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2010 年 2 月 8 日 星期一 【晴】

道風山上的心靈治療workshop

其實上多了山
開始並不討厭行山
儘管是工作也好
為了自己也好
沒有和原則或利益產生衝突的事
我都願意首先接受和嘗試

剪紙活動中,
我感覺花花世界裡面
什麼我都看不到
我只是見到淺藍色的心
只要有清澈的心
其他的都不太重要

right now blue stands for peace & calm

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
當全世界都是負離子的時候

就算結果再難看
我也會電個曲髮

因為真的不想成為某群體的一分子

my messy curly hair
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

好像為了這份工
犧牲了很多
因為這個形象和外表都不是我所喜歡的

我想我還是在學生/老師身分過渡期之中徘徊著
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

過了24年
我發覺我的人生
從來都沒有穩定這回事

burnt out & 累極

>>March 6, 2010 at 5:51:01 PM GMT+8


2010 年 1 月 23 日 星期六 【晴】

Eling: Did you receive my sms in Mid-Autumn & X'mas??
did u change ur tel no#?
cuz I couldn't get any news from u until i saw ur msg here :o

u can take a pgde course if u're interested in edu.
i suppose i'll be more free during lunar new yr
it's super busy here
sometimes feel so contented & happy
sometimes feel so stressed & unhappy
so it's okay so far

in the coming few weeks will be super busy again
cuz 29th I need to go to camp with students.
6th parents' day
lots of morning assemblies i have to hold
so let's see..
but really wanna talk to u on phone is true :)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

這個星期的工作我都放低了
有時候是心情太疲累.
沒法繼續
有點明知不可為而為之

唯有留到明天繼續做
我開始覺得這些工作是沒有完的一天
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

希望最遲出年年底去澳洲一次
其實我對澳洲沒有特別的感情
沒有話特別想去
但corn 在那裡
讓我了解一下她的生活
或者我可以更了解佢o既想法和需要

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[風眼裡]

回顧這一年

我好開心
我有了我的事業
雖然未能滿意
但我想得到的
我都得到了基本的
搵工好辛苦
見工都好辛苦
簡直覺得有了陰影
原來身心疲累往往都是在尋尋覓覓之中產生
我都感受過很多事情是不能強求的
你想要的,往往都得不到
你沒想過要的, 或者會無心插柳
但會不會柳成蔭
還要看很多因素
但總之,最緊要的還是要看看自己的意願
以前我覺得人生是沒有選擇的
現在我覺得人生是有選擇的
現在我只希望我會懂得去選擇適合自己的一切

這一年的變化很大
我也覺得自己都變了一些
如果能在風暴之中永遠逗留在風眼裡面
那麼這個世界還是可以很平靜的

這是我還是23歲時的想法.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

感冒

>>January 24, 2010 at 3:46:31 PM GMT+8


2009 年 12 月 5 日 星期六 【晴】

feel like overloaded
wait till exam period...............

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
u can't be saved unless you want to.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
passed through a number of unlucky days
the best is yet to come
the worst is also yet to come.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
learning to separate working time and private time
seems like i still can't get rid of the work in weekends.

>>December 5, 2009 at 6:13:53 PM GMT+8


2009 年 10 月 31 日 星期六 【晴】

Corn: 只希望下/下下年你回來時我有時間可以出一出去.
真難保我可以有見妳的時間

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Karen: 那天妳在街上跟我電話斷線後就沒有再連絡了
我想應該是電話沒電?

我有在想妳最近準備成怎樣?

anyway, 妳若有關於的問題,call/sms 我
i'll support all ur decisions.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fri 家長晚會由8morning
till 10pm left sch
that day was so exhausting and busy

上了2堂後810-930
空堂X2 備課
因為5,6堂panel 觀課 11xx-1235

然後之後很忙很忙
準備自己班的board 1235-1
suddenly drama society 的board 也要處理1-2
almost 2pm then lunch
530-630 waiting 理事
然後陪理事洗樓630-7
然後計分選出champion of board design competition 7-720
and then 接家長 720-930
10pm left sch

didn't have dinner...
11 i ate Mcdonald's
1zZ

Sat一路開著電腦播日劇
一路改文

我開始發覺我由一做到七

半個月出街買3一次
若買不到還會覺得苦惱
我在想,
是不是沒有一點剩下自己的時間?
連看套日劇都很奢侈
cuz it slow down my marking rate
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
November will be super busy
I need to set 2 exam papers.
6th 查簿
預了俾panel 鬧
因為我覺得自己做得不好.

I'm really waiting Xmas to come.

>>November 1, 2009 at 12:50:21 PM GMT+8


2009 年 10 月 24 日 星期六 【晴】

can't believe that it's already been another month.
and now i come to update my blog during holiday

so busy and exhausted.
we went hiking.
it's a sch function
and in my mind i felt like it's my 1st time.....a formal hiking.
just solely for walking up a hill
and walking down to the bottom.
and finish a journey.

sweated a lot.
felt gd.....maybe becos I drank a bottle of 750 ml water
and sweated maybe one third of it.

but my legs are sour
cuz after hiking
6 hrs onwards for searching clothings for work
make me feel like i'm still working.
non-stop

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
lack of freedom.
freedom is so valuable

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
am I too slow?
so many markings

but i believe practice makes perfect
one day i can handle all of them efficiently.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
every day i try to reflect myself after every lesson.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so much insecurities around
or i shouldnt think too much.

when we say contancy
it includes changes
becos they are part of the constancy

i would then follow my own pace
and within 2 yrs
I'd get rid of all these instabilities.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
in fact,
i want to know what I want
I'm lost

when we just focus too much on our work
we would be too objective
when we just focus on relationships with others
we would be too subjective
and so,
we've to take care of both work and other ppl.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
99份卷+10疊簿吧

>>October 25, 2009 at 11:56:39 AM GMT+8


2009 年 9 月 26 日 星期六 【晴】

表現不過不失吧

但每天都很疲累
6am 開機
6pm 關機
中間沒有憩息過
然後就是沒有靈魂的軀殼回家去

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
很多東西都沒有經驗

drama, moral & civic edu. , speech festival,
english speaking week, class teacher;

even to follow the English syllabus.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
還有就是病多了
現在感冒中

>>September 27, 2009 at 11:21:10 AM GMT+8


2009 年 8 月 28 日 星期五 【晴】

before


after



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
現在才知道班主任沒有分正副
但是為何我的workload 更重?..............
其實我今年真的不想做class teacher.......

我覺得太多東西to handle.....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
朝令夕改

>>August 29, 2009 at 9:12:41 AM GMT+8


2009 年 8 月 24 日 星期一 【晴】

got many bites.....from ..I dont know what it is.

so I got up at 5am..couldn't bear that anymore so I had a walk at the camp site.
i feel better becos of the fresh air.

seems that I have to go to there again on 29th Jan 2010...........
i really hate camping.
everytime I got bites.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

can't believe that 我亦會是副班主任of 2E.
in fact i really dont want to be a class teacher in the 1st yr.
feel worried if I can't handle so many things.............

>>August 25, 2009 at 4:52:06 PM GMT+8


2009 年 8 月 21 日 星期五 【晴】

SERIOUS APOLOGIES m(___)m

I have to say SORRY to ALL

太多人和東西沒有回覆
really SORRY abt this!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Winky: 收到妳的msg, thx!
我有好幾次在學校裡開完會放lunch想打俾你
不過我通常得1.5 hr 吃飯,而且很累..下午還要回去
也不知道妳lunch 時間是甚麼
最後唯有搭到總站遊魂..
26th 有staff meeting, 9am~5pm...=_=
看看能不能逃出來
不然可能還要和新同事lunch..
or maybe 27~31......
新裝修的staff room 我有個乾淨的新位
連張chair 還未拆膠..(這個開心)
我要番去執野
免得一開學甚麼都執唔切

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
C: 樣樣 take care la!
我在想,
會不會有一天你會在香港過新年/中秋?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
pling: 多謝你先!
怎麼會肥了呢?
唉...............我這個summer 還要教drama............
超無奈
無車錢無得off
不知道怎樣說..............吃力而不討好.
唯有說自己really 犯太歲.
我d 同學校長還跟她說:未到21st Aug都唔會叫你番住.
我是27th Jun 就.......

呵呵, u got it........
真係做餐死唔知為乜
尋日我看醫生
見到有個女人, she's v. young
還有賓賓跟,真富貴
and then she was just playing with her little son in the clinic.
我也開始發覺
除了名媛&二奶,
普通女人不是湊仔便是番工..

加油咯,hoho~
妳會嫁個rich guy的,dont worry!
just timing 問題!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
我要強調今年絕對是工揀人
不是人揀工
早排找到之前真的極大壓力
我能做的只是入信封
等電話
還要交assignments
非常痛苦
晚晚人人zZ
我印野印到天光......put stamp on, 寫address.....seal up..
成個月都是這個生活..癲!
我入信封入到...過度使用陰力
現在左手thumb內傷
還在康復階段中
找老師工壓力會更大
因為時限很短
暑假前找不到就完蛋
那個時間限制真的好大壓力
好像鬥游水上岸咁


非常感謝某某商會中學的校長
親自打來還說給我考慮3天..
可是我還是讓他失望了..
佢真係好好人.....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
不停開會: curriculum planning, bk sharing..morning reading...
原來真的無法備課
一個年級很多份課程大綱
我消化不來,幾十版
and not just one pile only. it's many!
G.E; C.E; reader; morning reading, ERS, phonics....
開學前如果digest不到我便死..

我將會教f.1&2
兩班f.2..
2/3班f.1....split class
希望我搞得掂呢班bb

我也會是話劇學會導師..... :)
我也想不到我可以負責drama..這個真的有點surprised....@.@
可能因為我係Canada 學過.外國的drama 真的好正
還以為可以幫手choir tim...i really love choir....
不過我又無8級琴呢..

.........and responsible for moral and civil edu.......
所以我已經去了聽禁毒.....-_-"
幸好那天我坐最側邊
我看番新聞,電視照不到我
真好彩!
遲下都唔知道要唔要做埋半職護士...驗尿..*.*

現在我只希望順利渡過一個學期
老師開學&出卷時段最忙
現在網上說話比較不安全
身份不同了
也多人認識了...
無奈的事..
還是隱晦的說好
否則未來的一年會好難過

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[困身]
最近我常常說的兩個字: 困身
以前我的字典都沒有這個term....
有了一些感受,就出現了一些term.

我一向以為人越大
便越有能力.....
可以處理更多的事
便不會覺得無助

到了這個歲數
今年corn 回來時,
說this number is just like a curse.
所以我們都盡量不說23

身份不斷進化之時
大家都憂慮著究竟最後會變成點
我們滿意自己的現在狀況嗎?
我們究竟想變成怎樣?
而自己又有多少能力/bearing cost 去改變???

可是我沒有想起
人越大責任越多
綁住了
真是喪失很多自由

當我發覺再進步時
相對的阻力也同時增加........
想拒絕的不能拒絕
想做的又不能做
那就是我最近常常說的
"真係好困身............."

甚麼改變都做不到

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
24th evening 入camp....................for teachers only
T_T...
cuz it's not voluntary..................................
and it's not for fun.
這是聯誼嗎?
25號中午放監.
24morning 還要8am 簽到..................for all kinds of academic & religious activities.
that means i'll be busy busy from 8am~9pm..
that's really exhausting..
我又最驚入camp的..
那晚都唔知道點過唉
maybe 真係學同事話齋玩自閉......
and i hate packing!

freedom 突然少了又未能適應..
有沒有人都有這種感受?
總結我這個暑假已經在番工了...
以為這幾天終於可以抖抖了
然後收到call又24-26th 番番番.....
now I'm reading an English book.
"The adventure of Sherlock Holmes" (福爾摩斯)

或者以後..閱讀就是我的休息方法
再不是solely zZ.

有時間都會stay home 看書..
還有很多書要看
peter pan (i dont like this story)
sleepy hollow
christmas carol
3 books more, i dont remember the names............

盡我所能不爆粗..from now on.
and try my best to update this blog

>>August 22, 2009 at 7:54:06 AM GMT+8


2009 年 7 月 4 日 星期六 【晴】

feel so bad.....
tmr have to go to sch again.

未開學就不斷俾人叫番去做野
d 同學called me and said they will be asked to work on 21st Aug.

我6月已經要開會了
....

最angry 的是
明明以為是後日做野
突然一個call
又話要開會
聽聽下我真係驚成個July 都要俾埋佢

我份人都算抵得lum
我不會要求八月尾先工作
我預了Aug 才工作
但想不到六月尾已經要去開meeting
人生的最後一個vacation 都無埋
想到這裡真是覺得down.

我究竟是不是入了黑校呢?

>>July 5, 2009 at 8:58:21 AM GMT+8


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