2009 年 4 月 5 日 星期日 【晴】

:::::::: 尋找勇氣 :::::::::

Happy Birthday to Ryan!!

Viveny說看王菀之演唱會DVD會boost me up，昨天經過荷里活的CD鋪，見到有就買了
(其實半年前同vivien去睇完之後已經話一定會買la，等左咁耐終於出lu! ^^)

今日上hu bio又恰…..幹甚麼啦?!
去了銀行交卡數，順道申請eBanking的密碼匙，想不到即時就有，雖然要等四日先用得，但不用多就趟已經很好了。

回到宿，懶懶的我不想練笛，受不住DVD的誘惑，去看了第一隻。
想起當時看現場的片段，當時的興奮和快樂!
DVD很正，當然不能和現場相比了。

把舊火柴人月曆的打氣小句剪下來。
選了其中句for四月:
不要給懶惰的怪獸吞吃了!

另外有一句印象很深刻，「被人關愛是幸福，主動關愛是勇敢」
大概現在缺少了勇氣，有誰知道在哪裡可以尋着嗎?
如果你拾到我遺失了的勇氣，請告知，不勝感激!

那一件事，我的確有點怕再去觸碰，或者甚至不想在遇到。
縱然生活很快就回復正常，但不得不承認，在心裏某一處，傷口還沒有好起來。
有點像怕羞草，給別人碰到就會啓動「保護模式」，摺埋。
不過它總會慢慢打開來，畢竟需要吸收陽光來作光合作用製做食物。

保護自己時很有安全感，但冷冰冰的，也會很寂寞。
要尋找勇氣，有誰找到?

>>April 6, 2009 at 4:49:31 AM GMT+8

2009 年 4 月 1 日 星期三 【微冷】

:::::::::: It's April :::::::::::::

Here comes April!
I like April, not only because it is my birthday's month but also the birthday of many of my friends~hee

Last night have really nice sleep until 4:00a.m.
Don't know why I automatically wake up....
Luckily got back to sleep at around 5:30a.m..
So naughty that I stay up late and didn't practise flute....:(

After class, go to Central for discussing the book stuff.
Really have no idea. Just hope when I try my best things would get smoother and I believe others' efforts together would make it fine.

Private tutorial. I fall asleep on MTR and 瞓過站！
After tutorial, back to CU for ocamp stuff. Don't know why that person asks so many questions.
I have no doubt about his enthusiasm towards biology. And it is really a good thing.
But somehow I think when it is no longer your time, just let go and let others to make their way.
So hungry and have to have dinner at女工again. There keeps a long queue tonight, really long and never disappear!

These days always have <我們就到這＞'s melody in my mind.
First time heard it when Crystal sang it last Friday.
The melody is really nice and of course Crystal sang it well la~hahaaa

梁靜茹 - 我們就到這
作詞：方文山 作曲：陳忠義

玻璃中反射 咖啡還溫熱
我用霧氣在鏡面手寫著 愛你呢
床上音樂盒 依舊旋轉著
但你卻不再為我唱歌 說我是你的

對的錯的 做了選擇 故事說到這
只是過去的甜蜜太過深刻
要多久 才能夠褪色
好的壞的 做了選擇 我們就到這
縱然會難以割捨又能如何
說好了 這個時刻不互相指責

初戀的顏色 我們都記得
像家鄉那條小河 透明得 很清澈
你曾為我摺 一千個紙鶴
如今卻連一個擁抱 你我都尷尬著

對的錯的 做了選擇 故事說到這
只是過去的甜蜜太過深刻
要多久 才能夠褪色
好的壞的 做了選擇 我們就到這
縱然會難以割舍又能如何
說好了 這個時刻不互相指責

永遠的承諾是彼此給的
只是當初任誰也不曉得
愛情的轉折 比想象中的坎坷
感情的怨懟拉扯 牢牢捆綁著
有些裂痕你無法去 就只能捨得

對的錯的 做了選擇 故事說到這
只是過去的甜蜜太過深刻
要多久 才能夠褪色
愛的恨的 做了選擇 我們就到這
就讓我曾愛過的記憶深刻
其他的（才能夠褪色）
就此放手 微笑的帶過

>>April 2, 2009 at 2:40:46 PM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 30 日 星期一 【微雨】

::::::::: 情感是甚麼? ::::::::::

又是一個月的終結，原來唔開心的日子一樣過得很快。
三月是難過的一個月，不知道四月會怎樣呢?

整個下學期，不論是physi還是ana的課，都是跟腦打交道。
腦的設計實在是太偉大、結構太細密了，我的記憶卻是那樣的渺小…….
越温習就越覺得自己無腦。

學了很多關於neurotransmitter的東東，這些chemicals分分秒秒在影響我們身體的運作，稍微有差池，便會有很大的影響。
其中一些影響情緒，好像不夠noradrenalin或serotonin便會有depression(當然receptors有問題都會)；
太多dopamine會引致精神分裂；
不夠又會有老人痴呆.......

要是這些化學物質影響我們的情緒，那情感其實是否不存在?
因為感到快樂時，只是某些物質多了；
覺得不開心，只是noradrenalin或serotonin少了。
既然這些情感與身體內某些化學物質的多寡有關，那麼快樂或不快樂這些形容詞只代表上述的變化，而非確實存在了。

如果這樣是對的，我這兩個星期既唔開心，只是某些物質稍稍多了，某些又少了。
到底情感真的存在嗎?

上了火車，才收到學生的電話說不補習，又灰左。
在大眾逛了會便折返，悶悶的。
趁有時間，到ITSC print notes，順道問問USB的下落，找回Mickey mouse la!!
這會是個好開始嗎?

>>March 31, 2009 at 12:22:02 PM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 28 日 星期六 【雨】

:::::::::::::: 29 :::::::::::::

很多天沒打日記了，因為想讓這一後日子的記憶都變成空白。
該忘記的事忘不了，不該忘記的卻一眨眼便消失的無影無"龰A事與願違。

這些日子聽了很多歌，新的舊的，沒有如別人猜想的會哭，
真的，一滴眼淚也沒有掉下來，是止痛了，還是不懂反應？
一句句的歌詞現在倒明白多了當中的意思，如果早一點經歷，也許那些年的朗誦比賽感情會真實些。

放下，沒有想像中般容易，正在學習當中。
感謝大家的關心、聆聽與安慰。

我親愛的同房(雖然你們不會在這裡看到了)，panda & alice，有你們真好！
想不到你會為我而流淚，實在是我的幸運；想不到你會比我更激動，那晚你對我真的好兇，但我知道你為我好，很愛你們!

感謝樹蛙，你說的話一針見血，而且我相信，大家同年同月同日生，你以前可以做到，我也可以。而且，你為了我把msn的烏雲變成彩虹了，我會記得的 ^^
多謝嘉玲，想不道你會時第一個中同問我發生了甚麼事，還對我說了那麼多安慰的話。

多謝sing，我地一齊努力吧！

多謝vivien, fung，中學同學果然想法很一致~:p

多謝amy，你連發生甚麼事都不知道，卡仔卻已送到宿合的信箱了，感謝你。

多謝anthony，從地球的另一邊跑來一個sms，雖然事情還得自己去面對，但真的很感動。

多謝crystal，讓你擔心了唱k不知選甚麼歌才好，放心吧！事實證明我的EQ很高呀~

當然，一定要多謝天父，那星期真的不易過，如果沒有祢伴着我走，我也不知道怎樣了。多謝你讓我沒有生過任何人的氣，多謝你給我一個答案。


今天教會戶外崇拜，照例，我不會去的。
原本這天預留給了你，不過在我說之前你說了該說的話，所以這天留了給家人。
九龍城飲茶真係好抵ar!
請飲茶，大家開心便好。

不知道還需要多少日子，不想去定下限期，順其自然便好。
很多事不必去尋根究底，多知道未必有益；很多事也應該放過自己，會自在一點。
把認真留給功課與學業，應該會比較理想。

>>March 29, 2009 at 10:22:16 AM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 17 日 星期二 【陰】

:::::::::: I am not fine ::::::::::::

Whole night can't sleep, coz physically and mentally not feeling good.
Birds start singing at 3:00a.m., really morning birds. But the songs are nice and harmonious.

Feeling extremely tired, luckily I do not doze off in class.
Simon Au's teaching style really not fit me well, I have to work really hard on studying his notes after ko-ing ana. Notes.

Thanks Ceci for your comforting words.

I should thank God that today's tra lecture is being pulled off. Otherwise, I don't know how I manage to have lesson.

I am not intended to tell the story to Panda, however, I blurt the words out, and thanks for listening to me.
Try really hard to hold my tears back on MTR, otherwise, would be frightening to others la.
So good to have congee, actually it is more like BB既糊仔,not tasty but at least can get them down to my stomach.

Feeling rather weak, don't know if it is the physical or psychological problem.
I want to evade form this sooooooo much!
It is really heart-breaking; I don’t know why tears keep falling no matter how hard I try.
I know I should share with someone, I know I shouldn’t let it affect my daily life, I know I should allow time to heal....
I know all these and many more, just can't do it.

If you ask me whether I am okay or not, I am definitely not.
Things just come all in a sudden in 3 days. So many that I can’t digest and then excrete them.
My classmates all know pain receptors are slowly adaptative. The feeling lasts as long as the stimuli continue.
Yet, last hu bio lesson, Prof. Fung talked about habituation i.e. reduction in response. It helps survival and I hope it functions as soon as possible.

I know one day I would overcome this, anything will. I just don't know how long it will take.
Bygones are bygones, this is my favorite sentence learnt from AL economic.
Something is sunk than it is, it is useless to look back or try to grasp what has been lost.
Yet, acquiring such skill is not easy. I believe when I get through this, I would have grown a lot.
It is the day that I really look forward to and really want it to come soon.

>>March 18, 2009 at 11:28:57 AM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 15 日 星期日 【晴】

:::::::::::: Missed half day off…. :::::::::::::::

Having a really long nightmare, but it is trilling, like a detective story~hahaa
Get up early and can't sleep again, so do my tra class work instead.

I bring the wrong set of notes to class again.....=.='' How come I am always so absent-minded!><

Have breakfast with Rebecca then go to Filton to have blood donation but it is not yet started....
So only go to Park'n Shop to buy milk and back to hostel.

Go to Filton again later but there is already a long queue. The staff said I would have to wait for an hour or two for my turn. As I am having tutorial at 1:30 so I have no way but to leave.

Got to Pik Chiu' to have many sets of notes printed and then take school shuttle to NAH.
But nobody is there....I start thinking whether the tutorial has been cancelled coz Wed class is called off as our instructor has to attend an International conference.
I see a group of year 1 students outside who are going to promote their high table dinner. I simply ask them to call one of the classmates to check.
It is really cancelled.... I should have waited for blood donation then!

A bit frustrated coz I have missed a valuable and rare Half day-off that I could have!!><
Take the shuttle down to Filton again. Luckily, the queue has shorten a lot this time. I don't have to wait for a long time for my turn.
And time for donating 450cc blood is shorter than last time~wow! Really nice~hee

Come across JC at the station. Ceci and she both performed very well in Physi mid-term lei!

---------------------------
I know all the theories but I just can't act it out. I don’t know why.
I don't know how much more time I need, it just won't be short.
You know, I spent a whole year for the wound of not entering HKU to be healed. I admit it is long, other people may use much shorter time, I wish I would.
But I just can't control my feeling.
That is why I try to treat everything as normal and I know some day I would adapt to it. (o~ today's hu bio lecture just talk about adaption! What a coincidence)

Back to CU and see many secondary school students walking down. It is time for annual 'English for Movies'.
It seems not long ago we were one of them watching 'To Sir with Love' in Sir Run Run Shaw Hall.
Wondering what movies are being shown this year?

>>March 16, 2009 at 10:09:54 AM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 14 日 星期六 【晴】

::::::::::: All about Love :::::::::::::

So good to have the sun back!! I would have a much better mood if I can enjoy sunshine =]

Most people dress themselves up today, because they are going to attend Oscar and Wingki's banquet ma.

After sermon, quick but full lunch at 麻酸樂。I really like the texture of their potato chips, just that it is a bit salty this time.
Then hurry to Prince Edward, where the wedding ceremony holds, for choir final rehearsal.

The bride of course is very beautiful la, she is the main character of the day ma! ^^
Surprisingly, it is Oscar who cries when during the thanks giving speech instead of Wingki.

The message form Rev. Lai is reflective to me.
What 'love' is about?
We have a passage of love from 1 Corinthian. It is about selfless; one sacrifices himself up , be humble and care of the other.
And what I immediately thought of is Jesus giving himself up on the cross for us. It is all about love.
No wonder we say we love as God loves us first. I don't think not many of us can act out the true meaning of love for it is a really high standard. Somehow, parents show the most similar love to their children as God’s love.

Love is really not an easy word and easy thing to do.

After the ceremony, go to金魚街, buy a bottle of de-chlorine chemical and add in new members for my aquarium. =]

Simple but nice dinner at home. I really like home-made food, especially soup, it is incomparable!

----------
I know this would eventually happen, it is just a matter of time.
And I don’t know how to manage. I always wish time would clarify things but do I use it as an excuse to get rid of it only?

Tears for me is somehow uncontrollable, I feel bad when having tears. But it is good for health.
As it helps washing off bacteria on eye surface and dehydrate or kill them.
I just hope that I do get healthier mentally and physically now.

>>March 16, 2009 at 9:49:46 AM GMT+8

2009 年 3 月 5 日 星期四 【溫暖】

:::::::::::::::: 下雨天的photo day :::::::::::::::::::::

昨晚下着傾盤大雨，雷聲不絕於耳，閃電好像鎂光燈閃過不停。
心想：這麼大雨也好，一口氣落完，聽日的photo　day就可以如常舉行了。

今朝好叻，6:45手機響了就起牀，沒有賴牀。
把notes極速的飛一次，然後便去試場了。

雨還是密密的下過不停。
天氣很冷，講野有白煙呢！

Prof. Fung發了卷後，大家都未打開卷，等佢講開始，估唔到佢話：「大家攞到卷就隨時間始啦」
哈~考咁多次試都係第一次聽到呢個開場白~:p

不過佢咁係因為佢預鬆左時間畀我地做。
我9:45做完，check左兩次卷，都check到自己d低b野……(不過都應該感恩係我o係交卷前發現o個d低b野，救返ｄ分)
不過有ｄ題目都唔係咁識……><

上physi堂又發白日夢了，而家考完mid-term，我唔可以再畀個情況惡化落去呀！
要急起直追了！

去section 2 assembly，今日講食物安全，正如maggie咁講，好似上多堂lecture咁~:p
不過都學到野ar，例如知道邊ｄ係高危既蔬菜（莧菜，紅蘿白，南瓜）有較高既nitrate，細過一歲既ｂｂ都唔太適合食，但只要煮得熟，nitrate就會揮發晒，咁就唔驚喇。

落大雨，好凍！
佢12:30先決定cancel photo day，postpone去20號wor，大遲通知啦！
今朝九點幾問都未決定，咁d人都紮既波波橋，煮好既野食兼攞埋燒豬la……
點樣再攞多舊錢出黎搞多次?!
希望出年唔會落雨啦。

等emily同amy佢地落到ELB，影左張相就同Hebe去左cc can食飯，之後alan同田雞都黎埋。
返宿瞓左陣就去補習。
補中史，秦至西漢，點解佢可以咁多都唔教ga? 連楚漢相爭都唔講!:o
講足兩個鐘喉嚨痛……

我好似有d失憶咁，洗白白時完全諗唔到聽日係星期幾同要做ｄ乜，發生乜事?!

>>March 6, 2009 at 2:38:52 PM GMT+8

2009 年 2 月 28 日 星期六 【暴雨】

:::::::::::::: It's a small world ::::::::::::::::

I thought I would be late for church coz I arrive at the bus stop at 8:45 and have to be back at 9:00a.m. ma.
When I arrive, I realized it is already 8:55a.m.! Surprised! Besides, I am the first one (I mean choir member) to be there~:o

Today I do not doze off during sermon but in 唱詩.....=.=''
There is sharing from a missioner from Yuen Nan who we supported, as his wife suffered from lymph cancer and had to come back for treatment.
I am so curious about the jacket he wears, coz it is definitely 五高last year's堂褸!
He couldn't have live in 五高last year coz at that time he was still doing service in Yuen Nan ma.
I take the courage to ask him after sermon. He said the jacket was from his son.
So ask who his son is and he is偉略.
Not only we are both五高's residents, but also belong to biology department!
To be more precise, he is my下莊! What a small world!

Originally planned to go to MK coz there is no Sunday school and choir practice today and my aquarium needs some green plants and new members.
However, I am too tired and so after lunch at 錦Japanese Restaurant I head home.
Take a long nap with nightmare….=.=''

I have not yet revised for human biology ar but we are going to have mid-term this Fri!
My time management really sucks.
I am supposed to do it yesterday but I was not in mood of it so turned to do legal translation assignment which only dues on 18th March!!!><
I really hate myself.

>>March 1, 2009 at 10:56:47 AM GMT+8

2009 年 2 月 22 日 星期日 【晴】

:::::::::: CCFYP ::::::::::::::::

I am really really naughty!
How come I doze off in single lesson?!
So angry with myself.

Practise flute, the old problems still exist.

Take a nap before tra lesson.
I am so absent-minded that i forget to bring the notes and pen! Luckily it is only tutorial, and thanks Isbel for lending me her pen.

Back to hostel and read physi text book.
Wa~~ there are a lot to cover, which is extremly scaring!:o
But when I go through it, many of the content were not mentioned in class, I choose to skip it, don't know if this would be a wrong decision.
However, I don't have enough time to finish them all la.

Go to Shatin to have 2 cook sets returned, so heavy....
Then buy hair conditioner, no need to 'jam' alice's one la~:p
Have an early dinner in Mc Donald's, the chips are cooled, not tasty, a bit disappointed.

Discuss CCFYP topic coz we have to hand that in on or before 6/3.
I am so contributive today!!hahaa
Generate 2 topics that other think they are good and we eventually pick one between the two.

Now time to revise PTH first then bury my head into physi la.
Wondering how many times do i need to go through the notes before memorizing the content.... (it is already the 4th turn la, still remember nothing!><)
Stupid me....

>>February 23, 2009 at 12:35:31 PM GMT+8

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