不換也無甚麼所謂

但我最近
究竟我想買什麼呢..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
there is a movie called..情約一天

是好朋友般的情人
the relationship is very long-lasting

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
happy mid-autumn festival

>>September 13, 2011 at 4:29:51 PM GMT+8


2011 年 9 月 8 日 星期四 【晴】

從來,沒有人說過喜歡我的名字
沒有人說過我的名字漂亮
我覺得真的很奇怪
因為其實我的名字很中性
是男是女
不見真人
也不會猜到....

聽到時,
縱使全無感覺
還是有種感動
至少看得出這是動過腦筋

真是太久違了.......
因為現代人太自戀
沒想過別人的好
對得這類人多
漸漸麻木到
覺得世界就是這樣現實

>>September 8, 2011 at 4:58:58 PM GMT+8


2011 年 9 月 7 日 星期三 【晴】

had the first lesson
and it was so tiring the next day.
especially i have to keep standing for several hrs non-stop

anyway, this school makes my life easier.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

unlike some lucky ones,
i'm born to be under pressure.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Life choices

once chosen...
the path altered.

the better leads to the better.
at present, I really want a change.

>>September 7, 2011 at 4:32:04 PM GMT+8


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>>December 28, 2011 at 6:07:16 PM GMT+8

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